Looking for adoptees to discuss things with. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 537 Old 08-30-2006, 11:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have more to say.

I would just say to your bio mom- hey my mom is really hurting from our close relationship. I want for you to come visit- but lets make the trips shorter and further in between now until my mom can get used to the idea. She is having a hard time sharing her grandchildren.

You need to speak openly and honestly- something I did not do last time I got in contact with her. It is hard- it is all so new- ya know.

I think you need to set some boundaries for yourself first. Then share what you feel comfortable with. Has your mom met her? How close do yo ulive to borth of them?

My mom would hate that too.... what do your kids and you call your bio mom
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#62 of 537 Old 08-30-2006, 11:30 PM
 
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Emilie,

I totally hear you on setting the boundaries. It was so hard, because we are different people in terms of where we draw boundaries. But I was starting to feel stress and resentment and was like "Hey this is crazy, I want this relationship to be based on truth and trust" and you know, it worked out fine. It was just hard.

Right now, I have not discussed it further with my mom. She knows we met and that I was going to pursue the relationship. But we never speak of it. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to try to bring that up based on her negativity the last (actually only the second) time we discussed the issue. I know intellectually being truthful and open is the best thing, but our relationship is difficult to begin with and enough stress. It makes me feel crazy to imagine this added up onto it. I think I am kind of burying my head in the sand though right now, but I can't deal at the moment.

We call my birth Mom Mama ----- and her Husband Papa ------. This is a pretty natural term for our family, all of my mother friends are Mama X to my kids. My birth mom and her DH definately have taken on grandparent roles and the kids have called them Grandma and Grandpa at times. It is natural for them.

I hope in time things will settle down and the relationships will be easy. It is still very new for me to take it all in. I am kind a take it slow and easy type and it overwhelms me at times. But, I am so lucky, they are such amazing people and I am glad for them in my life. I try to recognize this is just a growth opportunity for me, and I am also trying to be selfish about it and approach it in regards to my mom that this is about me right now. I don't know if I will always have to feel this way, but now I do. (My mom has some emotional issues and a relationship with her takes a lot of managing in terms of catering to her needs and emotions). My natural inclination is to put her first and worry about her and that was what i was doing. But it was hard when it became a conflict.

I am trying to write about all this stuff. There is so much going on inmy (and all of ours!) life right now. I am glad there are threads like this where I can talk with people who get where I am coming from.

Thanks, ND

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#63 of 537 Old 08-30-2006, 11:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Is your mom my mom?lol.

Yes- my mom is overlysensitive and odd too. We are close in a way- we talk everyday- etc... but we do not understand each other....

She told me yesterday during our= OPEN AND HONEST talk about this stuff- which is maybe the 2nd time ya know-


that she had always worried that I would end up bad- that I would have chemicals in me from her( like be like my bio mom- not have drugs in my system- but that I was the bio child of a person who was"bad")

omfg. I am glad she said it. I am. I always thought that- and people acted like I was making it up.... I wasn't. She did think I jave "bad blood"

f her man. that really hurts me.... like couldn't she have gone for help with these feelings?

Ummm.... they only resulted in me being physically abused by my bro and it being all my fault...

tell me about how you found her and the first talk first meeting. Do you want to say why she gave you up- what was going on then? DO you have bio bros and sisters?
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#64 of 537 Old 08-30-2006, 11:59 PM
 
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Emilie,

Man it is hard isn't it? Our mom's do sound like they both have issues. I try to remember that my mom must have gone through so much and have so much emotion tied into me, and the path that led her to me.

My adoption was a closed one. I checked the agency for the possibility that my bmom had submitted info, but she didn't. I then petitioned the court to open the record because my second DD has some congenital medical issues, but they wouldn't do it so then I decided to let the court appointed guardian ad litem search for me (she was an attorney with access to the records). She found her and my bmom was happy to have the relationship. I got the call that she had found her and she wished to talk. Got the phone number, and made the call.

