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#121 of 1766 Old 03-03-2006, 10:47 PM
 
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I am not doing well at all. Not sure why. Exhausted. Kids are being kids, no biggie, but I have no patience to deal with them in a positive manner. Cannot handle little things...At All. Want to yell and scream and jump up and down and throw an all out tantrum. Feel like screaming when either of the girls wants to nurse. Fell like screaming when they change their minds 5000 times on what they want to eat, of course, after I have already prepared it. Feel like screaming when I ask for a simple little thing and get it thrown in my face. Feel like screaming. Want to yell. Almost pulled dd2 back towards me today by her hair when she gave me attitude and walked away.

I dont' get it. I'm eating healthy. I'm working out. The house is clean. Dh is doing everything right over there. Maybe it's just the exhaustion of knowing that I've been alone for 8 months. Maybe it's the knowledge that it's not even close to being over. Maybe it's the fact that they are 2.5, 3.5 and 7. Who knows. But if you could offer up some prayers, positive thoughts, light a candle, I would really appreciate it. I hate being this mommy. I hate feeling resentful of everyone and everything all the time. People say things to me, and either I get pissed and have to bite my tounge or I want to cry.
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#122 of 1766 Old 03-04-2006, 01:54 AM
 
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to all you mamas. I came across this thread and I wanted to give a suggestion. Is everyone getting enough omega 3's? I was certain I had a hypothyroid based on my symptoms (some of those being rage and no patience for my family) but the blood test came back negative. Then around the same time I went to a seminar with Dr Michael Murray a naturopatic dr. He explained how there was a study done on nursing mothers. He said that pregnancy then nursing takes alot of omega 3's out of our body...then if we have another pregnancy on top of that it makes us really deficient if we aren't getting enough omega 3's. He said it can takes years to recoupe what we lost. He said "no wonder why women can have post partum depression".

After that I analized how much fish oil I was taking...which was about 1 tsp every other day or so. I then bumped it up to 4 tsp a day (that was just the amt I thought I'd start taking...I didn't ask how much to take). IT HAS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have patience again. I don't fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. I can remember what I was going to do or say.

I just wanted to pass this along in case it might help someone else. Also Dr Murray said this and Dr Mercola says this too...it's important to take a good quality fish oil supplement.

Here are some links:

http://www.mercola.com/forms/faq/carlsons.htm
http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.co...lpreg.htm#fish

Tina - mama to DD1 10yrs, DD2 5.5 yrs and DD3 22 mo and wifey to DH.
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#123 of 1766 Old 03-04-2006, 03:21 AM
 
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thanks! i will go pick some up! worth a shot!
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#124 of 1766 Old 03-04-2006, 03:22 AM
 
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Things have been going well here, at least I'm not yelling. Our stress levels have actually increased though. My husband is a PhD student and he's in the thick of studying for comps that he takes next month (huge giant series of tests - like 4 bar exams), so he's got this crazy baseline of pressure going on. Both of my kids are super sick right now, though not enough to just lay there. It's been going on for a week now. Baby threw up and had a 103.5 temp today, I got five hours of sleep last night. Anyway, I think we've just resigned ourselves to being stressed out and that we'll just have to survive this part. And that's made a huge difference. I feel just okay about things now. I feel okay that I'm exasperated with my 3.5yo and everything he wants (constantly and ever-changing wants!). And because of that, I'm not screaming any more. There are moments where I'm saying, "please baby just stop crying," but I'm not raging.

I don't know what changed, but DH and I talked it out and just realized what's wrong with us right now and have sort of just become okay with that. I definitely have PPD (we studied it recently in Midwifery Study Group) and I am taking flax seed oil, treehugginhippie. This part of our life just sort of sucks and it seems there's not a whole lot we can do about it. I've got books and I've written and talked it all out sooo much, I've started therapy (which is proving pretty pointless), and I'm trying to take care of myself. I just can't find solutions that work, precisely. There's no equation to this, however much I'd like there to be. Big mamas.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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#125 of 1766 Old 03-04-2006, 07:12 AM
 
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Hey, mamas, so much I can relate to. Anger is not discussed enough among women, and certainly not mamas.

I made myself a list of phrases (on the fridge) that I got from the GD board. My issues are more about a passive agressive tone of voice than anything (though I have definitely yelled, too). I know it stems from what many of you described, but mostly having expectations (of myself, DD, DH, etc.). Anyway, one I love is:

Will this matter in 5 minutes? Five years?

