Parenting and Rage - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 12:49 AM
 
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just stopping in to say "hi" and thanks for having this thread. i needed it tonight. :
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#182 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 01:42 AM
 
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Oh my gosh.

I'm not crazy?

Subbing.

I have been totally losing my mind for the last several months thinking I'm crazy, I'm a horrible Mother/Wife just for feeling full of rage often. Not even acting on it in any way most of the time, just feeling it in all its exhausting life-sucking depth. Sometimes I yell ... I was raised in a home by a man who (I'm coming to realize) really hates women. He was an alchoholic and also called my sister and I the worst names, screamed at us all the time.

Now I'm totally overwhelmed with everything ... nursing school, home, baby, DH ... I can't really deal so I've just sunk into this funk. Total depressive episode. DH has been acting really controlling and totally unsupportive (despite the fact that I'll be done in a year and our family will be financially stable as a result of my efforts alone), he's possibly even attempting to sabotage my semester, I don't know. Our marriage has never been that great, and he actually has tried to sabotage my academics before when DS was a newborn. Now he just exerts all this pressure on me (mostly passive-agressive ... I'm just mad as hell at everything, whatever the cause.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not going crazy.

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#183 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 03:22 AM
 
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I very much relate to the themes in this thread. I too have a preschooler and a newborn, have to work hard sometimes to keep the rage under control, and came from an abusive (physically and emotionally) home.

I just want to add this -- mamas, because we are aware of this as a pattern, because we are working hard (if not always succeeding) to be patient, kind and loving to our children, we are BREAKING THIS CYCLE of abuse and rage. We have that power. It ends with us. Becoming aware of our triggers is 1/2 the battle. And making amends when we screw up. It is so important to say "I'm sorry." Those are powerful words.

Congratulations to all of you.

Marie

PS. A really good book that gave me the best insights thus far on this issue is "Connection Parenting" by Pam Leo.
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#184 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 03:33 AM
 
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And...I want to say thanks for having this thread. I'm reading through all of the comments and am so thankful that others are sharing themselves here.

Marie
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#185 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 05:41 AM
 
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Originally Posted by marieandchris
I just want to add this -- mamas, because we are aware of this as a pattern, because we are working hard (if not always succeeding) to be patient, kind and loving to our children, we are BREAKING THIS CYCLE of abuse and rage. We have that power. It ends with us. Becoming aware of our triggers is 1/2 the battle. And making amends when we screw up. It is so important to say "I'm sorry." Those are powerful words.
It's hard to break through a lifetime of conditioning and deep-rooted anger... You're absolutely right, recognising and addressing the problem is the beginning to breaking that cycle, but I often wonder and feel horribly guilty about even the very few slip-ups I have had, and how much psychological damage I may have already done to my precious dc in those rare instances...
OP, thanks for the courage to begin this thread, knowing you're not alone can be extremely therapeutic.
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#186 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 11:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by dace101
It's hard to break through a lifetime of conditioning and deep-rooted anger... You're absolutely right, recognising and addressing the problem is the beginning to breaking that cycle, but I often wonder and feel horribly guilty about even the very few slip-ups I have had, and how much psychological damage I may have already done to my precious son in those rare instances...

that's exactly where i'm coming from right now. also with regards to discipline: if i'm his model, but my parents never taught it to me, where do i get it from?
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#187 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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good question, caspian's momma.

I myself have decided I can only have one child because of my rage. I can *just* hold it together on bad days with DD. So, she's it for me.

Nothing else to add really. Reading, nodding, glad I'm not the only one.
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#188 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 03:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tapioca
good question, caspian's momma.

I myself have decided I can only have one child because of my rage. I can *just* hold it together on bad days with DD. So, she's it for me.
I wish I would have had the forsight to take that into consideration. That sounds horrible I know. I LOVE my second child more than the world, but it is 20 million times harder with two. I know that isn't the case for everyone, but it is for me. Having two very young children is SO DIFFICULT. I completely underestimated how drastically different of a mother I would be with another child.

