Has becoming a parent helped you with personal growth? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 11-08-2006, 04:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess this may be an obvious question: .

I have really had some big shifts and changes in my life since becoming a parent. My current situation is with my dd (second child) who is pretty much my clone. People are constantly making comments about how much we look alike. At first I would shrug it off but it happened SO often that I really started to pay attention to what people were saying. It really is uncanny. Our baby pictures could be confused easily. I have heard more stories about myself as a baby since I had my little girl and it has really changed my perception of myself.

So my "personal growth" point. Since my daughter is basically a "mini me" right now (she is her own person too! Please do not think that I am projecting myself on her completely...she really does look like me) it has forced me to be kinder and gentler with myself. It has made me look at my daughter and my son as a reflection of myself in a completely different way and has changed who I am as a person, mother, wife, daughter, boss, friend. It is pretty amazing. I know my ds has changed me in many ways also, I just think it is more profound with my daughter because she is a daughter. And many of the issues that have come up are around self-esteem and self-confidence.

Any one else have a similar story or an interesting change in themself that has occurred since they became a parent?
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#2 of 9 Old 11-09-2006, 11:10 PM
 
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Yes. I have two daughters and a son (10,8, and 4). My oldest daughter has a similiar disposition to mine and my younger ones are pretty much like my husband. But being a mother, wow, I did not think I could feel so many emotions. The range is much more deeper and complex than when I was single, or had no children. My priorities have shift a great deal as well. Since giving birth to them, I have managed to construct a life to support them and myself, a life that I would have balked at when I was single and childless.

I love loving and I did not experience much of that emotion and the action until I became a mom.

Many Blessings, Coach K!
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#3 of 9 Old 11-10-2006, 12:03 AM
 
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My children were my motivation to move beyond an abusive and traumatic past and make myself into the person they deserve to have as a mother. Or at least try really hard to.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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#4 of 9 Old 11-10-2006, 11:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by USAmma View Post
My children were my motivation to move beyond an abusive and traumatic past and make myself into the person they deserve to have as a mother. Or at least try really hard to.
Me too. Its a lifelong journey.

Becoming a mommie was the catalyst for me to start seeing myself as a professional working artist and selling my work. I am thrilled about the potential!

Becoming a mommie has connected me to the planet in a different way than I used to be and has thus made me more aware, conscious and active when it comes to oppression and ism's. I have shared this with DS and hope to share more as he gets older.
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#5 of 9 Old 11-10-2006, 04:31 PM
 
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Oh absolutely! Having my son has made a hugh difference in my life.

To simplify, he's made me realise how damaging my own childhood was for me. Especially the relationship that I had with my Mother, or lack of relationship I should say. Having my son has made me want to become a better person, to be the change that I wish to see in the world. Of course, it hasn't been an easy journey. The emotional baggage from my childhood still reveals itself from time to time and manifests itself in the ugliest of ways. Never towards my son, but others I am close to. But having my son has motivated me to deal with my childhood issues and not repeat the mistakes that my parents made. One minor issue is the fact that at the age of 33, my own Mother has never expressed her love for me, nor can I ever remember her hugging me. She might have done this between the age of 0-5, I just don't remember it.

My son, I am constantly, without fail expressing my love for him.
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#6 of 9 Old 11-11-2006, 02:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your posts.

I sometimes lose track of all the wonderful things that have come out of me and my dh choosing to become parents. With the crazy society we live in and the everyday gripes and moans, it is so nice to just remember to look into the beautiful eyes of my children and think I have help to create these two incredible beings who are going to not only enrich my life, but the lives of the people they meet on their own paths. Sometimes time will just stand still and I can see their futures stretched out before me.


I think that has been where much of my growth have sprung from.

I had a moment this week where I held a beautiful baby girl who was less than 1 week old. In the past I would hold an infant and ache to have my own baby in my arms. When I held that precious little wonder I felt completed. No aching for another. My family is perfect for me.

Love and blessings on all you mamas and your familys.
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#7 of 9 Old 11-12-2006, 06:25 AM
 
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Immensely.

Becoming a parent was the biggest catalyst to change my life to living much more consciously. For some reason, having them cared for properly is a top proiority for me, and taking care of myself is less so (although I realize that I must take care of myself so I can be available for them).

Don't know where the previous attitude came from but I'm grateful to have found out that I'm different with children than I was pre-children.
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#8 of 9 Old 11-12-2006, 06:08 PM
 
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I think having children has made me grow up considerably and more aware of the bad things happening in the world.
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#9 of 9 Old 11-15-2006, 12:37 PM
 
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Becoming a mother has forced me to face some demons from my past that I had long since locked away. I had a lot of bad things happen to me as a child and I surpressed many of the memories. Seeing DS grow has helped me to unlock these memories and to deal with them. I'm a work in progress, but DS helps me to heal. Just being around him and seeing his purity and unconditional love is very healing.

Being a mom also makes me want to be a better person. I want to be a good role model for my son and set good examples. He gives me the drive to be a better person.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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