Hello, My Name is Lisa - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 89 Old 12-16-2007, 11:36 PM
 
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I couldn't read and not
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#62 of 89 Old 12-17-2007, 12:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, ended up and going over to a friend's house to do... nothing. his house was a disaster. but it wasn't MINE, lol. so i don't care. played some games, talked, just hung out. much better.
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#63 of 89 Old 12-17-2007, 04:03 AM
 
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Well, ended up and going over to a friend's house to do... nothing. his house was a disaster. but it wasn't MINE, lol. so i don't care. played some games, talked, just hung out. much better.
Good! You need some time to just be you, on your own, without someone to take care of.

I could feel your pain and how overwhelmed you are in your posts. I'm sorry you are going through this.

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#64 of 89 Old 12-17-2007, 04:47 PM
 
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Lisa-

I am so sorry for all you are going thru. In many ways you have touched me, I am sure without even knowing it. I wish you peace and strength. If there is anything this stranger can do don't hesitate to ask.

Pardon me while I puke.gif

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#65 of 89 Old 12-18-2007, 12:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Today I was really really really moody. I hated everything. My psychiatrist irritated me by just being... tooo... blase? about everything. I was peeved. I left the office, called DH and asked him to take our DD to her Brownie troop meeting. I ended up hanging out with my friends again (crying on one of their shoulders) because I just. couldn't. deal. I feel so angry that I'm not being who I used to be... but I don't know who I am supposed to be now. What am I? Who am I? WHERE do I fit in? I've returned to my moody goth self (before kids). Which is all fine and dandy, but still...
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#66 of 89 Old 12-18-2007, 12:26 AM
 
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Today I was really really really moody. I hated everything. My psychiatrist irritated me by just being... tooo... blase? about everything. I was peeved.
I'm glad you have friends you can unload on, Lisa. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you lately, and hoping things are getting better.
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#67 of 89 Old 12-21-2007, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm tired of this. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down and sobbing. what the hell is this? I don't get it. I'm okay and then I'm not. I want to be free of this place, this hell, this nightmare of an internal life. Because I just can't do this. I feel so isolated and lonely. Surrounded by friends, but lonely.
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#68 of 89 Old 12-21-2007, 04:30 PM
 
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He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#69 of 89 Old 12-21-2007, 05:38 PM
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I feel so isolated and lonely. Surrounded by friends, but lonely.

I know that feeling. It's like being in a ful stadium and still feeling lonely. You are fortunate in that you have people to reach out to. You have mental illnesses. Just as someone who has the flu is sick and in need of healing, so are you. No words of wisdom- just know what mean.

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#70 of 89 Old 12-21-2007, 11:45 PM
 
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I'm tired of this. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down and sobbing. what the hell is this? I don't get it. I'm okay and then I'm not. I want to be free of this place, this hell, this nightmare of an internal life. Because I just can't do this. I feel so isolated and lonely. Surrounded by friends, but lonely.
Are you on medication? Do they need to be adjusted or changed?

I can only tell you my experience with depression. Once I had the right medication, it was like night and day. Before meds things were bad. On the wrong meds things were worse. On the right meds, I rediscovered myself--shattered, but me. And then the work of putting my life back together really began, but I was able to handle it one baby step at a time.

Wishing you peace, and freedom from this nightmare.
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#71 of 89 Old 12-22-2007, 03:17 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have PPD and PP OCD and know some of what you are experiencing. Please know that you will get through this. You can PM me anytime if you ever need to talk.

knit.gifMama to reading.gif  and  babygirl.gif
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#72 of 89 Old 12-22-2007, 11:54 AM
 
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I'm tired of this. One minute I'm up, the next I'm down and sobbing. what the hell is this? I don't get it. I'm okay and then I'm not. I want to be free of this place, this hell, this nightmare of an internal life. Because I just can't do this. I feel so isolated and lonely. Surrounded by friends, but lonely.


