Looking for adoptees to discuss things with. - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-21-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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Emilie, it may help you to think about things this way – your biomom most likely gave you up for adoption in large part because of her issues with drugs and/or alcohol. She probably knew she couldn’t provide you with the life you deserved. She wanted the best for you, and she couldn’t give that to you, and so she made an incredibly generous, loving decision and gave you to someone who could give you what you needed. She’s still struggling, but it doesn’t mean you mean any less to her. It’s just that the drugs have such a powerful hold on her she still can’t give you what you want or need. It’s not your fault. Damn drugs. I’m so sorry your biomom is having trouble with them, and by extension you are too.

How will you do the DNA test with your biodad? Through the mail somehow? Good luck and I hope you get the results soon!

And – my birth mom arrives TODAY!! Her plane gets in at 2:41. Yes, I’m counting the minutes here!! She’ll stay for six nights and it’s just the coolest thing ever. I can’t WAIT. I’ll let you know how it goes!

"Mama, thank you for my little brother!" DD 7/05 DS 6/09
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Old 09-22-2006, 01:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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good luck!
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Old 09-23-2006, 02:22 PM
 
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This is the COOLEST THING EVER. My birth mom and I get along like wildfire! She’s such a neat person, she’s a lot like me, and when we’re together all we do is talk, talk, talk, about everything under the sun. Yesterday she came over at about 9:30 a.m. and she stayed until 10 p.m. and I honestly don’t think we stopped talking for more than 30 seconds at a time for the entire day. That’s 12 and a half hours of non-stop talking!! It’s so awesome, she’s so neat, I love her so much, and I wish she could stay here forever.

This is probably the second-coolest chapter of my life so far, eclipsed only by having my daughter come into my life. I’m SO HAPPY!! I get to know my birth mom! The whole thing just rules.

"Mama, thank you for my little brother!" DD 7/05 DS 6/09
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Old 09-23-2006, 02:58 PM
 
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I'm so happy for you!
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Old 09-23-2006, 07:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OMG!!!! yeah!!!! what are you all talking about? do you look alike?
My bio mom and I are discussing a visit. She is also moving away from wqhre she is living now.... maybe closer to me!

/I am so happy for you! Keep us posted. I would love more details!
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Old 09-24-2006, 03:22 PM
 
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Can I jump in?

I have been reading this thread today and I keep crying. I am an adult adoptee as well. I posted a while back about looking for biomom a while back and some you replied....and I had posted on TAO to you, Emilie, about your biomom not calling you back and such.

I very much relate to what you've all mentioned--not fitting in with your adoptive family & A-mom being opposed to finding biomom. My A-mom just cries whenever I bring up finding my biomom. But I have always felt like such a freak in my family. Plus it doesn't help that my A-mom was always so disappointed that I wasn't more of a girlie-girl into fashion and make-up and interior decorating....My brother is also adopted so we've always sort of banded together "against" my extended A-family.

I always feel a little sad inside when I'm with DH's family and they all look alike and talk alike and are into the same stuff. Then they talk about DD being the same as they are too. I feel very much like she is "mine" and I want her to be one of ME and not one of THEM because she is the only one I have like me. :

Anyway, I've rambled on enough--I didn't realize I had so much to say about this!

Just wanted to say hi and I love this thread and think you are all amazing for putting yourselves out there and finding your biofamilies. I think I will start with Bastard Nation....
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Old 09-24-2006, 11:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome Lazyhead!
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Old 09-24-2006, 11:21 PM
 
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Hi Lazyhead, welcome.

I picked up my copy of "The primal wound" My therapist and I are going to get through it together. I am kind of scaredto face it......

Oka san, i can't wait to hear about your reunion.

ND

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Old 09-24-2006, 11:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hi nd!
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Old 09-24-2006, 11:29 PM
 
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Oh duh, Oka-san, just saw that you posted. That is so great. I am thrilled for you that it is going well Mama. YEAH!

ND

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Old 09-25-2006, 02:01 PM
 
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Hi, Lazyhead! And welcome. This thread and group of women has been very beneficial to me on my journey. We're all helping each other and it's just great.

Yes, the visit is going wonderfully! It’s funny, we do look alike, more so than the pictures she sent show. In the pictures, I thought she looked nothing like me and I was surprised. When I met her I realized we do look alike. It’s more in a general sense, like she carries herself like me and has the same body shape and style. We have the same arms! She also said that I remind her of her other daughter and that when she sees me from certain angles it’s spooky how much I look like her. Her other daughter and I are also alike in personality, she says it’s amazing how similar we are. Now I can’t wait to meet my half-sister!

