Sometimes I just feel so trapped - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-15-2007, 05:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I keep wondering. Is this what life is like for other people, and they deal with it, or do they just find a way to make it better so they are not "dealing" but ENJOYING?

My life is this: 3 children, ages 5 (almost 6), 2.5, and 9 months. My toddler does not nap. My baby naps maybe 1-2 hours a day. Maybe. And rarely straight. (Cat nap here, cat nap there.) I am up from about 6:40 a.m. until 10:30 p.m. with at least one child (and then, of course, throughout the night). It is very, very hard to go out of the house with my toddler. Sometimes I just do it because I feel crazy at home, but it is not worth it most of the time. So, the solution would be to have people over. But no. Why? My kids get sick VERY often. Never get earaches, rarely get stomachaches, but almost always the kind of sickness that turns into coughing . . .so the germs would just spread like wildfire. I can't tell you how many times I've had to cancel something because someone (thankfully, not usually me) is sick. Handwashing is HUGE around here, but I can't keep my oldest (in KG) from sticking her hands in her mouth (trust me, I've tried). . .so I suspect that is where the problem stems.

I feel like I am nothing beyond a mother. I can't read a book (by 10:30 I am falling asleep if I read), have a hobby, or even listen to my own music most of the time. I am not even a wife. I barely have time to connect with my husband. We've been out together once in about a year. I tried getting a job, but it was a telecommuting job and extremely difficult to work around everyone else.

I keep telling myself that not only do I have three children, but I have three very young children. I want to enjoy this, but frankly, I feel like I am watching the clock, hoping they will all grow up a little so that I can live, too. I want to do things WITH them (it isn't a matter of just getting away from them), but on my own, it proves to be very, very difficult.

What is your life like? On the whole, do you deal or do you enjoy? I know it's a combo for most people, but what is it like overall?

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Old 11-15-2007, 06:42 PM
 
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Lately I've been (just barely) dealing. My days are too long and there's too much chaos and needs to be met.

No suggestions from me today, just commiseration. :

Tanya
Mom to John (age 11), James (age 9) & Katherine (age 5)
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Old 11-15-2007, 07:36 PM
 
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I've so been there. It is hard. Sometimes I wonder if I am just not "a little kid person." I do think that everyone needs a break, a little bit of free time, or something that makes them feel good about themselves. I have a hobby that I love (which has made a huge difference in my life) and DH helps me in that regard. He'll take over kids duties 100% here and there so I can catch a break and do something that I enjoy beyond "mama mama mama." Sometimes I think I am a selfish person because I NEED that but whatever, this is me. We try to do fun family stuff after dh gets home from work during the week.....whether its going to a park, having yahtzee or pac man matches, etc...LOL Playing piggyback or whatever. We did get the kids on a regular bedtime (9 pm) which helps too because from 9-11 is time DH and I can just chill, talk, whatever....we need the reconnection each day. I think having support is the main factor...one person cannot do it all. Well I suppose they CAN but it's not easy.

Thinking about you, mama!

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Old 11-15-2007, 09:02 PM
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I felt a lot like that when I was a SAHM. Now I WOH FT and it's gotten a lot better. I feel like a real person again and not just a mom.
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Old 11-16-2007, 12:21 PM
 
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Mine are almost 8, 5 and 3. It's really getting much better as far as feeling like I have an identity beyond being the milk, cleaner-upper, laundry, mediator, etc. I struggle with the feelings you're talking about. For years, I think I was just in survival mode (which might be where you are now). IME, it's really important to surround yourself with any kind of support you can---esp. emotional. It's really hard when they're so young.

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Old 11-16-2007, 07:08 PM
 
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Honestly it makes me feel better to hear things like this. I feel the same way a lot of the time. I am a SAHM to an almost 3 year old and a 1 year old. Both were preemies and have been sick a lot and have horrible sleeping habits. I still feel so exhausted most days. It is a lot to keep up with. My husband works outside the home but does absolutely nada around the house so everything at home is my responsibility. There are moments and days where I feel so happy and thankful I am home with the kids and there are other days I want to pull my hair out. It is hard never being able to take a shower or even go to the bathroom in peace. Even if my husband is home he hurries me out of the shower so I can take over watching the girls. I never get out of the house alone and most days I feel ugly, bored and lonely. I love my girls so much but I have a deep sadness for my former self sometimes. I used to really know and like who I was. I enjoyed being in shape, taking time to do my hair and makeup and looking and feeling sexy. Now most days it is an acomplishment if I brush my hair and brush my teeth. There are so many mixed emotions concerning motherhood and I for one love to hear that I am not the only one struggling. Hang in there mama, we will get through this and I am here to talk if you ever want to PM me!
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Old 11-17-2007, 05:35 AM
 
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I feel trapped too, and I only have one baby.