That sort of shocks me back into reality because the answer is always no.

Another thing I say now (out loud) to DD is that "I am a person." I say this more for myself than her, but it helps me remember that I am not a machine, that it's OK for me not to want to play all day, or that I need to eat, etc.

I also notice things are far worse when I am under extreme stress and feel alone with it. Thankfully, that is not the case now, but it has made me realize I should stop at 2 children.

I have also started going to bed earlier, since my sleep is so bad anyway (DD and I are both up now at 4 am).

A village would totally help me, so I make it a point now to get out of the house daily. I also see friends/family a few times a week.

Another thing I've been doing is when DD yells at me I leave or make her leave. I can't make her stop, but at least younger DD and I don't have to listen. It has cut down on DDs yelling a lot.

Sleep has always been an issue with both DDs (not for the older one anymore) so I have been VERY careful about it. I never calculate how much sleep younger DD gets. When she's up at night, I try nursing her back to sleep but if it doesn't work, I get up and play/hang out instead of fuming in bed. I have also insisted DH help at night more. I have dealt with sleep issues alone for too long.

I'm a little worried since I may start a part time job (teaching an online class). I am a different person when I am overloaded.

I am trying to reduce expectations all around, to realize that perfection is futile and actually not important. The less I expect of myself, the less I expect of others . . .and the less stress there is for everyone. This is tough for me since I've been playing the perfectionist game for a long time.

I was depressed as a teen and heard that it is "anger turned inwards." Food for thought.

to everyone.

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#126 of 1766 Old 03-04-2006, 07:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jster
Oh, and one other idea that might help others...my aunt told me as soon as dd1 was born to, "Don't get mad get a camera," when there was some major obvious overwhelming mess.
Awesome idea!

jenniey, your list of things to do is WONDERFUL! I'm gonna print that out!

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#127 of 1766 Old 03-04-2006, 01:35 PM
 
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Well I have time to post now. I am feeling better. Ds is still waking lots in the night(darn molars come through!) but i am trying not to stress about it anymore. Have had a few good 2 days so far. Dh. Well I have had a long talk with him and told him EVERYTHING that makes me angry that he does or doesnt do. I was scared doing this. I have lost a lot of self esteem due to being married before for 6 years to an abusive JERK and I have a lot of back issues with things...its not dhs fault. But he is lazy, but he isnt really, hes hurt with a bad back/legs so he really cant do a lot of things, he works 11 hours at night and pretty much feels like cr@p the rest of the time. Im not making excuses but he tries i guess. My main thing is that we are moving soon back to my hometown in america. I have been in england for about 3 years or over that and I am so ready to move...we are just trying to save up a bit more money. so this is stressing me out. I am ready to have family around me to HElP ME OUT. I have not been away from ds once since birth 2 years ago due to no family or help. I so need a break, hubby and i cant even go out, we havent been out in over 2 years or even had a drink or anything. We dont trust anyone over here, but my family will gladly support us. whew. wow this is long. hope i didnt put anyone to sleep! Feel good mamas, have a good weekend! I just made a batch of choc chip cookies and ate like 8 of them oh well lol

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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#128 of 1766 Old 03-04-2006, 07:09 PM
 
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I posted in a different thread about this but I can totally relate. Oh yes I can.

It's amazing how incredibly ANGRY these little people (and the big ones, the partners!) can make you.

I HATE it HATE it HATE it when I lose control of my temper.
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#129 of 1766 Old 03-05-2006, 05:54 PM
 
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Wow this is a really great thread.

I too am dealing with sometimes rage with my dd's. I never expected that anger would be a feeling I would have as a mother and it surprises me every time. Mostly it comes out in occasionally telling one of my dd's to "shutup" or moving a the baby hand that is rubbing me (and driving me batty) away a little too quickly.

I know a lot of my rage comes from anger that I am doing so much of this on my own. Mostly I feel this way at night when I haven't been getting any sleep. The past 2 weeks I've been getting an average of 3 hours a night - not enough!! So there I am with a dd that won't go to sleep, I'm exhausted and I'm ANGRY that I am doing this alone and my dh is sleeping away
on a different floor, that he went to bed before me, will get up after me and won't get up
10 times in between.

