c-sec mommas-- growth & healing chat thread - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-02-2007, 09:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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: This is a thread for mommas who've had c-sections. To chat, share experiences, talk about how it has been recovering, how it feels months, years later, and how it has changed you, etc.

Can include, but not to be limited to: ppd, vbac, etc. Also for physical healing gripes, questions, etc... and especially for those who dont have ppd, are not trying for a vbac at the moment, but who just wanna hang out for a bit with someone who "gets" it.

The conversation this sprung from is here. That thread also has links to other threads on c-s here on mdc.


there used to be monthly support threads... monthly support thread in B&B, in case anyone wants to re-start those!

Please, no flames, no criticisms, no "you shoulda"s etc. Only positive, healing things! We should all feel comfortable to be totally honest.

HUGS!
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Old 01-02-2007, 09:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll start!
__________________________________________________ ____________
DS's birth story here.

That was 9 months ago... just the other day, i said to dh: "ya know? i think i am really just about totally 'over' it." not that it's not something i dont think about each and every day.... but it doesnt sting so horribly anymore (at the same time, my scar doesnt bug me all the time anymore... i bet that has something to do with it!)... anyhow, i said to him-- "i'm ready to talk about it now."

So! Here I am.

I want to share two things that are, to me, vitally important about my recovery/experience healing: (1) i saw a traumatic birth therapist-- she teaches at a midwifery school, and she herself had a c-s when she'd wanted a natural birth. she was amazing, and i recomend such a person to anyone recovering from a c-s-- or any birthing experience that was, for them, traumatic. (2) my c-s was a watershed moment for me. i've always been really hard on myself, in all sorts of ways. after my c-s, it started with: "dang it, i didnt get the birth i wanted, so i'm going to do <x-nice thing for myself>." i am much nicer to me now. in a very real way, that might not have happened if not for my c-s. being nice to me was also key in my getting "over" the c-s itself.

I look forward to chatting with you!

~Jess
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Old 01-03-2007, 03:16 AM
 
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Thanks for starting this thread. I'm hoping others participate.

Why isn't there a C/S thread under Birth and Beyond? I mean, there are forums for UC, VBAC, etc? So, why not C/S? I am a bit put out by this, and the suggestion that discussions of C/S take place elsewhere, or in PPD forums or whatever. Why???? Doesn't the experience of C/S warrent the same consideration as other birth forms on MDC?

Editted to add: I don't intend to sound snippy - but this really has been bugging me for quite some time. It seems like there is a need/desire for a C/S forum in Birth and Beyond.
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Old 01-03-2007, 03:29 AM
 
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My c-section opened my eyes. It lead me toward the AP path. It was an awakening that the medical system is not all knowing and that doctors are not authority figures. It made me question and seek answers....even the uncomfortable ones.

It sucked. I hated it. It hurt. It was medically unnecessary. It scarred me. It broke me. It shattered my world. It depressed me. It infuriated me. It terrified me. And along the way....It made me strong.
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Old 01-03-2007, 03:41 AM
 
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Physically, I had a rough recovery form my c-section. The insicion got tinfected, and that hurt alot. 18 months later, I am starting to have some at the site agian. Probably scar tissue.

Otherwise, it's no big deal. I have a healthy baby. I trusted the dr.s, and that was good. I just wantd a healthy baby, and I got one. How I got there doesn't matter.

I didn't want a c-section, but I was aware it could be necesary, so i was prepared for that. My hospital pushes natural birth, and rarely gives epidurals, so that sucked. (I had several hours of back labour). But they said it was better for baby, so I didn't really push to get one either. I don't really agree, but they weren't gonna give in likely. Of course, I got a spinal for the c-section.

I did have the option ahead of time, i think, of just scheduling a c-section, but didn't. Obviosuly I should have, but on that case, i might always have wondered. This way, I know I gave it a shot.


Just reread the htrad title-guess I shgouldn't have posted. I thought it also included physical recovery. Emotionally, I am fine-I just hate it when people imply I should be having problems dealing with it. Or even need to "deal" with it.
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Old 01-03-2007, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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AUGH! just typed HUGE long reply, and IE crashed. POOP!:

I will add physical-- forgot to indicate that! Of course that is welcome as well!
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Old 01-04-2007, 09:02 PM
 
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Thanks for starting this thread, I've been looking for a place like this for a long time. MDC has been a tremendous help to me in my recovery.

