Being My Authentic Self - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 01-06-2008, 06:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've recently finished a couple of parenting books that mention this a lot, being authentic. So, I started thinking about what that means for me. Am I authentic? I don't know. I'm not sure what my authentic self is. Maybe I've sort of lost who I am. I've never quite fit into any group. Through the years I've learned to keep my mouth shut about a lot of things because what I think is usually not taken very well even among people that are like-minded in a lot of ways. My lifestyle requires moving around frequently so I'm constantly thrust into new groups and have to try to make new friends in unfamiliar places. I guess I've found it hard to be myself when I'm frequently put situations where I'll be rejected for that. Lately, I've been bothered by feeling like I'm not being true to myself. So, how do I find out who my authentic self is and get her back?

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#2 of 10 Old 01-06-2008, 06:13 PM
 
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When I read the thread title I thought "Dr. Phil."



I have a hard time knowing who I am too. Because for one thing, i married young and had children young.

but- I think being authentic is to NOT think like I am thinking-that I should have had time to explore who I was before I had kids.

Being authentic is -a taking account of-all that you were, are, and hope to be.

I think you can be whomever you want to be. And have the right to choose a complete 180 whenever you please. (I do "personality changes" pretty often and my dh has learned to love it.)

Your authentic self isn't someone you need to "get back." Its who you are now.
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#3 of 10 Old 01-07-2008, 07:32 PM
 
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I struggle with this too even though I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who my authentic self is. My problem is trying to figure out what I want and cutting through all my self talk about why it's inconvenient or too hard to get it. I think there is a difference between having/knowing your authentic self and being completely uninhibited showing that to others. I think there is a legitimate place for self preservation and protecting that authentic core of you. I probably go to the other extreme and am trying to peel back those layers of self protection, and I can do it with a few of my very close lady friends. It's hard though and a constant process.
You may just need to evaluate if there are things you do that rub your "authentic" part the wrong way and figure out how you are going to express those things. None of us are 100% authentic all the time. If only we could be, but alas we're human. I think it's always good to have some reflective time evaluating who our deepest selves are and bring our life more in line with that, but be gentle with yourself too. Just because you aren't putting yourself out there to all the new people you meet doesn't mean you aren't authentic, you are being smart.
Good luck continuing your journey with your SELF!
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#4 of 10 Old 01-07-2008, 08:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dr. Phil! Ack! Maybe what I meant by getting my authentic self back is that I don't feel like I've been being who I am lately, if that makes sense. I'm not trying to get back to a place I was before but rather trying to get myself back to acting like myself. I used to be very outspoken about my opinions and beliefs. Now I'm only outspoken with the one person I feel completely safe with, my dp. He's been gone for about a year so I haven't had anyone to share all of me with.

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Originally Posted by Clairesoula View Post
My problem is trying to figure out what I want and cutting through all my self talk about why it's inconvenient or too hard to get it.
I think this is one of my problems. There's the way I want to live and the way I am able to live. I haven't come to terms with that yet. Part of me thinks I just need to put more effort into it and part of me understands that I'm at a place right now where I just can't do that but it's still frustrating.

It's hard for me to even respond to these posts because I feel so confused.

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#5 of 10 Old 01-08-2008, 06:03 PM
 
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I found the book Somethig More: Excavating Your Authetic Self by Sarah Ban Breathnac helpful. But I skipped around in it a lot too. Also the first book, Simple Abundance was a good read.
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#6 of 10 Old 01-09-2008, 07:04 AM
 
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MarineWife, I feel a lot like you do. I also move around a lot -- and tend to stick my two feet in my mouth all the time.
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#7 of 10 Old 01-09-2008, 12:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post
I've recently finished a couple of parenting books that mention this a lot, being authentic. So, I started thinking about what that means for me. Am I authentic? I don't know. I'm not sure what my authentic self is. Maybe I've sort of lost who I am. I've never quite fit into any group. Through the years I've learned to keep my mouth shut about a lot of things because what I think is usually not taken very well even among people that are like-minded in a lot of ways. My lifestyle requires moving around frequently so I'm constantly thrust into new groups and have to try to make new friends in unfamiliar places. I guess I've found it hard to be myself when I'm frequently put situations where I'll be rejected for that. Lately, I've been bothered by feeling like I'm not being true to myself. So, how do I find out who my authentic self is and get her back?
I would like to respond to the bolded part (My bolding).

I have been there. I became more crunchy, non-vaxing, organic eating as I grew as an adult and parent. But, we still had the same friends from the times we were teenagers and they did not "grow" with my hubby and I in the same ways we did. They are still mainstream.

So, at first I met much objections and skepticism. I learned to keep my mouth shut as to 'not offend'.

But, the more I became comfortable with my decisions I chose to stop censoring myself. I am who I am and I make no apologies for it.

I simply stopped caring what others thought about me or my family or our values. I just really don't care. They don't live my life.

SO, I guess for me, being authentic means being true to what I believe and not bending for anyone.

If people do not like me because of my views or my "authentic self" then it is their loss.

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#8 of 10 Old 01-09-2008, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm really not concerned with what other people think of me in terms of my own self worth or so that I would question my own beliefs and opinions. Sure, sometimes that little voice in my head will tell me something I did or said was stupid but I can pretty much let that pass. I'm not the center of the universe so it would be pretty arrogant of me to think that other people are sitting around thinking about me that much. Sometimes something that someone says makes me think and maybe even change my mind but it doesn't affect my opinion of myself.

The reason I don't speak up a lot is because it seems that other people take things I say way too personally. It is not my intention to offend or insult but that seems to happen anyway. I'm tired of the arguments. I'm tired of people thinking that they either have to convince me that I'm wrong or force me to justify and explain myself. Part of that may be the way I say things but a large part of it is that I have very different beliefs and opinions than most people I've met, even those in my AP/NFL group, so I just don't say anything.

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#9 of 10 Old 01-09-2008, 11:14 PM
 
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When I saw the title of this thread, I also thought Simple Abundance by Sarah ban Breathnach. I really like that book. I think authenticity is a lifelong journey. I'm at a stage where I know some of the parts of me that I feel aren't authentic, and am starting to discover on thing at a time what is.
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#10 of 10 Old 01-10-2008, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I looked at those books on Amazon. I'm a little unclear about something, though. Is it religious? Are there mentions of god or any other type of higher power?

knit.gifSAHM to 3 boys and 1 man; 22 jammin.gif, 9REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif, 5 FIREdevil.gifand now 1 year oldtoddler.gif!

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