I thought though that I was evil for telling my dd's to 'shutup'. I'm trying not to - when they are rubbing my hand (a major pet peeve of mine), reminding myself "they don't know - they don't intend to bother you" and taking a few deep breaths. It's so hard though because t works for that second, and then there they are rubbing me or not sleeping and I'm thinking "I want dh to rescue me and he won't he just won't!!!"

I have no time for "me time" what-so-ever. It's taken days to read this thread. I'm lucky to get to eat, sleep, and use the bathroom. Even when I do have help well then I'm just taking care of one baby, but I'm still attached to a baby. I miss having my own soul and yes it makes me angry.

My dd's really are an amazing gift though and it is a miracle all the time to watch them grow and become a part of the world!!!

Hope I can join in here - this is definitely something I want to change.
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#130 of 1766 Old 03-05-2006, 11:40 PM
 
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subscribing... i'll post after i do some much needed reading of this thread!!!
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#131 of 1766 Old 03-06-2006, 12:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Little Yellow, I know what you mean . . . the first time I ever heard the words "shut up" come out of my mouth . . . Well anyways, I am trying to put these things behind me. I have been working very hard to keep a perspecitive that allows me to remember what is most important. My children. I also sometimes "hate" to be touched. I think that it is over stimulation. Children need sooo much touching (so do adults, but we learn to live without it!) and if you are the main caregiver than it falls to you to provide all the touch kids need. As they get older you can teach them to touch in ways that is pleasing to both parties. . . but how can you explain to a baby as they drift off to sleep that nipple twisting or the pat pat patting is driving you batty! LoL I think that my 3 yo thinks that I am a jungle gym! Things are good at my house lately but I will stay with this thread because I think that it is really helping me stay centred.

Thanks all

I am think of you all my MDC mamas
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#132 of 1766 Old 03-06-2006, 10:08 AM
 
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Last night was hard - dd1 was so overtired from not napping yesterday that she was screaming while trying to get to sleep (alternating with rubbing my face), would sleep a little then wake again. Eventually she did find her sleep, but I was really stressed from a constant fussy baby all day and another who needed mommy too (but wasn't fussy). So there I was rocking dd1 in the chair, feeling angry that it was always me doing this, wanting to eat, wanting to pee, wanting to sleep and I was angry. So I cried right along with her for a few minutes - and it felt better then, I was able to keep going calmly to rock and hum her to sleep.

I thought about this thread while trying to keep calm.
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#133 of 1766 Old 03-06-2006, 11:43 AM
 
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Originally Posted by LittleYellow
So I cried right along with her for a few minutes - and it felt better then, I was able to keep going calmly to rock and hum her to sleep.
I had a good cry this morning as well. Somehow, the release made me feel somewhat better.
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#134 of 1766 Old 03-07-2006, 03:57 PM
 
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I'm glad to have found this thread. I sometimes get really angry and have awful thoughts. I've shouted at my boys, especially the oldest who is three. Once he wouldn't stop screaming in my face and I roared at him which made him stop screaming but he cried and ran away from me. I felt so awful. I've also grabbed him roughly and dumped him in his room for time out. Lately I've been trying to put myself in time out when I get these overwhelming feelings. I've started to realise that when DS(3) yells and pushes DS(2) when he's annoyed it's because I've modeled that behaviour. For the last three weeks I've been taking deep breaths and trying to talk gently, explain what DC(3) needs to do and why etc. etc. He's calmed down a little with his brother since then. There's still a way to go. I work full time in a fairly stressful job and the boys are in daycare for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. This will stop at the end of March and I'm hoping that becoming a SAHM will take away some of the time pressure ("you have to get your shoes on RIGHT NOW or we'll be LATE") and make things easier. I keep saying to myself "be the grownup" and really, I can't be a good parent until I stop behaving like a petulant child.

I haven't read all of the thread yet but am finding it interesting. Also comforting in that it's good to know that other people have experienced the same feelings.
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#135 of 1766 Old 03-07-2006, 04:39 PM
 
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Darn.. my cousin just pulled up and now I don't have time to finish reading the thread and make a real post.

I wanted to add two things, don't know if anyone has mentioned them yet.

- the book Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline has made this whole parenting thing easier from the first few sentences I read. I highly recommend it.