The first thing I want to vent about is how hard it is to get support. The person I'm closest to ITRW, my sis, has basically shut my mouth by telling me I should stop dwelling on it and she's tired of hearing about it (and this includes anything relating to birth in any way, she doesn't want to hear it).

I tried to get support online by asking the mod over on bf.com to start the Traumatic Birth Support forum, but that has degenerated into
"I've got too much to be grateful for and too much to do, I guess, to be sitting around dwelling on how my kid was born. No offense." That's a direct quote. Supportive, huh?
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Shawnee View Post
Thanks for starting this thread, I've been looking for a place like this for a long time. MDC has been a tremendous help to me in my recovery.

The first thing I want to vent about is how hard it is to get support. The person I'm closest to ITRW, my sis, has basically shut my mouth by telling me I should stop dwelling on it and she's tired of hearing about it (and this includes anything relating to birth in any way, she doesn't want to hear it).

I tried to get support online by asking the mod over on bf.com to start the Traumatic Birth Support forum, but that has degenerated into
"I've got too much to be grateful for and too much to do, I guess, to be sitting around dwelling on how my kid was born. No offense." That's a direct quote. Supportive, huh?
Hi Shawnee -

I don't have a lot of time to post right now but wanted to point you to this article by Gretchen Humphries called, You Should Be Grateful. It really speaks to a lot of what you're experiencing when looking for support for your feelings.

Also, I'd like to point you to ICAN where you can join a group of women healing and learning from their cesearans who will listen and/or help you through your healing process.

It's time for me to put my daughter to bed so I've got to run but I've subscribed to this thread so I'll see posts even when I forget to check. Or you can PM me if you have specific questions. I've been there and am still working through healing from my traumatic, completely unnecessary, rage-inducing c...

zmom

Unschooling mama to one 5 year old DD.
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Old 01-05-2007, 01:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, i'm so glad to see more posts!

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Originally Posted by Shawnee View Post
Thanks for starting this thread, I've been looking for a place like this for a long time.
"I've got too much to be grateful for and too much to do, I guess, to be sitting around dwelling on how my kid was born. No offense." That's a direct quote. Supportive, huh?
you are welcome. that is an awful thing to say. i can not believe that anyone in a birth related field would say that!

i do want to just share my experience with ICAN, because some women DO find it helpful. my experience there was not helpful. in fact, it was hurtful. that's one reason i really wanted to start something here.... my very brief time there i got the impression that if you are not LIVID about your c-s, then please do not bother them. it took me quite a while to get over the sting of trying to talk about my experience with them. just my experience... for what that's worth.

I'm not livid about mine. That doesnt mean i dont want to talk about it though. I just dont really need to talk about it in angry terms. that is not healing for me.

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this article by Gretchen Humphries called, You Should Be Grateful.
am in the only one who finds that article... stings? it makes me feel ... wrong... for not being livid. it makes me feel how she says she feels about people who tell her to be grateful. it makes me feel how i felt after trying to talk to women on ICAN. that i am not angry enough, that i didnt experience my son's birth as a violent and brutal attack on my body... and therefore i have no right to want to talk about my c-s, therefore i have nothing to heal from. that somehow i am not woman enough because i am not mad enough. that i am less of a mom, less crunchy... because i am not outraged.

i'm guessing we might find a split here-- between women who had c-s that they feel were unnecessary (and who are mad about it) and those who had c-s that they feel were necessary (and are sad about it). i could be wrong, but i have a guess.

in either case, for this thread, i would hope that all experiences, the full range of feelings & emotions, will be welcome & suported.

i am learning so much already. i look forward to learning more from you all.
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Old 01-05-2007, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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(added above)
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Old 01-05-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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I also recommend ICAN. It was the place that helped me with so much. Whenever I recommend ICAN I give a warning. It is a list with some moms with *strong* emotions. There are over 1000 women on the list and they are all at a different place in healing. All have different feelings. So if you read some posts and you get a certain vibe or feeling leaning in any direction, just hang back and wait a bit. The flow changes. I've been on the list for 5.5 years and it cycles. I've seen rants/rages, sadness or depression, OB/midwife bashing, and many heated arguements. At the same time I've seen happiness/joy, gratitude, OB/midwife praise, and women glad they had c-sections. There are times when a mom will get help in writing a c-section birth plan when she knows in advance she's having one. So if you joined the list and stayed for a few weeks and didn't like the feel....stay longer. Just lurk for awhile. Post what you are feeling and what you are looking for support wise. With 1000+ mamas you're going to see a lot and learn a lot. I tell women to stick around on ICAN for months because days or weeks won't get you the whole picture. Oh, and actual ICAN meetings are a lot different than the online list. There might be a Chapter near you....or you could start one.

