Are you a professional mom who opted out? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#91 of 94 Old 05-01-2008, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
Miss Information's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: in my imagination
Posts: 2,469
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraLoo View Post
I think I have to recreate my life all over again.
Yes, we both do.

Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
Miss Information is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#92 of 94 Old 05-03-2008, 07:24 PM
 
BlueStateMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: New England
Posts: 3,329
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
i've been thinking about this a lot lately, as i'm contemplating all the requirements (and cost $$$) in keeping my law license active while i'm home, with zero desire/plans to go back to work in the near future.

How do you feel about "opting out" even for the short term?
i don't know if i "opted out" so much as ran away screaming i *hated* what i was doing and was happy to resign and give up the partner track/60 to 80 hour weeks/old boys club mentality to stay home. but now that i've been home for over 2 years and have another little one, i'm noticing that i'd like to have *parts* of the "old" career life back -- especially the attention span i know that eventually i'll have to go back to work in some capacity (i'm not cut out to homeschool) and i'm dreading/kind of scared of it.
i know i don't want to go back to what i was doing -- i don't want to join a firm and have to try to compete against recent grads who dont have families. i dont know if i'm a "traitor to the cause" so to speak (and as one of my law school colleagues said ) for not trying to do both. maybe if i had liked my most recent job i would have tried harder to balance a career and work instead of going all-or-nothing :
so (clearly) i'm torn. i feel like i *should* go back, especially since law school was SO expensive and SO much work -- i feel like i shouldn't "waste" that. but i love being home with my girls and i'd like to be available to do things like lead girl scouts or coach soccer in the future

Are you glad that you did?
see the novel above

Do you feel longings to go back yet kinda depressed that you derailed your own career?
yes! i think this is the crux of it.

Do you feel out of place with the "all I ever wanted to be was a stay at home mom" women, yet out of place with the working moms too?
yep.


Do you feel overall screwed as a mom - screwed if you go to work and leave your kids in the care of another while you pursue your own ambitions, and screwed if you choose to stay at home, because you derailed your own career? (I can't possibly think I'm the only one who feels this way). And then doubly screwed because you know someone's going to have an opinion (and sometimes a nasty one) on the choices you made?
yep. my mom and stepdad have told me repeatedly how "disappointed" they are that i'm "just" a SAHM and am "wasting" my education and that seems to be the most common reaction among others (like the other moms at dd1's preschool) -- like i'm not living up to potential or am doing something so 'exotic' as staying at home. and then there's the person who commented that i must not have been a very good lawyer if i was so willing so stay at home

Has anyone else feel remotely this way before? What have you done/are you doing about it?
i'm looking at different ways to use my legal education in the future -- i'd like to do something part time in a few years (namely when i dont have a baby on the boob 24/7) to keep my mind active. so i'm keeping my credentials active and trying to look for opportunities to write or teach or things like that.


Sophiecat - another ex-lawyer here. I could have written your post word for word, especially the first part. WHY am I still paying active bar fees in a state I don't even live in??? Well, I guess so I can waive in here if I want (we have reciprocity)...but I really don't see myself going back into law. The only area I *loved* was litigation and I don't see myself realistically ever working those kind of hours again. Even when the kids are in school (eventually) I don't think I'd see them.

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

BlueStateMama is offline  
#93 of 94 Old 05-04-2008, 12:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
Miss Information's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: in my imagination
Posts: 2,469
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ugh - and what do you suppose came in the mail this week? My 20 year reunion. And of course, they ask on their stupid form for the memory book what you've been up to lately, what your occupation and employer are.

I'm going to bald face lie and put my last job information on it. My occupation is still what I consider myself to be. If any one asks, I can say I'm just on hiatus, or in early retirement .

Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
Miss Information is offline  
#94 of 94 Old 05-04-2008, 10:32 AM
 
LauraLoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: By the light of the silvery moon
Posts: 3,679
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Information View Post
Ugh - and what do you suppose came in the mail this week? My 20 year reunion. And of course, they ask on their stupid form for the memory book what you've been up to lately, what your occupation and employer are.

I'm going to bald face lie and put my last job information on it. My occupation is still what I consider myself to be. If any one asks, I can say I'm just on hiatus, or in early retirement .
I went to my 20th about 3 years ago, so I was a SAHM at that time with no plans to re-enter the workforce. So many people were surprised that I was staying at home, let alone had children! One of my friends, who was a successful executive and the primary bread-winner pulled me aside and asked me how it was going to be at home full time. Then she told me she was hoping for a time when she could extract herself from her job, that she felt that she was missing out on so much with her 3 dc's. I was probably more surprised that she would even *consider* opting out than anyone was that I had. I don't know if she's been able to do it yet; guess I'll have to wait for our 25th to know for sure.

I personally felt very validated at that time that another professional, successful, woman envied my decision. The grass is greener, kind of thing. Maybe it comes down to how we define what success really is.

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

LauraLoo is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off