I cannot imagine not having my second child now, but I do really wish I would have at least waited longer, it would have been better IMO for me and my first child, who is extremely high-needs.
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#189 of 1766 Old 04-01-2006, 06:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lucysmama
I wish I would have had the forsight to take that into consideration. That sounds horrible I know. I LOVE my second child more than the world, but it is 20 million times harder with two. I know that isn't the case for everyone, but it is for me. Having two very young children is SO DIFFICULT. I completely underestimated how drastically different of a mother I would be with another child.

I cannot imagine not having my second child now, but I do really wish I would have at least waited longer, it would have been better IMO for me and my first child, who is extremely high-needs.
That doesn't sound horrible at all. That sounds realistic.

All my friends who have 2 small children are struggling, so I'd say that it's not uncommon to feel the way you do.

I just know I couldn't do it, but I have HUGE respect for all the mamas that are doing it AND fighting their own internal battles with rage. You are all warriors.


Hugs, mama.
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#190 of 1766 Old 04-02-2006, 01:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by dace101
... but I often wonder and feel horribly guilty about even the very few slip-ups I have had, and how much psychological damage I may have already done to my precious son in those rare instances...
I firmly believe that children are very flexible and forgiving for the occasionaly screw-ups that we all provide, even the most perfect of parents. It is the children of constant, every day abuse (verbal, physical, mental) -- relentless, careless, mean abuse -- that does the permanent damage. Even then, beautiful people grow. One of my best friends was just told by her alcoholic mother's therapist that her mother has multiple personalities and may, on top of that, have been suffering from manic depression on top of the multiple personalities and alcoholism all of her adult life. This explains the severe abuse my friend suffered during her childhood. My friend did not escape completely unscathed, but she is a warm, beautiful, gentle, giving soul who is a caring mother to two little gems. She suffered relentless abuse day in and day out, and was essentially raised by her two older sisters.

What am I trying to say? The rage inside of many of us comes from our own abuse and role modeling when we were kids. We recognize that... but since we are doing everything to learn new skills at coping and anger management, we are already doing better than our parents. Our children are resilient, and we must forgive ourselves for our mistakes, learn from them and move forward with a new day. I feel that I screw up daily -- not in big ways (well, sometimes in big ways, but often in the little "threats" that I use to keep my son in line...I HATE using them, but do so often...) But at night, when my 5 month old has finally fallen into deep sleep, I turn in bed to my 3 1/2 year old, snuggle him up in my arms, and whisper to him how much I love him, and how precious he is to me. I hold him and try to help him remember in his heart my love for him. THAT is something my parents never did for me...and if I can offer up these little tender moments, my hope is that these will outweigh (far outweigh) the bad and ugly ones in his mind.

Marie
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#191 of 1766 Old 04-02-2006, 10:59 AM
 
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thanks, marie.
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#192 of 1766 Old 04-02-2006, 12:34 PM
 
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I've been wanting to get back here and finish reading, everything is half finished at this point, i've read thru post #17 and felt so much in common with you mamas...the above post compelled me to post again...I fully believe what Marie wrote, it took me some time to get to that, I've put myself thru many a guilty day for losing my temper w/dd. Since reading this thread though, I have been more able to keep the big picture in mind and let go of my rage when she is pushing me beyond my limits. I didnt go thru relentless abuse as a child, I suffered from a lack of nurturing, fear and an environment that did not just let me be a child..my mom still makes comments which I let go but show me how I was raised...she bites her tounge a lot I realize, maybe this has something to do with why we visit only once a month. My Dad has overcome and is getting to have the relationship w/Rayna that he never had with me or my siblings...he is a wonderful grandpa to my dd,,,they are like two peas in a pod : and that is healing for me also.

Raising my dd has allowed me to experience childhood,,,we never had books or music aside from Jehovahs wittness books or music growing up and I listening and singing to kids music w/dd who I want to say is blossoming into the most amazing, smart and talented little girl : who I have always talked softly to as she sleeps telling her how much she is loved and how beautiful she is, something I never had...I know I am a phenomenal mama, not perfect but who the heck is anyway?! Thank You Marie for that post, you put into words so beautifully something I feel would be a comfort to all parents. blessings~~

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#193 of 1766 Old 04-02-2006, 01:34 PM
 
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Thank You Marie for that post, you put into words so beautifully something I feel would be a comfort to all parents. blessings~~
I second that Marie. That was a lovely and deserving post. There are so many levels to this rage issue. Forgiving yourself is one of them.
I come from an abusive family; I struggle daily to define the difference between forgiving yourself and excusing yourself.
IMO: To excuse yourself is to abuse your children.
To forgive yourself is to show them compassion and humanity.
I would say it is a fine line, but not invisible, and very important.

