Adoptee Support, Take Two - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 04:49 PM
 
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I posted this last night but I needed to edit it....

hope that we can continue to talk here about adoption from the standpoint of being an adoptee.
Please join me.
I feel flooded with hope and light from just thinking of how much I have gained in the last few months on my journey in the adoption world. Really thinking about adoption and MY adoption and ME. I hope many of you have as well.
I shudder at times thinking about the ways that my adoption has impacted me and my life and I mourn the losses I now know I have endured because of it. I also celebrate what I gained.
At times I am excited about my new relationship with my bdad John. Other times I am filled with dread knowing now- that he would have been so different than my adad... and how different my life would have been if I had been raised by people who were like me..... and the people who I was born of- are okay... which is interesting for me to get my head around. For John to have turned out to be so normal and kind and great- it has been a total 360 to my preconcieved notions of who they were and who I was.
I find myself utterly confused at the thought of this normal man being a part of me. That could actually mean i am normal to someone too?
I am hopeful for all this brings my life and my childrens life.... as well as my family( adoptive) life- because a better, more whole, happier, healthier me has to be better for anyone who knows me or plays a role in my life.
At this time I am not speaking to my bmom. Not calling her- I have no need. I am fine to speak to her if she calls me but I have no desire right now to injure myself due to her pain....
Anyhow- I wanted to revive this thread. It is a lifeline to me... knowing you all are here and you get it... and you care.... please know I care about you too.
I am sorry that we are not going to be able to participate alongside bmoms and amoms because i found it to be a wonderful thing- as I thought did many others. But alas- I do not make the rules in life or at MDC- I just try to do what I can with what I got- right. So lets do that here.
I also will ask you to change your signatures to reflect your adoption status for the next week or so. not in protest but because we do exsist. We do matter. We are adults and we are mothers and we good or bad- were affected by our adoptions and so are our kids now.
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#122 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 05:31 PM
 
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I thought the sticky was relatively benign. I hope adult adoptees and birthparents don't interpret it as a dis-invitation to participate in the adoption forum, which would be profoundly tragic.
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#123 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 05:45 PM
 
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Quote:
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I thought the sticky was relatively benign. I hope adult adoptees and birthparents don't interpret it as a dis-invitation to participate in the adoption forum, which would be profoundly tragic.
It says in support of adoptive parents.

I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just stating fact. It is a forum for adoptive parents.

All that further discussion of it here will do is get this thread closed.
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#124 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 06:11 PM
 
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Hello all. I haven't gotten to read all the posts here but wanted to get out some feelings I'm having.

I met my bio-mom when I was 18 (I'm 33 now). It's been great and fine and we are still in touch. It's like I'm part of her family. The subject of my bio dad came up one time when I was 19 and she simply glassed over and said "I don't know if you look like him, I don't think about it." Needless to say I was a little taken aback by that. I never brought it up again. I year or so later it dawned on me that the possibility of her being raped was very real. That took quite some time to sink in. I've come to terms with that if it is the case. At least I think I have, lol.

I finally got this info about getting a copy of my original birth certificate before adoption. I sent in the signed and noterized paper with my 20 dollars the first week of March. I still haven't gotten anything back, but the letter did say it could take 4-6 weeks. Everyday I have been dying for the mail to come.

If my bio-mom was indeed raped, my bio-dad might not be known and thus will not be on my orginal bc. I think I will be pretty bummed out if this is the case and frankly haven't thought in depth about that yet. I'm really hoping his name is on there.

So there you go. I've been anxiously awaiting this big news. I haven't talked about this too much and frankly it seems weird to write about it.
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#125 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 06:39 PM
 
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Hi, everyone Just popping in to say hello and to remind y'all that the UA asks that we:

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Do not post to debate or challenge the MDC User Agreement, the moderators, administrators, or their actions. Constructive criticism and questions for purposes of clarification are best addressed directly to the moderator or administrator by private message or personal e-mail.
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I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
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#126 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 06:41 PM
 
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Welcome gemini! This is a great thread with lots of supportive people.

I think I read your post correctly (I have a loud 6 month old next to me so it is hard to concentrate) - so, you don't know that your biomom was raped, but you are thinking it is a possibility because she won't tell you any info about him, right?

