c-sec mommas-- growth & healing chat thread - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-10-2007, 12:22 PM
 
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I have had 3 c-sections. #1 was a failed induction after a long labor, #2 was a planned vbac and #3 was a planned homebirth.

Of course in a way I wish I could go back to the first one and tell myself what it was going to mean to my life and my future births. But it has made me who I am - a strong and informed woman who doesnt let others make her choices for her. So in that respect, I wouldnt change it. Of course I have regrets and hindsight is always 20/20 but I made the best choices I could with the information I had at the time. I have cried buckets over my lost births but I just cant do it anymore. I wont talk to people about birth IRL because I just cant even get words out and people dont get it at all.

I was devastated by my first and second c-sections. My third, I dont know. Thats just my story, you know? I cant keep on living wondering what if I had done tihs or that, what if this had been different or that. I have been doing that, and living and breathing pregnancy and birth and vbac for almost 5 years. I cant keep having babies to "get it right"... it is time for me to close that book and get on with raising my babies. Because no matter how they got here, I am their mother and I DID give birth to them. And even if I wasnt the first hands to hold them, mine were the first lips to kiss them and the first arms to hug them. Breastfeeding has probably saved my sanity... I didnt BF #1 because he was in the NICU and they wouldnt let me hold him. And after he was born and came home and I tried BFing but failed I remember thinking ... "How does he even know I am his mother? I didnt push him out, I didnt get to hold him right away, I am not nursing him...how am I any different from a stranger?" It was the saddest thought I had ever had and I still cry when I think of it. Nursing DD and DS2 has helped me so so much. Because no one else can do it ... only mama.

I had bad PPD after #1 and #2 ... I am 4 weeks pp now and so far I am ok. I have moments. I am giong on medication because I dont even want to risk becoming the way I was before.

So thats where I am at right now.
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Old 06-10-2007, 01:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Bunnybee View Post
I hope it's OK to post here. I could also post in the traumatic birth thread too I suppose. I just need some support b/c I am currently terrified and anxious about another c-section. My DD was born at 30 weeks by emergency c/s due to her having heart rate decels. I lost 1.5 liters of blood and the pain was excruciating (as you all know) and I took very long to heal. I got pregnant again when she was 7 months and now DS due date is fast approaching. The drs. say I can't VBAC b/c insicision, though not classical, was higher than usual and they are concerned there is a higher risk of uterine rupture than in most VBACs. I am just SO scared to go through all that again. Has anyone had better luck the 2nd time around? Also, I don't know how I will leave DD for 4 days while in hospital! I need to post something in one of the breastfeeding threads too...ugh...thanks for reading...hugs to all of you! Oh, I also have what I think are painful adhesions that have started hurting again during this pregnancy and was wondering if anyone else experienced that for a very long time? Sorry I didn't have time to read all the posts so if someone already addressed that forgive me!

I have no answers yet, just wanted to send lots of hugs and safe birthing vibes your way.
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Old 06-11-2007, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow, i was on vaca for one week, and all kinds of activity! first off, hugs to all mommas.... i'm not sure how long DS will sleep for, and i want to get some yoga in, so this will be fast....

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Originally Posted by nylecoj View Post
Also, I don't know about you guys, but I didn't do any real research on c-secs (just enough to know they were bad, etc., nothing about healing and whatnot) and the nurses in recovery treated me like an idiot for not knowing normal c-sec protocol. I honestly think they thought it was scheduled and that I was just some woman who didn't bother to educate myself about anything.
I've been thinking about this. I think that we might all put together a list of things "all women should know about c-s"... and see if we cant get it to be a stickey somewhere.... because, of COURSE us mdc mommas are not going to plan on one (unless we need to, of course).... and, as one momma said -- she even walked out on the c-s section of her birthing class.... i stayed, but i dont think it was "helpful".... i'm talking the really practical stuff... like tell the docs not to talk about last night's game, etc..... anyone up for that?


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I hope it's OK to post here. I could also post in the traumatic birth thread too I suppose. I just need some support b/c I am currently terrified and anxious about another c-section.
of course it's ok! feel free to PM me too....although, with the birth coming up, the VBAC forum might be a better place to get help..... also i might suggest ICAN (yes, i had a *horrible* experience with them, but not everyone does).... def. look for some help. i think it's in the traumatic birth thread, but someone said that "birthing from within" classes offer a section on vbac...