Jennie Young

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#194 of 1766 Old 04-02-2006, 02:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jenniey
I second that Marie. That was a lovely and deserving post. There are so many levels to this rage issue. Forgiving yourself is one of them.
I come from an abusive family; I struggle daily to define the difference between forgiving yourself and excusing yourself.
IMO: To excuse yourself is to abuse your children.
To forgive yourself is to show them compassion and humanity.
I would say it is a fine line, but not invisible, and very important.
Very well said. I would also like to add that this thread has helped me to deal with my rage and put that energy someplace good. I'm in a very strange place right now because of the difficulties in my marriage and in the last month or so I suddenly don't want to forgive my Dad anymore for being so cruel when I was growing up. I think it started a couple weeks ago when he showed up completely stone drunk, he drove here but he couldn't even walk. He even fell on my 14 month old son. He continues to exert this pressure in my life which makes me feel awful. It makes me angry ... and sometimes, I look at my husband and I see the exact same guy, minus the alcoholism. I react in anger to everything because that is the only emotion in my home growing up which was acceptable to show. I've been trying really hard in the last several months to stop and recognize that ... "am I pissed because this is really something to get upset about? Or am I pissed because I feel desperate and lonely?". 99.999999999999999999999999999999% of the time it is not warranted to be angry at anything in my day-to-day life. Sometimes that helps the rage to go away ...

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#195 of 1766 Old 04-02-2006, 05:18 PM
 
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I react in anger to everything because that is the only emotion in my home growing up which was acceptable to show.
exactly my experience! Have been reading and am finally subbing to this thread. I have been mortified over the past 2 years to watch the rage grow in my dd and I know that i have harder work now to undo the damage and slay this beast that was created in my maternal lineage many generations ago, for me and for her and all those around us. thanks everyone for all your helpful posts.
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#196 of 1766 Old 04-02-2006, 06:03 PM
 
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I just joined the forum because I needed to post about this. I haven't even had time to read all this thread, so I don't know what all has been said.

I was a great mom when I had just one child. I was so patient, understanding, fun loving... I could handle almost anything. My second is now 14 months. I've been feeling out of control (off and on) since she was about 3-4 months. I just get so angry, resentful, I can't handle anything. I've been yelling at my older daughter, and feeling cold and unresponsive to my younger. I have a part of me outside of myself that sees what I am doing to them, but how to stop? It's unpredictable too... I can go for weeks without incident, then out of the blue I've got the shortest fuse.

I've started using an affirmation- "I am a kind and patient person, I act in kind and patient ways"... I think I need to use it more. I don't know.

I can't finish this now, but will log on again soon.

best to all of you...
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#197 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 08:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by marieandchris
But at night, when my 5 month old has finally fallen into deep sleep, I turn in bed to my 3 1/2 year old, snuggle him up in my arms, and whisper to him how much I love him, and how precious he is to me
Quote:
Originally Posted by mystic~mama
Raising my dd has allowed me to experience childhood,,,we never had books or music aside from Jehovahs wittness books or music growing up and I listening and singing to kids music w/dd who I want to say is blossoming into the most amazing, smart and talented little girl : who I have always talked softly to as she sleeps telling her how much she is loved and how beautiful she is, something I never had...I know I am a phenomenal mama, not perfect but who the heck is anyway?!
I loved Marie's post too. And I wanted to comment to something that jumped out at me from Marie's post and mystic~mama's post about talking to our children while they sleep.

I have done this too. I think it can be so healing to talk to our children during sleep. To remind them that we love them, to apologize, to tell them how wonderful they are.
We should also tell them these things when they are awake, too, of course, and we still work on controlling the rage. But it can be part of the healing I think. An interesting website While Children Sleep

Loon , dh , dd , and twins ds1 dd2 **Thoughts become things. - Mike Dooley**
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#198 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 10:00 AM
 
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....think it can be so healing to talk to our children during sleep. To remind them that we love them, to apologize, to tell them how wonderful they are....
Yes, for them, but also for us. To put my kids to bed feeling anxious and angry is hard on them, but it is also going to set me up for a bad day "tomorrow." If I can get to a happy place before shutting my own eyes then I am that much more likely to welcome the new day in the morning.

