Acceptance and Understanding - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 10-19-2003, 01:44 AM - Thread Starter
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I know I should post this on Single parenting, but I feel it is more about personal growth, because I hope somehow to get to a place where I learn from these feelings and grow as a person. I ended my marriage after 11 years of abuse. I have no regrets and know that it was the right choice for our family. My ex has a new girlfriend, and she is spending every weekend with my kids. At first seeing her with my children ripped my heart out..but then she and I talked, and I said to her, all I ask is that you are kind to them. Treat them lovingly and carefully, they have been through alot. She told me she would treat them as her own. SIGH.. it made me feel peace knowing she was willing to do this..and tonight at my son's football game, youngest ds was having a demon attack and she came up to me and asked me.. how do you handle him when he is like that? She said please teach me. It made me respect her for asking me , and made me feel honored. I worry that she will be subjected to the abuse I was..being a kind person, but that's a whole nother watched her then for the remainder of the night, interacting with my children , and was relieved to see that when they are away from me, I need not worry that they will be pushed aside or neglected as was my fear. And the thing that touched my heart is this woman cannot have children of her own. My kids may be the closest she ever gets to being a mother. I am crying as I write this because though I do not wish for her to go through the difficulty I went through.. I truly hope my ex grows into a better person.... everyone should have a chance to feel what it is like to be a momma.. even if only on the weekends to someone else's children. I hope she finds all the joy that I do in them. And realizing these feelings has made me feel I learned a very big lesson in how to be a grown up tonight. Just needed to share that.
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#2 of 4 Old 10-19-2003, 03:27 AM
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Wow, Karen. Thanks for sharing that. It must be extremely difficult to see your ex with someone else, and then have to share your children with that person! I simply can't imagine how tough that would be. But it seems you lucked out with a good girlfriend.

You know, my last boyfriend was a real piece of work. For a long time I wished him ill (he got married only a few months after we broke up after we'd been together for four years!). But sometimes when I'm feeling "big", I think to myself that our problem was we were just so not right for each other, and maybe this person will be "right" for him and maybe they'll be happy.

Then again, since he married her on the rebound, maybe they are miserable and already heading for divorce court!!

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#3 of 4 Old 10-19-2003, 09:26 AM
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Thanks for posting your realizations - Reading it brought tears to my eyes. I am really glad, for you and your children, that she treats them respect and kindness and looks like she may grow to love them. And your feelings of acceptance are a great sign that you are moving forward and have taken your difficult situation with ex-dh and grown from it. It's just gratifying to hear about this, a real step forward and growth for you and her. (Now let's just hope your ex doesn't blithely screw up this mutual understanding by repeated his abusive behavior w/ this very nice woman.)
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#4 of 4 Old 10-21-2003, 06:01 PM
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Wow. I got a lump in my throat reading your post. It sounds like you have a person with a really kind and compassionate heart to be with your children when you are not there. I can only hope that she is treated with more love and respect than you were. You're a very lucky woman.
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