I have never been so nervous in my life. We talked for about 3 hours that day and then had several calls after that. She asked to come out and visit me soon after. I think it was 3 weeks after maybe? She stayed 5 days and it was a nice visit but wow, I was overwhelmed. Since then we have visited several times and we talk and email regularly.

She gave me up because she wasnt married and did not feel like her life was together enough to care for herself, much less a child. She never had any other bio kids, but has two step children that she raised since they were something like 3 and 5. I have med sDD, she is my age and is very nice, but she is kind of aloof. sDS is living in another part of the country and has some emotional issues and is estranged, so Ihaven't met him yet. I do know that i have a sister. My birth father had been married and had a daughter. When he went to Vietnam, the wife divorced him and after that kept the daughter away from him. That is one of the motivations for me finding him. I would like to findmy sister.

I am sorry about your Mother's feelings. That must feel almost like a rejection on so many levels. I think it is interesting how you mentioned that she hasn't sought counseling on those issues, and also that there was physical abuse. Those are issues with my mom too. I wonder often if this is some sort of generational thing in part.

It is rough to deal with all this stuff, when anger and resentment is layered upon that. How do we manage these relationships without making anyone feel betrayed? I often get angry because i feel like it isn't my responsibility to make sure nobody is betrayed, because I am not betraying anyone.

For me it is hard, because my relationship with my mother is difficult and strained, and my birth mom is really cool and knows me so much better than my own mother does. In part, some of the things my mother fears are very true, but it still doesn't make me love her less, or change her relationship to me.


This is why I think this is a journey that is going to be measured in years, decades maybe. It is a huge huge thing.


ND

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#65 of 537 Old 08-31-2006, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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it is. how old were you when you found her?

my bio mom has no kids either. she gave up a boy 4 years prior to me.

I want a healthy relationship with both wommen I love them both. Yes- Sandy and I can "get" each other better- but she doesn't make fun of me or comment on my faults like my mom does.

I also feel how you do- you are adults- deal with it- especially with my amom.

I want to find the bro too.... but worried to disrupt his life.

hugs
em
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#66 of 537 Old 08-31-2006, 01:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I wanted to type a bit about what is going on with me and assummed bio dad.
He has led an incredible life. Going to Africa with the peace core and his wife- wow.
He is not 100% sure I am his right now- but he wants to get to know me. He is very nice and kind.
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#67 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hello. I am getting regular emails from the assumed birth father. He has lived a great life and is being very kind to me.

I recieved some photos from my birth mother today and they were to say the least-odd.

One she had her eyes closed and was looking down- the other she was with a friend and looked messed up- then yet another she was in a hospital and it was only half her face.
She sent some of her home and her yard as well. I called to tell her that I got them and we talked for a few minutes-I had to go so she said to call her back. When I called she was quite rude and said she did not have all day to just play on the phone- that she did not like to talk on the phone anyhow....

I had tears streaming down my face and said fine bye.

I know she was probally busy- but she was so nice earlier in the day- it was only like 2 hours later. Maybe I am just being sensitive....

ugh.
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#68 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 01:49 AM
 
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Oh honey, she's got a drug problem....it's not you, and in many ways, it's not her.

I'm afraid this new relationship is going to be very, very tricky for you. If you are wanting to go forward with it, I would suggest considering al-anon or some professional help. I think you are going to have to put up some clear boundaries with her and do some emotional distancing--which is not easy.

This is my biggest fear re. finding my birth mother--that she's a drunk or addict still actively using.

But, this thread has been wonderful to read, and I'm considering doing some footwork to find her. (Though, I have no idea how!)

Hang in there, Emilie! Try not to take it personally! Maybe you could think of it like she has dementia or something. I don't know. I'm real sorry this happened.
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#69 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 04:08 PM
 
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I am sorry Emilie,

I don't know how I would go about approaching it, but would feel so hurt. We are already dealing with an underlying issue of rejection (well, I shouldn't talk for all, I am) and to have to deal with things like that would be really rough.