I wonder how many on this thread are still having sleepless nights? Are still a bundle of hormones due to lactation? Have yet to have return of menses? I wonder how much of our problems would vanish if these things were "back to normal?"

I recently (2 months ago) got my 2 and a half year old to go to sleep in his own bed every night at 7:00 and stay there until the sun comes up (did this by eliminating naptime), and my period came back this past weekend. I really wonder at the impact of these things because I have been feeling really good lately... for a long time now, by this I mean I feel the rage and anger probably once a day but can control it all but about 1 day a week. I am still nursing and co-sleeping (ie: sleeping restlessly for 2 hour increments) with the baby, and can definitely tell that when he has sleep issues, I have rage issues.

I know I am rambling, but if anyone made heads or tails of it, please please please tell me your thoughts on the effect of sleep deprivation and wacked out hormones. Wouldn't this explain why vitamins do so much good? Everyone always says that this gets easier as they grow; I am thinking this is true because of more ways than I had thought.

eta: to clarify about the menses thing: it is just that, for 10 years I had a period, and came to rely on this monthly moodiness... then i started to get pregnant, and again, and again... and the system just got thrown out of wack (the moodiness became unpredictable and random). With this return I could feel, really feel, my body settling back into a pattern and for the very first time in my life I am looking forward to my monthly visitor and feel thankful for it.

Jennie Young

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#199 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 10:29 AM
 
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it can be so healing to talk to our children during sleep. To remind them that we love them, to apologize, to tell them how wonderful they are....
I do this and I'm so glad that others think it works too. I always stroke his hair, tell him how much I love him and that we'll have a better day tomorrow. It makes me feel better and I hope he hears me.
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#200 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 12:32 PM
 
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okay the last week confirms it: I belong here.

going to bed now

Liora, Frum Jew In Beijing, Mom of Three (one "Almost Autistic" healed in 3 years with biomed and one amazing girl with Down syndrome using Targeted Nutritional Intervention (TNI)
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#201 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 12:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jenniey
I come from an abusive family; I struggle daily to define the difference between forgiving yourself and excusing yourself.
IMO: To excuse yourself is to abuse your children.
To forgive yourself is to show them compassion and humanity.
YES. It's interesting to reflect on that difference. I caught up with an old boyfriend recently who has chosen the first route with his kids, with predictable results - I witnessed a lot of yelling, unrealistic expectations, and sarcasm directed at his children, who were constantly acting out in response. It was awful. After years of being angry at his own parents, he told me that he now understands why they acted abusively and doesn't have an issue with it. He'd just given up. It was sad, because I could see the same pattern happening again.

There's a big difference between that and accepting you are a damaged human who is doing the best she can and honestly striving to do better. At least you (general you) is aware and trying to do better. Being aware is huge, imo.
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#202 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 02:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Lucysmama
I wish I would have had the forsight to take that into consideration. That sounds horrible I know. I LOVE my second child more than the world, but it is 20 million times harder with two. I know that isn't the case for everyone, but it is for me. Having two very young children is SO DIFFICULT. I completely underestimated how drastically different of a mother I would be with another child.

I cannot imagine not having my second child now, but I do really wish I would have at least waited longer, it would have been better IMO for me and my first child, who is extremely high-needs.
That's interesting. For me, I think that if I'd waited longer for the sake of my high-needs child, that I would have done both of my sons a disservice because I see how good they are with one another. I feel like I would have potentially left DS1 less able to cope with the addition of #2 if he'd gotten more used to being the only one. Of course, the whole thing has been hard, no doubt about it, and in many ways, DS1 suffered/suffers anyway, but I really think I've given him a gift with his sibling. I can't see how not having that would have done him more good. I hope I make any sense. I know our kids have the same age difference between them too. Is it different you think because of yours being different genders?

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#203 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 02:20 PM
 
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Anna, I tend to agree with you here. Even though I feel it is harder on me to have two, I think my older daughter really benefits from having a younger sibling. It is helping her learn to be a more gentle person, and I think that she just expects me and my dh to do things for her, since we're her parents. She does not, of course, expect this of her sister. It is nice to see that she is coming to realize that the members of her family are seperate entities, if that makes any sense.