- I find that the most helpful thing to do when I begin feeling anger, is to maintain eye contact with my son (he's almost 3). I look at him and it's like something clicks off. It's almost as if I remember how sweet and well-intentioned he is, and how much I love him, and it puts it a bit in perspective. But if I don't make eye contact, I find it extremely difficult not to get overly angry at whatever he's doing that is bugging me.

I've also begun putting myself in time out if I can feel myself getting angry for what I know is probably a ridiculous reason, but I am having problems controlling it. I just tell my son, "mommy is going in time out now." and that I cannot play with him until my time out is over. I tell him I'm feeling angry and I need to go calm down.
hth.
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#136 of 1766 Old 03-07-2006, 05:23 PM
 
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I've started to realise that when DS(3) yells and pushes DS(2) when he's annoyed it's because I've modeled that behaviour.
Josie, you said it so well! When I realized that my kids model all my bad behaviors I had such a sinking feeling!

Does anyone else struggle with public v. private self? I don't think that when we are out in public that I ever express rage at my kiddos, I never lose it, I am always patient and kind and the model of gd. And I get a lot of compliments on it...which almost hurt even more when...

In private, that's when I'll get mad. Of course, that's when I'm a single mama, when there's no one else around to hand the kids off to. That's when the more I try to TAKE a time out for myself the more I get my almost 2yo banging down the door, SOBBING! to get in when all I want is a moment to myself so that I can recollect without getting more overwhelmed.

Jennifer
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#137 of 1766 Old 03-08-2006, 10:20 AM
 
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I'm midway through the thread, and will go back and finish, but I wanted to say how happy I am that I found this!! So many words and experiences are resonating with me. There have been naptimes (both kids, DS and DD take an afternoon nap around the same time) where DS starts acting out because he's tired - he's screaming, DD starts screaming - I feel the "good mother" part of me swept away by a red wave and I feel like screaming right back at....my two and a half year old...what the hell is wrong with me that I want to yell at a toddler? I just get so overwrought and overwhelmed and I feel incompetent and so frustrated sometimes.

Sorry, I mean to go back and read more before posting, but I had to say how much this is ME:
Quote:
Do any moms with partners or not ever feel like they can't "complain" to their partners in fear that the partner will think that more kids is a bad idea. Like I feel if my husband doesn't think that I am the perfect mom he might secretely believe that I don't deserve or can't handle more. I guess that might be my secret fear about myself . . .
We're in the third child discussion now (I'm pushing for it, DH is not so enthused) and I feel like if I reveal how out of control I feel sometimes whith two, he'll say there's no way I can handle three (and I honestly wonder if I can.) I think I'm a good mother, but why do I feel like I've (internally) lost it sometimes?

So many good points, great tips and I feel better just knowing I'm not alone...

Back to reading now.

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

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#138 of 1766 Old 03-08-2006, 11:24 AM
 
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Sorry, I mean to go back and read more before posting, but I had to say how much this is ME: We're in the third child discussion now (I'm pushing for it, DH is not so enthused) and I feel like if I reveal how out of control I feel sometimes whith two, he'll say there's no way I can handle three (and I honestly wonder if I can.) I think I'm a good mother, but why do I feel like I've (internally) lost it sometimes?
Yup, me too. I am starting to think that 3 would just be selfish. I am going to work on being a calm, peaceful, and positive person in general, and then explore that topic!

runningwithlola, I love that book! Every time I read it I find something new. I need to do that last section.

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#139 of 1766 Old 03-08-2006, 07:47 PM
 
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I guess Im here now too. We had a really great synergy going on here for MONTHS...and now I keep getting angry. I think mainly I just have BAD cabin fever. Dh is working 60-80 hrs a week, I have no IRL friends to talk to, and we only have the one car...which dh needs for work. So, Im totally isolated, with 3 spirited, energetic little people...and one 10lb dog that is really frustrating me with her lack of ability to be housebroken.

Im not flipping out on anyone, but I have raised my voice, and not communicated well. Course when I do that my 5yo looks at me and says "Mooooommmmm" complete with rolling of eyes. My second dc is a 3.5yo, and he has some pretty rough moments...and then my 2yo dd is well....she is 2 and a daredevil. Im trying SO hard to do FUN stuff with the dc...but I have no energy. Ive been having a fibro flare up, and now I have cellulitis in my knee...or so the Dr thinks...he isnt sure because he says I shouldnt have such a high level of pain with that. At any rate Im taking the antibiotics so I dont wind up with a blood infection. I do find it rather distressing...I HATE not feeling 100%..and this just bugs me.

