I'm having significant issues in communicating with people. I have Asperger's syndrome, and I've never really been a big fan of talking to people, but lately, I've been going out of my way to not talk to people. Sam will ask me if I can go downstairs and visit his mom and her SO (they live in the same apartment complex as we do), and, usually, I don't, or I'll be very reluctant to do so, and he thinks I don't like them. It's not that I don't like them. I think they're both very nice, intelligent people. I just feel uncomfortable talking to them because, first of all, I feel uncomfortable talking to anyone but Sam, and second of all, I barely know them and I don't know what to talk about. We just moved here in October. Usually, when I'm anywhere with Sam, he does all the talking, and I add input occasionally or answer a question if I'm asked, but that's it. If he needs to leave for some reason, and I'm left alone with that person, I think, "Please come back! I can't talk to this person!" and it's very awkward for me until he comes back. It's not just his family that I have problems talking to; it's my own family, as well. I haven't talked to anyone in my family on the phone in ages, and I hardly ever email them.
I was bullied a lot as a child and emotionally abused by my parents, so I know this has a lot to do with it. In junior high and high school, every one of my friends was diagnosed with a mental disorder. It was hard because they would ask for advice a lot, and, because I wanted to be a good friend, I felt like I needed to shoulder their problems. It was also hard because I felt like I couldn't make friends with anyone but people with mental disorders. For these reasons, I drove a lot of them away. One of my friends had severe depression and was on Zoloft. She was my roommate on a band trip and she attempted suicide. Understandably, this was extremely traumatizing, and I decided that I was done with having friends from that point on. Dropping my friends out of my life was a gradual process. I still talked to people in class sometimes, but I didn't go over to anyone's house after that. After awhile, I stopped going on AIM to talk to friends from where I used to live. I stopped going to church to hang out with my friends there. After graduation, I ceased communication with everyone I had talked to before except for one person, and I only talked to her because she had become acquainted with Sam. Now, I'm not even talking to her. So I literally have no friends. I joined some parenting groups where I live, but I haven't been to any meetings yet and I haven't introduced myself on the board at all (my reluctance to do so isn't just because of this problem, it's also because I feel uncomfortable and judged as a 19 year old mom, even though we can financially support DS.) It honestly doesn't bother me that I don't have any friends, probably because I'm still affected by my last friend's incident, but I don't want Sam thinking that I hate his family because of this, because I really don't. Sam suggested that I should see a psychologist, but I haven't called them because of another problem of mine: a severe phobia of talking on the phone. I'm not on any medication. I convinced my doctor to give me Paxil, because I had a severe bout of anxiety and depression for two weeks, but didn't take it because I got pregnant, and I left it at the old house when we moved because I didn't think I'd need it (and I still don't think I do.) Does anyone else have the same problem?