Of course this thread is a great place as well.

How does everyone's scars look? I've thought about tatooing my scar.
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Old 01-05-2007, 01:53 AM
 
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It is so nice to find a thread like this! I will write more when my housework is done! just subbing for now.

Laura wife to Chris proud mommy to our lil monkey (c-section 6-10-06), our other lil monkey (HBAC 3-08-09) Our next and last son (due by HBAC mid July 2011) and our angel (10-03-04). My middle son has many severe food allergies.

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Old 01-05-2007, 01:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moosemommy View Post



am in the only one who finds that article... stings? it makes me feel ... wrong... for not being livid. it makes me feel how she says she feels about people who tell her to be grateful. it makes me feel how i felt after trying to talk to women on ICAN. that i am not angry enough, that i didnt experience my son's birth as a violent and brutal attack on my body... and therefore i have no right to want to talk about my c-s, therefore i have nothing to heal from. that somehow i am not woman enough because i am not mad enough. that i am less of a mom, less crunchy... because i am not outraged.

When I read this I would encourage you to post just what you wrote above on ICAN. Simply state, "I'm not angry about my c-section. I feel (fill in blank) about it. I'm looking for (this and this type) of support. I don't want to feel like I'm supposed to be angry because I'm not." Then just sit back and read the responses. Take it all in, ponder it, and then let go of the stuff you don't want.

That being said....how do you feel?
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Old 01-05-2007, 02:59 AM
 
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I'm going to take kleine hexe's suggestion for my first post in this thread... it's a good starting place for a lot of thoughts that have been rattling around my head.

I'm not angry about my c-section. I feel relieved about it (that my baby and I are fine) and a little sad (that I missed out on some things I wanted to experience with my baby). I'm looking for acknowledgement that a c-section birth is still a birth and can be celebrated. I don't want to feel like I'm supposed to be angry because I'm not.

I don't want to share my story only to have my medical history analyzed. I don't want to be told my induction wasn't necessary or that I shouldn't have had an epidural, or that I didn't need a c-section. I was the one who was there. These were my decisions, made with a trusted medical provider.

The move to a c-section during my labor was swift and frightening. It is hard to have feared for your child's life, to know what that feels like.

Her voice when she was born was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. The joy that filled that sterile operating room still makes me breathless. That moment could not have been any more special or amazing.

I had an easy recovery. I felt physically normal after two weeks or less. My scar is really long. I wonder if they make the scar bigger for an emergency c-sec (to get the baby out FAST)?

I will have another c-section, that is not up for debate. I'd like some things to be different, and I want to know how to get those things in place. Mainly, I'd like to be with my baby while I'm in recovery. I also want to avoid thrush caused by antibiotics. I was on abx for GBS+ while in labor - do they also do routine abx during a c-section?

...the cuties in my avatar are my wonderful, c-section born, fully vaccinated sweethearts...
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Old 01-05-2007, 03:09 AM
 
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subbing..I 'll post something soon
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Old 01-05-2007, 03:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mimie View Post
I'm going to take kleine hexe's suggestion for my first post in this thread... it's a good starting place for a lot of thoughts that have been rattling around my head.

I'm not angry about my c-section. I feel relieved about it (that my baby and I are fine) and a little sad (that I missed out on some things I wanted to experience with my baby). I'm looking for acknowledgement that a c-section birth is still a birth and can be celebrated. I don't want to feel like I'm supposed to be angry because I'm not.

I don't want to share my story only to have my medical history analyzed. I don't want to be told my induction wasn't necessary or that I shouldn't have had an epidural, or that I didn't need a c-section. I was the one who was there. These were my decisions, made with a trusted medical provider.