HUGS mommas, i'm glad this thread is still being used.

OH-- and, I TOTALLY get not wanting to read other replies. i think that's totally normal.
xoxoxox
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Old 06-26-2007, 03:01 PM
 
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I have a question for you guys ... at least, I think it's a question.

I have several friends who have had babies - not a single one has gone completely natural, but at the same time none of them seem to think labor was that difficult or ... horrible.

I even know another woman who was induced and then had to have a c-section because she wasn't dilating. In her words, her c-sec experience was awesome and she would totally do it again. I think my situation was a little bit different .. but even so.

It's not a competition, I get that. But it seems a bit odd (or something) that my experience was so horribly painful and terrifying and theirs so mild.

Have any of you guys dealt with this at all? Did it make your own feelings/memory seem distorted or invalid at all? I feel like I'm being dramatic or something.
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Old 06-26-2007, 04:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nylecoj View Post
I have a question for you guys ... at least, I think it's a question.

I have several friends who have had babies - not a single one has gone completely natural, but at the same time none of them seem to think labor was that difficult or ... horrible.

I even know another woman who was induced and then had to have a c-section because she wasn't dilating. In her words, her c-sec experience was awesome and she would totally do it again. I think my situation was a little bit different .. but even so.

It's not a competition, I get that. But it seems a bit odd (or something) that my experience was so horribly painful and terrifying and theirs so mild.

Have any of you guys dealt with this at all? Did it make your own feelings/memory seem distorted or invalid at all? I feel like I'm being dramatic or something.
I totally get how your feeling. I don't feel like it's a competititon, either, but I start to feel like, "What's wrong with me?" that I couldn't have such a positive birth experience as most of my friends. I have several friends who have given birth completely naturally; one who has done so at home (twice).

I don't think we can let others' positive experiences invalidate our own negative ones though. Not that we should make our experiences any more dramatic than they were, but simply honor them for what they were. I don't think denying that it was a painful experience would help the healing process. When I think back to my c-section, I've felt some shame that I completely flipped out when they were prepping me, but upon examining my own feelings and perceptions in that moment, I was genuinely terrified that my baby or I (or both of us) were going to die. We obviously didn't, so in hindsight my reaction seems a little silly, but I have to remember what was happening right then, not how I have viewed it afterward.

~Beth, mama to two amazing girls, ages 12 and 6~

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Old 06-26-2007, 04:18 PM
 
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yes I have friends who had no issues with their c-sections and are perfectly happy to have repeats because of their good experiences. they're lucky, I guess.

Dara Mommy to Gabbie (4/05) , Zachary (6/07) , and Simon (8/10)
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Old 06-26-2007, 04:56 PM
 
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I'm so glad I found this thread. It's been nice to read through other people's experiences, it makes me feel comfortable sharing mine. It's mostly positive, quite different from many of the stories I've read here. I hope this doesn't offend anyone. It's also going to be long.

I had placenta previa. It was first diagnosed at my 20 week u/s, but my doctor said that it's common at that stage and 99% of the time it clears up, so he scheduled a 'just to check' u/s at 30 weeks. I didn't even think for one second that it wouldn't clear up. I was so happy to see my baby on the u/s, and so excited about my birth plan, etc. Well, at my 30 week u/s I still had the previa, although it was considered marginal, so the doctor thought there was a *possibility* it might clear up. So, I went in for an u/s at 34 weeks. It was still marginal, but this time they saw placental lake - basically a big pool of blood - completely covering my cervix. At this point it was recommended that I schedule a c-section for 36 weeks. They said, when I asked, that there was a slim possibility I could go naturally although if there were to be a complication, the consequences were dire (ie, strong possibility that both baby and I would die, me from blood loss, baby because placenta would probably detach). I asked every doctor, nurse and technician for their opinion "what would you do if it were you or your wife?" They all said c/s.

I was scared, and I was devastated. I had never even considered that a c/s might be a reality for me. My dh was understanding, to a degree. My family were completely in favor of a c/s, they did NOT understand why I was disappointed, or conflicted. So we scheduled the c/s for 36 weeks. In my mind there was always the thought that I *could* have tried to go naturally. But I kept thinking about the fact that we could both die. I've come to accept that I did what I thought was best for me and my baby, but I still wonder.