It could also be that she was in a abusive relationship - my biomom was sort of non commital about my biofather, except to say they were together, he knew she was pregnant and filled out the history forms and they were together after she returned to her home state after giving birth to me. When I asked her more about him, she admitted that it was not a great relationship and alluded to the fact that she was scared of contacting him about me now, even though she knew exactly where he lived.

That is a CRAPPY thing to hear. She wouldn't give me any more info and so like the easygoing, adaptable adoptee like you guys speak of, I said of course i didn't mind and let it go. But it made me really uncomfortable.

My only point is that maybe it is something like that?
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#127 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 07:48 PM
 
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As a birthmother, I will tell my son how to get into contact with his bfather.

I had intended not to really tell him much, if anything about the relationship. I mean, how can you put it in such a way that he won't feel bad about it?

His dad, we'll call him Chris, was kind of a jerk. He was cheating on me the whole time. At one point, he even told me "wow, you really are naive, aren't you!" It gave me the heeby jeebies, but he refused to tell me what he meant.

Near the end of our relationship, after I was pregnant, he was taking tetracycline that he got from Mexico. I thought I remember it being for an STD, so I asked him. He told me that he and his buddy had been having a case of bronchitis, and that was helping. They looked at each other and laughed when I bought it (shows you how naive I really was!).

A couple weeks later, I went to the doctor with horrible, stabbing pains. Thought it was a miscarriage. It was just gonorrhea... the doctor told me I had it, I said, "There has to be some mistake." He replied, "maybe, but we didn't make it."

When I confronted Chris with this, he screamed about me cheating on HIM and kicked me out. It was when I first realized he was cheating with the prostitute that lived 4 doors down.

Anyway, it is more complicated than all of that, but that's kind of the nutshell. He was also somewhat abusive, though not physically. He threatened physical violence, but never acted on it.

He was quite mentally abusive (as I look back on it). Once I drove 200 miles in a bad blizzard to get him a fancy Christmas gift. He said, "Thanks, but blue isn't my color," and left to go get laid (erm, I mean, to go to a party).

It wasn't until hindsight that I realized all the numerous times he cheated.

Anyhow, how do I tell my son this without making him feel bad about his bfather, AND making myself look like the complete moron jackass that I was?

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#128 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 08:05 PM
 
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It may just be hard for her- it could be a million reasons really.]Maybe she doesn't know. Maybe he told her to have an abortion? Maybe he told her he was on her own. Maybe he wanted her to keep you.
MAYBE he knows things about her she doeesn't want you to know?
It is okay for you to want to know about him. You are a part of him and lots of years have gone by. My bdad has pulled a 360 in the last 26 years.
My bio mom told me all the info on him but once I did find him it was a whole other ball game. She had lots of anger at him and still does. Especially now that he is doing well and has a nice stable life- one she has not managed to acheive.
WELCOME btw.
Can you ask her more now? Mom- i really want to find him- at least for medical reasons can you tell me anymore about him?
Finding my bdad has been really great.
Good luck to you!
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#129 of 238 Old 04-02-2007, 10:49 PM
 
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Hi.
My amom is here now.
It has been okay so far.
I told my dad today about the DNA test since he sent me another Irish t-shirt- he makes a big deal out of my being irish- now I told him it's for sure!
He did not say anything. really. He said- aren't you scottish too? No- Im not sure about that since Sandy has no genetic relatives.
That was it. No question about him or if I've talked to him or anything.
So I told my mom too and she was like yah- I remember you saying that but then i didn't know when the test would be back. OK. So you just figured not to ask. It was like 4-5 weeks ago! lol.
So I asked if she wanted to see a pic of him and she said sure. So I brought her down here and she saw it and said she didn't think he looked like me really.
Ok. I guess I still look like them.
I think a diservice has been done big time- not just to adoptees but TO adoptive parents. Gosh. I am 26 and these people are still not sure I am their child. How was I supposed to feel?
It is weird tho- cause I notice now how different my mom and I are. Our thoughts, talking , feelings, everything. And the big thing is- I just wish she would love me for me- not who she wants me to be. But thats a universal mom thing probally.
Rambling... but anyhow- I am trying to start a blog- but I don't want to just ramble on so I am going to try to do a topic then post thoughtfully....lol.
Please read it. It is not really up and going yet but I hope to post 2 a week or something.
Em
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#130 of 238 Old 04-04-2007, 02:01 PM
 
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His name isn't on it.
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#131 of 238 Old 04-04-2007, 02:04 PM
 