Would email be a good way of communicating with her? Sometimes the written word allows people to not feel on the spot, and allows them to communicate when they are at their best.

to you, this is rough.

ND

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#70 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 05:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I called her last night. I was open about how that made me feel and she expolained that she just did not know what I wanted. We talked for a long time- I feel she was sober and was alone and it was really nice. I cried alot and I think I was grieving some for my first mother and my loss of her and now mey gain of her. She is very smart and cares for me alot of course. I will be able to handle this.
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#71 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 05:06 PM
 
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Good going Emilie.
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#72 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 05:15 PM
 
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I am an adoptee who had a closed adoption, but found a loophole, found out how I could get my last name at birth and from that, found my (birth)mother

So -- now I have a daughter. Once I found my bmom, I wanted to have a baby. It was not a conscious thing really -- I was just so happy and surprised I got pregnant right away.

It is so wonderful to be so connected to my DD. What is like for some of you?

I am more aware of what my bmom lost with me. She had another daughter -- but she is not me. I am so aware of what I LOST. I have problems letting go of things. Can ANYONE relate?

I just cannot connect with my adoptive mom (or dad) in ways I want to. It's not her fault, it's not mine. Yet, it always feels as if I am supposed to pretend as if -- I am not adopted. It was just so tough growing up adopted. I always felt so "alien". I often keep quiet to keep others happy. Can you relate? Then I get a stomach ache -- I just don't "pretend" as much anymore.
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#73 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 07:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hmmm.... I can relate. I can. Especially now as an adult- I think- yes you did the best you could- but you didn't.

That is what I was saying when I was sorry- how sad I was for her. How ?I can hold my baby and she didn't. I cried for the baby me laying alone wondering where my mommy was. I am so sad for it all. I had a fantasy of the three of us walking in a park- me as a child and them happily talking. I wanted my mom and dad so bad.

I always felt like I was not what they had dreamed about- not what they wanted. My dad will even say things like- yah i wanted a dd what was I thinking!- untill you turned into a rebellious teen- etc etc.

EXAMPLE: He used to noit let us watch Roseanne- cause well.... anyway at dinner with my aunt and uncle , my parents and my bro about a year ago- we comment about this- and my dad say- well it didn't work- you turned out like her anyway!

I was shocked and appalled that this is how he thought of me( nothing wrong with Roseanne- he thinks so- and I am not like her tho)
I spoke with my mom about this and how hurtful it was. She called me a few days later and so excited taht she had spoke to my dad and he had said- yes I should not have said that in front of her. Not- that is not how I feel- or she is not like Roseanne- just he should not have said it in front of me.

So- my dad was trying to make me classier I guess and I am just a normal lady..... not a concert pianist? I am married to a blue collar guy- I guess that is what he is talking about.... I am so sad.

I feel like my bio parents would have accepted me for who I was better.

I get angry at my mom for no reasona nd hang up on her because she is so dumb to me somtimes. I do not like her to hug me. It annoys me it does not feel safe or nice.
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#74 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 07:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I ewant to say that this does belong in personal issues- not adoption. If the adoptive mothers want to ask questions of our experiences that would be wonderful= on another thread. I do not want to have to filter what I say on this thread in fear of offending or hurting an adoptive mother.

I am more than happy to share my life and my feelings with anyone- affected by adoption or not.
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#75 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 07:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wanted to pose a question...
Does it feel better to talk to your birth parents because they have not seen all your mistakes and do not know all your weaknesses as your aparents do?
My parents make fun of me and point out my faults. My bioparents do not.

Do most parents who raise you do this? Or is this just for me? Is this why it is easier to talk to my aparents- cause they don't hurt me repeatedly?

I also want to say- yes. I used to talk to my mom 4-5 times a day. I am so annoyed with her now. LIke why shouold I be all nicey nicey to YOU.
NO matter what was going on my mom either spoke for me and made things my fault. I am so angry with her.

