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#61 of 796 Old 05-18-2007, 01:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#62 of 796 Old 05-18-2007, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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For an answer, go to the place where there is no thought and
listen.
-- Byron Katie




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#63 of 796 Old 05-18-2007, 11:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Our story is the only thing that separates us from God. -- Byron Katie




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#64 of 796 Old 05-18-2007, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If I had a prayer, it would be this ~ God, spare me from the desire for love, approval or appreciation. Amen. --Byron Katie




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#65 of 796 Old 05-19-2007, 06:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time. -- Byron Katie




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#66 of 796 Old 05-19-2007, 11:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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All of life is internal. -- Byron Katie




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#67 of 796 Old 05-20-2007, 11:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When you're clear about death, you can be totally present with someone who's dying, and no matter what kind of pain she appears to be experiencing, it doesn't affect your happiness. You're free to just love her, to hold her and care for her, because it's your nature to do that. To go to that person in fear is to teach fear: she looks into your eyes and gets the message that she is in deep trouble. But if you come in peace, fearlessly, she looks into your eyes and sees that whatever is happening is good. -- Byron Katie




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#68 of 796 Old 05-21-2007, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For people who have tried everything and nothing else works,
The last place to look is inside.
--Byron Katie




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#69 of 796 Old 05-21-2007, 08:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I finally found something I was good at. . . judgment. -- Byron Katie




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#70 of 796 Old 05-22-2007, 12:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is called the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet. It was created by Byron Katie as a way to map our stressful thoughts so as to capture them on paper where we can then question them with the questions of The Work. More information is available at Byron Katie's website which is listed in the OP. Please feel free to post any questions you have, here.








The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet




Fill in the blanks below, using short, simple sentences. Don’t censor yourself; don’t be wise or “spiritual.” Take this opportunity to express your negative feelings on paper.



1. Who angers, irritates, saddens, or frustrates you, and why?

I am ________________ at ________________ because ____________________________________.

Example: I am angry at Paul because he doesn’t listen to me, he doesn’t appreciate me, he argues with everything I say.


2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?

I want ________________ to __________
__________________________________.

Example: I want Paul to see that he is wrong. I want him to apologize.


3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? What advice could you offer?

________________ should/shouldn't _________________________________.

Example: Paul should take better care of himself. He shouldn’t argue with me.


4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?

I need ________________ to ___________________
___________________________________.

Example: I need Paul to hear me and respect me.


5. What do you think of them? Make a list.

________________ is _______________________
___________________________________.

Example: Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line, and unconscious.


6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person again?
I don't ever want to ______________________________
___________________________________.

Example: I don’t ever want to feel unappreciated by Paul again. I don’t ever want to see him smoking and ruining his health again.
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#71 of 796 Old 05-25-2007, 12:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Below is the One Belief At A Time Worksheet.
Reprinting is permitted as long as it is credited to Byron Katie.








The One Belief At A Time Worksheet




Enter your belief on the line below and then question it in writing using the
following questions and turnaround:
(Continue on blank paper if you run out of room.)





Belief: __________________________________________________ ____________________________




1. Is it true (the belief from above)?

__________________________________________________ ____________________________




2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?


Possible follow-ups:

a) Can you know more than God/reality?

b) Can you really know what is best in the long run for your path or another person’s path?

__________________________________________________ _______________




3. How do you react when you think that thought?

Possible follow-ups:

a) Where does the feeling hit you, where do you feel it in your body when you believe that thought? How far does the feeling travel? Describe it.

b) How do you treat others when you believe that thought? What do you say to them?

What do you do? Whom does your mind attack and how? Be specific.

c) How do you treat yourself when you believe that thought? Is this where addictions kick in and you reach for food, alcohol, credit cards, the TV remote? Do thoughts of self-hatred occur? What are they?

d) How have you lived your life because you believed that thought? Be specific. Close your eyes, watch your past. When did that thought first occur to you?

e) Where does your mind travel when you believe that thought?
(List any underlying beliefs that surface, and inquire later.)

f) Can you find a peaceful reason to keep that thought?

g) What negative payoffs do you get for holding onto that belief?

