The stay home mom, loneliness, and unhealthy TV habits. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 01-17-2002, 07:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I seem to be in a rut. Is it because it's winter?

I am a SAHM. I often have the TV on in the house because
it is a source of GROWNUPS in my day. I know I "should"
get out of the house more and interact with real people
but when the roads are slippery and snowy I just want to hibernate. But then I just get lonelier. So I watch too much TV and then I feel worse because unlike the shallow images flashing in front of me, I don't live in a huge house and
I am not the emaciated Hollywood ideal of a woman. The TV does not care about me, yet here I sit addicted to it.

My kids are in school during the day. This means LONELINESS.

And like I said, I seem to be in a rut.

Off to read La La's post about SAHM's. Hopefully it will contain some inspiration. Any suggestions?
:

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#2 of 10 Old 01-17-2002, 08:36 PM
 
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Woman, we are in the same boat. I have the tv on way more than I should. I am still adjusting to not having a job, plus my hubby has a weird schedule now. He works from 8 pm until 2 am. I can't get anything done when he's around, I don't know why. I am making a real effort to get out of the house and make some friends. It's one of my goals for this year. I go to La Leche meetings each month, and wish they met weekly! I am joining the API group here, too. That's also once a month. I am even going to this meeting of military wives, even though it sounds stupid. I will do anything to make a friend these days!
The tv is evil. I really think I am going to have to cut the cable off. It's the only way to save ourselves! There's so much horrible stuff on these days.
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#3 of 10 Old 01-17-2002, 08:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! My husband works awful hours too! But I have to learn to reach out to OTHER adults for friendship. Sometimes I'm not that good at it.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#4 of 10 Old 01-17-2002, 11:19 PM
 
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I can sympathize with you, Momtwice. This may (or may not?) be a radical idea, but what about getting rid of the tv altogether! My experience of it is, that if there is a TV, it sucks me in.. - not having it at least means it won't be there to distract me from other ways of enlivening my life! (And i can keep my house as a sacred, commercial-free zone.)
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#5 of 10 Old 01-18-2002, 10:47 AM
 
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I know exactly what you mean, except my daughter is only six months old. I love spending time with her, but I do need adult interaction. The weather here sucks, and I don't drive, which makes it very hard for me to get out of the house. I hardly ever watch TV, instead I surf the web, which is nice because I can actually learn things, and listen to NPR. Both feel much more productive than watching TV. I don't know what to do about getting out, though.
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#6 of 10 Old 01-18-2002, 03:46 PM
 
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Just a thought, but if your kids are school age, how about doing some volunteer work while they are at school so you can get out & about, be with other adults and do something good all at the same time?

Schools, shelters, libraries, hospitals, community centers, nursing homes, food pantries, churches, charitable organizations all need good people to help with their day to day operations. All have limited funds and volunteers help them provide services that they otherwise could not afford.

I have always thought that if I won the lottery and did not have to work, I would find lots to do by volunteering while my kids were at school.
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#7 of 10 Old 01-18-2002, 03:53 PM
 
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Hi everyone. I am a sahm as well, but I really don't mind the tv at all. I actually enjoy it. I am descended from a long line of avid soap viewers. I guess it's in my genes. I couldn't wait to be a sahm so I could see my soaps everyday. That really sounds awful doesn't it? In the winter it's great, because I look forward to them everyday, and now fortunately we have soap net on our cable system so I don't have to tape them, I can catch up on them at my my convenience in the nice weather or when I have errands.

Okay, enough of that, what I am trying to do is offer another suggestion, how about making the tv your friend? Find a few shows that you really like, only watch them, and fill in the rest of the time with other activities, a healthy balance. I love doing crafts, and the winter is a good time to do them, especially when the kids are in school. It's amazing how involved you can become in a craft you really like, and the feeling of accomplishment with the finished product.

For those of you who don't drive, how about public transportation? You do have to get out, it is vital to your well being. I won't drive when the roads are slippery either, but those days are the perfect craft days!

I know that doesn't help with adult interaction, but it is hard in the winter. The other posters had good ideas!

Well, I just thought I'd offer another point of view, I hope helped a little!
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#8 of 10 Old 01-18-2002, 07:14 PM
 
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Hey everyone... I'm a mostly sahm and I agree that the TV can be a bad thing. We actually just cancelled our cable subscription. It's suppose to go off today and we're not looking forward to it. It's very easy to get sucked in and not be productive. (for us anyway) Don't get me wrong I don't think all TV is evil, it is just too easy to turn on and tune out. And for the people without cars, I agree with using the pulic transportation. I've taken the bus around and it's actually pretty fun. Good Luck!
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#9 of 10 Old 01-19-2002, 04:00 PM
 
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Public transportation is great, is you have it, or if it is good system. All we have here in KC as an alternative is the bus and it is really very inconvenient. Stops are few and far between and the hours really suck. I got stuck one time downtown because I didn't realize that the buses stopped running as early as they did. Had to wait 45 minutes for a cab. And cabs are outrageously expensive here, too. I've been on committees trying to improve our public transportation system with light rail. Trying to move people to invest in something they don't think they need or would ever use is really hard. Nobody wants to give up their cars around here!
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#10 of 10 Old 01-21-2002, 11:33 PM
 
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I refuse to get cable, but we get 5 stations, and that is enough for me. My mother taught me the commercial game for getting the housework done--change a load of laundry, do some of the dishes, put some clothes away, clean off the kitchen table, whatever, when a commercial comes on, then you get stuff done while you watch. I simply do not view tv as evil, as long as it is used sensibly, like anything else. I, too, am a soap-a-holic, but find it futile to watch every day.
We watch practically NO tv when the whether gets nice, since we have such a large backyard and lots to do where we live, so this is my treat to myself when "the weather outside is frightful". And the more kids we have the less public trans. is an option--what a crew we have become!
On the other hand, I would give anything to be able to go help out at my sons' school even once a week! Other places that will get my time when all 4 of them are in school...
*HeadStart (there's one in almost every city, and they always need volunteers)
*Mother-to-mother mentor (thru the United Way)
*Teaching English as a second language
*The neighborhood Art House that serves poor families

Momtwice--sounds like there are some great ideas here for you! Good Luck finding some balance!
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