I'm weird.. rambly vent - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 61 Old 08-29-2006, 12:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
Losgann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I turn people off somehow. I don't know how I do it, I've just always been good at it. And I'm always very self conscious of trying NOT doing it.

I have very little social skills and I do come off as a huge oddball. I don't know what to say to people. And when I think I know what to say it's always the wrong thing. I get nervous. I talk too fast, I ramble, I stutter a bit. I repeat myself without meaning to. I have trouble making eye contact. What's enough? What's too much? I actually *think* about it when I'm talking to somebody. It's distracting..

I'm very open and honest and I think I weird people out because I don't play around with words. I have no subtlety. I show emotion. If I'm excited I'm liable to dance around a bit, if I'm sad I'm gonna cry. People don't know what to do with me, I guess, so they back off.

But it even happens online. No matter how hard I try I can't get my foot in and make friends. I'm honest, loyal, trustworthy. People are always asking me to do things for them, trusting me with important things. But they won't talk to me. I'd give you the shirt off my back, I really would. And I'm the Fort Knox of secrets.

I've lost friends more than once because I gave them something. They said they wanted them, they could use them. There were no strings attached. But as soon as I handed them over they wanted nothing more to do with me. You're supposed to help friends. I don't expect anything in return. WHat am I gonna do with a bunch of outgrown clothes or toys? But for some reason I chase people away with that too..

The teacher at the school that I did so much for, that I spent days organizing and running pta events will most days look right through me and won't even say hello.

I don't know what's wrong with me. What kinda vibe I'm giving out or what..

Do I weird you out? Do I seem unapproachable? Inappropriate? Do I say the wrong thing? Should I be more private (god help me I dunno how to. It's just *me*. How do I not be *me*?)

My kiddo was diagnosed on the autistic spectrum and I really have to wonder if I'm on it too. I just don't *get* people. I don't get the social thing.

I keep trying though. And keep trying.. it's really hard not to get discouraged and pledge off people for good. Just be a hermit and keep to myself so I don't get hurt.

I've got friends on myspace who think I'm pretty cool, but I know once I talk to them they'll forget about me. It makes me really anxious.

I'm not a bad person. Really. I'm just.. a little weird.. doesn't everybody need a little weird in their lives?
Losgann is offline  
#2 of 61 Old 08-29-2006, 12:49 AM
 
wonderfulmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,944
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think everyone feels out-of-step/out-of-place/odd sometimes- but you seem to feel this way a lot. Has it always been like this for you?
((hugs))
wonderfulmom is offline  
#3 of 61 Old 08-29-2006, 12:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
Losgann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderfulmom
I think everyone feels out-of-step/out-of-place/odd sometimes- but you seem to feel this way a lot. Has it always been like this for you?
((hugs))
Always. As far back as I can remember..

Thank you for reading and replying, btw. I really appreciate it.
Losgann is offline  
#4 of 61 Old 08-29-2006, 01:17 AM
 
wonderfulmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,944
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Maybe after some bad experiences with people, you over-think things (kind of obsess), trying to avoid problems? A counselor could help you identify whether your worries and reactions to things are in the normal range. If you can't afford one or can't go for some reason, maybe you could find some books that would help. If you've always felt "weird", maybe you are really just more openly unique than some people.
wonderfulmom is offline  
#5 of 61 Old 08-29-2006, 02:01 AM
 
lurable's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Halifax, NS
Posts: 758
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
s My DH could have written your post. We talk about it all the time. He even plays in a band! He says that on stage he developes a persona and it makes him a COMPLETELY different person. (He's in a punk band so picture loud, swearing, etc) Off-stage he feels like he can't talk to people too, like they must think he is socially inept. I hope there is some comfort in the fact that others are feeling the same. Also, even though my DH feels this way most of the time, I hardly ever notice it, so I think that the person perceives it to be worse than it is. I agree with wonderfulmom that having someone to talk to about this would be helpful--maybe even a coach whocould help you to feel less self-concious about it (my DH also says that his brain can be his own worst enemy, KWIM?) By , like you said, worrying about it mid-conversation, it's probably making it worse. Best of luck Losgann and I HTH!!

