How to Start the Healing Process - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-24-2006, 09:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have all the signs of someone who has been abused. I don't remember being abused (with the exception of the abuse that occurred when I was a teenager, but it was obvious much before that) And I struggle with being abusive also. I don't know where to start as far as healing and moving on, but it must be done, and please please please don't suggest therapy, b/c I've been dealing with that crap my whole life, and it's BS to me. I know there must be a better way.

I think I repressed everything my whole life, but when I became pregnant with DS (now 18 mos) I turned into a crazy woman, and it seems ALL of everything was hitting me at once.

It's so hard for me, b/c I don't remember being abused, I have no idea who did it to me, I don't know who to be angry at, but it's obvious it happened.

I have always had a deep anger, and fit the attachment disorder description. I also remember having odd nightmares of a sexual manner since I was a toddler.

I know it's affecting me today. I can be terribly abusive to DH, and it has triggered in him something he is suppressing, and he becomes violent back at me. I need to heal from this. I hate that whatever happened happened. What can I do to start healing?
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Old 11-24-2006, 10:00 PM
 
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have you been to the surviving abuse forum?

hugs

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Old 11-24-2006, 10:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, you have to be a member for a year and have 500 posts. The sticky says to go here if you don't meet those qualifications.
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:48 PM
 
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hang in there.. I think those who are more in the know than me will come by and offer some help.

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Old 11-30-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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I'm running out to work but I'll try to come back later and post.

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Old 11-30-2006, 01:23 PM
 
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Have you tried or do you believe in energy/healing work?

I've done healing work through therapies like craniosacral therapy or body talk. It allows the body to release things that it's been holding on to, even things we are consciously unaware of, because our bodies hold everything that's ever happened to us inside each of our cells. Doing the release work on a physical level can make a huge difference in your life.

pm me if you want more info
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Old 12-05-2006, 07:07 AM
 
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I have been on the survivor list for a long time.

I am healing

CHECK OUT THIS ARTICLE.

These gentlemen discuss the adult recovery healing process.

I definitely recommend the book "A gift (to or for) myself".

It is a step by step guide to the recovery process.

The arrticle points out some of the pitfalls in this healing work, as well.

We start by feeling our feelings. accept them all as part of your perfection.


good luck. good for you.


http://www.cbwhit.com/miraclespart1.htm
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Old 12-05-2006, 11:59 AM
 
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Here are two suggestions. Find some quiet time (even for 30 minutes at a time) and write down everything that is bothering you...even if you didn't expect it...even if it sounds silly...write... That's release.

Second one...learn to become concious of what you're doing. Your actions, reactions, and the cause/effect of it all. This one is harder to do, yet brings great rewards over the long run.

Hope this helps...
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Old 03-30-2007, 12:52 AM
 
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subbing
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Old 03-30-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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I am a survivor of child sex abuse. I am in therapy and it has worked a great deal for me. Is there a group therapy available where you are?

I also suggest keeping a journal. I write in mine daily and carry it everywhere I go. When I need to vent, it goes in there. When I am calm, I can go back and reflect on the situation. Most often than not, I can identify something that was a trigger for me.

I have also heard that EMDR can be very successful for trauma survivors. I haven't tried it myself because it can be expensive.

I think that you need to find a release for all the anger. Scream into a pillow, kicking a box, writing, something that will allow you to vent frustration.

Schedule some "you" time every day. This helps me a great deal. Make it at least 30 minutes a day. Do something you enjoy. Take a bath and read a book. Meditate. Scrapbook. Watch your favorite TV show. Something else you enjoy.

Talk with you DH about what is going on. Maybe he can cue you in on when you are starting to have a "rage attack" Develop a way he can inform you, without making the situation worse.

Healing is a long hard road. I have been doing it since I was 5 and I am now 26. There are ups and downs. Some days you will fell better and some days you will want to crawl under a rock.

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication" --Leonardo Da Vinci
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Old 03-30-2007, 12:00 PM
 
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There are some good suggestions here already.

I saw several different therapist-type people over the years, none of whom was able to do anything meaningful. When everything started surging to the surface a couple of years ago, somehow I managed to find someone I could really get somewhere with. She is a therapist, but it is WHO she is and how she uses her skills that helps me. Don't seek out therapy if you don't want to, but don't close yourself to the idea that there could be someone out there who would "get it" and click with you.

EMDR can be expensive but it can help you work through trauma at lightning speed compared to traditional talk therapy - so in the end, it is a lot cheaper if you are able to access it.

Do you like to read? There are a lot of good resources out there.

I have found journalling and artwork and recording my dreams incredibly helpful. Not necessarily in the immediate moment, but over time. I have paintings I did 2 years ago that made little sense to me then but that make perfect sense now. Same thing with dreams. Write down those recurring dreams or what you remember from childhood, even if it is just a blurb. Every little bit helps.

It makes total sense why you feel so much anger. I have found that exercise helps me release some energy in a positive way so that when something triggers my anger, there isn't quite so much energy behind it and I stand a better chance of thinking rationally.

I have chosen again and again not to let the absue that happened to me (what I remember and what happened to early for me to verbally recall) dictate who I will be in this life. I have to do a lot of grieving. Writing it all down and looking at my story sometimes makes me angry at the people who hurt me and allowed me to be hurt, sometimes makes me feel compassion for myself.

Lucia Cappacione's book "Recovery of Your Inner Child" is helpful. When I first saw it I thought it sounded really hokey and I was only willing to take a look because I respect the person who recommended it. It turned out to be the key to unlocking much of what was silenced in my life. Maybe teh techniques she suggests would be helpful for you too.
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