My birth mom is in love with Kaya already, too. She’s always saying how smart and clever and pretty she is. Kaya loves her “new” Grammy too, it’s like she can sense the connection! It’s just awesome. I’m so glad I had my daughter when I found my birth mom. It makes all of this much more special.

The visit is just flying by. Only two more nights, three more days (two and a half, really) and I never want it to end! I’m sure we’ll stay in close touch but I wish she could just move in with me or something!

She’s coming over in a couple of hours and we’ll go buy Kaya her first real pair of shoes. (She needs them now, she’s starting to walk and needs real shoes to wear outside…)

And today’s my birthday!! Woo hoo! Fun all around!

"Mama, thank you for my little brother!" DD 7/05 DS 6/09
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Old 09-25-2006, 03:07 PM
 
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Happy Birthday Oka! How awesome to get to spend it with your birthmom!

Welcome, Lazyhead. This is one place where we are never 'other'.
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Old 09-25-2006, 11:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Congrats.
did you cry- what was it like? what have you all been talking about- doing etc. what is your amom thinking?

hugs mama!
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Old 09-25-2006, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My birth mom sent me a card which I got today. It was very sweet and nice.

She put some coupons in it to for baby stuff!! LOL. It was so sweet of her.
She sent formula coupons tho! LOL.

She called Sunday morning and we talked for a long time. We are kind of weird when we talk- then we do ok. I just want all of her right now- ya know.

We are discussing a Late OCtober early November visit- her coming here.

My mom is coming next week and I want our plans in place by then so I do not back out- no matter what my mom says.

Em
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Old 09-26-2006, 12:02 AM
 
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Wow, Oka-San. Yours truly sounds like the ideal reunion! I am so happy for you!
(You have a beautiful family BTW).
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Old 09-27-2006, 02:52 PM
 
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Well, she just left.

It was the most incredible visit ever. This entire thing has just been so amazing, and I want to thank everyone here for your support and kind words! It really helped me navigate this whole thing much better than if I hadn’t had all of you to discuss things with.

My birth mom is just a wonderful and amazing woman, and I’m lucky beyond belief to have been able to find her and have her in my life again.

I want to write more about the visit but I also want to decompress by reading some light and fluffy topics today! It’s been so emotional and so intense, I think I need to recover for a little while in order to talk about it more!

You mamas rock. Thank you all!

"Mama, thank you for my little brother!" DD 7/05 DS 6/09
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Old 09-27-2006, 05:25 PM
 
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Oka-san, that is so wonderful to hear. I can so relate to needing to decompress and zone out for a while! We will be here to share with you when you are ready.



So I have been working through "The Primal Wound".. Wow. It is very intense and I can only read a bit at a time. It is bringing up a huge amount of emotion inme. I am writing notes in the book because I am working with my therapist using this book and I keep writing, yes, yes yes to everything. I really relate. And it has hit me, in relation to the discussion earlier in this thread, how adoption has deeply affected how I wish to parent my children. It hasn't even been on a conscious level, it is something much more deep and guarded inside. Therapy has been painful but really good. Since reading the book, I have had to enormous emotional blowups about stuff that confusingly was not that bad, I think it is those deep, stuffed down emotions coming out.


I am hit hard by how adoption has meant really bad things to me, and how this badness is deeply intertwined in my whole being. The only thing that I feel is separate from this is my identity as a mother. I feel like my life started when I had kids in many ways, and reading some of the passages in the book kind of illuminated that and why it may be that way. Interesting, hard, crazy, but good too.

I think I am realizing too, that reconnecting with my birth mother, isn't fixing those old wounds. Even though she is awesome, and is now in my life, those are still present. It is a hard thing to wrap my brain around.

I think this journey is going to take a while but will be a good one. I am really happy for this thread, a safe place to talk, and for your motivation of me to finally pick up this book.


ND

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Old 09-28-2006, 04:40 PM
 
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Wow, Oka-san I am anxiously looking forward to to your thoughts about your reunion when you've sorted it all out. Once again, I just want to say that I am very happy for you that things have turned out so well. It gives me hope that maybe I will have the, um, cajones to find my biomom some day.