The move to a c-section during my labor was swift and frightening. It is hard to have feared for your child's life, to know what that feels like.

Her voice when she was born was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. The joy that filled that sterile operating room still makes me breathless. That moment could not have been any more special or amazing.

I had an easy recovery. I felt physically normal after two weeks or less. My scar is really long. I wonder if they make the scar bigger for an emergency c-sec (to get the baby out FAST)?

I will have another c-section, that is not up for debate. I'd like some things to be different, and I want to know how to get those things in place. Mainly, I'd like to be with my baby while I'm in recovery. I also want to avoid thrush caused by antibiotics. I was on abx for GBS+ while in labor - do they also do routine abx during a c-section?
I identify with alot of this. I really feel like I can't talk about what I do feel, and actually tell my story.

My physical recovery was really bad, though. Not as bad as some I've heard here, but worse than most I have heard, anywhere else & irl.

As for the article that the link was posted for, i skimmed it. I'd have gotten too upset.
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:28 PM
 
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It's nice to see this thread. I couldn't even deal with the reality of my c-section until dd was around 9 months old. Before then, I praised the doctors for saving us and thought that I was so grateful. But I was just running away from my anger at what happened. There is so much to be angry about. I remember clearly how the doctors chatted and gossiped as they stitched me up. They asked me if I actually liked my family doctor and they went on to talk about how no one likes him. They must have realized how inappropriate that was because the next day, the doctor tried to claim that they were talking about some other doctor. And then there was the recovery room. I had to wait two hours to hold dd and when I finally did, the nurses shoved my dh away, forcefully grabbed my breast and shoved it in dd's mouth. What a gentle way to start! They of course then insisted that dd needed a supplement because of jaundice.
I could go on and on! I'm pregnant now and I find that I have to face so much fear now around childbirth. I'm afraid that I won't be ready emotionally and the same thing will happen again. I no longer know what to do to prepare; the fear just always seems to be there.
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mimie View Post

- do they also do routine abx during a c-section?
Yes. It is major surgery and everyone has to have antibiotics when they have surgery. There is no way around it. Infection is the number one risk with any surgery so they do everything they can to prevent infection.

You could start taking probiotics before your c-section and of course immediately after. I would take it for at least two months. I would also do vinegar rinses after each nursing session trying to prevent thrush. Perhaps you could meds from a Dr already on hand so that at the first sign you could start it and not have to wait.
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Old 01-05-2007, 02:44 PM
 
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I don't have a lot of time to post right now but wanted to point you to this article by Gretchen Humphries called, You Should Be Grateful. It really speaks to a lot of what you're experiencing when looking for support for your feelings.
zmom
Thanks, I went to the article and realized I'd read it before. It helps, because the writer has articulated some things for me I find difficult to put into words. I like the ICAN list, but I unsubscribed, can't handle the volume because of the way they manage the group (no links in the index, no archiving of posts).

The most healing thing for me so far has been the discovery of UC. A tremendous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If I find out I'm pregnant today, no one will be in control of my body and my baby but me. Also, I find the UC community to be in sync with my own beliefs, so I've found excellent support there.

It's interesting to see the different points of view that are coming to this thread. My physical recovery was relatively easy, and of no consequence. I'm angry about what was done to me and my babies by the system and a few nasty individuals. I feel like I was deceived and manipulated. I believe that my children and I will suffer from negative health and emotional consequences for the rest of our lives. I believe that the birth experience is incredibly important, to both baby and mama.

That said, I believe that there are things I can do to heal and compensate for the loss. Breastfeeding brought great healing to the babies and me. That's why I'm here, looking for more sources of healing.
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Old 01-05-2007, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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let's see if this will work..... so much to say-- always starting with BIG HUGS!!!

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Originally Posted by Kleine Hexe View Post
I I tell women to stick around on ICAN for months because days or weeks won't get you the whole picture.

How does everyone's scars look? I've thought about tatooing my scar.
yeah..... i was actually *attacked* for my post there, so it kinda turned me off.... maybe i'll try again-- but maybe this is better for me!

My scar isnt bad. it's still dark in places, but there are parts of it where you cant see anything! what would you tatoo? I actually LOVE that idea...... hmmm!

