Oatmeal, you're on a roll now!
You're going to make it to 40!! I just know it!
BTW, I've been doing my meditation as well. Haven't had any insights during meditation, but I did have a really strange, personal epiphany today that I think was released from my subconscious because of the meditation....
Ok, I have some anger inside of me. No one really knows this, because the outer me is very calm and patient and soft. But inside of me (not all the time, but often) I'm a whirling mess. I've tried to uncover where the anger comes from for years. I had a difficult childhood, but I've honestly come to terms with that and don't feel any pain or anger about it anymore. I also do not feel anger about my current life....I love my husband and son, I'm living a life that is spiritually and emotionally fulfilling, etc....so for years I've tried to get to the root of where my sadness and anger comes from, with no luck.
But, today as I sat quietly in the dark (the lights were out because of a thunderstorm), I flashed back to my teenage years. It wasn't even a flashback really....I was just suddenly that 16 year old girl again. I was that girl sitting in this strange living room with this almost-six-year-old boy sitting on the floor playing. It was as if I had time traveled. And you know what? That sixteen year old me was angry. For no apparent reason, I was suddenly tight chested with anger.
Then almost as quickly as it had come, it was gone. I was me again. The living room was my living room, the boy was once again my son. Now, don't get me wrong....I didn't not know that it was my home and my son....I didn't blank out or anything. It's just in that moment I was 16 and felt totally out of place.
I know this probably doesn't make any sense! But it helped me see that the anger I have stems from something in my teen years. Oddly, I've never even thought about that before. I always assumed it must have something to do with my younger years, but now I really think I know when it started. I don't yet know why it started, but I think I'm going to figure that out soon. I feel really good about this discovery. I was a very angry and hurt teenager for some reason, and my subconscious hasn't been able to let that go even though my life, my self, and my situation has changed drastically since then. I also feel like there's something that is buried in my memory somewhere, something I've blocked. But I feel it opening now.
Hope you don't mind me sharing this. I really feel like the meditation has loosened me up somehow, so that this realization could come to the surface. I also feel very positive about all of this! It's really momentous for me because whatever it is that I haven't been able to uncover all these years, has kept me from fully living in the moment. I want to know where the anger started and why. What was it that hurt me so badly that I haven't been able to move past it? I think the meditation will help me clear all of that out!
I'm going to talk to my teacher about it too....but in the meantime, thanks for letting me express all of that!
Needless to say, I'll be back on the mat tomorrow!
P.S. LJM -- how's your yoga going? Were you able to practice over the weekend?