So at 36 weeks I went to the hospital (the day before the c/s) to have an amnio to check for lung development. The doctor never called with my test results, so I called the hospital, and they said that the results were in, but they'd have the doctor call me. It was after 6pm when the doctor called and said he was shocked, but the test showed that the baby's lungs were not mature, so my c/s was cancelled and rescheduled for 38 weeks. The dr. said there was a possibility that I could have a bleed and that would require an emergency c/s, so I should stay close to home, etc. No bleeding occurred, and I went in for my c/s as planned at 38 weeks. (All of this makes me wonder whether I could have just gone naturally - ugh!)

By this time I had accepted that I was having a c/s, and that it was best for both me and my baby, so the day of my surgery I was very excited, happy, etc. I think this really helped in my healing. My doctors talked to me in the operating room - it was somewhat banal, but they involved me in the conversation, so it didn't seem all that awful. They asked me a lot of questions, and were playing music I loved. The anesthesiologist was WONDERFUL, he was so kind and gentle. His presence alone was like pain relief, if that makes sense. He also talked us (me and dh) through the whole surgery, told us what was going on, etc. - even told my dh when to stand up to take pictures. But my blood pressure dropped really quickly and I got very dizzy and disoriented. That was awful, but they "fixed" it rather quickly with some other drug (the drugs, imo were the worst part of the experience).

The surgery itself was both shocking and interesting to me. What can I say, I like gross stuff. I wanted to watch, but my ob said no. I was surprised at how physical it was, how much my body moved. I was surprised at how much I could feel (not pain, just sensation). I love that I could feel ds being pulled out of my belly - I remember that my hips came up off the table. I remember the doctor saying "hello little man!" We didn't know that he was going to be a he until that moment. Hearing him cry for the first time was the single greatest moment of my life. I remember crying and saying "my baby, my baby" and "Benjamin!" My doctor was great, I love all that he did for me, I love that he said "Benjamin! What a great name! Welcome to the world Benjamin"

And then they shot me up with Morphine (duramorph - 24 hour dose). In hindsight, I wish I had declined the morphine. : : I didn't really know it was an option to decline. I was not as well educated about medical choice as I am now. This is what I regret about my c/s, this is what makes me angry. This is what I need to heal from. I was so out of it, that I had trouble bonding. DS stayed in the OR while I was being stitched up, my dh helped clean him up, held him immediately, and brought him over to me (all of which I am grateful for). But when he brought him to me all I could do was look at him and think "that's my baby?" I didn't feel a bond, I didn't feel like I had known him all my life, that this was the baby that had been inside of me, etc. I didn't recognize him -- all the things I *thought* I was supposed to feel, I didn't feel. Then they took the baby to the nursery, and dh went with him. I was alone for about an hour, waiting for my baby, but so high that I didn't really know what was going on. My dh brought ds to me, and the nurse helped me get started on breastfeeding - but I was so high that I didn't really know what was going on. I was just sort of going through the motions. But ds latched right away, so luckily at least one of us had it right. But I still cry when I think that I wasn't really all there for his first feeding, and really his first few days. My dh had to suggest things to me, like skin-to-skin, and had to remind me to feed ds.

Recovery sucked. I was in pain for months. I still have a big scar (keloid). I still have a sensitive spot on my back where the spinal was administered.

I desperately want to have a VBAC next time, possibly even an HBAC, but I'm scared of it at the same time. I wonder if my fear will interfere with labor/birth. I have an aunt who had 3 successful HBACs, so I'm keeping her in mind.

So I have mixed feelings. I'm happy and grateful (of course!) to have my baby safe and to be alive; I loved every minute of my baby's birth (which is somewhat confusing, since c/s are *supposed* to be WRONG!); but I'm sad and angry that I was so drugged up; I'm sad that I didn't get to go through labor, I feel cheated. Sometimes I hate my scar because it reminds me I didn't have the birth I had planned for. It reminds me that I may not ever have a natural labor/birth. But sometimes I love it because it reminds me that I'm a mom, it reminds me of that first cry, the best sound I've ever heard. Ever.
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Old 06-26-2007, 05:37 PM
 
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This is the first time I have ever posted anything so let's hope I get it right...

My son was born on April 30, 2007 via c-section. After being induced, epidural and 10 hours of labor, I dilated to 7 cm's but my poor baby's heart rate dropped. I was then prepared for an emergency c-sec. When I heard his first cry, I balled. It was beautiful.