Anyone else adopted with parents bio children being raised wtih you?
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#76 of 537 Old 09-02-2006, 11:27 PM
 
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I am so happy to have found this thread—I was doing a search for maternity leave and for some reason this thread came up & caught my eye and I could not stop reading!

Thank you all for being so open with your stories—-it is so healing to discuss these painful & complicated feelings related to being adopted. I’ve been lurking for months but I was so moved this is my first post to MDC.

As another adult adoptee I can relate to so much that has been said here. I was born in the early 70’s in a closed adoption—-I searched for a few years but with limited $ means and no success. (Records remain locked up tight.) Well, there was some success in the way searching put me in touch with feelings—-deep grief and some anger that had been buried my whole life under depression. It was very empowering for me to acknowledge the painful side of being adopted—-I feel more “whole” as a person and my relationships have improved a great deal. Have any of you experienced this as well?

Emilie, congrats to you for having the courage to pursue this journey (which in some ways is terrifying!) with both sets of parents. Although my a-parents have always been deeply loving, there has always been an insecurity there—especially with my mom that I am not their flesh & blood child. The situation with me is a bit different. My parents are not well educated, while one of the few things we know about my b-parents is that they were college students. My b-mom’s mom was a third grade teacher, so she must have been a college grad also, while I am the first person in my family to get a BA. So my mom has always felt threatened by what she imagines my birth mother is like—smarter than her, more on my level. And although she doesn’t intend to hurt me this way, my mom always reacts negatively when I express my differences—-they are quite mainstream and I’m fairly “crunchy”, very bookish, etc. I have two younger sisters who are their bio-children. I think they all are more comfortable glossing over the differences between us, although I’ve always keenly felt that “otherness” some of you have mentioned. I can’t say they treated me any differently than they did my sisters—-my mom drives us all a little crazy. : With me there is just this added edge of insecurity because we don’t have that biological bond. It was VERY hard for my mom when I started searching and she is still touchy about it—-like if I found my b-mom and we “cliqued” I would just ditch her—-like mothering me for the past 34 years means nothing! I think it prevents her from fully accepting me as I am and that hurts.

Anyway, I agree with PP’s about the good books out there—Betty Jean Lifton’s books and Nancy Verrier’s Primal Wound helped me understand myself and start the healing process.

I also appreciate what TigerTail said about being drawn to AP—does anyone else here feel their experience as adoptees influenced their parenting choices & values? I am pregnant with my first child now, but I’ve been reading Mothering and thinking about becoming a doula & CBE for years. What I learned about attachment theory led me to want to advocate for AP methods & values even before becoming a mother myself.

And mb722toddler, I know what you mean about feeling what was lost. Even though I haven’t found b-family yet, that lack of connection is there—-just an aching hole inside. Being around newborns puts me in touch with that grief, although I live with it better & better each time. I had the honor of being present when my sister gave birth a few years ago—-it was amazing even though it was NOT the birth experience I would want (HUGE episiotomy she needs surgery to repair). But I also felt deeply, deeply sad afterward—my niece was SO wanted and welcomed into the world by all of us who loved her from the moment my sister announced she was preg. It hurts to know I didn’t have that—-I don’t know what anyone felt or how many people even knew I was born, you know?


So I am a little concerned about what my postpartum period will be like. I am sure I will be in love with my baby but there will be a twinge of sadness.

I’d love to hear more about others experiences as parents coming from this place of being adopted! Thank you for letting me go on in this long post and I look forward to keeping up with all your touching journeys.

Kristin
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#77 of 537 Old 09-03-2006, 01:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Postpartum period for me- at the hospital to be honest was rough. ds was with us for about an hour and then they took him for 3 hours. If you are planning to birth in a hospital please make sure- for sure this is not the case. It was rough in lots of ways not just thru my adoption.

My hb was much nicer. It affects me more now as my kids get older and I think of her and if she thought of what age I was when? She did.

I do not think your mom did not want you. How do you know she was a teacher?
Hugs mama! And welcome!