Quote:
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That being said....how do you feel?
it varries. it's been 9 months now, and the sting is gone. for me, most of it was blaming myself. when it actually came to it, i knew i was doing the right thing.... but i did blame myself for getting there. *clearly*, i thought, i didnt do this whole pregnancy thing right. clearly, my idea of trusting myself, trusting my body, and listening to my baby was not the right thing, if this is what it led to.... i had awesome help-- from my mws and from the therapist-- to learn that i was right to trust myself, that sometimes our children want to go a way that is not the way we want to go.... actually, that was one of the more helpful things told me-- babies choose their own births, he chose this. from my own experience, it was true for me. i still vividly remember one sleepless night that began with me convinced i'd be able to convince him to turn, and ended with me feeling he'd convinced me that i needed to let it go, and this needed to happen...... anyhow! i trust myself again. phew. but.... i dont think i will do it again-- pg, that is. i find i dont have a need to experience labor-- that was a killer thing to me for a while-- "I'm not a real woman! i'll never be a real woman! i'm like a virgin or something...." killed me for months. but.... not so much. i'm very much in love with him..... and, for now, that has been all i need........ ok, i could go on and on an on.... but there's more i wanted to reply to-----

Quote:
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I'm not angry about my c-section. I feel relieved about it (that my baby and I are fine) and a little sad (that I missed out on some things I wanted to experience with my baby). I'm looking for acknowledgement that a c-section birth is still a birth and can be celebrated. I don't want to feel like I'm supposed to be angry because I'm not.

I don't want to share my story only to have my medical history analyzed. I don't want to be told my induction wasn't necessary or that I shouldn't have had an epidural, or that I didn't need a c-section. I was the one who was there. These were my decisions, made with a trusted medical provider.
sounds a lot like me! it IS a birth. one of my mw, before she sent me off to the hospital huged me so tight, told me she loved me, and told me-- THIS IS STILL YOUR BIRTH! she knew we had a party planned for the birth center, and while the hospital setting was not nearly the same, she encouraged me to still celebrate. we did, in a way.... but it was the time after that was really hard. i never sent birth announcements. But when it came time for holiday cards, i made them a photo collage of ds. that was my celebration. I plan on celebrating BIG TIME on his birthday. actually, we celebrate each 6th of the month.... i think you have to reclaim some of it, ya know?

Quote:
Originally Posted by angelcat View Post
I identify with alot of this. I really feel like I can't talk about what I do feel, and actually tell my story.

My physical recovery was really bad, though. Not as bad as some I've heard here, but worse than most I have heard, anywhere else & irl.

As for the article that the link was posted for, i skimmed it. I'd have gotten too upset.
i would love it if you felt you could share it!!! maybe start with PMing me about it? i'd love to hear your story. and i'd love to hear about the healing. i need to share my healing story. it's been a long road.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by unimatrix0 View Post
I remember clearly how the doctors chatted and gossiped as they stitched me up. I had to wait two hours to hold dd and when I finally did, the nurses shoved my dh away, forcefully grabbed my breast and shoved it in dd's mouth. What a gentle way to start! They of course then insisted that dd needed a supplement because of jaundice.
I could go on and on! I'm pregnant now and I find that I have to face so much fear now around childbirth. I'm afraid that I won't be ready emotionally and the same thing will happen again. I no longer know what to do to prepare; the fear just always seems to be there.
AUGH, about the talking. I was able to tell my team not to talk, and that was WONDERFUL. we also were allowd to play music. yours is a case where i'd think empowerment with a place like ICAN would be wonderful. or we can do it here! there are some awesome links in the natural c-s thread... i posted my tips there too... so you can come to a place where you can feel that if you do need a c-s, you can manage it better...... then you can feel safer, and maybe let go of some of that pain? we can help, i know it!

one thing i wasnt really prepared for was fighting off the nurses. fortunately, i had an awesome ped who vouched for me, a mom who vowed to grab my son and take him out of the hospital if they even tried to take him from me... even then, we had some awful things that i suffered from for months..... but again-- you can feel empowered by knowing your rights.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawnee View Post
That said, I believe that there are things I can do to heal and compensate for the loss. Breastfeeding brought great healing to the babies and me. That's why I'm here, looking for more sources of healing.
I wish there was a way to do a sub thread or something, because we should totally start a list of things that have been healing for us! my biggest one-- the "other" c-s, co-sleeping. having him next to me, where he was for so long.... has been AMAZING.

ohkay! that took all of ds's morning nap.... i'll be back later!
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Old 01-05-2007, 04:55 PM
 
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I have a really basic question for you mamas...when did you feel like you could exercise again? I've been DYING to exercise (I'm 10 weeks postpartum right now) but I played some air hockey a couple of weeks ago and my uterus hurt for days. Ugh. It's driving me crazy.

