What Do You Struggle With? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 29 Old 02-03-2002, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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While I was laying in bed last night, I was thinking about what I struggle with. Sometimes, it just can seem like you are the only person with internal struggles. So I thought I'd ask this question and see if we can seek some peacefulness with our internal struggles.

The major issue I have always had to deal with is resentment. I feel so frustrated sometimes and feel as if I am the only person who deals with it. I try to speak up more, so I don't feel this way, but it doesn't always work. I don't want this eating at my heart and soul, so does anyone have any suggestions? I want to have some personal growth and renewal about this and overcome it. Any wise words of wisdom would be appreciated!

Warmly~

Lisa

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#2 of 29 Old 02-03-2002, 06:53 PM
 
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Well, I have very few words of wisdom, but I can say I relate to struggle. I struggle with guilt. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. I struggle with ego. I struggle with jealousy. I struggle with shame. I struggle with the balance between my extraverted needs and my shyness. I struggle with the eating attitudes I developed as a diabetic kid during a time when diabetic nutrition for kids was little understood. So I struggle with eating. I struggle with forgiveness. I struggle with compulsions. I struggle with finding ways to get my needs met that aren't the manipulative legacy passed on to me. I struggle with gratitude.

Yeah, I really relate to the internal struggles a person can have. I guess the first step is awarness, right?

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#3 of 29 Old 02-03-2002, 07:01 PM
 
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I struggle with struggling! I have to remind myself periodically to let go and trust existence. Feel so much better after that...

~lee
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#4 of 29 Old 02-05-2002, 07:50 PM
 
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I was complaining to dh about all these "things" I wanted to improve about myself and I used the word struggle. I swear the man should be a therapist. Except with my mommy brain-loss, I am the one with the note-pad!:
He said not to look at it as a struggle. Rather than say, "I am struggling with ____" say, "I am learning to be more ______."
That way it is like a little affirmation every time you think of it. I don't know if it is actually helping me. IE I am learning to be more organinzed. But I can't remember how organized I was yesterday or if I even put something somewhere so... what was I saying??
I am STRUGGLING with my memory!!
Thanks for starting this thread tho. I think we all feel kinda lonely when we think of all the areas that need improvement in our lives. It is hard to change ourselves.
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#5 of 29 Old 02-07-2002, 11:16 AM
 
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Sorry I don't have much advice either right now but can definetely relate to you and am looking forward to reading the replies you receive. I also struggle with resentment. Resentment towards myself for not listening to my heart and intuition when I should have in the past and resentment towards my husband for telling me we would only live here for one year and then going back on his word. I struggle with a lack of courage to be myself all the time and find myself just being silent when I should be proud to share my beliefs and values instead of being scared I will lose friends and the love of family members. I also struggle with a lack of confidence in myself and know I'm not living up to my potential. My one success was winning my struggle with perfectionism many years ago. Just that one battle with myself took years of work and reflection so I hope I can find the courage to face my other struggles. Helps to know others are also working and succeeding on improving themselves.
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#6 of 29 Old 02-07-2002, 04:38 PM
 
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I struggle with maintaining a "this is MY life, MY day" attitude and not sitting around waiting for everyone else to come home and keep me company and give me meaning on a silver platter. It's difficult not to be overdemanding of DH when I feel I've been waiting for him to get home all day. If I can keep busy and have things I also want to do and enjoy in the evenings, our time together is much more fulfilling, much less emotionally needy/demanding.
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#7 of 29 Old 02-07-2002, 05:18 PM
 
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I don't have much wisdom to offer in this dept either. I struggle with letting go of hurt, which eventually turns into resentment. You are one step ahead of me :LOL Seriously though, thank you for this thread. It is reassuring to know that others deal with similar issues.

babyphat: I can relate to the way that you are feeling re: waitng for dh to get home... I often feel that way too.
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#8 of 29 Old 02-07-2002, 08:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so glad to hear from you all. Sometimes, I feel like I am the only one that struggles (not that I'm happy that you guys struggle as well!) It helps knowing that I'm not alone.

One thing that I realized is, when I am around my period, I get so hormonal and emotional. This will sometimes blow my emotions through the roof, which will lead to resentful feelings, etc. I am trying some Evening Primrose Oil to see if it helps.

Thanks for listening!