The experience of having a c-section has forever changed me. It turned my world upside down. My son is only 2 months old and I already feel that I failed him as a mother. I didn't even attempt to breastfeed which makes me feel even worse. I was so drugged up and when I got home I was so depressed. I was dazed and confused. What happened??? Why me??? To make matters worse I had to hear everyone telling me what I DID WRONG.

Yes I totally feel that my Dr. took total advantage of me by telling me that my baby was too big and if we went past 39 weeks he would only get bigger and he could die while pushing him out the canal because he could get stuck and not receive oxygen and that's why it's better if we induce, yada, yada, yada...BUT at the end I feel like I'm the only one responsible for what happened to both of us. I should've listened to my gut feeling. I knew something was not right. I should've told her NO. I should've been more informed. I thought I was...I should've, could've...why?????

I've searched the internet for countless hours trying to search for answers. You name it, I've came across it. ICAN, UC's, VBAC, everything. I've watched back to back episodes of birth stories on the Discovery Channel. I love hearing success stories of women who VBAC, UC etc. But I can't help to be envious of women who give birth naturally. I start feeling like a total failure. I driven myself to almost total insanity. You know you're going crazy when you start answering you're own questions...

For now I feel like I could never have another child for the risk of putting my baby and myself through that again. Neither one of us deserve that. I understand that some c-sections are absolutely necessary however so many are not. And if you're happy with your c-sec, really I am happy for you because I would rather be happy about the c-sec than feel as miserable as I have been feeling.

What brings me great comfort is having MY FAMILY. My fiance and son are great. I don't know what I would do without them. I'm trying now to put all my energy and attention towards them. I do more harm to myself on focusing on the c-sec experience, reading, searching, watching tv. I'm tired of hurting myself. I'm tired of being depressed. I just want to move on. I have to. I need to heal. I won't let this control me or get me down. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Heck, it could be worse. No, I'm not trying to sweep my feelings under the rug, I'm just trying to move on. I can literally write a book but you know I want to be done with all that. God's good grace is going to save me from myself, protect and guide me through. I can relate with so many of you on so many levels.

I pray for you all and thank you for sharing your story.

Mel
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Old 06-26-2007, 08:05 PM
 
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Didn't have time to catch up on all the posts, but on comparing experiences I think that a lot of mainstream people have such an AWFUL NEGATIVE view of birth period. Hospitals, doctor's are saviors, IV's epidurals, etc etc etc that a c-section doesn't seem so bad. They are lucky, but they were expecting the birth and especially a vaginal birth to be horrendous. So they think they lucked out with a c/s. Most of them will repeat so they will never know that's it soo much worse! (okay I can't say that from experience) as far as our natural birthing friends, I just try to focus on how happy I am that they didn't have to go through what we did.

Mama to Clara 5/2/06, & Anna 11/4/08 and wife to Dan 6/8/02
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Old 06-26-2007, 10:50 PM
 
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As time goes on I am more and more OK with my c-sec. As painful as it was, it brought DD into our lives, and keeping up with our happy, loving, soon-to-crawl baby is taking all of my emotional resources - I don't have any left to regret the surgery. Next time however I will be adamant about getting a midwife.
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Old 06-26-2007, 10:59 PM
 
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bensmama - that's awesome that the actual surgery was great for you! I'm sorry the aftermath wasn't so great. I had duramorph too and was never asked if I wanted it! strange huh.

Mel - sounds like now you are looking into things you could do differently - don't worry, you are a great mom! congrats on your son and welcome to the board!

Dara Mommy to Gabbie (4/05) , Zachary (6/07) , and Simon (8/10)
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Old 06-26-2007, 11:37 PM
 
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Since they put me under (after I felt them stitching me up and started yelling at them) I woke up totally high on morphine. I don't even remember them handing me the baby -- I just remember saying how I couldn't believe how easy breastfeeding was. My MIL had to point out that I was hooked up to an IV with morphine in it.
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Old 06-26-2007, 11:59 PM
 
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I had my c-sec 9-2005 at a navy teaching hospital....it was the last thing i ever expected and never planned for it b/c it scared me to even think about it let alone research it like i had everything else...but despite being totally unprepared and all the other ups and downs of giving birth and nursing i have a beautiful 21 month old and our family is just fine...thanks to family and friends and now that we are thinking of trying for another i am grateful to find MDC and my local LLL so i can be informed going in and not shocked coming out no matter how the next one goes...and we just do the best we can...all of us and it is much better than we give ourselves credit for...
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Old 07-09-2007, 02:52 PM
 
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Have you seen this thread?

