Part of the problem is DH working nights and weekends. He was going to try to change this because he felt family life suffering too, but now turns out he changed his mind because staying in his current position holds a lot of promise for growth in his career. He has always been one to feel that family comes before work, but at the same time he wants to be realistic, and since he is the breadwinner, and we're hoping to start TTC for a 2nd child this year, I think he just wants to be responsible and is also excited about the prospects in his career (this motivates him to go to work each day).
I want to be supportive of him, and I told him I was, but I'm having a very hard time showing it, without being resentful towards him. And he can see this. Not good. I guess I had my hopes up high for the soon to happen change in schedule, and now I'm so dissapointed...but I am proud of his dedication and willingness to realize that he has to work hard to get what he wants...and isn't this a great role model for DS?! But I keep making comments and saying things that make him feel guilty for having to go to work, like "Fine, DS and I will just sit here miserable all afternoon"...why? I don't know. I just can't seem to bite my tongue at times. I get sooo annoyed when I hear him snoring away while I have to get up at 6am and deal with DS, constantly asking him to be quiet so DH can sleep.
I WAHM, and DS goes to daycare for most of the day. DH often wakes up (more like it, DS wakes him up) in the morning to play a while and eat breakfast together. He does so without ever complaining, even if he went to bed at 3am the night before. Then I drop DS off and go home to work. DH works 3pm-11:30/12:30. So DS doesn't seem him again til the following morning. On his days off obviously he gets more time with him, and on weekend mornings a little too. I have to deal with DS falling asleep on the way home at 5pm, wake his groggy little body up to eat dinner, then he's on his second wind, and up til 10pm.For the past couple of weeks he's been waking at 6am regardless of his bedtime...whew...that's probably why I'm feeling so easily annoyed by everything, I'm so sleep deprived...but I can never sleep in because DH has to.
Weekends are just hard because I don't have any friends with other kids, and it seems like all playgroups are for SAHM during the week only. I feel like I'd be interfering with others family lives if I even asked anyone to hang out on the weekends with us, since thats the time most families have to spend together. I am so jealous of all those other families. Weekend afternoons I often sulk at home alone with DS and just stick him in front of the TV...I get tired of playing with him all day. I love him, and play with him and enjoy doing it some of the time. Just not all the time. He's noticing it too- he's very in tune w/ my feelings. Just a while ago he came up to me and said "Mami Salami don't be so sad!" Of course that cheers me up a little, but it's hard to just get over it...
Please help me enjoy being a mommy more and not complain so much, I know I should feel lucky just to have a wonderful healthy boy and a wonderful loving husband!
Mom to a happy 6 year old boy and a new baby girl (9/27/09)