My external scar is barely noticeable...I can feel it but you can't really see it at all. I had an amazing surgeon who is extremely supportive of VBACs so I am very grateful for that if we decide to have another baby and HBAC. I've been battling off and on infections with it though so have been using a special salve on it hoping it'll eventually go away. It crops up every other week or so. Ouch! I can't imagine tattooing over it! Interestingly, I have some numbness on my lower back at the same level as my incision. It's slowly gotten better but was pretty noticeable right after dd was born.

Emotionally, I'm a total and complete wreck. BF has also helped me heal a lot emotionally but dd is having major problems with food sensitivities and they are suspecting celiac disease now. We had about 4 awesome weeks after she was born and then the screaming started and since then it has been so, so frustrating with mama feeling like she's gonna pull out her hair. These last 2 weeks have been especially bad with her being diagnosed as failure to thrive and me feeling like once again I have failed in mama-hood and has brought back intense memories about her birth. It's been rough, first I couldn't give birth, then we had some issues with breastfeeding and now mama's milk is ripping up her guts. Ugh.
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Old 01-05-2007, 06:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, momma! huge hugs. ds had similar issues, though ours were mostly resolved by 2 months. i remember that feeling, though-- "first i couldnt birth him, now i cant even feed him. what is this body good for??" sigh. i hope you find a solution soon!

as for exercise..... wow. 10 weeks. so so short a time ago! i started being able to place myself in very gentle yoga poses without too much pain around 3, 3.5 months... do some slow vinyasas around 4 months... it took me til 6 months to really begin to feel like me again. now at 9 months, i'm starting to hike again, and doing more yoga. i still have a lot of stiffness... i think it's time to go see a chiro (went for webster when ds turned breech, so not so happy thoughts connected with going, but i think it's time!), and get this show on the road again. it's hard though! realllly hard.

huge hugs!
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Old 01-05-2007, 06:48 PM
 
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Thanks, I went to the article and realized I'd read it before. It helps, because the writer has articulated some things for me I find difficult to put into words. I like the ICAN list, but I unsubscribed, can't handle the volume because of the way they manage the group (no links in the index, no archiving of posts).

<clip>

It's interesting to see the different points of view that are coming to this thread. My physical recovery was relatively easy, and of no consequence. I'm angry about what was done to me and my babies by the system and a few nasty individuals. I feel like I was deceived and manipulated. I believe that my children and I will suffer from negative health and emotional consequences for the rest of our lives. I believe that the birth experience is incredibly important, to both baby and mama.

<clip>
I just wnated to respond to a couple of things but don't know how to selectively quote!

As far as managing the list (ICAN or any other high volume list) I've found gmail to be a necessity. Gmail groups like threads together so if you aren't interested in a particular "conversation" you only have one email thread about it and delete the whole thing. Also, you can filter incoming mail according to labels so if you want can sort by the label and delete everything.

I totally understand the feeling of manipulation and deception that you're talking about. It's hard because in the end, my c was necessary but it didn't have to be. It was necessary because the people that I trusted abused their position and manipulated me into it by telling me things like I was going to kill my baby if I didn't do XXX. And I didn't go into this birth uneducated (not that being uneducated gives anyone a right to manipulate anyone anyway) - I read tons of natural birth books. It's just in the end it's a little bit of a bait and switch game that they play - they SAY they'll let you have a natural birth but the "system" such as it stands right now - isn't set up for waiting or for letting things progress on their own.

Anyway, I don't know if I'll post again to this thread because I don't want to further offend anyone with my anger and sadness.

Unschooling mama to one 5 year old DD.
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Old 01-05-2007, 09:21 PM
 
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Emotionally, I'm a total and complete wreck. BF has also helped me heal a lot emotionally but dd is having major problems with food sensitivities and they are suspecting celiac disease now.
((HUGS)) Hang in there, mama! I'm sorry you are facing this new challenge. Strength to you and health to your babe.

