My life, my marriage, everything has come to a turning point and it is all my choice where to go from here. I just need to get it out so I can gain some perspective and sort it all out.
My Husband is in basic training right now and it looks like because he is sick he will either be recycled (have to wait there until the next cycle starts and re-do Basic for a total of 18 weeks), which I am ok with, or be medically discharged, which I am going to be devastated about. This was our last chance. He is 33, working at a gas station, barely paying the bills, no health or life insurance, borrowing my Brother's car. This will be the 5th humongous failure in 4 years of his. He's been fired 2 from fairly well paying jobs (though only once was his fault admittedly),failed his CNA test the first time, failed out of Nursing school (this was kind of understandable since his UA violation boss kept scheduling mandatory meetings during his class time) and now this. Add to this an emotional affair on his end too. I can not live in poverty for the rest of my life and in this area that we live I could not find a job that would even cover daycare costs for 2 kids. If we have no $$$ moving isn't really an option either. The military was literally our best and only option at this point. I am mourning our dream. Part of me very much wants to send him a letter saying if you don't just get over it and get through the training don't bother coming home. Part of me wants him home because I do love him and miss him. I don't need him, I am perfectly capable of caring for our children on my own other than financially but I could find a way if I had to. Damn-it i wanted more babies though, I wanted a home with a Husband, I wanted to be able to take family vacations and have life insurance, and dental insurance, and a retirement plan, go shopping for a pair of pants when the seat wears out of my jeans and various other things that most people take for granted.
I can either let it go or not but he is never going to change, he is never going to come through for me. The only person who I can expect to change is me.
Becky married to Dave with our sons Davey(6), Beren(3), an Angel, and Seifer(11 m)