ND, I have recently thought about going to therapy. I feel I have some anger and sensitivity issues and thought they could be addressed through therapy. After reading through this thread I am wondering if some of these things could be related to being adopted. I never really thought that being adopted may play a part in my other "issues"....It seems so silly to me now. Of course it would have an impact on me emotionally! :

It is great to read & be a part of this thread. I honestly have never discussed adoption with anyone at length. Although recently I met a woman who is a friend of a friend who adopted a toddler from Guatemala and she is always interetested in discussing adoption with me which I really like. I alway feel like it makes people uncomfortable so I don't really bring it up. It doesn't make ME uncomfortable, obviously since it's who I am, but other people seem to feel like the need to apologize or tiptoe around it which has always annoyed me.

Thanks mamas.
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Old 09-29-2006, 12:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Lazyhead- I said for Years my adoption had nothing to do with any of my issues- I swore it- I now know it did affect me- and that is ok. It does not have to mean adoption is wrong- y/k?

I am wanting to read Primal Wound soon and think that will help me alot to.

Hugs to all of you.
My amom is coming next week and I am really annoyed with her right now. Anyone else have a love hate relationship with their amom?
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Old 09-29-2006, 12:06 PM
 
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I've been following along with everyone but no time to post lately. bad idea to wait--now there is so much I want to say!

MBT722, hope things are settling down with you--that is A LOT to deal with! You sound like a strong person.

Oka-san, congratulations on your wonderful reuinion visit! I empathized with the vulnerability you expressed before your b-mom arrived. I think it takes courage to go forward with reunion. Honestly, if I had my b-mom's contact info I would be paralyzed for a while & I don't know if I could even handle a phone conversation--my heart would be pounding so badly!

I also read The Primal Wound while in counseling. Back in my mid-twenties while in grad school I started seeing a counselor for help with depression and relationship issues--my main motivation at first was to not let my history of emotional issues mess up my plans to get a Ph.D.--although as it turns out I did not complete the MA and realized that I really didn't want to be an academic at all (was looking for external validation rather than following my heart).

Anyway, I had been seeing this counselor a year and started dating a guy who was also a counselor (not mine) and he urged me to look into adoption as a source of my issues. Oh, that is too easy I thought--too obvious, and besides I have a good relationship with my parents and was never terribly curious about my b-family. But there was a brick wall as far as understanding where my deep insecurity, low self esteem & depression came from--I even wondered if I had repressed some sexual abuse in my childhood. (I haven't.) My counselor was fantastic--she gently nudged me in this direction but never pushed me farther than I was ready to go. Once I started exploring the issue--once that door was opened I was stunned by the depth of my feelings! Grief was there, and this deep ache of missing so much and not having a face or anything concrete there. I even had anxiety attacks on my way to her office sometimes, and I started smoking (off and on for years but quit no prob when I found out I was preg). Reading The Primal Wound was integral to helping me open up. I even had wild, textboook pychological dreams--I had one where I was terrified to open my car trunk and when I did there was a baby in there!

It is almost ten years later now and I would not say I am cured--it is like my experience of being reliquished by my b-parents is a baseline for how I respond to so much of my life even now. I'm still a bit of a control freak; I have little trust in things working out for the best; it is extremely hard to trust other people--especially that they will accept me as less than perfect (Someone else here mentioned being a people pleaser--me too!); and it is easy for me to cut myself off from my feelings--shut down emotionally, which is where the depression starts for me. But the difference is that now that I am aware of these patterns they don't rule my life--or at least not as much. Until I faced this I had terrible relationships that ranged in levels of abuse--or just being fixated on men who were emotionally unavailable. Now I am with someone (not the counselor) who makes me feel good about myself; even the parts of myself I don't like weigh on me less. It has taken a long time to get there--we have been together over 8 years and are only now getting married--a week from tomorrow! (We had talked about it and even bought a ring over a year ago, but now that we have baby one the way we are getting formally hitched.)

I sure don't mean to imply that this is the same for everyone--just wanted to share a bit about how the process unfolded for me. I know that when I have a reunion someday (and I believe i my heart that I will--I just think maybe the timing has not been right. And reading these posts has rekindled my interest for sure! Someday when we have $ and I can handle the emotional intensity I will find a searcher who can get somewhere. Of course, part of me wishes they were looking for me--I registered on so many web sites & with the ISRR & the state, etc. they should be able to find me if they want!) I will process this again and find new feelings to deal with.