We really need Moms who have had a c-section to test our survey.

Thanks!
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Old 07-12-2007, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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glad to see this thread is still active! i'm "back" after some time away... doing more wound licking/healing/etc... it's two years ago today that i ovulated! i'm putting it all together in a lock box < > as one package of my journey... and hoping to turn a new leaf! i never would have dreamed a year ago i'd feel so healed from all this.... i dunno... maybe that will help someone.... here's the new story, if anyone wants to read a bit more about my process... obviously, we all feel very differently, but there might be some things others connect with or relate to....

anyhow!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nylecoj View Post
It's not a competition, I get that. But it seems a bit odd (or something) that my experience was so horribly painful and terrifying and theirs so mild. Have any of you guys dealt with this at all? Did it make your own feelings/memory seem distorted or invalid at all? I feel like I'm being dramatic or something.
I delt with this from the very moment i got pregnant. I think we all, number one, have different expectations of how pg and birth and mommydom will be for us... our actual experiences may or may not refute this... I do think, too, that for a lot of women, it IS a competition. : i've lost a lot of friends since i got pregnant. i think it's really sad that women cant be more open and suportive and helpful when it comes to pregnancy and birth and babies, but it sure has been my experience. as for the distorting/invalidating-- heck yeah. i deal with it by going inside me, focusing on my experiences, and reminding myself that my thoughts and feelings are just as valid as the next person's... even, and perhaps, especially, those who seem to say mine are not.

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So I have mixed feelings. I'm happy and grateful (of course!) to have my baby safe and to be alive; I loved every minute of my baby's birth (which is somewhat confusing, since c/s are *supposed* to be WRONG!); but I'm sad and angry that I was so drugged up; I'm sad that I didn't get to go through labor, I feel cheated. Sometimes I hate my scar because it reminds me I didn't have the birth I had planned for. It reminds me that I may not ever have a natural labor/birth. But sometimes I love it because it reminds me that I'm a mom, it reminds me of that first cry, the best sound I've ever heard. Ever.
i think my story is actually a bit like yours. i have really fond memories of the actual birthing process. the recovery and treatment in the hospital, no. the reactions of people, no... anyhow-- it's still birth! i think it's great that you were able to enjoy it-- to whatever extent. it is hard, when we are surrounded by people telling us how awful c-s are, to have positive things to say, isnt it? i think it's so important to hear, though. so, thanks for sharing! :

Quote:
Originally Posted by mr_faithhopelove View Post
The experience of having a c-section has forever changed me. It turned my world upside down. ..... To make matters worse I had to hear everyone telling me what I DID WRONG. ......
oh, honey, i felt so much like you-- anything that was supposed to help just hurt so much more. i had to find my own path of healing-- and you will find yours!

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We really need Moms who have had a c-section to test our survey.
i did it. thanks!
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Old 07-12-2007, 10:52 PM
 
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just found this thread... subbing for now but i'll post soon.

~Kris mama to Alexis (15), Elizabeth (10), Andrew (7), and 1 angel
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Old 07-13-2007, 12:56 AM
 
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Just found this thread...I'll post a longer post later and share my story.

I will say that since summer is here I am really pissed because of the nasty scar I have and can't wear some of my bathing suits.
I think my scar is too high up. Anyone else feel this way? or think their doctor cut too high?
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Old 07-14-2007, 02:34 AM
 
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I just saw this thread for the first time today I hope its ok if I join.
I had a traumatic C section. I experience feelings of guilt for being so traumatized over it when I know mamas that had it so much worse than me and it doesn't even phase them.
My daughter was born 6 days before christmas and my family was extremely pissed/hurt that I didn't go to their house for christmas. I was in so much pain (and pumping every 1 1/2 to 2 hours) I couldn't even get dressed and I was bleeding horrible, there was no way I could go, they still give me a hard time over it.