I am re-reading Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline again...it was SO helpful last time I read it.

Dh and I came to a compromise with the car...he has 2 days a week that he is only in the office and doesnt do sales calls. SO Im dropping him off...his office is 40 minutes away, and taking the car. Im hoping that really helps me get in the right frame of mind, and help me enjoy my dc, instead of wanting to hide out because Im with them 24/7. Dh is getting a bit worried about how down I have been, and that I have actually yelled at him...Im not a yeller, and we always stive for respectful communication. In our old city, I used to be able to walk anywhere...and now I cant...there is a sidewalk that goes 5 homes in either direction. :
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#140 of 1766 Old 03-08-2006, 07:52 PM
 
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Do any moms with partners or not ever feel like they can't "complain" to their partners in fear that the partner will think that more kids is a bad idea. Like I feel if my husband doesn't think that I am the perfect mom he might secretely believe that I don't deserve or can't handle more. I guess that might be my secret fear about myself . . .
Yes. But for me, its adoption. I have always wanted to adopt, its on my mind constantly. Dh has never been to enthused about it. But after hearing me talking about it for years...we have been married for 10....and then seeing Hotel Rwanda...and he is now fascinated and very sad about the things that go on in Africa...he wants to adopt a child from Africa. We arent starting to process till 2008...our youngest will be 4 then, and Im sure we will have another car...and the 10lb wonder dog SHOULD be potty trained...I hope. :
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#141 of 1766 Old 03-08-2006, 09:20 PM
 
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Anyone on lexapro? I am starting to take it- I took it one time lasst week- then today. I plan to take it every day( a huge problem fo r me but dh said he will help) However- I feel REALLY bad today.... like I normally feel off balance- but i feel REALLY upset today....
Could it be from this pill....
Thank
Em
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#142 of 1766 Old 03-08-2006, 09:49 PM
 
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Haven't posted because each day I've had really sh*tty moments. IU am so tired of feeling guilty. Sometimes I wish I didn't know about GD so I could be an authoritarian parent and not feel guilty about it. But I do know about GD, and I believe in it. It's just so freakin' HARD -- especially with a very willful, very stubborn, VERY energetic 3 year old who tests me every single minute.
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#143 of 1766 Old 03-09-2006, 04:29 AM
 
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well, ive had a few goodish days. Ds has a cold so we have been stuck in the house for a few days. I have taken him on small walks to get some fresh air, but I am so bored. DH is really really making me mad as usual, but one day soon as soon as we get moved, I will not be around, Im sick of his ways. I can manage on my own.I just have to get out of this god forsaken island we are on and get back home first, so then he cant take ds out of the country. ugh. time ticks by slowly when you are married to a selfish person. wow i am so angry. ds is sleeping through the night again. seems he sleeps better when he is sick!!!!!!!!!

Me and my wonderful husband serve God. Blessed with twin girls 2/11/11. <3

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#144 of 1766 Old 03-09-2006, 10:42 AM
 
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Just sticking my head in here to say "hi!". I was raised in a violent, abusive, alcoholic home before my grandmother snuck me out of my home one night and took me to MA to live with my father. But the damage was done. I swore I would never have kids until I was absolutely positive that I had brokent the chain of violence. I had my daughter when I was 33, and by that age, I really was over what happened to me 25 or so years ago. She's 5 now, and no anger issues on my part, everything is fine.

But then ds was born, and for the first time yesterday, I felt anger and rage and almost hit him. He's only 16 months old! I tell him for the 100th time "Not in the mouth", and he looks me right in the eye, puts it in his mouth and stands there looking at me as if to say "Now what are you going to do?". "We hug the dog we dont hit her", then he gives teh dog a hug, then hits her on the head. Same with the cat. He is just so spirited and I love that about him, but I also don't like it.

Some days its just a struggle with redirection, setting him up to succeed, and all that. But it doesn't seem to work. Now I know violence won't work so it's not even an option, but I get so mad and frustrated with him because I don't know what to do. Right now, everyone is asleep, I feel like I can handle anything. But at some point during the day after hours and hours of tryign to deal with 2 kids, my brain just reaches a breaking point and I just get sooooo mad! I tell them "mama needs a few minutes alone" but that never works because even if its just to sit on the toilet for a few minutes, I have little hands beating on the door "mama mama mama". good lord!

not every day is like this, and I really have to search deep down inside for calm, approprite responses to daily situations, but I'm scared that maybe the violence that was done to me in my childhood is still there? Or maybe because with dd I never had a "bad" time with her when she was little so I never had the situations I have with ds.