Laura WAHM to Mar 03/01/05 and Evie 05/14/08, partner to Craig
lurable is offline  
#6 of 61 Old 08-29-2006, 02:27 AM
 
savannah smiles's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: hunting ghosts w/ Jason and Grant
Posts: 2,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I could have written your post except I'm more inhibited emotionally (meaning, I would neither cry nor dance in front of someone). What I've come to discover is that I have social anxiety which I'm guessing many people react to negatively. I simply do what I can to make friends while being kind to myself when it doesn't happen.

Gazing furtively at you from under my siggie!
savannah smiles is offline  
#7 of 61 Old 08-29-2006, 06:02 PM
 
vamp127's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 2,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I could have written your post, word for word. I don't know what the answer is. I have had people come out and tell me that I am "the weirdest person they've ever met." I've always taken that as a compliment, though. Not that I try being weird, I'm just myself. I guess I'm just glad that I don't blend in.

Wish I had better words of wisdom. Just know you are not the only one--we can commiserate in our weirdness together!
vamp127 is offline  
#8 of 61 Old 08-29-2006, 09:10 PM
 
Mygirlsrock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I could have also written your post. I feel I've driven so many people away either because I'm an odd ball or by something I've said. I always go over and over what could have happened. I really get so torn up and heart broken. I get so self concious about it that I'm really uncomfortable around people. I honestly feel like they wouldn't be interested in what I would have to say anyway. Amazing how a few people rejecting you can really effect your self esteem. Hope things change for you.
Mygirlsrock is offline  
#9 of 61 Old 08-30-2006, 08:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
Losgann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks, mamas.. maybe we need a tribe so we don't feel so lonely.

I'd just come off an aggravating evening of volunteering at the kids school, I felt walked on and unappreciated and it all comes flooding back after times like that. I really am feeling better than I was. Most of the time I feel like people take advantage of me. I love helping people, I love being useful. I always give lots of praise too and I guess I need that back in return and it's not often I get that kind of affirmation. "Thanks so much for coming, I really appreciate it, you were a great help." These are the types of things I say. Maybe I gush. Gushing isn't cool, I guess. If it's one thing I never was and probably never will be it's cool. Most of the time, the older I've gotten it hasn't bothered me so much. I'm a goofball and I'm okay with that. I wasn't meant to be stuffy and serious.

I did talk to another mama at the school who I have a lot in common with, and she really helped me feel better. She's really easy to talk to and she listens when I talk. I wish we could hang out more. Most people I talk to talk and talk and talk but when I try to get a word in they shut down and lose interest. I don't get it.

I try to remember, in my clearer moments, that I'm a nice, friendly, helpful person and it's the rude people that have the problem, not me.

Still awful lonely at times though.
Losgann is offline  
#10 of 61 Old 08-30-2006, 09:00 PM
 
forthebest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,099
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi, I can relate to feeling this way too since I was young, people just seem to home in on my insecurities and stuff, easier now I'm older, it can as pp says help you to feel low self esteem and lack of confidence. Also I think if you do not conform to the 'norm' people react as well. You sound like a cool person in touch with your inner self and imo people these days seem very cut off from their emotions and I don't think thats a good thing. A lot of em also seem to be into getting their own way a lot and darn ungrateful too.In the end with my paranoia, fear of socialising(big one this) getting hurt(having been walked over time and time again) I hermit myself very satisfactorily and spend quality time with people that care, definitely get lonely too but need the headspace/peace to get by in life. I can easily communicate with people now I am older and also like to be helpful,kind but if I'm being accosted by control freaks I just walk away, I've had many people treat me like I'm from another planet over the years.I mean for just existing. I have considered the painfulness of this kinda stuff over the years to maybe be some kind of mental stuff, I mean my own reactions like hey it's all in my head but it's not it's just life imo, I guess I always have bin weird and dysfuntional and now I'm really proud of that, expressing one's self was kinda hard when I was a kid, we were expected and coerced into living restricted and unfullfilling lives, I reckon and hope things are improving for newer generations.
forthebest is offline  
#11 of 61 Old 08-31-2006, 03:40 AM
 