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I wish there was a way to do a sub thread or something, because we should totally start a list of things that have been healing for us! my biggest one-- the "other" c-s, co-sleeping. having him next to me, where he was for so long.... has been AMAZING.
Yes! I even co-slept with my babies in the hospital, after they got out of the NICU. And I fought with the hospital to keep my second babe out of the NICU the first day, that was so much better than what happened with my first. That would be a good one to put on the list for someone trying to reduce the trauma of a planned c/s, fight to keep your baby with you in recovery.

Zmom, thanks, I've heard good things about gmail. I also went into my second birth educated and with a great VBAC birth plan. However, you can prepare for a 1000 things they are going to throw at you, but they have one more up their sleeves when you get there. And Zmom, I don't think you've offended anyone, isn't that what we're here talking for? If you don't feel comfortable to post here, feel free to PM me and I'd be glad to hash through every last detail of your anger and sadness and mine too. I'd love to have someone to help me pour all that out.
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Old 01-05-2007, 11:58 PM
 
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That would be a good one to put on the list for someone trying to reduce the trauma of a planned c/s, fight to keep your baby with you in recovery.
I agree. It was almost four hours before they brought me my baby. It was not an emergency c-section, I was fine (as can be for having just had surgery), and my baby was very healthy. So why WHY did it take them over 3 hours to bring him to me? He was broght to me already bathed, clothed, diapered, foot pricked, eye gooped, and fed. I was the *last* person to see him and hold him. My DH, my parents, my in-laws, and who knows how many nurses held him before I did. A nurse fed my son his first meal. A nurse gave him his first bath and dressed him for the first time. All this was going on while I was in recovery completely by myself except for the nurse that was checking on me. And I wonder why I had breastfeeding problems.
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Old 01-06-2007, 02:21 AM
 
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Jumping on, this thread caught my eye. I have come to terms with my c-sections, so I'm not looking for support, but maybe I could lend some?

For me, the key to being able to come to terms with the c-sections was being in complete control during the birth. We did everything 'by the book' (and by this I mean the thinking woman's guide to a better birth) and yet somehow I fell into that necessary but not emergency c/section trap. However, I was in control the entire time and I knew it had to be done. We tried again for a VBAC with #2, but my body refused to cooperate and go into labor and so we made the hard choice to schedule another c/s. But looking back I have no one to be angry at except maybe my body. I don't see how I could have done anything differently, and that helps. I will have a c/s for the next one as well and at this point I am okay with it, though I am worried about the additional damage it may cause.

We also have a thread in finding your tribe for c/s only mamas.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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Old 01-06-2007, 03:53 AM
 
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I have a really basic question for you mamas...when did you feel like you could exercise again? I've been DYING to exercise (I'm 10 weeks postpartum right now) but I played some air hockey a couple of weeks ago and my uterus hurt for days. Ugh. It's driving me crazy.

.
I didn't feel like I was really back to normal physically for 6-8 months. Inow notice some discomrfot (at 18 months) when I try to do abwork, as far as I can tell, form scar tissue. Otherwise, I'm ok. I started gong for wlaks aroudd 2 weeks, just going slowly, and having someone else pusahg the stroller on any hills.

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I agree. It was almost four hours before they brought me my baby. It was not an emergency c-section, I was fine (as can be for having just had surgery), and my baby was very healthy. So why WHY did it take them over 3 hours to bring him to me? He was broght to me already bathed, clothed, diapered, foot pricked, eye gooped, and fed. I was the *last* person to see him and hold him. My DH, my parents, my in-laws, and who knows how many nurses held him before I did. A nurse fed my son his first meal. A nurse gave him his first bath and dressed him for the first time. All this was going on while I was in recovery completely by myself except for the nurse that was checking on me. And I wonder why I had breastfeeding problems.

I did hate not having baby in recovery. I was the first one to feed her, she just had to wait a couple hours to nurse, poor thing. I"m not sure why she couldn't be with me, but at least my mom was with her. I know I bled alot, but I think that was later that night, after I was out of recovery. I hated recovery.

