Blaming myself for what probably sounds like a weird reason - Mothering Forums

 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 05-19-2008, 10:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
Juliacat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Left of center
Posts: 5,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've recently come to the realization that for nearly nine years now, I've been blaming myself for being raped because I feel like it was some kind of cosmic punishment for disobeying my parents.

It feels like a relief to say that--but where do I go from here? There are so many ways.

Mommy to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 10) and
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 6)
Juliacat is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 11 Old 05-20-2008, 12:10 AM
 
readytobedone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: not dissertating
Posts: 3,466
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliacat View Post
I've recently come to the realization that for nearly nine years now, I've been blaming myself for being raped because I feel like it was some kind of cosmic punishment for disobeying my parents.

It feels like a relief to say that--but where do I go from here? There are so many ways.


therapy? are you already in therapy?

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
readytobedone is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 05-20-2008, 01:39 AM
A&A
 
A&A's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 16,212
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)


It's common for rape victims to blame themselves. But you need to know: it's NOT your fault. You didn't ask for it, you didn't bring it on yourself, and you didn't piss off the cosmos.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
A&A is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 05-20-2008, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
Juliacat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Left of center
Posts: 5,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by readytobedone View Post


therapy? are you already in therapy?
Yeah, this revelation was stimulated by it. I feel a lot calmer and more able to deal with it than I ever have before. I'm just not sure where to go from here.

Mommy to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 10) and
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 6)
Juliacat is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 05-20-2008, 03:37 PM
 
rightkindofme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,657
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 49 Post(s)
I found The Courage to Heal to be an invaluable resource in getting past sexual abuse/trauma. It's incredibly well written and it helped me process stuff I didn't even realize I needed to process.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

rightkindofme is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 05-20-2008, 04:39 PM
 
pdamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 69
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
what a profound realization for you.
i hope this is the catalyst for healing.
it's unreal the amount of responsiblity we allow ourselves to bear for the actions of others.
i pray you'll be your courage peace and freedom grow from this.
pdamom is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 05-21-2008, 02:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
Juliacat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Left of center
Posts: 5,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, it was a date rape (or rather, a series of date rapes over a five-month period).

And it wouldn't have happened if I had obeyed my parents' command never to be alone in a room with an unrelated member of the opposite sex.

But I was twenty years old, and it was the 1990's! Is that no defense at all?

Mommy to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 10) and
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 6)
Juliacat is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 05-21-2008, 09:20 PM
 
pdamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 69
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
the rule your parent's gave you all those years ago was a blanket knee jerk reaction to not wanting or being able to discuss the nuiances of selfdefence and judgement. they avoided the discussion by giving you that directive.

just say no to boys all together is easier than sitting with your young child and dealing with sexual issues.

in some ways this may have been your way of not only punishing yourself but allowing you to "control" what happened to you in a emotionally negative way.
the responsiblity lays with the individual who did not accept no.

i pray you are on your way to peace. it sounds like you held this too long.
pdamom is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 05-22-2008, 12:14 AM
 
ellemnop's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
*hugs* Mama.

I can relate. Last week I did some major "mind work" with my best friend. It was really hard. I acknowledged things that I had never acknowledged before, and actually spoke to DH afterwards and took him on my "journey". In some ways I feel a lot better, in others I've realized how much help I need.

Peace to you as you work towards healing.
ellemnop is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 05-22-2008, 01:04 AM
 
sunkissedmumma67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Central Coast of Cali
Posts: 911
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

"Love Is Something Eternal, The Aspect My Change, But Not The Essence"
sunkissedmumma67 is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 05-23-2008, 09:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
Juliacat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Left of center
Posts: 5,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I need, somehow, to forgive myself from my parents' point of view (even though I don't plan on their ever knowing).

I guess I'm afraid of having the you-were-being-a-slut-and-asking-for-it card pulled out on me.

Which is absolutely not true. Nobody asks for bad stuff to happen to them. If they're trying to find me guilty of being a sexual person, then I'm guilty. But I didn't want to be forced.

Mommy to
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 10) and
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(age 6)
Juliacat is offline  
Reply


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 13,955

93 members and 13,862 guests
1babysmom , agentofchaos , Ajbaby , alada , alicenwonderlan , alivewithyou , AlmostJenny , AMG , annbe , azohri , bananabee , bannerd , blessedwithboys , blissful_maia , bluefaery , captain optimism , CarrieCo , Cathchen , Cricket VS , Deborah , Dream Catcher , easydoesit , Edelweiss98 , edwardsmom , element2012 , emmy526 , EMRguy , ess3 , frugalmama , greenemami , hakunangovi , hcar73 , hillymum , Iron Princess , Jeanharlowjill , K703 , katharinerose , kathymuggle , kindofcrunchy82 , lc81002 , lilyofjudah , maiajay , mama24-7 , mapleleaf , mariamadly , MeepyCat , meghanmetz , Milk8shake , mommy2abigail , MomtoRyan , MomWife , moominmamma , MulberryMom , newmamalizzy , Nonie's mom , oceansolitude , Ogirl74 , pokeyac , polkafizz , Ragana , rocky , RollerCoasterMama , Ruthiegirl , samaxtics , SandiMae , SaraC , sarafl , SecondtimeMama , Serenity Now , shantimama , Shmootzi , siennaflower , sillysapling , SilverSage , Snydley , Soseraphina , SweetSilver , TheBugsMomma , thinkingmom , Tigerle , verticalscope , VS Angela , Wolfcat , woodchick , worthy , Xerxella , zannster , zoeyzoo
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 01:21 PM.