I am so sorry, girl.
I guess the whole thing lasted about 20 minutes, but everything felt very out of control. At least it ended half-way ok; dh and are good now between the two of us, dh put dd1 to sleep peacefully he rocked her till she fell asleep in his arms, and I have the babe asleep on my chest right now.
Mostly, I feel guilty because I know it is my fault for not having a structured day today, for not getting the housework done and pushing dh's buttons.
Is it really supposed to be this hard?
Here's hoping for the best day ever tomorrow, after the worst night ever.
I am a horrible mom.
Im not even close to the monster my mother was and thats how I justify it.
Forget that dd was ff, and both dd's were vaxed (almost completely)
I yell, i curse, I want to run away.
Sometimes I think they are the biggest mistakes of my life.
I am newly commited to GD even though I have spanked my oldest.
DH and I fight in front of the kids sometimes.
We don't always try hard enough to be good parents
(most days are good, but when it's bad, it's BAD)
Vivian Claire born 3-11-10.... ...still an , extendedmomma :
... that we are trying to sell our house and I feel like I care more about keeping it show ready than playing with my son when he asks.
... for constantly saying "in just a few minutes" to most of my son's requests lately
... for hating my dog after he bled on our carpet and walls tonight. (shouldn't i care that he had hurt his tail instead?)
... for not always thinking about how the move is affecting the boys and getting sooo frustrated when they act out.
... wanting to run away tonight.
This is just tonight. I can't even think about past guilty thoughts yet!
I want to be GD and haven't figured out how.
I just discovered AP...so my ds is circ'd, vaxed, did some CIO, dd is vaxed as well...I should have been doing this research YEARS ago
I yell @ my ds when I should sit down and work it out.
I lost my job when 6 mo pg w/ dd...and our family lost about 60K a year...and now a sahm whose dbf has to support us (can't afford for me to go back to work )
DBF has to work nights and doesn't get to spend alot of time with us...and I complain to him about it
I don't have *real* insurance for myself or dc...we are on state health care
I can't afford to buy all organic foods
I didn't have 'instabond' to my dd...but did have one with ds
I cannot get my home decluttered (dbf is a packrat who refuses to get rid of things that he hasn't used/looked at for years...and I don't mean sentimental things...just misc stuff)
I have much more libido than dbf...and I give him LOTS of grief over it.
My children are my heart and my world...and sometimes I just want to be alone....
Sheesh, that is quite a list (and incomplete one even)...I think I need to check that other thread...:
I feel guilty that I pushed him away a week latr when he tried to nurse again
I feel guilty that I don't hold my tempter better with him
I feel guilty that DS2 gets pushed to the back burner so much
I feel guilty that I have 2 kids and not enough mommy most days
I feel guilty that I resent my children for their father's actions
I'm trying hard with my new knowledge of GD. I am so guilty for spanking my kids and being so harsh with them in the past. I intellectually thought I was doing the right thing, but my heart said no.
I'm guilty that I haven't tried harder to stop the cycle of abuse from my mother. That I have lost it and screamed at my kids and scared them so many times in the past. I'm working on it.
I'm guilty that I neglect the housework to be selfish for myself and play on MDC.
I'm guilty that I'm tired and grumpy in the morning cause I stay up too late.
I'm guilty cause I don't give my dd1 enough one on one time cause she annoys me.
I'm super guilty that I let my first two cio to move them out of my bed and that I didn't practice GD.
Thank you for listening. I love all the knowledge I've learned from MDC. It's getting better every day. It's good to let go of the guilt and move on.
Hugs to all you mamas. Keep trying. It will get better. It's really hard to unlearn what you've been taught.
I feel guilty about being uneducated in the vax subject and afraid of what my pedi will think or say if I tell her I don't want to vax anymore.
I feel awful about the way I discipline my girlies...sometimes spank even when I try so hard not to and I yell when I'm at my wits end with them.
I feel guilty that I sometimes want to do other things than be with my kids. ie. work out, internet.
I feel guilty that sometimes on bad days I think about going back to work just to have some adult time.
and most of all I feel guilty about the decisions I make in my childrens lives and what kind of people I am going to mold them into If I make bad choices.