Best wishes to all of you with your soul searching and family reconnecting! Thank you for sharing your experiences here. Even though our experiences and situations are unique it is good to know we aren't alone!

Kristin
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Old 09-29-2006, 12:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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great post kristin
Hugs mamas
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Old 09-29-2006, 12:20 PM
 
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I also have a bit of a love/hate thing with my mom. She drives me crazy and the wedding/baby on the way situation is bringing stuff up. She is so insecure in our relationship sometimes and she feels threatened by DP parents because on a surface level I have more in common with them (politics, food preferences). I know it is hard for her that we live so far apart (12 hour drive) and she will not see my baby as much as she does my niece who lives in the same area as she does. Had it out on the phone with her last week b/c I was so stressed trying to make decisions about the wedding that will please everyone--we are doing a very small ceremony with just immediate family and friends--all planned at the last minute b/c neither or us are that into the wedding thing but it gets out of control fast! Anyway, truth is my mom has diabetes (not well managed) and I suspect some menopausal hormone stuff that makes her emotionally unstable sometimes and she overreacts. And of course I could be more secure myself and just do what I want and not care if someone is bothered. I just want this to be an enjoyable event for everyone, kwim?

I am hoping becoming a mom will help me toughen up in regard to people pleasing b/c I know my choices (breast feeding, no vax, etc., not to mention the homebirth) will not always go over well with people!
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Old 09-29-2006, 12:23 PM
 
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Wow Kristin. Thanks for sharing that. I can definitely relate.

So people-pleasing is related too? Geez, that is definitely one of my problems. Even here on MDC.
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Old 09-29-2006, 12:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krystyn33 View Post
I also have a bit of a love/hate thing with my mom. She drives me crazy and the wedding/baby on the way situation is bringing stuff up. She is so insecure in our relationship sometimes and she feels threatened by DP parents because on a surface level I have more in common with them (politics, food preferences).
I have this problem as well. My MIL is essentially my best friend--she is very loving and supportive and open and just all around awesome. My mother is totally threatened by it. But, you know, she could call me sometimes too! :
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Old 09-30-2006, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am curious- reply if you want or feel okay with it:

How did you find out you were adopted? I always knew- do not recall a specific time they told me.... it was just incorporated

Do you have siblings in your adoptive family? I have a brother 1 year younger who is their bio child- they could not get pg for 8 years- then 3 months after getting me they are pg.

How do others react? It of course always depends for me. People are curious and I am open about it- always have been- when I was little I used it with friends to get out of stuff- be nice to me- I'm adopted!lol.
Many people think I look just like my aparents.
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Old 09-30-2006, 09:55 AM
 
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I just found this thread last night, read the whole thing, and decided to sleep and think on it before adding my 2 pennies' worth. I've told this story to people before, but it really helps to tell it in the third person and with diagrams, because it is very confusing--even to me at times.

I found out I was adopted when I was around 8 years old. I think every kid looks at their family at some point and says, "Gee, I can't possibly be related to this bunch of whackos!" I certainly did, and so I asked. At first, my mother wanted to know why I was asking. I couldn't really tell her why, I was just curious. After some endless quizzing on where I got the idea, she finally told me that, yes, I was adopted. I asked her who my "real mom" was, and she said, "me." Well that didn't make any sense. I will skip through a lot of the lies and drama that unfolded afterwards, but she did eventually tell me (not sure how many weeks or months later) that I was adopted within the family and that the woman I knew as my youngest sister (I have 4) was my biological mother. Talk about being floored! Then the questions about who my father was started up. Again, more lies and drama, ranging from "we don't know" to eventually coming around to the truth--that it was a teenage pregnancy (they actually planned it to get out of their respective parents' homes) and marriage that lasted about 18 months. I was essentially abandoned by my bio mom after she left my bio dad and my grandparents took me in, eventually adopting me when I was about 2 or 3 years old (details are fuzzy and my mother is not always forthcoming with the truth).

I had something of an identity crisis at that point in my life, trying to figure out my place in my family. Was I the baby sister or the niece? Now that I knew, was I supposed to call my "sister" my mom? Were my nieces and nephews my cousins? Who am I? Why me? And why was it all such a secret? I found out later that everyone around me in my life knew--everyone except me. The people at church knew, my teachers knew, my entire family (even the little ones) knew, family friends--I was the last to know.