I used a CNM I was very uniformed and knew nothing about childbirth. I trusted her and figured that if I wanted a more natural pregnancy and childbirth I could trust a midwife to give it to me. Unforunately the midwife practice I used very much medicalized birth and I don't see how there was any benefit to me over going to an O.B.
I was a victim of cytotec because of being over due (I was due the 7th and my daughter was born on the 19th they induced me on the 18th). The cytotec caused horrible horrible painful contractions that literally felt like they were going to rip me in half. I begged the nurse to let me in the bath but she said no that they couldn't let me do that because it would slow down my labor.
What they COULD do was give me an epidural, and threatened that if I didn't get it right now that i might have to wait several hours after I wanted it to get one. So I went ahead with it. It worked for about 2 hours and then it quit working, of course it didnt make me any less immoble when it quit killing the pain. They tried redoing it and it didn't do any good.
After 3 hours of no progress they decided to give me pitocin as well, this made me start having contractions every 1 1/2-2 minutes that were very strong and painful, they let me suffer with that for about 45 minutes until my midwife came in and said that my contractions were too frequent/strong and that they should have turned it down sooner.
After 12 hours of labor with 1cm dialation progress and my daughter not moving down at all they suggested a C section. They outlined the "normal progression" of labor and said that if I continued it would take me at least 5 days to give birth and that they could not let me wait that long, although if I wanted I could wait 2 more hours and experience more pain and distress and end up with a c section anyway.
I was in pain confused and scared for me and my baby. My only support was my husband who didn't know anything and was also confused and scared and my best friend who had a c section scheduled twin birth (her ob didn't even consider letting her birth her twins naturally). So they both advised me to go for it and I did.
They took me away from them screaming and crying in pain and terror to the operating room. Tried to get me numb with an epidural, tried about 15 times ( I lost count) and couldn't get it in. I was in the worst pain I have ever experienced and terrified. I was sobbing and confused (at some point they had put morphine or something in my IV when the epidural wasn't working, without my consent). They final decided to do a "high spinal" whatever that means. Which worked but made it feel like I couldn't breathe.
I was terrified, I felt like I was going to die. As I took what felt like was going to be my last breath I begged the nurse "help me" and passed out. I woke up presumably a few seconds later with an oxygen mask on, completely paniced with the nurse yelling at me to stop moving my head.
My husband came in and held my hand, only I didn't know that because I was numb from the eyes down so I couldn't feel him and I was terrified and felt alone. I felt them pulling my abdomen apart and someone saying "DONT PULL SO HARD" (my husband said the midwife was yanking the insicion open much harder than she should have). And then them trying to pull out my girl. I heard "She a wiggler!" "Shes a slippery one!" as they tried to pull her out.
Then she was out, and she didn't cry. I heard apgar 5, and a few minutes later apgar 4. I couldn't see her, they had her off to the side.
I was so drugged and confused at this point I couldn't even cry. I started screaming for my husband who came over and said he had to go with her (we had talked about it previousloy and I told him in the event of an emergancy to go with her not me).
After they left I started gagging and the nurse said "OH so now your going to start throwing up huh" and said "this will fix it" and I fell asleep.
I spent the next several hours in recovery (thankfully my friend was there so I wasn't alone) terrified, no one came to tell me how my baby was. My husband finally came up a few hours later and said she was ok but was having trouble breathing.
I finally got to hold her about 12 hours after her birth for a few minutes. They let me nurse her about 32 hours after her birth. They gave her pacifiers the whole time she was in the nicu and ignored her cries. She laid alone in her little bassinet screaming and ignored, they would not let me pick her up, when I tried to touch her they would yell that I was doing it wrong.
When my doctor came to check on me I was in horrible pain, she said you should not be in this much pain take these and then take your normal medication. Only the nurse decided that was too much medication and after her small dose of oxycodene that was meant to get me through 2 hours she refused me meds for 8 hours and offered me heat packs instead.
That was the same nurse that was there when I was discharged and would not give me meds before i left she said I needed to go to the pharmacy myself when I got home. Even though it was time for them, so I got to ride 45 minutes home screaming in pain with my newborn screaming in terror in the car seat. my poor husband trying to drive quickly to get home but not too quickly since every bump caused me to scream in agony.
Anyway this got really long and I didn't intend to to so thats enough for now.
Hopefully I didn't bore you guys, thanks to anyone who actually got this far
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Old 07-14-2007, 01:19 PM
 