I feel guilty that my husband is so patient and i am not nearly as patient as he is
I feel guilty that i used to (and sometimes still do) wish my son wasnt born with a heart problem- and i am scared that i am the one that caused it, even if mondern day medicine doesnt know why it is caused
I feel guilty that my son had to have open heart surgery, and i wasnt there with him to hold him
I feel guilty that he was taken away from me when he was born and i couldnt hold him or breastfeed him for 2 or 3 days
I feel guilty that i wasnt able to birth him at home like we planned, and i feel a little like i not only let myself down, but i let my husband down, and definately comprimised the well being of my son...(i know it wasnt my fault, but still feel guilty)
I feel guilty that we vaxed to begin with, and i feel scared about our choice to discontinue it...
I feel guilty that i am sad about this stuff a lot instead of just enjoying my son
I feel guilty that he has grown so fast, and a lot of it has been kind of a fog to me
I feel guilty that i havent taken time to research more about his heart condition, and about what measures need to be taken later in life
I feel guilty that i have not lost my baby weight yet
I feel guilty that i am upset with my parents for making some of the choices that they've made and knowing that may be my child someday
I feel guilty that i have not taken more time just to love my husband my son and myself instead of feeling guilty a lot
thanks for posting this....it is a lot easier to just type everying out rather than say it to someone in person
I feel guilty that they were born when they were, as I was/am young, and didn't have anything (money, education, or career-wise.)
I feel guilty that we live far away from their father right now, and he is sick missing them I imagine they feel the same deep inside. I lost my daddy when I was a little girl too.
I feel guilty that they saw their father and i fighting like crazy many many times before I finally moved out
I feel guilty that I have a lot of rage, and I have to learn to breathe through my thoughts/feeling without letting things get so bad.
I feel guilty for semi-favoring my younger DD over the older DD.
I feel guilty if I sit in front of the computer too much when they are awake, but I'm cutting it down successfully.
I feel guilty for hitting, pushing, slapping, throwing my older DD. She gets a lot of my frustation, while younger DD not so much. I sure hope she won't hate me forever! I sincerely want to do my best.
I feel guilty that I don't have any friends here, so therefore neither do my girls.. they need socializing, badly.
I feel guilty that they are watching lots of t.v, and eating candy these days.
I feel guilty for spending all our money on crap off the internet, so we have to eat bean soup for days on end, and I now have a credit card that is maxxed.
I wonder what it would be like if I actually had my PHD and not stopped working...
I miss my carrer/job and all the wonderful things that came with it (especially extra money!)
When I feel sad that my school friends are out getting thier PHD's and excelling in thier carrers
My 2 year old asks me to read a book to her and I tell her I am too busy
When my 6 month old smiles that sweet smile at me when she is sitting in her bouncer... and I know I should be holding her...
I know I should be taking better care of myself which also means taking time for myself to be a better mother...
I wonder if I really am a good mother...
For feeling guilty
I could go on but I won't, just needed to purge this...
Glad I am not the only one with momma guilt!
I live in fear every day and keep my son out of social situations because of it. I do the best I can with him, 24/7, but I don't see how I can be a good mom to him. Now he shows no interest in being with other 4 year olds, and small wonder since he has always been with mama.
Laura wife to Chris proud mommy to our lil monkey (c-section 6-10-06), our other lil monkey (HBAC 3-08-09) Our next and last son (due by HBAC mid July 2011) and our angel (10-03-04). My middle son has many severe food allergies.
I feel guilty that I read and read about GD but I still yell and say some not so nice things when that overwhelmed feeling takes over.
I feel guilty that I have to work and spend less time with my toddler
I feel guilty that I wasnt as good of a mom to my oldest that I am now to my younger two.
I feel guilty that I never spend any one on one time with my 7 year old because the toddler takes up most of my time.
Ahhh that feels better
i feel guilty for shouting at my kids when i get up in the morning
i feel guilty for screaming (yes, SCREAMING) at dd when she clings to me for three hours straight and wont be put down-this in fact just makes her worse so why do i do it?
i feel guilty for shouting at dp ALL the time and for bickering
i feel guilty for shouting at kids when i dont even have an excuse-im not tired or anything, they just irratate me sometimes with their endless noise
i feel guilty when, after i put them to bed and im laid there and they are huggling up to me and i can see how beautiful and peaceful they are, i feel guilty then that i shouted at them or snapped at them so much that day
i feel guilty for wanting time to myself
i feel guilty when doing something without tad, when i know how much he'd like to do it with me, such as eating biscuits and drinking hot cocoa on a night
i feel guilty that i dont play with them more often or let them paint every day
i feel guilty for telling tad he couldnt get the lego out earlier coz im sick of picking it up twice a day for the past week
i feel guilty coz on a few occasions i have smacked/spanked them
i feel so guilty for losing it every now and then
i feel guilty for being sarcastic to tad when im tired-he's only three!
i feel guilty for sometimes wanting my old life back-for wanting to be young and stupid again
I feel guilty because I have not bonded as much to dd2 as I am to dd1.