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________




4. Who would you be without the thought?

Possible follow-ups:

a) How would you have lived life differently if you didn’t believe that thought? Close your eyes and imagine your past life without it.

b) Imagine you are meeting this person for the very first time with no story. What do you see?

c) Who are you right now, sitting here without that thought?
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________




Turn the thought around. (Example of a statement: He hurt me.)

Turn it around to yourself (I hurt me.): _____________________________________________


How is this turnaround as true or truer? (i.e., specifically, how have you hurt you in this situation?):

__________________________________________________ _______________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________


Turn it around to the other (I hurt him.): ____________________________________________


How is this turnaround as true or truer? (i.e., how have you hurt him in this
situation?):______________________________________ ____________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________


Turn it around to the opposite (He did not hurt me.): ________________________________


How is this turnaround as true or truer? (i.e., how did he not hurt you? How has he helped you?)

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________








Copyright © 2005 Byron Katie Inc. Rev. 2/06 www.thework.org
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#72 of 796 Old 05-25-2007, 01:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by May May View Post
If I had a prayer, it would be this: “God spare me from the desire for love, approval, and appreciation. Amen.” -- Byron Katie




Wow.

That's an awful thing to pray for. Human beings need all three of those to be happy.
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#73 of 796 Old 05-25-2007, 03:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello, Vypros. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the thread. I love that you spoke up about only that which you don't agree with of the quotes from Byron Katie.

I will elaborate on what I have heard her tell about why that is her prayer. And I will emphatically agree with you, Vypros, that those three things are basic, universal human needs. However, when we look outside of ourselves for them to be met (as in: met by other people and not ourselves), how we live our lives out of those needs-being-directed-outward is that we become vulnerable, needy and dependant and therefore conditional in our love for others. For example, if someone important in our lives does not appreciate us the way that we believe we need them to, we might feel hurt and tell ourselves a story about how "they have hurt us" when, in reality, it is our story about their actions and the meaning of those actions that has done the hurting - not the other person.

When we feel this hurt and do not bring the stressful story it includes to inquiry, we proceed to live our lives shaped by that story. A couple of common examples of how I used to live my life out of that unquestioned story (back when I believed that someone else had the power to hurt me) were that I would distance myself from that person. In my thoughts, I would distrust them and begin to doubt their love for me. My mind would then travel in all sorts of progressively stressful directions out of that unquestioned story about them hurting me because they didn't appreciate me (again, this is all according to my own stories, notice).

The bottom line (and what Katie tells about her prayer quoted in your post) is this ~ why wait for the middle man? Cut out the middle man and give yourself all the love, approval and appreciation that you're needing. . . and free yourself to love others unconditionally whether or not their behavior coincides with your story about their appreciation for you. At least, that is if it is true for you to offer unconditional love to your loved ones.

For me, noticing my responses to my own dear children was what brought home the Aha! moment about the cause-and-effect of my beliefs about my needs and their effect on my behavior in the most poignant way: I didn't like the way that I would behave as if I was 'shutting them (as a human being and my dear child) out' when really I just didn't agree with their behavior. I have found that it is indeed true for me to want to offer unconditional love to my children at all times, even when they're doing something that I don't want them to do. I have found that I can accomplish my goal of honoring my own boundaries as to what I will allow (safety-wise, mostly) from their behavior while maintaining the intimate, loving, KIND connection with them that is my definition of unconditional love in action. One of the elements that has made this scenario a reality in my life is that I don't need them to be/do/say/feel anything different than they do in each and every moment in order to love them because I am the one in charge of my needs for love, approval and appreciation and not them.

I hope this makes sense. Feel free to ask me any questions.