Hugs~

Lisa

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#9 of 29 Old 02-07-2002, 08:58 PM
 
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I don't really have much advice, either. But the fact that you are willing to admit you are struggling seems to be a positive step. I struggle with fears that I am not a good enough mother and major guilt over mistakes I made with Julia. I think about my abusive childhood and think I will never be a good enough mother because even my own parents didn't think I was a good enough person. I struggle with my energy because I am depressed and have CFS. I struggle with my temper and want to die the times I lose it on Julia. I struggle with my brain lol on so many things..parenting, religion, etc. Boy, do we all need each other.
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#10 of 29 Old 02-07-2002, 09:57 PM
 
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Lisa-I'm in therepy at this point in life so I'll pass on the wisdom I'm learning there! Do you know what exactly you are resentful of? (I'm not pushing for details-I mean in your own mind).I think that would be the first step.Maybe writing it down would help.Then asking yourself why? What makes me feel this way? Whats behind it? Next what can you do about it? Working on self is never an easy thing-I'm talking first hand here-but you are worth it Lisa and everyone else who is struggling,realize YOU ARE WORTH INVESTING this time that it takes to do this work!!
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#11 of 29 Old 02-08-2002, 12:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Saige~

WOW~thank you. I will really do some soul searching this weekend. Write, reflect and will get back to you on what I find out about this ugly "resentment"

Thank you for your kind words~

Lisa

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#12 of 29 Old 02-08-2002, 01:28 AM
 
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Resentment was always a big one for me and then one day I realized I resented things as a result of having no control. I, in an effort to help with resentment, am struggling with trying not to control the universe
Forgiveness is a huge one with me,too.
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#13 of 29 Old 02-08-2002, 05:26 AM
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I used to struggle with my feelings towards my father. After his father died, I wrote him a long hate letter. After a few months, he wrote back and asked if I was still pissed at him. He was so clueless. It made me realize how much energy I was wasting on hating him; he was never going to get it, so why bother? Now we have a good relationship. I just decided to forgive and forget, and I'll tell you: it was the best thing I ever did. So much weight was lifted from me.

I struggle with forgetting past mistakes. Well, acutally, I stuggle with whether or not I should struggle with the past. I've been able to move on from a pretty crappy time during my teenage years and a long relationship that I shouldn't have been in (the guy was a sweety, just not the right one for me). But I feel almost like it's not normal to be able to forget it all and be happy now. Happiness guilt, I guess!
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#14 of 29 Old 03-11-2002, 08:41 AM
 
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i struggle with feelings of self hatred and low self esteem. I am so angry with myself that nothing I do will be 100% right. Because of this, I find it hard to engage and be present in my own life. I give up before I've started. Really I'd much rather read and watch movies than live my own life.

I also find it hard to be patient with friends and relatives, as I have such high expectations of others.
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#15 of 29 Old 03-11-2002, 08:56 AM
 
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Lisa????
How'd it go?????
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#16 of 29 Old 03-11-2002, 12:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Saige~

How sweet and kind of you to ask. I have been taking the evening primrose oil and that really helped during last months cycle. More teary eyed ~ but not the ugly monster that I felt I was.

My resentment issue~that is going better too. I actually sat down and talked w/my dh about things. My moods, etc. It really helped getting another perspective on things, especially when it is your partner. For me, I just need to "open" up and talk about these issues more w/my partner. I feel that if I keep them inside, I won't "hurt" anybodies feelings (except my own though: ) So that has been a major change.

How are you and your transformation going? Therapy can bring about some amazing transformations, can't it?

Thanks~

Lisa

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#17 of 29 Old 03-11-2002, 04:11 PM
 
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What a great topic!

I struggle with being the mother I really want to be (walking my talk). I struggle with living my highest truth, and seeing clearly. Then acting on it!

I struggle with finances, and making ends meet, while I chose to be a SAHM (I am in school..).

I struggle with on one hand wanting to live a simple, back to basics life-style in the country, and liking the conveiniences of town-life.

I struggle with this nuclear-family ideal, and long for community.

I struggle with having faith that this world, this life, is really one that I should have brought my children into. It feels so precarious, crazy and plain dangerous sometimes.

And finally, I struggle with love. With allowing myself to fully love in spite of all these things!
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#18 of 29 Old 03-11-2002, 04:28 PM
 
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I struggle with a lot of the same things I've read in the previous posts but to sum I probably struggle most with:
being mindful and living in the present,
not comparing myself with others for better or worse,
and allowing myself to be the wonderful person that I know deep down inside that I am.
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#19 of 29 Old 03-11-2002, 04:54 PM
 
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I struggle with my physical limitations, it is hard to accept still. I easily fall into envy over others who seem to have such an easier time than me.
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#20 of 29 Old 03-16-2002, 01:46 AM
 
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What a great thread. I struggle with yelling at my kids. Along with many other things that have been stated. I feel like I'll do really well for a few days, have a few happy, peaceful days, and then bam! Ogre mama is back. Oh well. At least I'm working on it
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#21 of 29 Old 03-21-2002, 04:12 PM
 
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gee, I don't have any advice here either so I'm glad you've found some here already. I can add my name to the list of struggler's...