I want to express my heartache for those of you trying or wanting to search- or even not wanting to- and just not having the access. I am so sorry.
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#78 of 537 Old 09-03-2006, 02:43 PM
 
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Emilie, I just wanted to say again how impressed I am by you and the way you’re handling this whole thing. You’re taking matters into your own hands and doing what you need to do even though it’s painful for you to do so. I think many of us do have these ideals about our bio parents, making them larger than life in some ways, not regular flawed people just like our adoptive parents. That, somehow, finding them will magically make our lives complete, when often it’s just not going to work out that way.

Emilie, about bio parents not pointing out your flaws and such, I used to have the opposite issue with my adoptive parents. When I was young I felt they would have loved ANY baby they’d been given, and therefore thought that they couldn't see ME, couldn’t love the actual person I was, flaws and all. It’s hard to explain. My mom used to have to reassure me all the time that she loved the actual person I was, and that I was special to her because of who I was and not just because of what I was. I did grow out of it in time but it’s probably had some lasting effects on my life.

krystyn33, being adopted also was one of the things that really drove me to want a child that was mine biologically as well. My whole life, I was genetically alone, and I desperately wanted that connection with someone. I never really thought about this until just now, but I’m continually amazed at how my DD came into my life – that she grew inside of me, that I birthed her, that she came out of my body – it amazes me every single day. Somehow I never realized at a gut level that this is how most people get their children.

Wow, this is like a revelation for me. Being adopted must have subconsciously influenced my ideas on how families are created. And reading and thinking about this thread made me realize that just this very minute. No wonder the fact that DD came out of me amazes me on a daily basis. Until she was born I had no personal reference for the experience at all!! Wow!!

I do have to say that so far finding my birth mom has been an incredible, wonderful, healing experience for me. She seems like a fantastic person who made an incredibly generous decision. And my adoptive mom is wonderful too – she’s as excited about the whole thing as I am. My birth mom is coming this month and she’s going to meet my mom and I think they’ll really love meeting each other. They have such a profound shared experience in my birth. I guess I’m very lucky to have two such fantastic women in my life.

"Mama, thank you for my little brother!" DD 7/05 DS 6/09
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#79 of 537 Old 09-03-2006, 03:08 PM
 
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I don't have much time now, but I just wanted to subscribe.

I was adopted at birth and found my birth mother (and 3 half-brothers) in 1995 when I was 20 years old. My bio-mom was a severe alcoholic and passed away from alcoholism a little over a year after we met. She was 41.

I have much much more to say, but no time right now.

Be back later.

eta: I thought I'd throw in a picture to show you how much my bio-mom and I resembled on another. She's on the left and me on the right.

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f2.../lisapatty.jpg

~lisa~mama to 3 boys (1/02, 5/04, 12/06)
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#80 of 537 Old 09-03-2006, 06:03 PM
 
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Wow -- you look SO much like your mother!
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#81 of 537 Old 09-03-2006, 06:04 PM
 
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I will write more later. So busy right now! :
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#82 of 537 Old 09-03-2006, 06:48 PM
 
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I have a very strange story to tell.