I also think that she had 3 years of being the only, and if we had waited any longer, it would have been very, very difficult for her to adjust to another child (not for every family, but for her). My sister, imo, never fully adjusted to having to share attention with me (we're 4 years 3 months apart) and in fact made comments after Melanie's birth and as she was growing up that she thought it would be "nice" if Mel was an only and could "keep" all the attention for herself!
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#204 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 04:39 PM
 
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I have to agree...

Even though parenting two is definately harder on the momma, in the long run (and even right now) my first child is happier now having his sister than he was before, even when he had all the attention. He loves her with all of his three year old passion, and she adores everything about him. They are three years, three months apart and I think the timing was as good as it was going to get. Any younger, and he would've been shortchanged on the nursing experience (he weaned just as I got pregnant); and further apart, his world would've been too radically different. As it is, he wants her to be his friend and is just waiting for the day she can say "I love you Eli." (not my interpretation...his words...) I just can't imagine a boy, of say 5, wishing for that (well, at least not the 5 yr old boys I know .

I'm gonna do some research on the issue of speaking to your children in their sleep. I wonder if there are any studies out there...Loved the website that discussed how doing this could help with behavioral problems and anxiety. I'll report back what I learn.

Marie
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#205 of 1766 Old 04-03-2006, 06:08 PM
 
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hmmm

dd is four this month and thoughts of a second baby bounce around my head often...she wants a sibling and I want her to have that although I also like my personal space...being single also presents a problem looks like we are destined to have many years between her and a sibling...I'm content to let the universe work out the details

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#206 of 1766 Old 04-04-2006, 08:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jenniey
I wonder how many on this thread are still having sleepless nights? Are still a bundle of hormones due to lactation? Have yet to have return of menses? I wonder how much of our problems would vanish if these things were "back to normal?"
I think this is definitely part of it for me. My period returned quickly after both children, but sleep is a big factor. I recently made the decision to night-wean my 10 month old because between his night wakings and nursing and the contorted position I end up sleeping in because I fall asleep nursing him I have been getting no good sleep and having back problems on top of my tiredness.

I felt bad nightweaning him at 10 months - I didn't nightwean DD until 17 months, but I really think in the end it will be better for everyone that way. Right now we are at the stage where he still wakes up frequently, but will accept my comforting him back to sleep and some water instead of nursing.

I also need to be conscious of what I'm doing to myself. After the kids go to bed, I love the free time I have then, but I find I get myself too tired by staying up too late and then when they get up in the morning, I'm exhausted.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#207 of 1766 Old 04-04-2006, 12:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mightymoo
I also need to be conscious of what I'm doing to myself. After the kids go to bed, I love the free time I have then, but I find I get myself too tired by staying up too late and then when they get up in the morning, I'm exhausted.
Holy Cow Mighty Moo, (sorry, i had to say that... )
That is me! Just last night my dh IMPLORED me to go to bed for heaven's sake.
But, I can't. It is so hard for me to wake up at 5:30, spend the entire day getting stuff for little people, then rush madly around the house to put them to bed at 7pm... and then go to sleep? But, it would just start all over again in the morning... and all I'd have to show for it would be a few interupted dreams about the children.
So, I am thinking I will try to give myself one night of sleep a week. I will just go to bed as soon as the baby is asleep. Period. Well, we'll see. Movies are fun. That is another thing... why don't I shower or something instead of putting on a movie? At least then I'd be tired but clean. I could really use a few showers.
Ramble ramble ramble.

... also... this is OT, but:
i didn't even know you could night wean a baby? i am not questioning you here, just, really... i didn't know you could do that. i tried to nightwean our oldest when he was 13 months and i was a month pregnant. that lasted about one night. i thought it wasn't even possible until they were day weaned. i would love to nurse less at night. it is just about this age (9 months) that mine start nursing more frequently at night, and in my opinion become dependent on having the nipple in their mouth to sleep. with all the biting that has been going on around my brestaurant at night i could use some advice if you have any. maybe i should try just sitting up in the night to nurse him rather than allowing him to suckle all night long?