I struggle with doing every-day jobs day to day in spite of bone-weary exhaustion. I struggle with overindulgence in foods which are not good for my health (coffee, chocolate, cheese) I struggle with guilt about eating those foods. I struggle mostly, every single day with my temper and with impatience. I battle with myself for speaking in a disrespectful voice to my 2 1/2 yr old on those few but daily occasions he pushes me to my limit. I struggle with learning to allow the few other mothers I've in my life their "human imperfections" and my judgement and disappointment for them not being "ideal" mothers either. I struggle with letting other mothers close so that I am not so isolated and left alone to manage each day. I struggle with my terror of leving my son with anyone other than DH so that he an i can have a small space of time to rekindle. Those are just a few.

my wishes for moments of harmony and peace within yourself and with your struggles.
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#22 of 29 Old 03-21-2002, 04:48 PM
 
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there are times that I am truly thankful for all that I have, but here's my gripe list of things with which I struggle:

morbid obesity--I truly believe that I am going to die this way, and feel like I'm on an unstoppable train headed for a cliff.

PTSD associated with childhood sexual abuse

wanting to be a mom, but afraid that I'm too overweight to conceive.

"ism" s associated with being an adult child of an alcoholic.

I think that's it. These boards are a lifesaver at times. Peace to all.

Kelly

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#23 of 29 Old 03-21-2002, 09:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Kelly~

I have struggled w/PTSD before too, my heart goes out to you. The only thing that helped it (meds. didn't for me) was something called EMDR. It was developed by Elizabeth Shapiro and it stands for Eye Movement Desentization and Reprocessing. I was so scared and nervous to do it. Individuals have to be certified in this sort of tx. You can find out more, I'm sure, on the web and you can ask the EMDR Institute for a list of cert. therapists in your area. Anyways, it gave me my life back. PM me if you want more info.

Take Care~

Lisa

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#24 of 29 Old 03-22-2002, 09:28 AM
 
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I struggle with the idea that the grass is greener on the other side, and taking all the good things in my life for granted. Sometimes I just hate Switzerland and french accents and just want to go home. People here are just so closed off and regimented in the way they live.
Today I was really wondering what the point is in living this hurry up, work-all-the time life. My dh works so much and I'm home all the time. I want to have a simpler life with less stuff and more family time, more time for friends and laughter.
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#25 of 29 Old 03-22-2002, 05:33 PM
 
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I struggle with balance...

Balance between rushing around doing many things and lying in bed reading avoiding my own life as sleepless said

Balance between my profession and my family

Balance in personal relationships ~ I tend to either submit completely to the other persons wishes or be totally disrespectufull of their feelings


I also relate to many of the ideas stated (grass is greener on the other side, struggling too much, doing day-to-day jobs in spite of tiredness, taking control of MY life...)

Thank you all for sharing your feelings, and listening...

Love and Peace to all of you!
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#26 of 29 Old 03-23-2002, 01:56 AM
 
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I struggle with taking things personally, and thinking that everyone has bad intentions. And my conflicting feelings over my relationship with my mother. And my constant battle over whether or not to continue in the 12-step programs I've been going to for years.
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#27 of 29 Old 03-23-2002, 05:48 PM
 
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Thanks everyone for sharing your struggles. For some reason it is encouraging to hear. I guess cause I share so many of the same struggles. It feels good to know I'm not alone.

I already shared some struggles but I've got more. Lately I've been struggling with listening to that voice in my head that tells me I am not good enough. Lately it's been getting to the point that nothing is ever good enough so I can't do anything. When I'm not holding Eden o feel like I should be and when I 'm holding her I feel like I should be working. And then I feel like I should be working and holding her. And then i feel like I should not only be working, holding her, but I should be helping others!

AAgh! Shut up already, negativity! I'm doing the best I can and that is good enough!
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#28 of 29 Old 03-30-2002, 12:57 PM
 
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yes, yes, yes!
chocomoto, just had to say that you're not alone (well you may be in switzerland, but not in how you feel!) sometimes I can't stand the Polish words coming out of my own mouth and think that I wouldn't have ANY of the struggles I have were I only in England (yeah, right).
Struggle itself is the main struggle isn't it, as someone just said....
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#29 of 29 Old 03-30-2002, 01:02 PM
 
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I struggle with not having to be perfect,I struggle with my body image,I struggle with contentment.There's a hundred others,but those are the top 3!
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