How do I stick up for myself? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 04-08-2008, 12:26 AM - Thread Starter
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Since as long as I can remember, I've always let people walk all over me. At work there is a lady who totally screwed me over (long story). She came in today to grab something, totaly ignored me, slammed the door when she left. So now instead of figuring out how I'm going to confront her and ask her what is wrong, I'm scared to go into work. I cried on the way home. I always let people screw me over, walk all over me. I hate confrontation. How do I fix it?
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#2 of 3 Old 04-08-2008, 12:19 PM
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I don't know if this is helpful, but you need to find your voice, hon. It is hard to do that when you are afraid and fear (fear of looking bad, fear of not being "nice", fear of being wrong) is definitely at the root of not opening your mouth. It sucks being a doormat.

I hate confrontation too. It has taken me a while to grow a set and speak up when I am not happy with a situation, so I can relate. I try to think before I speak and sometimes it is that internal analysis that makes me lose the moment and I talk myself out of saying anything. But then sometimes the impulsive/ADHD side of me will kick in and I can actually speak out.

3 things come to mind. The first one is this: If you are unable to stand up for yourself you are demonstrating to your children (I know that what you mentioned is work-related but can I assume that this carries into other areas of your life too?) that it is ok for them to be walked all over. If they don't see you taking a stand when something is wrong then that tells them that it is not ok to get mad and seek justice when necessary. You need to try to move past this for them so you can set an example.

Second thing: I think it may benefit you to take a self-defense or martial arts class. When you learn to defend yourself physically it can be very empowering, and when you are in control of your body and confident in your movement it has a great effect on your mental and emotional well being too. And the physical punching/kicking may be a great way to unleash the negative energy from taking crap from people all the time. They are not expensive so if you have the time or the resources it could be great for you. Some places (like community centers etc) might even run them for free.

Third: Have you ever seen the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes". If you haven't, go rent it. It is inspiring the way Kathy Bates' character finally stops taking crap from everyone and makes herself HEARD.

I'll be you're cheering section. You can do it mama!

:cla p:
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#3 of 3 Old 04-13-2008, 12:29 PM
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I'm kind of a pushover myself, so I can relate. Getting older definitely helps, it's made me more confident. But if you can't wait...

I don't do well in the heat of the moment, but then I think about it, and I prepare for the next scenario so I'm ready next time. And it won't be about screaming at the person, but it will be a measured conversation, "You know, last week this happened and it bothered me, and I really would ask you not to do that again," that kind of thing. Wait until you're calm and prepared and then go for it, nicely but firmly.

Good luck with it--the fact that you're asking means you're ready!
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