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#74 of 796 Old 05-25-2007, 03:19 PM
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When you put it like that, it doesn't sound so jaded. lol

I actually like the way you phrased most of that.
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#75 of 796 Old 05-26-2007, 12:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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An uncomfortable feeling is not an enemy. It’s a gift that says, "Get honest; inquire." We reach out for alcohol, or television, or credit cards, so we can focus out there and not have to look at the feeling. And that's as it should be, because in our innocence we haven't known how. So now what we can do is reach out for a paper and a pencil, write thought down, and investigate. -- Byron Katie




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#76 of 796 Old 05-27-2007, 10:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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There's nothing between you and love but unquestioned concepts. --Byron Katie




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#77 of 796 Old 06-01-2007, 03:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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. . . master or teacher is not a word I normally use. It implies that we all don't teach equally. And that's not true. Everyone has equal wisdom. It is absolutely equally distributed. No one is wiser than anyone else. Ultimately, there's no one who can teach you except yourself. -- Byron Katie




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#78 of 796 Old 06-02-2007, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The teacher you need is the person you’re living with. -- Byron Katie




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#79 of 796 Old 06-02-2007, 09:15 PM
 
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Thank you for starting this thread May May. I'm really very new to this process.....but have found her work so helpful. Listening to her do The Work live, on the CDs of Loving What Is, is very powerful, as is hearing her own journey to finding The Work. I also love that she, and so many others, like you, support others learning this process for free. I just feel like that says so much.
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#80 of 796 Old 06-03-2007, 10:34 AM
 
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I am SO looking forward to having some time to get into this thread a little more and look into the linked website, too. Thanks May May. Your timing, as usual, is impeccable!
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#81 of 796 Old 06-03-2007, 10:46 AM
 
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Hi May May - loving this thread. And you. As always.
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#82 of 796 Old 06-03-2007, 11:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It is so nice to see you here, goodcents!
Please do stick around for a while. Take off your shoes, put up your feet. . .



Beansavi, I am looking forward to you getting more into this thread, too.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Earth Angel View Post


Thank you for starting this thread May May. I'm really very new to this process.....but have found her work so helpful. Listening to her do The Work live, on the CDs of Loving What Is, is very powerful, as is hearing her own journey to finding The Work. I also love that she, and so many others, like you, support others learning this process for free. I just feel like that says so much.


Isn't that just amazing, Earth Angel? I see that too and I do so love to share this Work.

I'm noticing that the volume of inquiry practitioners of the world just keeps multiplying exponentially!

This is quite literally a worldwide peace movement, inside & out, and nothing else. As Katie is known to say ~ I'm in a hurry.


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#83 of 796 Old 06-04-2007, 12:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My experience is I'm not addicted to alcohol. I'm addicted to my
thinking.

Alcohol is an effect of my thinking. I haven't known how
to understand or shut down my thinking, so alcohol is available to
get me through this hell.

It can look like grace, for awhile. It
gets me through to a point, but only up to a point. I sober
up and am left with more confusion.

And then some of us go for even more radical combinations in the
attempt to shut down our minds, like cocaine possibly or
tranquilizers or sex. And ultimately it turns out like everything
else. It comes down to this. We are still stuck with our
thoughts running wildly and uncontrollably.
-- Byron Katie




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#84 of 796 Old 06-04-2007, 12:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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. . . We are still stuck with our thoughts running wildly and uncontrollably.
(Until we find The Work, that is.)



(I just love this part so much and felt it needed repeating.)




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#85 of 796 Old 06-04-2007, 01:40 PM
 
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Wow, I just stumbled upon this thread at a very vulnerable moment for me. I have been attempting to use the law of attraction for peace in my own life (clearly it brought me to this page), and I have read and started doing some of the techniques in a book called Mindful Loving. It seems The Work of Byron Katie is very similar to what I have already been doing, but I really needed a fresh look to motivate me back on track.

In the last few weeks I have seen lots of unnecessary drama around me. I was having a horrible time figuring out what to do next. I really think that The Work will guide me to make insightful decisions. I am unhappy with what is going on within me, and I am looking forward to using The Work.