When I wanted to know about my bio-dad, my mother stuck to one story: he regretted the whole thing and his very religious family wanted to pretend that it had never happened. They didn't want anything to do with me and didn't want to be reminded that he had made such an awful mistake. So I grew up with that--the thought that I was abandoned and unwanted.

As I grew older, one of my mother's favorite taunts (and still is on occasion) was that "you'd better watch it, or you'll grow up just like HER." I changed my name as an adult (because I shared the same name as my mom and always hated it), and was promptly told that "SHE has gone by that name." I don't care. It has nothing to do with "her" and is the name that I have always felt comfortable with.

A few days after I'd turned 18, the school librarian called me into his office and showed me a name on a piece of paper and said, "This woman wrote to me claiming to be your grandmother. She said that she wants a picture of you. How do you want me to handle this?" I nearly had a nervous breakdown three weeks before I graduated high school. I had been under the impression for so many years that these people didn't want anything to do with me. I asked him to contact her and ask for her address and phone number, tell her that I would get in touch with her. I spent the rest of the day in such an unbelievably emotional state--crying non-stop--that I couldn't go back to class and had to go home.

Long story a little longer--I did call her, went to visit her, and found out that she had kept in touch through family friends over the years. She had carried a subscription to the local newspaper where I lived in order to keep up with me. (I was involved in dance, theater, volunteering, lots of stuff that landed me minor blurbs in the paper from time to time.) I also found out that it was my mother who had insisted that my bio-dad's family not have any contact with me whatsoever. My mother was the one who wanted the entire story glossed into something that she found more palatable. (Consider that this was her 17-year-old daughter who had made the "unfortunate mistake.") I did meet my bio-dad shortly afterwards and discovered that we have a lot in common--mannerisms, speech habits, etc. We had remained close throughout the years until last year when I moved to Turkey. For some reason, he has a problem with me making major decisions on my own at the age of 35. LOL

Now, to add a little insult to injury, when I was around 16, my mother sat me down and told me that I have a half brother. Apparently part of the "deal" between my bio-mom and parents was that bio-mom go back to school and stay out of my life, which she did, but only long enough to get pregnant again. My half brother was born about a month before I turned three. He was adopted outside of the family. We met once when I was 16 or 17, and then one more time after that. I lost track of him about 12 years ago, when he decided that he was going to go live with our bio-mom. Huge mistake.

Having grown up with bio-mom as my "sister," I know a bit more about her than I would like. She is textbook bi-polar, although I'm not sure if she's been officially diagnosed or medicated. She has substance abuse issues, is a pathological liar, and not the kind of person I would choose as a friend. She has stolen from me, from our parents, our other sisters, abused relationships, etc. Until this summer, I hadn't seen her for about 18 years, although I'd heard about her from time to time from other family members. She was supposed to come for a family dinner about 15 years ago, but no-showed, claiming later that she was afraid I would "start something." I've never started anything, but it's convenient that both she and my mother have now labeled me as an "instigator" because I have personal boundaries that I refuse to allow to be crossed. (Ex: Don't come for a visit when I ask you not to and then expect me to be hospitable to your chain smoking and your dog.) Anyway, I saw her this summer for the first time in 18 years, and she met my daughter (now almost 13). She never once asked me how I was, what I had been up to, how I liked living abroad, nothing about myself. She only wanted to talk about herself, lie about where she was living and what she was doing (other sister filled me in on the truth), make herself out to be this great traveling intellectual (never been outside the US or graduated HS), and actually flirted continuously with my DH. Fortunately, DH is a psychologist and while he humored her at the time, told us all later, "She really needs some help." Even my daughter, who didn't really understand at the time what the situation was, said, "She's crazy, isn't she?"

Now, do I have issues? Heck yes! Abandonment issues, attachment issues, trust issues, you name it, it's all there. Abusive relationships, self-medication with alcohol, messed-up personal life, been there, done that. I tried therapy, but had a terrible time admitting the truth about anything. I thank God everyday for my DH who is so patient with me and so understanding about my issues. Thanks to him, I have 24 hour therapy when I need it, in a comfortable environment (home), with someone who truly cares about me--and it's free! Best of all, he's met my family and understands what I mean when I say that they are crazy and worthy of a week of Jerry Springer episodes.