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I just need some support b/c I am currently terrified and anxious about another c-section. My DD was born at 30 weeks by emergency c/s due to her having heart rate decels. I lost 1.5 liters of blood and the pain was excruciating (as you all know) and I took very long to heal. I got pregnant again when she was 7 months and now DS due date is fast approaching. The drs. say I can't VBAC b/c insicision, though not classical, was higher than usual and they are concerned there is a higher risk of uterine rupture than in most VBACs. I am just SO scared to go through all that again. Has anyone had better luck the 2nd time around?
I just went through my second c/s-first time due to the fact that she was frank breech, turning her wasn't successful and my amniotic fluid was really low. I thought I would be able to do a VBAC, but was disappointed when I started getting bad pains in my incision with contractions and when DS would kick. My dr said my incision was on the verge of rupture after the c/s.

Anyway, my 2nd c/s was a MUCH better experience. I didn't get to see anything of my DD but blue legs as she was rushed out of the surgery room. I didn't get to hear her even cry. Both of my DC had breathing problems, but I got to see DS only 30 minutes after surgery.

My healing with c/s 2 was so much faster. I started doing prenatal water aerobics at 20 weeks, and I think that helped a lot. I took pain meds for 3 days and I was done. Ask for gas meds, that's what really helped get all the air out of my body. I was scared too, but knowing what was happening was reassuring to me. I'd already been there.
Hope this helps.
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Old 07-14-2007, 02:22 PM
 
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It has been 15 months and I am no were no over it. I am pregnant now so I think about a c-section next time almost daily. I am so worried it will happen again.

Ds had kaput and my bp was through the roof. His HB was too low and I had stopped dilating. I understand that it was probably best, but it was not natural.

I feel like my job on this planet is to birth babies and I failed. Hopefully some day it won't feel that way. Hopefully in Nov I'll VBAC!
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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I read these experiences and want to cry for you guys. It may seem like a c-sec is failure but it is not, we successsfully carried and delivered a baby(or babies)...try to remember that when you are doubting yourselves, and listen to the people who support you, not the ones who are telling you otherwise, it IS a big deal, a MAJOR surgery & now we have our amazing babies to bring joy and hopefully replace the pain or confusion or disappointment of the birthing experience.We gave birth, just like any other mom, in the best and safest way we could for ourselves and our child under alot of difficult circumstances.
As for my scar, I had my c-sec at a military teaching hospital and there was an "oops" in my procedure and i am left with a strange sort of over hang and knew it as soon as i saw it. I listened to everyone tell me it would go away and to just wait for my body to heal. My daughter is almost 22 months and i have to say the "oops" is not going anywhere. It bothered me alot for a long time, but recently my daughter sees pics of her as a baby nursing or in my belly and wants to "get in my belly" again. She climbs in my lap and we sit or lie down belly to belly and cuddle while i tell her stories of her being inside me and kicking non-stop!! And then I ask her where she came out and she points to the scar and suddenly my scar doesn't bother me so much anymore, she loves it, it is an obvious and visual concrete thing she uses to tie us together and so i am learning to not mind it so much too....hang in there, it gets better, we are learning and not alone.
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:06 PM
 
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To Meesa143- thanks, your story makes me feel a little better. I worry too b/c I will only have 15 months between first c/s and this one. I'm scheduled for July 18th, so only 3 more days! I will ask for the gas meds like you suggested! Getting anxioius but thankful for the support I've found here...
ANd to Kama82- *hugs*
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Old 07-15-2007, 02:09 PM
 
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Oh, and to Kamea- what a sweet story about your daughter!
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Old 07-15-2007, 11:36 PM
 
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i am grateful for the info and support that all the moms post here, and anxious to hear how the upcoming c/sec's go...we are hoping to get preggo again soon and i am definately nervous about another c/s, although they keep telling me a vag-b is possible this time, i don't know, one thing i haven't let go of is not believing what anyone tells me since the 1st one was supposed to go very differently and i have the scar to show for it....good luck moms to be and i will look for your experiences to be posted when you have time so i can be more prepared this time...any suggestions from anyone about how to be more prepared the 2nd time around and the possiblities of really having a vag.-birth after a c-sec?
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Old 07-16-2007, 06:40 AM
 