oliversmum2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Earth - i think!
Posts: 3,763
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


i find that others can be very friendly one day and very cold and rejecting another, heck with some people i have found that can be both ways in the same day

dont take all the blame - other people can be weird too
oliversmum2000 is offline  
#12 of 61 Old 08-31-2006, 03:57 AM
 
frontierpsych's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Where the other 4999 Bensoners are...
Posts: 6,377
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am the EXACT same way! I could have written your post, seriously. I know where you're coming from. Feel free to PM me and ramble some more!

I'm a modifiedartist.gif DH is a reading.gif we have 2 angel.gifs, and DS is a rainbow1284.gif baby.gif
frontierpsych is offline  
#13 of 61 Old 08-31-2006, 11:13 PM
 
Mygirlsrock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Theres a lot of us isn't there, good to know I'm not alone. Hey maybe it's everyone else's problem, not ours. HMMMMMMM
Mygirlsrock is offline  
#14 of 61 Old 09-01-2006, 12:25 AM
 
kittynurse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: with the rabid monkeys
Posts: 1,219
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I could have totally written your post. I was recently diagnosed with social anxiety and ADD. Maybe it might help to talk to a therapist about how you feel? It has helped me tremendously.
kittynurse is offline  
#15 of 61 Old 09-01-2006, 12:31 AM
 
mama_b's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,759
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by savannah smiles
I could have written your post except I'm more inhibited emotionally (meaning, I would neither cry nor dance in front of someone). What I've come to discover is that I have social anxiety which I'm guessing many people react to negatively. I simply do what I can to make friends while being kind to myself when it doesn't happen.
:
mama_b is offline  
#16 of 61 Old 09-01-2006, 12:40 AM
 
emma_goldman's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: love and light
Posts: 1,498
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am a fan of weirdos. Really. I feel at home with you all.
emma_goldman is offline  
#17 of 61 Old 09-01-2006, 07:11 PM
 
CerridwenLorelei's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: BIG SCARY TEXAS/World of Warcrack
Posts: 5,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
but you can come hang out with us.
My 9 yr old is on the autism spectrum too. And I fall under the "weird" category too.
You would fit right in
CerridwenLorelei is offline  
#18 of 61 Old 09-01-2006, 07:43 PM
 
alisonsvw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Just south of boston
Posts: 175
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Im weird too....
can I join the club? I added you as a friend on myspace!
alisonsvw is offline  
#19 of 61 Old 09-01-2006, 08:08 PM
 
Village Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beautiful British Columbia
Posts: 3,402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yep... I am a huge weirdo too! I think most people think that I am aloof or a b*%$#. Really though I am super shy. When I do get close I am too open... then people are too open to me, and then they get freaked out that I know too much.Or people get really weirded out because I am really sensitive to peoples energy... if they are faking a smile I obviously see right through it. It makes it almost unbearable to be in large groups! Anyways... you either get me or you dont! Most dont! I get where you are coming from though... I really do.