I did choose not to have Rachel in my room overnight. I found the pain was WAY worse then, and it took so long to get a nurse, I knew it would not be fair to Rachel. Even if I had her in my bed, it hurt so much to try to move, I would not have been able to feed her on my own. Even when I was home, I had to have my mom stay at night for 2 nights, and help me whenever she needed to eat.

I had her with me during the day, though, except for one nap one day, and when they weighed her every day.

I was prepared ahead for the possibility of a c-section, so for me, I didn't really feel like my body let me down particularly. The fact that I was unable to breastfeed past a week did though.

I most likely would have a repeat c-section. I"ve heard form many people a scheduled c-section is easier to recover from, and I don't want to risk an emrgent one again.
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Old 01-06-2007, 04:16 AM
 
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My major problem is "mental". I had an elective repeat c-section and I was used as a "practice dummy" for med students to do epidurals on. After getting stuck 20+ times I went hysterical and had to be put under general. They never bothered to turn teh oxygen on, and just held the mask over my face - basically suffocating me. SInce my arms were tied down and somebody was holding my head I couldn't get it off and had to lay there smothering until the medicine that puts you to sleep kicks in. I'm terrified of anyone getting too close to me now (nobody other than my kids can touch me) I have panic attacks, nightmares....I tried to watch the new superman movie and there is a part involving a plane crash where the oxygen masks drop form the ceiling and I completely FREAKED OUT.

It's awful, and all because people couldn't be bothered to pay and attention. It makes me feel worthless - like I'm not even worth putting forth the effort to do a good job.

I try to talk about it with people and they roll their eyes at me. I am so angry I can't find a word for it.
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Old 01-06-2007, 11:37 AM
 
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My major problem is "mental". I had an elective repeat c-section and I was used as a "practice dummy" for med students to do epidurals on. After getting stuck 20+ times I went hysterical and had to be put under general. They never bothered to turn teh oxygen on, and just held the mask over my face - basically suffocating me. SInce my arms were tied down and somebody was holding my head I couldn't get it off and had to lay there smothering until the medicine that puts you to sleep kicks in. I'm terrified of anyone getting too close to me now (nobody other than my kids can touch me) I have panic attacks, nightmares....I tried to watch the new superman movie and there is a part involving a plane crash where the oxygen masks drop form the ceiling and I completely FREAKED OUT.

It's awful, and all because people couldn't be bothered to pay and attention. It makes me feel worthless - like I'm not even worth putting forth the effort to do a good job.

I try to talk about it with people and they roll their eyes at me. I am so angry I can't find a word for it.
oh, I am so angry for you!
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Old 01-06-2007, 01:04 PM
 
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I did hate not having baby in recovery. I was the first one to feed her, she just had to wait a couple hours to nurse, poor thing. I"m not sure why she couldn't be with me, but at least my mom was with her. I know I bled alot, but I think that was later that night, after I was out of recovery. I hated recovery.
With my first, I didn't get to see her for over 10 hours. No one told me I could have got out of bed after 2 hours (I found that out before my second baby). I just laid there, afraid to move at all, and alone, for hours.

With my second, I worked with my OB to advocate for allowing babies in the recovery room. As a result, the hospital changed its policy and I was able to bring ds with me (but I still had to fight for it at the time). That was wonderful, glorious! The angry nurse brought him to me, naked, and dropped him on my chest, declaring, "Here's your baby!" I tucked him into my shirt, and nursed him. Victory!

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I most likely would have a repeat c-section. I"ve heard form many people a scheduled c-section is easier to recover from, and I don't want to risk an emrgent one again
Both of my sections were "emergency" and I had great physical recoveries from both. I had very little pain and refused all pain meds after the birth. I give the credit for this to my fantastic OB. One nurse brought some others into my room to look at my incision and compare how much better it looked than incisions from another doc. Pretty unethical, but she was one of those nurses who thinks patients are too dumb to know what's going on.

That also reminds me of another thing that was healing for me: labor! Even though it ended in a c/s, those hours I spend laboring at home, in peace, are a beautiful memory and a precious gift to my baby and me. Even if I planned on having a c/s for my next, I'd labor first for the benefits that labor brings to physical and emotional health for mama and baby.

Angelcat, I didn't say that to judge your perspective or try to change your mind at all. You are at peace with your births and at peace with an elective repeat c/s, and I respect that. I just wanted to put that other perspective out there for those that are thinking about their options.
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