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kamea that is such a sweet story. I want to go through this thread so I can respond to more stuff specifically but I have a feeling its going to be a long read for me because its such an emotional topic so I haven't gotten to do it yet.
Good luck to the ladies who are ttc or pregnant, I desperately want another little one but I am just not there yet for various reasons (my traumatic birth experience is no small part of that). I feel like I need to heal before I try again but maybe ive got it backwards huh?
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Old 07-16-2007, 02:35 PM
 
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Good luck Bunnybee!
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Old 07-17-2007, 12:44 AM
 
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Thank you! I had the amnio today and they said his lungs are mature and estimate he weighs 7 pounds!
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Old 07-17-2007, 01:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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kama--your story makes me cry, and makes me want to beat up the docs and nurses. not to mention your family. :

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... I want to go through this thread so I can respond to more stuff specifically but I have a feeling its going to be a long read for me because its such an emotional topic so I haven't gotten to do it yet.... I feel like I need to heal before I try again but maybe ive got it backwards huh?
take your time... do it when it feels right. i've been that way about this stuff too. we all heal in different ways and different rates.... as for healing before ttc, i think it's the same kind of thing-- it is differnt for differnt mommas... i know some mommas who have healed thru a vbac... and some who needed to heal before going thru a pg again. just listen to you and do what feels best. you'll find your way. huge hugs momma.

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Originally Posted by mommie2bryce View Post
It has been 15 months and I am no were no over it. I am pregnant now so I think about a c-section next time almost daily. I am so worried it will happen again. I feel like my job on this planet is to birth babies and I failed. Hopefully some day it won't feel that way. Hopefully in Nov I'll VBAC!
i hear ya. are you doing ican or anything to prepare for the vbac? maybe some affirmations..... hugs!!!!

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She climbs in my lap and we sit or lie down belly to belly and cuddle while i tell her stories of her being inside me and kicking non-stop!! And then I ask her where she came out and she points to the scar and suddenly my scar doesn't bother me so much anymore, she loves it, it is an obvious and visual concrete thing she uses to tie us together and so i am learning to not mind it so much too....
my son does this too. isnt it so sweet?

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Originally Posted by Bunnybee View Post
I worry too b/c I will only have 15 months between first c/s and this one. I'm scheduled for July 18th, so only 3 more days! I will ask for the gas meds like you suggested! Getting anxioius but thankful for the support I've found here...
sending you all my vibes, momma!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kamea View Post
i am grateful for the info and support that all the moms post here, and anxious to hear how the upcoming c/sec's go...we are hoping to get preggo again soon and i am definately nervous about another c/s, although they keep telling me a vag-b is possible this time, i don't know, one thing i haven't let go of is not believing what anyone tells me since the 1st one was supposed to go very differently and i have the scar to show for it....good luck moms to be and i will look for your experiences to be posted when you have time so i can be more prepared this time...any suggestions from anyone about how to be more prepared the 2nd time around and the possiblities of really having a vag.-birth after a c-sec?
have you tried the vbac boards here? that and ican have been helpful for many moms... though, i will include a disclaimer, as i've not had positive experiences with them... but i wasnt looking to vbac... i'm only having the one baby. anyhow-- give 'em a shot! someone also mentioned once (either here or in the traumatic birth tribe) that birthing from within has a section on preparing for vbac.... you might look them up!

hugs mommas.
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Old 07-17-2007, 09:11 PM
 
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sorry i don't kow much of the lingo..what is vbac (vag. birth after c-sec?) or...? and what is ican....?and thank you for your input, i will start to do the research as soon as i know what those are...i also find that my insurance limits our choices. My husband has a federal job and probably like any type of insurance it is not always patient friendly for choices...i would love a water birth w/the safety of medical help if things happen like they did the first time.
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Old 07-18-2007, 02:20 AM
 
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HI all,

I too had a traumatic c-section with my first born (now perfect little man)...We are thrilled that we are pregnant with our second...I did quite a bit of work in the months following Jack's birth and thought I was pretty much "over it"...that said we are now 10 weeks pregnant (WOOOOHOOOO) and I am finding that I still have a lot of pain (telling the birth story to a new doc brought tears, some fear and a bit of blaming myself) we are considering a VBAC but either way I feel like I owe it to myself and to my coming baby to do the additional work that seems to be necessary...I also feel like even if I end up choosing to have another section I need to take the power back and own my birth experience...I know some of you have seen therapists who specialize in traumatic birth experiences....where can I find such a person?

thanks in advance
-Lori, Jack and a belly bean
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