Well, my mom is here - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 92 Old 02-11-2008, 06:20 AM
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ah blessed, your little girl is so lucky to have a wonderful mama!

personally, i wouldn't visit the mom. especially as you're just recovering. you know how when you've broken up with someone you need some space to find your own sense of normal again? i think i would probably need a year or something after the experience you've just had. or ten...

good luck!
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#92 of 92 Old 02-11-2008, 06:14 PM
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Blessed, as a motherless mother, it's a heartbreaking thing to watch your relationship with your children and how different it is from the one (or lack of one) that you had with your own mother. So many times I will be with my family and wonder why she was so hateful. It's so damn hard to explain to my 7 year old what happened and why I don't speak to my mother anymore. It brings up a lot of old hurts that you thought you were past.

It was so weird yesterday when we were on a long car ride, ds had gotten sick during the night and in between sobs and nose blowing he told dh "you're a good daddy for getting up with me and taking care of me." It brought back that the only time I ever felt loved by my mother is when I was sick. I missed half of third grade because I was "sick". I wasn't, but mom would tuck me in, bring me snacks, sit and watch tv with me. It was like she was an entirely different person when she was fully needed. She was able to be loving. I was telling my dh about it and he started crying, where I'm just numb to it now. I can't remember where I read it, but it said that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. I reached indifference to my mother a long time ago Sad but true.

I think you're doing the right thing by skipping the visit. You've done your best by her, that's enough. A person can only give so much, especially to someone who hurt them so badly. I think about you often and was wondering how she was doing moved out.
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