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Hello. I got a really great email from My bdad today.... and I am so excited. I had emailed him and asked him a bunch of questions and all- I think he felt me pulling back so he did as well- but he said his day started off great getting the email from me- and that he will be able to fly in around 2 in July and spend the night and leave the next day. I was thinking it would only be a few hours in the airport on a layover- so I am THRILLED about getting to meet him for some real time.
I am thinking I will not ask my parents to be there- for alot of reasons. One reason I wanted them to be there was to help with the kids- but I have a cousin and his girlfriend who live in Chicago and they could do just as well without making it all about them- etc. We will have to see. Up until this point they have not proved ready for anything to do with my adoption. I just showed my mom the picture of him and she said she didn't think he looked like me. I told her about us both saying ya know- and she asked if I thought maybe he picked his nose to- as I did that as a child. Yes mom only my bad qualities come from them.... my adad picks his nose to- so whatever. How about me trying to share this part of my life and myself without you shitting all over it please.

Anyhow- I gotta go- just an update for you about me.
Em
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#132 of 238 Old 04-04-2007, 02:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Amris View Post

Anyhow, how do I tell my son this without making him feel bad about his bfather, AND making myself look like the complete moron jackass that I was?

This is hard. I know that my mom struggled with this with me as well. So she opted to never tell me (well, until I was 25 anyway). All I can suggest is to be as open as you can be. I know my mom was incredibly ashamed because she was 15 when I was born, and she and my bdad never dated - he was my mom's best friends brother - but honestly - I've always known she was 15 when I was born, and I had no delusions that she was a "good" girl - I knew she had to have been a little "wild" - so there was nothing for her to be ashamed about. By not telling me about my bdad, and by keeping it from me, I felt incredibly unworthy. When I found out, all I wanted was the truth - good or bad.

Emilie - I'm sorry your mom is being like that. My family was much the same way, especially my adad. It would be nice if they could just be supportive of their children, even if it was just at face value. Keep the negative crap to themselves.

Anyway-I wanted to also give a brief update....

I'm still having issues with my sister A -she is not returning my calls, and I'm not sure why. Is it because of my "new family" still? Or is it because of the turmoil in her own life - I gave her some advice a couple weeks ago, and I don't think it went over well. I just want a good relationship with my sister, and it sucks that I don't. I have been spending some time with a (older) cousin of mine - she's been very supportive of my 'new family' - she's stated many times how happy she is for me, and how much of a relief it is to her and to others in our family that this 'dirty little secret' is out. It's been nice to share this with her, and for her to be so excited for me. Not many people have been. It's weird and it's strange. Everyone has always known me as B&C's daughter, and now I'm B&C and J&J's daughter.

I talked to my bdad's wife (I guess my step-mom) last week too. They're getting married here in August - I'm so excited to see them. I wonder if I'll be included in the festivities? Other than being invited (which I am). Interesting to think about. We're also going there in September for a week. It will be good to spend time with them. It's weird to me that it feels so right and normal, and I've only spent about 3 weeks total with them.
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#133 of 238 Old 04-04-2007, 03:02 PM
 
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Wow! That is so great your bdads wife is cool and you have gotten to spend time with them.
I think we have always been the children of all 4 it is just our aparents do not see it or want to see it that way- I think my aparents have delusions that they rescued me from a life of poverty with bad poor people and while they may have been poor I do not see them as bad. Or I am trying not to I should say.....

My abro does not know about my stuff with my bfamily I dont think. We are not close. She probally feels protective of your parents- like she has to "side" with them..... they should alllllll be on your side ya know!!!!
She's not going to see it from your pov....sadly.
I have no need to talk to my afamily about this anymore really. They are not ready or willing to deal with real life....
It is glaringly apparent how their parenting was THEM focused not ME focused.
My mom to this day would tell you she is supportive of me in any way she can be- and maybe to her she is. I just think gosh- what it had to have been like for me at 3, 4, 8, 12 15? Ugh. It makes me sick to think about really.
There hatred for poor people really sticks with me as my bmom is poor and my bdad came from a poor family and I was always drawn to people less fortunate than me to be friends with - both my bparents also are helpers- my bmom takes in homeless folks and my bdad was in the peacecore!
They both traveled extensively him abroad and here and her all over the US. I have always wanted to travel and enjoy traveling alot.... my parents always went to the same spots every year whereas I want to explore different places.
I jsut can't think about how my life would have been different if my parents had raised me- or my aparents KNEW that I may be different than them and to respect it... not diminish it and piss on it..... and tell me how bad I was in all those little ways....
Exasperated.
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#134 of 238 Old 04-04-2007, 03:32 PM
 
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Ah, yes...the delusions of them 'rescuing' - my adad also has them. In all reality, he's not the great guy he seems to think he is. He's a (barely) functioning alcoholic who wasn't a great dad in a lot of ways. He hardly rescued me from destitute life.