Jennie Young

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#208 of 1766 Old 04-04-2006, 10:55 PM
 
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... also... this is OT, but:
i didn't even know you could night wean a baby? i am not questioning you here, just, really... i didn't know you could do that. i tried to nightwean our oldest when he was 13 months and i was a month pregnant. that lasted about one night. i thought it wasn't even possible until they were day weaned. i would love to nurse less at night. it is just about this age (9 months) that mine start nursing more frequently at night, and in my opinion become dependent on having the nipple in their mouth to sleep. with all the biting that has been going on around my brestaurant at night i could use some advice if you have any. maybe i should try just sitting up in the night to nurse him rather than allowing him to suckle all night long?
Well, I was getting terrible sleep, so I started sleeping on the couch that is in the room and I found that when I did that, he only woke up once a night to nurse rather than constantly. So I realized he can go just fine most of the night without nursing, but me being right next to him is just a constant reminder. I nurse him to sleep (8-9pm) and if he wakes up before I come to bed, then when I come to bed (around 11pm) and then I don't nurse him until sunrise - about 6am, so that's 7 hours. If he wakes up, I give him water from a sippy cup and I cuddle right up with him and he usually goes back to sleep after about 5 minutes. The first two nights he was really mad when I wouldn't nurse him and he screamed and yelled for a while, but I (and daddy) were right there to hold him and rock him, etc. Since then he complains a bit (but doesn't seem really upset) and settles back to sleep pretty quick after a sip of water. I felt bad about doing that, but I find that with no sleep, I'm yelling all day long and fed up and so I feel like I'm trading a couple bad nights against my being generally angry and short-tempered all day long for weeks. It was generally the same reason I night-weaned DD at 17 months, but I think with two its just been harder to take much much earlier.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#209 of 1766 Old 04-05-2006, 09:03 AM
 
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but I find that with no sleep, I'm yelling all day long and fed up and so I feel like I'm trading a couple bad nights against my being generally angry and short-tempered all day long for weeks.
yes, it is interesting isn't it, how everything pales in the face of anger. an odd thing for me was that i, in order to gain control over my anger, have had to resort to videos. it turned out that allowing the boys an hour or so a day of watching movies was a time out from parenting that i really needed. this is something i never thought in a million years i would do because we were super opposed to commercial influences on our kids. so we try to keep the movies PBS stuff, but it is still there... and oh well. it keeps me calmer and it isn't damaging them that much.
also, there is food. i use frozen stuff about 3 nights a week and allow a lot more pb&j than i would have under the perfect circumstances.

anyhow, mighty moo: it sounds like you stumbled onto a good solution for you and your ds. i wonder if i had a bigger bed, or a bed attachment, if that would help. i bet it would. another problem for me is that we **** have the 2 and a half year old in our room (in his own bed), so i am terrified of the baby making any noise what-so-ever during the night for fear of waking the imp! i am sure a lot of my night nursings are simply a result of the baby making a few little sleep noises and me freaking and stuffing my nipple in his mouth... then he wakes up and needs to nurse back to sleep. if i could just leave him alone, we'd be fine. thanks for your response. it helps to read other's experiences. it never fails to amaze me that other people are actually out there at night struggling with the same things in bed.

Jennie Young

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#210 of 1766 Old 04-05-2006, 03:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jenniey
yes, it is interesting isn't it, how everything pales in the face of anger. an odd thing for me was that i, in order to gain control over my anger, have had to resort to videos. it turned out that allowing the boys an hour or so a day of watching movies was a time out from parenting that i really needed. this is something i never thought in a million years i would do because we were super opposed to commercial influences on our kids. so we try to keep the movies PBS stuff, but it is still there... and oh well. it keeps me calmer and it isn't damaging them that much.
also, there is food. i use frozen stuff about 3 nights a week and allow a lot more pb&j than i would have under the perfect circumstances.
I have definitely learned to compromise and let go of my idea of how I would like everything to be because its just not the reality.

all the night nursing has taken its toll on me...I flat out refuse to nurse when I feel I cannot do it and felt guilty about it at first but then I decieded to start putting my needs first sometimes...I've finally made exercise a priority again,,,that goes a long way in keeping me feeling centered and able to handle dd at her worst

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