I feel guilty because I sometimes blame dd2 for not having as much time for dd1.
Katreena, 39 year old Alaskan Mama to 1 and 1
I feel guily that I let my MIL do all the hosuework and tell my husband tht its jsut really hard to do things with a 2 month old baby
I feel guily for wanting to go to grad school knowing damn well that I'll be out of the house from 8n am -11p.m.
I feel guily that Im not the "mom" I wanted to be
I feel guily for wnating "me" time ALL the time... then when i get it feel like I should eb thinking about Dd.
I feel guily that my poor lil girl is learning to play by herself and entertain herself while mommy types papers and studies.
I feel guily that i get so angry at my mom sometimes for acting so needy (when if fact she does need my help)
I feel guily that I "dont have it together" like some people do
I feel guily taht my family is not as finacialy stable as i would like us to be
... this is sooo much better than talking to a therapist!
|I feel bad because sometimes I am so exhausted and short on patience that I yell at DS.|
I feel guilty because they still watch too much TV.
I feel guilty because I sometimes bad-mouth DH in front of the kids (like on the phone to a friend) I've been so bitter towards my husband lately.
I feel guilty every day I'm not doing the "best" I can as a mom.
I feel guilty that I circ'd my son - horribly guilty (man, I wish I'd found MDC sooner.)
I feel guilty whenever I try to do things by myself (ie get out of the house alone for a while.) I know DH gets stressed with these two and I feel obligated to be home with them all of the time.
Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.
I feel guilty that DH and I aren't getting along as well as I'd like, and I know that we probably never will. I don't want DS to grow up in a house full of conflict.
I feel guilty that I judge other parents because they formula feed. I shouldn't be judging the woefully uninformed.
I feel guilty that I didn't get the unmedicated birth I really wanted. I still feel guilty for keeping my doula awake for two days straight. I feel guilty for giving in and asking for the epidural, even though it was probably what I needed at that point.
I feel guilty for never wanting to have sex with my husband or even be touched by him and then I am mean to him on top of it
I feel guilty for using tapwater just because I am too lazy to fill up the pitcher
I feel guilty for exposing my son to lead through ignorance
I feel guilty for being mean when I don't want to nurse
I feel guilty for never having a clean house
I feel guilty for not calling my father who is sick
I feel guilty that I don't have my son in a playgroup or ANYTHING social
I feel guilty for feeding my son pasta every day
I feel guilty for being such a failure
i feel guilty for getting tired and not keeping on top of things
i feel guilty that i cannot manage to make family life run more smoothly
i feel guilty that i get stressed and worry when i wish i could just relax and stay calm
I feel guilty that I will be taking dd from a loving father just because I can't wait for him anymore
I feel guilty that I scream and yell at my family
I feel guilty that I can't shake my violent past and that I want to strike out in that same violence when I am angry
I feel guilty that I don't play with dd as much as I should
I feel guilty that I'm too tired to do much of anything at all
I feel guilty that dh married a woman who was in shape and happy-go-lucky and now I'm a fat depressed mess
I feel guilty that I don't see my first love (my horse) for weeks at a time
I feel guilty that I don't want to ride anymore
I feel guilty that I have hurt my beloved animals in my anger
I feel guilty that I have such a wonderfully joyful little girl but even when I do play with her, I just can't think of anything fun to do with her
I feel guilty that I sometimes give dd bad food
I feel guilty that I took my dd away from the rest of my family and moved 1/2 way across the country when she was just 3 months old. (she was the first and only grandbaby too)
I feel guilty that my dd had to CIO in the carseat time after time
I feel guilty because I use movies to keep my DD indoors while she's sick
I feel guilty because I'm at a loss for ways to engage her other than books and the park
I feel guilty because I don't have any money and can't afford the ideal diet for her
I feel guilty because sometimes I just can't take everything that's going on, and I lose it and scream and yell
I feel guilty because I looked forward to being a mom so much, and now I'm starting to realize I have no idea wtf I'm doing, and I fear I'm a failure at only 18 months.
I feel guilty for seperating from my husband right when DD and DH were finally starting to bond, and I feel guilty that he's going to miss out on so much until we get back together in July.