*sigh*

I read your blog Emilie, and it was heartbreaking to read, not only because of what you've gone through, but also because of how much I could identify with.
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#135 of 238 Old 04-05-2007, 10:35 AM
 
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Ah yes- My parents feared I would have a drinking problem cause my mom may have been an alcoholic. LOL. My parents drink daily- sometimes to drunkeness- mostly tipsy. My brother who is their son- has more drinking/drug problems than i have!!! lol.
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#136 of 238 Old 04-05-2007, 01:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by blessed View Post
I thought the sticky was relatively benign. I hope adult adoptees and birthparents don't interpret it as a dis-invitation to participate in the adoption forum, which would be profoundly tragic.
Yes, I think quite a few of us "got the message", and yes, it is profoundly tragic. For the adoptive parents, and for their children.
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#137 of 238 Old 04-05-2007, 01:27 PM
 
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I know my mom was incredibly ashamed because she was 15 when I was born, and she and my bdad never dated - he was my mom's best friends brother - but honestly - I've always known she was 15 when I was born, and I had no delusions that she was a "good" girl - I knew she had to have been a little "wild" - so there was nothing for her to be ashamed about.
I remember reading a number of years ago - don't know how to find the original source now, sorry, but it was a federal study - that the vast majority of pregnant teens had their first sexual experience as the result of incest or rape (including statuatory rape), and specifically that the age difference when it was statuatory rape was usually at least 6-8 years. The normal response to early sexual abuse is to act out sexually. So, to label a young teen "wild", when you know that she got pregnant by a young man who had access to her but wasn't her boyfriend, might not be accurate. Neither one of them might see it this way, but it's possible that she was either sexually acting out because of prior abuse, or he in fact "took advantage" of her. Becoming a mother at 15 means she was probably pregnant at 14. Go to a school or park and spend some time around 14 year old girls. They're not as sexually mature and sophistocated and you might think. Something wasn't right in her life, to be sexually active and pregnant that young.

This is one of the sorrows of being an adoptee. Our origins are murky, even when we THINK we know.
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#138 of 238 Old 04-05-2007, 01:29 PM
 
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Ah yes- My parents feared I would have a drinking problem cause my mom may have been an alcoholic.
And I wasn't allowed to date or even get involved in extracurricular activities if they were co-ed. Because, you know, I might "get in trouble", just like my b-mom.
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#139 of 238 Old 04-05-2007, 03:46 PM
 
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So, to label a young teen "wild", when you know that she got pregnant by a young man who had access to her but wasn't her boyfriend, might not be accurate. Neither one of them might see it this way, but it's possible that she was either sexually acting out because of prior abuse, or he in fact "took advantage" of her. Becoming a mother at 15 means she was probably pregnant at 14. Go to a school or park and spend some time around 14 year old girls. They're not as sexually mature and sophistocated and you might think. Something wasn't right in her life, to be sexually active and pregnant that young.

I called my mom wild because I know her - have my entire life. I was raised by my birth mom. She readily admits she was very "wild" when she was younger - I didn't mean she was wild because she got pregnant young, and I didn't mean it in a negative way, I was just using terminology that she herself has used about herself. Unfortunately, teen pregnancies are practically a rite of passage in my family - so I don't need to go to a park or school to see how immature 14 and 15 year olds are - or to see how they act/react when things aren't going well at home.

And you're right - there were things that weren't right in her life. What they were I don't know, because she doesn't like to talk about her past, but I have some guesses - mostly having to do with her relationship with her own mother.