Is this going to be an ongoing thread to post questions to, and discuss positive changes?

Thanks for posting! ~Jen
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#86 of 796 Old 06-04-2007, 04:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome and thank you for sharing with us, Jen.



Quote:
Originally Posted by jenandavery View Post
Is this going to be an ongoing thread to post questions to, and discuss positive changes?


Yes, absolutely!

To come to this thread and share how The Work is working in your life is integral to the purpose of this thread. I'm so glad you're here.


Please feel free to explore the links on the first page of the thread to learn more about how The Work works. The videos displayed on the front page of Katie's website are, IMO, the best introductions to The Work.

I am available to answer questions, as well. Did you notice the hotline link, Jen?




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#87 of 796 Old 06-04-2007, 06:19 PM
 
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I have spent much of my day reading and practicing using The Work. I watched the videos too. I did see the hotline link.

I am having a hard time understanding how to take the revelations, and apply them to your every day life. How do you change your thought process, so as not to react in the same manner the next time? I cannot seem to find any discussion on that.

I know that it is my expectation, belief, judgments or desires that leads me to draw conclusions about others or situations, but how does The Work suggest you eliminate these unnecessary thought processes. I do not want to just see these connections in the past tense...I want to live them now. I want to know that I can go into a situation without making the same mistakes again. What is the process to eliminate those thoughts permenantly? Is this something covered in the book with more depth?

Thanks!
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#88 of 796 Old 06-04-2007, 10:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would recommend reading Loving What Is. There is a lot more elaboration in there and it is the book that introduces The Work so it's a great place to begin. It's always a beginning.

As far as 'living the turnarounds' (as it is popularly referred to) goes ~ it is a full time job, for sure. It's really all about noticing. Mindfulness. Awareness. Whatever language you might use to describe the experience that occurs when we are fully present with the moment.

In the space of awareness, we can notice ourselves doing the very same thing that we have discovered is not true for us when we shine the light of inquiry on it. In the noticing, we can gently remind ourselves to come back to what we've discovered is truer for us (in the turnaround).

Sometimes, it is necessary to Work the same stressful belief again a few times - each time it is thought and brings stress. Eventually (and quite rapidly, IME) you start to notice that you're not responding the same way to things that you were, before questioning the stressful thought. After some time, you may even find yourself laughing in response to the very same trigger!

It's lots of fun, and The Work only works when you answer the questions. And it's called The Work because answering the questions requires a really, really open mind. Let the mind ask the questions and wait in stillness for the heart's response. The turnarounds are glorious revelations of truth that can take a lot of attention to implement. But the effort needed to implement the turnarounds is far, far less than the energy that goes into repressing our stressful-stories.




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#89 of 796 Old 06-04-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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Thank you. I will definitely look into getting the book.
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#90 of 796 Old 06-04-2007, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, I meant to mention in response to this ~



Quote:
Originally Posted by jenandavery View Post
Wow, I just stumbled upon this thread at a very vulnerable moment for me. I have been attempting to use the law of attraction for peace in my own life (clearly it brought me to this page). . .


While I agree in the law of attraction and know that we are only always manifesting everything literally out of our thoughts, I do not align with the ideas in The Secret.



I love this excerpt from Katie's blog:


Quote:
Originally Posted by Byron Katie
Here are Stephen’s [Stephen Mitchell - Byron Katie's husband] thoughts:

The Secret: “You can have whatever you want.”
The Work: “You can want whatever you have.”

The Secret: “My will be done. I know what’s best for me.”
The Work: “Thy will be done (=Thy will is done). What’s best for me is what actually happens.” (In A Thousand Names for Joy, Katie says, “God’s will and your will are the same, whether you notice it or not.”)

The Secret: “You can control your thoughts.”
The Work: “You are not the thinker. It’s not possible to suppress your stressful thoughts. But when you question them, they let go of you.”

The Secret: “You can manifest your positive thoughts as reality.”
The Work: “Reality already is the best thing that could be manifested. When you realize this, you’re home free.”



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