Having been a mom for 13 years, I have no illusions about who my "real" mother is. The woman who raised me, nursed me through scarlet fever, chicken pox, and three months of mono--she is my mother. The other is merely an egg-donor and rather inconsequential in my life now, although she has left an imprint that will leave lasting scars all of my life. Not because she allowed me to be adopted (IMO, a better alternative than growing up with her), but because of all that she's done since. I have tried to deal with the issues of loss that come along with being an adoptee, but I can honestly say that at this point they are there for good and I have to learn to live with them and around them. I cannot change what has gone on in the past, I can only live my life to the fullest extent possible now.

If you have read all of this, thank you for giving me so much of your time. It was very therapeutic for me to write it all out, although I did leave out some of the most painful details.

The only advice I would ever give to adoptive parents is this: don't hide it. Make sure your children know that although their biological origins lie elsewhere, their spiritual and emotional origins lie in your heart. Don't be upset when they want to seek out their biological origins, it has nothing to do with you and how well you parented them. We are all searching for the meaning of life, adoptees are often searching for the origins of life at the same time.

Kate
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Old 09-30-2006, 09:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow Kate- that is something. I am sorry for all you have gone through.... but glad you are at a better place now.
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Old 09-30-2006, 10:11 PM
 
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Ah, Kate darlin'- that big old fabric of lies that just gets thicker & thicker, warp & woof, with every passing year. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that. I hope every adoptive parent that pushes against normalization of birth certificates, open adoption, & every other right we've fought for reads that & understands more about WHY we are entitled to the truth.

I wonder if, of all my issues & piques & dislikes, my INTENSE loathing of liars (& unwillingness to lie to my own children at all) is somehow tied to this.
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Old 10-01-2006, 04:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerTail View Post
I wonder if, of all my issues & piques & dislikes, my INTENSE loathing of liars (& unwillingness to lie to my own children at all) is somehow tied to this.
Precisely one of my biggest issues within personal relationships. I don't trust easily (gee, I wonder why?) and when that trust is broken with just the smallest of white lies, I immediately throw the relationship away, or I will start a "tower of blocks," squirreling away evidence until it's time to drop the bomb.

My DD is really not such a bad kid. She doesn't drink, do drugs, have sex, but reads like a fiend and actually helps out around the house (with only minimum protest as compared to other kids). However, she has a terrible habit of lying about stupid little stuff that absolutely drives me batty. I ask her where my nail polish is--she says I don't know. Of course, it's in her bedroom and she took it, but she'd rather lie about it than admit it. That's the kind of behavior I expect from a 3-year-old rather than a 13-year-old. But I can't throw her away, so I have to talk to her over and over and over about how important it is not to lie. I may start using the story from the Day of Judgment where your tongue will jump out and testify against you, bearing witness to all the lies you've told in your lifetime, maybe that will have an impact. :-)

Thank you ladies, for your compassion. It has taken a lot of years to get to where I am, numerous attempts at therapy, years and years of borderline suicidal depression, but I can tell you with all honesty that it never goes away. It just hides on a back shelf, waiting for the incident that will make me feel small and insignificant again. Thankfully, those incidents are fewer and farther between as I get older.

Emilie, thank you so much for starting this thread. I've participated in a couple of threads you've started, and you are one of the most thought-provoking posters I've ever come across. You really make me think AND feel.

One very bizarre question that I have for all of the adoptees who have found their biological parents--what do you do for your own children's baby books? Do you put your parents as the grandparents? Or do you put the bio-parents as grandparents? Do you put both?

Kate
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Old 10-01-2006, 10:53 AM
 
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[QUOTE=Emilie;6157652]How did you find out you were adopted?

My mom read the book And Now We Are a Family to me when I was around 4-5 years old. All I remember is how emotional she was--it took years for her to believe she was my "real" mom--she even told me that when she registered me for kindergarden she wrote "adoptive mom" under "caregiver" and my teacher had to tell her, "really you ARE her mother."


Do you have siblings in your adoptive family?

Like you Emilie, my parents conceived a while after they got me. 4 years after me came little sis 1 and in another 4 years was little sis 2. Having then in my life has been absolutely wonderful! The middle one and I are super close.


How do others react? I also generally look like my family and some don't believe I am adopted (they don't look that closely IMO). When my sister (middle one) was in kindergarden or 1st grade she jumped to my defense on the school bus when a bunch of kids called me a liar for saying i was adopted. I was picked on a lot and it wasn't the only time she spoke up for me!
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