I don't mean to sound defensive, truly I don't. I love my mother, and I'm very protective of her - even through all of this - my anger at her for the lies and deception about who I am and where I come from. Even though she was 15 (nearly 16) when I was born, she did her damndest to raise me and my sister the best way she knew how, despite all of the struggles she went through.
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#140 of 238 Old 04-05-2007, 11:37 PM
 
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My bmom was pretty wild.... ran away at 12-13 and stayed gone by the time she was 15..... on her own always has been.
but things were not right in her life either....
Most of us here were not raised by our birthmoms- who were wild. We were probally raised by more conservative women- or at least women who percieved themselves to be- you know- a "good girl" where we were born of someone who obviously for the glaring fact they chose to adopt us out were"bad girls" and so therefore we were tagged we may just be "bad girls" too via "bad genes"- or as my amom put it- Well- I was worried you might have bad chemicals in you...."
Argh!
Does that explain to you why an adoptee may be defensive about the "wild" thing- lots of our families tagged us with the "wild" gene- due to our mothers being " bad" and in fact our bmoms were not Bad- but maybe troubled, misled, a million other things- and we are not " bad" in turn.
Hugs mamas.
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#141 of 238 Old 04-05-2007, 11:40 PM
 
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I got some awesome pics of my bdad as a child today with his twin sister and little brother.
My dd looks just like his twin sister(deceased). It is amazing. I knew she looked like me in ways- but the sister does not really look like me at all that I can tell- but wow- does Alaina look like her.
I am so excited and so is he I think.
I am thrilled he is spending a whole day in Chicago so we can be together.
I am also glad I have till July to prepare!
What to wear to meet your birth dad? lol.
Em
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#142 of 238 Old 04-06-2007, 12:05 AM
 
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Yeah, about wild birthmothers... my grandmother (who adopted me) was determined that I wasn't going to be a whore like my mother (who literally was a prostitute). So she obsessively told me how horrible sex is, blah blah, and no matter what I wore, pretty much, except long sleeves and long pants, I was 'dressed like a whore.'

Got to keep the breeding from coming out, you know! :
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#143 of 238 Old 04-06-2007, 10:11 AM
 
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I think I misunderstood yesterday, and I think I may have been misunderstood. I don't think what I said and what I meant were one and the same

I am sorry though, if I offended anyone when I referred to my mom as wild. It truly wasn't my intention, and in no way did I mean to imply that teen moms are "wild" or "bad". I guess I honestly never thought of it as being a reflection on the child - no one ever treated me or said things to me that made me feel like I was "contaminated" or "inferior" or had "bad genes" or what have you, and for that I am grateful.

It does make me sad for others though.
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#144 of 238 Old 04-06-2007, 10:30 AM
 
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I think I misunderstood yesterday, and I think I may have been misunderstood. I don't think what I said and what I meant were one and the same

I am sorry though, if I offended anyone when I referred to my mom as wild. It truly wasn't my intention, and in no way did I mean to imply that teen moms are "wild" or "bad". I guess I honestly never thought of it as being a reflection on the child - no one ever treated me or said things to me that made me feel like I was "contaminated" or "inferior" or had "bad genes" or what have you, and for that I am grateful.

It does make me sad for others though.
No, you weren't misunderstood, I don't think.

I think it's more that other people experienced differently the discussion of their mothers as "wild." For you, it was presented to you simply as a fact.

To many of us, it was presented as a negative and used against us. As such, for you, it is not a "trigger" word, and for others, it is one.

It sparked a discussion, and allowed some of us to connect and understand each other. Personally, I don't see a problem in that? :
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#145 of 238 Old 04-06-2007, 11:06 AM
 
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You did not offend me at all! That's because you were raised by the "wild" mom and many of us were not raised by the "wild got pg young mom" but raised by the adoptive mother who sometimes( as in my moms case) could not fathom being in my bmoms shoes and therefore saw and does see her as a bad or naughty girl- much how she likes to see me.
Em
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#146 of 238 Old 04-06-2007, 11:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Treyson'sMommy View Post
I think I misunderstood yesterday, and I think I may have been misunderstood. I don't think what I said and what I meant were one and the same

I am sorry though, if I offended anyone when I referred to my mom as wild.
I wouldn't worry so much, TM. At least, I don't see any evidence that anyone here took "offense". My post was to point out that the word "wild" has derogatory connotations, and that it is used against teenage girls whose actions are often/usually the result of having been abused in their lives. From there, quite a few of us brought our own experiences into the discussion, commenting on how a b-mom being labeled as "wild" is then transfered to us (female) adoptees growing up.