:
Village Mama is offline  
#20 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 01:11 AM
 
mata's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: savasana
Posts: 4,285
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


to me it's very clear that you truly know who you are, and I hear such wonderful self-acceptance in your voice. I feel many of the same things you do (and it's also been that way for most of my life,) and I always tell myself when I'm in that place to remember that's the time to be even more authentically me, so that I only attract the people that are truly meant to be around me. Just keep being you.
mata is offline  
#21 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 01:35 PM
 
CerridwenLorelei's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: BIG SCARY TEXAS/World of Warcrack
Posts: 5,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
stands

email me sometime
CerridwenLorelei is offline  
#22 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
Losgann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CerridwenLorelei
stands

email me sometime
Losgann is offline  
#23 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 07:17 PM
 
Just_Isabel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,385
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Village Mama
Yep... I am a huge weirdo too! I think most people think that I am aloof or a b*%$#. Really though I am super shy. When I do get close I am too open... then people are too open to me, and then they get freaked out that I know too much.Or people get really weirded out because I am really sensitive to peoples energy... if they are faking a smile I obviously see right through it. It makes it almost unbearable to be in large groups! Anyways... you either get me or you dont! Most dont! I get where you are coming from though... I really do.
: Especially the part I emphasized. (sp?)
Ey, I am not alone!

I am also considered weird. I think in my case it's because I'm an introvert and I need to get a feeling for a person before I can "open up". (And this is very hard in a group with people I don't know.) I don't feel confortable in big groups, I get self-conscious when I feel people's attention on me, and certain people have something about them that make me nervous.
I don't like small talk, I think it's pointless and meaningless most of the time. I don't act like I like people if I don't like them.

I've been told a bunch of times that I am weird. : Usually I take it as a compliment.

Anyway, I'm really trying hard to open up and be more "normal" when it comes to social situations. But sometimes I think that my brain is just wired differetly and I'll never be like "them".

I do like myself, but unfortunately I don't know many other weird people like me, so I do feel alone sometimes.
Just_Isabel is offline  
#24 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
Losgann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=Just_Isabel]: Especially the part I emphasized. (sp?)
Ey, I am not alone!

Me, too.. how many of us are water signs I wonder?

I can sense when, for example, someone wants to end the conversation and I'm like okay, wrap it up wrap it up.. and then that's when I get all frazzled, like my circuits are just fried.

I can always tell when someone's lying, their energy and their words just don't sync.
Losgann is offline  
#25 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 08:39 PM
 
savannah smiles's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: hunting ghosts w/ Jason and Grant
Posts: 2,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Me, too.. how many of us are water signs I wonder?
I'm a Pisces! I wonder if you're on to something!

Gazing furtively at you from under my siggie!
savannah smiles is offline  
#26 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 08:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
Losgann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by savannah smiles
I'm a Pisces! I wonder if you're on to something!
Me, too
Losgann is offline  
#27 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 09:54 PM
 
Village Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beautiful British Columbia
Posts: 3,402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not I.... I am a very atypical fire!

:
Village Mama is offline  
#28 of 61 Old 09-03-2006, 09:56 PM
 
milk_maker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: something witty
Posts: 2,436
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I swear I could have written that post. My other issue is that when I do form a friendship, it tends to be very intense and then fizzles out over a few months to the point that we no longer contact each other. I think I'm just too overwhelming. sigh

I had a friend actually tell me to try to act normal...I was so hurt and betrayed. All my life I was told to be myself and yet I acted like everyone else in order to fit in. I finally reached a point in my life where I said screw it and started to be my true insane self...and I made friends who cherished me for who I was...and then I moved. So I kept up with being who I was and then this chick came out and told me to be like everyone else.

It's so confusing sometimes...

Monica - single mama to DS nono02.gifand DD blowkiss.gif

 

milk_maker is offline  
#29 of 61 Old 09-04-2006, 01:49 AM
 
marybethorama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Western MD
Posts: 3,564
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I could have written most of these posts.

I go through the same thing.
marybethorama is offline  
#30 of 61 Old 09-04-2006, 02:36 AM
 
oldgirl,newtricks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 532
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Losgann, before I even finished you post I was thinking "Asperberger's." Then, when you said your child had been diagnosed within the spectrum, mm... I would get it checked out. It won't change you, but I think it would be helpful to have some direction with this, especially since you will be dealing with issues with your child. It does run in families.


Gloria
oldgirl,newtricks is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off