PM'd you.
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#73 of 89 Old 12-23-2007, 06:59 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. Depression is so hard. My mom, my DH, my sister all have it. Two close friends, too. One of them tried to kill himself in grad school but called someone before it was too late. All of them survived and are now doing well. It will get better.

thalia loves Jesus and DH wordyeight and DD#1 : 8/2007 and DD#2 9/2010
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
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#74 of 89 Old 12-26-2007, 11:35 PM
 
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"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
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#75 of 89 Old 12-27-2007, 12:56 AM
 
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You will feel better. This is a journey you're on. You will find yourself again. When you do, it will be sweet delight. I too have BTDT with depression and it sucks. Take care of yourself. This will pass.

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#76 of 89 Old 12-27-2007, 01:12 AM
 
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How are you?
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#77 of 89 Old 12-27-2007, 01:17 AM
 
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I am so sorry you are hurting. I wish you much peace through this difficult transition and hope that you come through it learning and gaining much.
Peace to you my friend.

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#78 of 89 Old 12-27-2007, 02:15 PM
 
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Lisa,

It's been a long time, friend, but I am so very sorry to hear of your struggles. I'm practically around the corner! Please know you have support and love. It's so hard when you desperately need a break and alas, there are no breaks to be had in motherhood. How you feel right now is NOT how you will always feel. I have lived through the dark days of depression. Take care.
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#79 of 89 Old 12-27-2007, 04:18 PM
 
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Hi Lisa, I didn't read through all 4 pages, but I CAN relate to what you are going through. I also have severe depression, borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder, blah blah blah, lol. I have ups and downs, never know what each day will hold. Please, please feel free to send me a message if you need someone to talk to that understands what you are going through.

LeeAnn )O( Earth mama treehugger.gif and mother to DD Leela (9), DSD Ari (9), DD Zen (7), DS Gabrael Riot (4!)
Self preservation is a full time occupation! namaste.gif

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#80 of 89 Old 12-27-2007, 07:43 PM
 
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Thinking of you.
How were your holidays?

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#81 of 89 Old 12-30-2007, 03:28 AM
 
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((((HUGS)))))) I hope things are looking better mama... you are well loved and adored here.

Kristin- Wife to J, Mommy to B (11), M-S (8), and little J (4) and J&J (7 months)
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#82 of 89 Old 12-30-2007, 04:12 PM
 
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Lisa, I miss chatting with you. I'm so sorry to see you're having a rough time. It just takes time. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to do nothing. It's okay. The world won't melt because you need time. Remember that you need it.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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#83 of 89 Old 12-31-2007, 05:21 PM
 
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how are you doing?
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#84 of 89 Old 01-02-2008, 01:31 AM
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Wishing you strength and peace.
:

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#85 of 89 Old 01-07-2008, 11:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, my friends.... The holidays were... blah. LOL. I wasn't really into them. But some great things are happening in my life right now. I have made some great strides in self-worth and independence (to an extent). I am truly finding out who I am. I have a great therapist who is working with me to find what has been consistent over the years. I have a few events/people in my life who belong just to me. Things that I can do that are MINE and no one else's. I don't share them with my family at all. I get out on Saturdays and do something called Amtgard (medieval/renaissance/fantasy combat) and it's strenuous, fun, loud and crazy. The people are awesome. Love it.

At any rate, there's some other things, but... I can't really get into them at the moment.

I feel like I'm back again. I'm happy... I feel safe and settled. Yay! And for the moment, I love the pharmaceutical industry.
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#86 of 89 Old 01-07-2008, 12:53 PM
 
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nak...so happy to hear u are doing better! u r finding an even better u!!!!!!!!!!
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#87 of 89 Old 01-07-2008, 01:11 PM
 
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A serious halleluja for the right meds! So glad to hear things are improving for you right now. Sounds like your therapy work is also helpful and fortifying. :

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#88 of 89 Old 01-07-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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What a change! I'm glad that you're feeling better and working through this all.
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#89 of 89 Old 01-07-2008, 10:23 PM
 
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I feel like I'm back again. I'm happy... I feel safe and settled. Yay! And for the moment, I love the pharmaceutical industry.
Wonderful news! I hope that your new year is full of peace, joy, and health.
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