My mother has three biological children; my half-brother, my older sister and myself. My brother she gave to our grandmother to care for, she kept my sister and did not plan any more children but then along I came and she also gave me to my grandmother. Long story, but basically my and my sister's father would not allow her to keep me. I was almost aborted.
My grandmother injured herself and was unable to work or care for us. She arranged a private adoption by my late uncle's widow and her new husband.
They were quite possibly THE worst choice in parents EVER. I will refer to my adopted parents as mother and father, just for clarity.
My father was an alcoholic, verbally, sexually and physically abusive and my mother was an enabler. She never did anything to stop any of it or protect us in any way. My adopted sister turned 17, moved out and called CPS immediately. My adopted brother turned 16 and moved out and followed suit.
My parents got wind and packed us up in the middle of the night, moving all of our belongings to Texas. We had been living in Washington.
After only a few months in Texas, one day while I was in school I got called down to the office. There were cops, and my biological brother. They told me nothing, just grabbed my things and took me to a stranger's home. I was given strange clothes and a strange bed to sleep in and I was terrified and told nothing. The next day I was put on a plane back to Washington. We were told nothing that day either.
We were put in a group foster home with 6 other girls and 5 other boys. The girls were all horrid to me and the parents locked the food in the pantry with a padlock and would keep me home from school as punishment if I was bad. The foster mother forced me to wear dresses despite the fact that I had never worn a dress as long as I could remember. She forced me to cut my hair and then her dog chewed up my favorite pair of shoes, the ones I was wearing the day we were taken from school.
For 3 months I stayed there and was told nothing. I hated every second.
Then one day a cop came, told me and my brother to pack our belongings and get in his car. We were given brief visitation with our adopted mother, and then taken to a new foster home.
After 4 months there, my brother ran away. I was told our adopted parents' rights to us had been terminated. I was a ward of the state. I was nobody's child.
I later learned my brother had been in trouble and put in a boys' detention home.
There is more to the story but I must go tend to my children. I will come back and write more.
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#83 of 537 Old 09-03-2006, 08:35 PM
 
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Emilie, I am planning a homebirth. My number one reason is for wanting no separation from baby, alough I also just don't feel comfortable or safe in hospitals & don't want unnecessary interventions. My sister was in rough shape after she gave birth and my niece was almost 10 pounds, so she was whisked off to the nursery or wherever to have blood sugar tested. Most of her first 24 hours was apart from family. I felt terrible about that but did not express it b/c my sister needed support instead of criticism. Anyway, if I should end up needing a transfer (I am seeing glass half full on this--odds are 80% that I will be fine at home!) I am going to groom DP & my mom & the midwifes to advocate for me that baby is not taken away unless it is a true dire emergency. I just believe that at birth moms need their babies & babies need mom!!

You are correct that I don't really know about being wanted or not, but my whole life I have definitely felt unwanted. My mom says even when I was a little kid I just seemed to believe I wasn't worthy of being alive. Elementary school teachers even referred me to counseling for depression! I feel much better now --it took years (help from some good counselors along the way) for me to gain self esteem and to stand up for myself when people try to take advantage. But until I am able to find b-mom someday I will not know what she felt--her feelings were probably complicated and I'm sure it was painful for her. BTW, I only know she was in college & that her mom was a teacher from the non-identifying information I could get from the infant home. Someday I will hire a searcher and I do believe that finding them will bring me peace, even if they don't want any kind of relationship.

Oka-San, I am very much looking forward to having that genetic tie with someone! I imagine my child will amaze me in many ways, but I think for us adoptees there is something extra to it. I don't look like anyone in my life. Lucky One, your picture is amazing!! My physical appearance fits in well with my family--most people wouldn't guess that I'm adopted, but my sisters look A LOT alike and the whole bunch have a fine bone structure and in family photos my head looks HUGE next to them! Plus I was very flat chested (until now--love being preg!) and they both developed nice figures early on--no fair to me!

But even if baby (u/s says boy) looks more like his dad, I don't care. I love him so much already & am eager for his arrival in December!

Kristin
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#84 of 537 Old 09-04-2006, 03:33 AM
 
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It IS wonderful, the first blood relative you will ever know. It's special, & even more precious to us- we take nothing for granted. And welcome, Kristin, it is good to hear your voice- thank you for sharing with us! (I still get choked up talking about it- wonder if that will be lifelong. Probably.)

Lucky, you are both so beautiful. DiD, I've heard something of your story before, but it is always heartwrenching. Separation will always be an issue for me. I wonder how many life choices I've made stem from fear of abandonment. Bone deep, isn't it? An infant knows.