Of course, feeling trapped makes me feel crummy (because I love and adore my Blessing), which makes me feel even more despondent.
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Old 11-17-2007, 01:16 PM
 
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Me tooo..
my kids are 12, 8, and 3.
I have no friends either so i really am alone all day with one kid then with 3 then dh is out of town alot and i am at my witts end these day and feel like i need to move find and make friends somewhere before i go out of my mind.
i feel like, if my dh is in town next week i may try to go somewhere- just a few days of quiet and no kids and no arguing so i can simply think and find out what i want to do with my life..........
much peace to all-
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Old 11-17-2007, 01:56 PM
 
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nak
i feel that way too sometimes. . . i have a spirited 4yo and a 16mo. what really helps me is i have a cup of coffee in the AM and a beer after the kids go to bed. it sounds silly but it is a little something to look forward to after a long day and something to help me drag my as@ out of bed at the crack of dawn!

i also try really hard to keep the house clean, as i feel better when my space is nice. i also try to keep some very loose structure on the day. it helps it flow better. we are extremely poor and that makes it hard sometimes, and sometimes the stress involved in dragging around a hyper kid and a sqiurmy baby makes it hard to go out. plus i have to bike them everywhere- ds can ride a bike on his own but not on any major roads, so i put dd in the bikeseat and ds in the bike trailer- quite the workout! but i do try to get out every day.



the biggest thing is that my dp takes care of the kids for a bit a couple times a week in the evening, and i have sunday morning and early afternoon as "my time", sans kids. can your dp do that for you?

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Old 11-19-2007, 01:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I truly appreciate the responses. to all of you with a similar issue.

I have been thinking about this a lot. In the past week I've realized that I am highly sensitive (and not very good at multitasking!) http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm I've always known, I think, but now I understand why certain aspects of parenting bother me more than they seem to bother other people. That, on top of being sleep deprived, is not a good combo.

Today was interesting. I got to spend some time alone with each child-- going to the grocery store with my toddler, making cookies with my oldest, and just cuddling with the baby-- and that helped. It helped me see that it isn't just parenting in general, them, or me. I felt OK-- not anywhere close to what I've been feeling lately.

I also thought back to when my 1st DD was born. Every day was so special-- hard, but special. I remember thinking that no matter what we did, it was so wonderful because SHE was with us. I can't forget that, can't take for granted what I have. I remember reading a story about a mom whose baby died . . .she said that it pained her to hear of people complaining about getting up at night with a crying baby-- she'd give anything to hear her own daughter cry.

I don't want to regret wishing away this time, hard as it is.

Thanks again for listening.

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Old 11-19-2007, 01:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius View Post

I don't want to regret wishing away this time, hard as it is.
I have a friend who says "The days are long, but the years are short".


Pat

I have a blog.
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Old 11-19-2007, 05:45 AM
 
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I've been trying something from time to time at my place, which is "Kids' Self-Directed Playtime!"

Horray. I bring the children each something to play with and set a timer. They are to play gently and quietly by themselves for five minutes. It worked once so far. I went to the kitchen, sat on the floor, and drank abig ol' glass of water - maybe my brain is too tired...dehydrated?

Another thing I started last year is teaching a children's class at my church on WEdnesday nights for one hour. My best friend babysits the kids for one hour a week.

It doesn't refresh me, it makes me tired, but it does give me a much needed brain break from my kids. Plus there are other adults there with whom I can chit chat for ten minutes before & after class. Could something like that help you?

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Old 11-26-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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I WOH FT right now,but was a SAHM for 3 years. I miss it so much and plan to SAH again starting in May-June. I would try to get outside of the house several times a week even if it was just to pick up my daughter from school and stop to get a soday at the local quick stop.

I knew I couldn't justify my little trips here or there as necessary really, but they were necessary to me in order to not go stir crazy! It also helped my little guy get a change of scenary and learn how to do different things outside of the home.

I have heard others say they had to go back to work b/c they couldn't stand being at home anymore. We all enjoy different things so it's ok to feel that way and still be an awesome mom.

I'm a single working mom of 3 wonderful kiddos. 

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Old 11-26-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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I feel like you on and off. I notice that during the times I feel better I have a hobby. I used to do yoga a lot, but now I am trying to pay down all debt and stopped going. Then I trained for triathlons a lot, but with the shorter days and cleaning that goes along with selling our house I haven't been doing anything.

I plan to work pt starting now and full time as of Sept. I feel sad to leave my little guys in day care though.

I think the beer is a good idea.
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Old 11-26-2007, 04:42 PM
 
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Can you afford to get a mothers' helper in say, for two hours after school, 3 days a week? A 13 or 14 year old neighbor teen would probably have a lot of fun just playing with your children for 2 hours, for money (and probably for cheap), while you take a nap. I think that if you can get a little more sleep, you will feel a little better.
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Old 11-26-2007, 06:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much, everyone. More sleep and more help would be great . . .I will have think if it is possible for us $.

A hobby would be awesome, too. Unless I have a helper, though, it is somewhat impossible now, minus trying to read a page or two on what I'm interested in (gardening ATM). My baby (9 mos) is seriously sleeping less and less. I can't remember the last time I was able to put her down for a nap, and she's waking constantly during the night. She's only happy in a carrier if we're out and moving (and even then, not always). Just keeping up with daily tasks is a struggle.

Good thing they are all so very cute!

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