In this context, the word "wild" is a lot like the word "feminist." Nothing wrong with the word in itself, but it is often used pejoratively to control women.
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#147 of 238 Old 04-06-2007, 12:06 PM
 
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Thanks everyone Not only for being gentle with me, but also for showing me a different point of view and giving me some things to think about.
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#148 of 238 Old 04-26-2007, 01:48 PM
 
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Hi all....
Wonderful adoptees.
How are you all doing?
I hope you are doing good.....
My dh and I have been having some trouble- well we are always having trouble.... but now we are both going to go to counseling and we are both on depression meds and I on Ritalin.
I wonder if my adhd stems from being adopted and my world just never making sense or feeling right/ok?
I was wondering if any other adoptees have dealth with depression at one time or another. I have pretty much been depressed most of my life- since adolescense.
I have been on and off meds and self medicating since I was 12. I went to therapy for a short time after a suicide attempt at 14 after my first real love broke up with me for an older cheerleader.....( think this could be adoption related now?- not just me overreacting to being dumped???)
And I was thinking- all the times my parents thought I was dramatic and overreacting... to certain situations- AS THEY SAW them- probally had alot more meaning for me- since my inner voice was not right?

Like being dumped for a cheerleader- SUCKED- and would for anyone and this guy was WONDERFUL.... but for me- it was REALLY REALLY bad.... and I almost died. I am thinking now that this was because for me- it reaffirmed that love hurt- people leave- and I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Maybe it was not my parents who instilled ths in me- but was already there when they got me?
And since they were not aware of this- they just reinjured me constantly because they were not sensitive to this....
But this would really only hold water if other adoptees felt the same ya know?
Not all other adoptees- but some... just a few- took loss harder.... than some.
I also do not take death hard... which is weird- but I do take someone not wanting to be friends, lovers, whatever- VERY HARD.
I pick men I KNOW will not leave me.... or lose me.... which really isn't good- cause I do not pick them for being a good match- just being ya know.... wanting me...
Anyhow- I am just rambling... but wanted to get this out there....
I rarely talk about my suicide attempt or my long term sadness and sickness...
but now that I am seeing that it may be adoption related and maybe it is not just "me" it feels a bit safer and a bit more manageable if there is a root.
Em
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#149 of 238 Old 04-26-2007, 02:35 PM
 
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Hi Emilie,
I'm doing ok. My ds turned 3 a few weeks ago, and while I try not to let my expectations get too high - well - I was sad when we didn't get a call/card/gift from my bdad and his wife. We did get something on Monday though, with a note inside that said "we didn't forget it was his bday - we just forgot to mail it on time". I called and we had a nice 30 minute conversation, which was really really nice.

I also am one who doesn't take death very hard. I've often wondered why it doesn't make me as sad as most people. I don't know that it is adoption related for me, since I lost many loved ones before I found out I was adopted. But, looking back, I never really felt "right" - like I was out of place - so maybe it all is related to that?

Lately, I've been dealing with some depression as well. I had a period of about 5 years where I went through many traumatic events, (my mom's sickness in 2002, losing babies in 2002 and 2003, having my son in 2004, finding out about the adoption in 2004, getting pg with my dd in 2004, many deaths in my family in 2005 - it goes on and on) and I never dealt with any of them particularly well. I started feeling depressed shortly after having my dd. It got better though, and this past winter, I finally felt like I was coming out of it. Until recently that is. I got my period back 3 months ago, and about a week before my period, I feel like I'm completely insane. I rage, I cry, I feel awful and lower than low. I had an epiphany last night though after a particularly bad (and ridiculous) episode, and I'm going to be seen by my doctor next week to see if it is PMDD or something else. I know I need help and I can't do it on my own. It's hard though. I'm not particularly good at asking for, and accepting help.

Sorry to write a book.
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#150 of 238 Old 04-26-2007, 02:45 PM
 
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LOL. Mine is longer. I always write books!
I too have in the past had REALLY bad PMS type symptoms.
To the point I stayed home from school and all for just being off my rocker so to speak....
I don't think it is a case of me not caring that my grandmother died- not like cause she wasn't my bio grandma or anything.... it is just I don't know- not something I cry over even though we are close.
I feel like I experience emotions differently maybe? A bit stoic but I am not stoic at all... I am rambling.
It does sound like you have had a really tough few years! I am so sorry.
How did you find out about your adoption again?
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