Does anything make sense? I'm working on my 2nd cuppa coffee before hubby leaves for work and another day begins. Please let it be peaceful!

Meds I'm on: Effexor 150mg
For sleepign when needed: Lunesta 4mg or Ambien.
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#145 of 1766 Old 03-09-2006, 12:53 PM
 
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Amandasmom, I know that I was actually pretty great at gd until my second came along...it's not like my first was an angel, either, but she was a little easier to manage and would accept limits better than my second. dd2, as your second, just looks at me, and tends to really push things.

I really like someone's recent suggestion to maintain eye contact...or for me I've been glancing at her baby pictures, which look a whole lot more innocent and full of love than that mischeivious/defiant look!

, good luck, I hope this thread helps you out some!
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#146 of 1766 Old 03-10-2006, 10:30 PM
 
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wanted to second the appreciation for the maintaining eye contact suggestion -- it really does bring me back to how much i love this little girl and how much she isn't trying to make my head spin around in circles.

also (and this was a while back) a pp said that she finds herself most often getting angry/frustrated/rageful when she is trying to do *something else* and so sometimes it helps to just stop trying to do that and be present with the child/children. also a helpful thing for me.

thanks for all this!
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#147 of 1766 Old 03-10-2006, 10:56 PM
 
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We had a really good day today. I stayed connected with dd1 all day. That's the key -- staying connected. She had only one tantrum (she usualy has several a day), and it was because I would not let her kick the baby's hand. I tried to hold her through her tantrum because sometimes that helps, but today she did not want to be held. I had to put her in her room so she would not continue to run over and try to kick dd2's hand!

She screamed for about 5 minutes in her room, then calmed down and came downstairs. She apologized to me (her own desire, I didn't ask for an apology) and she hugged the baby. And that was that. I didn't feel angry once throughout the whole ordeal. I still felt very connected, even though she was trying to do something I obviously could not let her do.

Staying connected is key! If I can just keep looking her in the eye (as pp's have suggested), connection remains and rages are not so easy to fly into.
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#148 of 1766 Old 03-11-2006, 02:16 AM
 
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we had a decent day today too. Ds and I sat on the bed and sang some songs and read books. If I could just shut the darn tv off some we have fun!
He is sick too- and I have been dealing with that pretty well... we had to go to the dr today to deal with his constipation- I feel I have agsausted all other efforts... so hopefully that will help to.
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#149 of 1766 Old 03-11-2006, 05:15 AM
 
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I have been lurking in this thread for several days now, and just wanted to offer hugs to all the mamas here, and say a big thank you to everyone for being so sharing and honest. We are all helping eachother so much in doing this. I too have found some really helpful suggestions and advice posted. It can be so tough! DD is almost 20 months, ds only 3 months. I feel awful for being as tough as I have been on dd since late pregnancy with ds. I feel like I have forced her to grow up prematurely. On the one hand I know theres gonna be some great benefits to them being close in age, but boy oh boy, right now I feel some drawbacks! I wish I had more time to post, I just wanted to say hi and not lurk so much! Its been a long day, a long week, its after midnight, so I must rest. Thanks again mamas.
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#150 of 1766 Old 03-11-2006, 10:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Selfishness and wanting another child when we are not "perfect mamas" Before we had kids I don't think I really understood selflessness, (not the way a mother understands it) in anycase, why do we ever want to have children before we ever start? Biology, God, a little selfish desire? Whatever it is . . . we want them and that's that. I, God willing, would love more children . . . But I am willing to wait for more kids. I feel like these boys are teaching me and shaping me into a better and stronger person. The process is hard and painful . . . But I am trying to be a willing student. LOL I think that when DS#2 is 3 I'll consider another pg. Of course I am putting all my eggs in FAM . . .

Dogs that won't PT. Very annoying!

Jster, wow. Your post really struck a cord. Single mama that thought she could gave me chills. Of course you can! Thinking of you! I know what you mean. I kWYM public vs private mama. I see a lot of common issues and ideas here. Most of the mamas have more than one child and at least one 2-3 year old! God bless you that have one of each!

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