I'll write more later. I need to take small steps.
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#85 of 537 Old 09-04-2006, 01:09 PM
 
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TT, that's it exactly - my dd1 was indeed the very first blood relative I knew, and it was profound. Like Emilie and others, I mourned the loss of my own bond with my biomom; being held, being nursed, all that. It was good to grieve that as part of becoming Mama, and holding dd1 all the time, nursing on demand, sleeping with her, touching her and loving her really healed a lot of the grief that her birth brought forth. And not only did I grieve for me, I grieved for my bMom - she lost the experience of holding and loving her own baby, and that was intolerably sad to me as a new mom.

And Lucky, golly! what resemblance. After I contacted my birth family, I noticed I don't look ANYthing like my maternal side. A few features, but that's it. And my personality is more like my bioaunt than my biomom's was. Ironically, she also named me in utero, since my bio mom didn't want to do that. (my a-parents obviously didn't keep that name - thankfully.)

Emilie - good luck with your bDad. It sounds like he is open, if skeptical.

?? - Anyone recommend how to find out your bDad if yours was a closed adoption?

rural mama to DD1 DD2
unschooling, non-vaxing, writing, gardening, co-sleeping, critter-loving family :
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#86 of 537 Old 09-04-2006, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The Lucky
One- you are both so beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss.
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#87 of 537 Old 09-04-2006, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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One way you can search is at www.adoption.com and other reasources like that- you tyype in all the info you have and if they are looking to it might match up.

My bio mom called last night and we talked for about an hour. We are on more similar intelligence levels....which is interesting because my amom has a MASTERS DEGREE and biomom finished 9th grade..... She is very intelligent and a wonderful person. I care for her so much.

I talked to myamom today- but do not feel the need to as much anymore. Of courfse she is my best friend..... she just irritates me so.
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#88 of 537 Old 09-07-2006, 08:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well.... biomom and biodad spoke yesterday at biodads request. It went great- all were happy.
He did not email me much- niether did I. He called her again today. Playing catch up it sounds like- and just wanting to chat. She was really upset- about a million things- as pp have said. So now I feel super duper bad. It sounds like he does not know she was hurt- but who knows. He has not emailed me- so I just emailed him- just hey hows your day? We'll see.

ugh.
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#89 of 537 Old 09-07-2006, 08:35 PM
 
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Ugh I'm sorry Emilie, I just realized I never came back to finish up my story. I will have to come back later but I just wanted to let you know I had forgotten but just remembered
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#90 of 537 Old 09-08-2006, 12:05 AM
 
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Hi Emilee,

I found this thread!

I'm so glad to have found this group. I feel I am with my "tribe" when around fellow adoptees. I'm new to MDC, but it is so in line with much of my parenting ambitions, I'm 33 weeks along with my first and planning a home water birth.

i was raised an only child by good parents who gave me a nice life, but i never felt connected to it and I always longed to find, technically i became a searcher at age 10, when i dug through their personal papers....i reunited with my family 14 years ago, and we had a pretty good reunion.....

After 6 failed pregnacies i consulted a medical intuitive to determine what was wrong....i learned my sacral chakra was blocked, nearly non-functional and that is the place that Mother Anger/Fear were stored I decieded i might need to take another look at what might be "my adoptee issues"

It took me a while to gain the courage to open the can of worms but when I read Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier I found my existance captured in her words. It was amazing.

My husband and I (unexpectantly) conceived, and I have been searching for my sense of self, and to feel joy in being alive.

I absoulutly think that being an adoptee affects my views toward parenting. There is no way in (*&%^* that I want to birth in a hospital, I have a celluar type aversion to the thought of strangers seperating me from my baby. I want to breastfeed and be an attached parent, basically i feel skeptical of nearly all conventional approaches to childrearing...it seems to grate my instincts.

I haven't read this whole thread, b/c it's so big, but if any of you adoptees want to contact me, i know of an adoptee only message board with safe, good adoptees on it and i'll tell you how to join there.

I noticed someone posted the resource at www.adoptioncrossroads.org already I like that and B.Nation too.

peace out,
moonbeem
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