Moms who have had their crunchy plans sabotaged by reality-Support Thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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His +pinching* is so sporadic. Mostly when he's tired, so I can head a lot of it off.

So far, I move away from him and tell him that it's ok to be mad, but not to hit/pinch. I'll also ask if he wants to lie down for a while, and he usually signs 'sleep.' We both need a bit of down time, and he either falls asleep or calls me when he feels better. This works a lot, but I still get bruised.

Thanks for reminding me that this too, shall pass.
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#62 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 02:45 PM
 
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: Love this thread!

My biggest thing is TV. Although it is getting better now.
When DS was 3/4ish he had horrible night terrors. We realized when he would nod off watching a movie he would not have night terrors that night.
We mentioned it to one of ds's therapists and she said well then there you go.
I fought it until she said Jena, you are not raising a NT child, you have to raise him as well as his needs. HUGE light bulb, and ds got a TV in his room.
Video games is another one.
As well as Pokemon, Ben 10, and the Disney channel!

JenaMom to ds & dd Proud to
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#63 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 02:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DS watches TV too, far more than I thought I would allow. I'm picky about what he watches, mostly Blue's Clues, dirt biking, and family videos. We talk about who is who (auntie, grandama, dad's mom), and I play BC with him (draw the clues with Steve on a magnetic doodle board).

The dirt biking is just a passion for him. He LOVES it, and I think it helps motivate him with regards to physiotherapy and eating well.
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#64 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 02:50 PM
 
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Ah, hello there.

I'm actually more crunchy than I thought I'd be originally. However, the thing I feel awful about is my diet. DS is nearly 9 mo and still BFs for mosy of his food. And I eat dismally. Sugar? Hi there! Caffine? Yes please. Refined starch? Nummi.

I was such a good girl early on, because we had thrush. I beat it with GSE and a great diet. And then, I rebelled? Bleh.
Also, my parents watch DS while I work... and they have given him a few treats that make me keel over and die. Like Ritz crackers. Not much, just tastes... but I feel like I'm so losing the battle about healthy local food.

Tell me DS will be fine even with a few crackers, please.

To make up for eating too much nastiness, DH and I just signed up for a short CSA. Let's see how much squash we can eat in a month.....

Mom to two intact boys, born at home. DS1 11/07, DS2 9/10
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#65 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 03:37 PM
 
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We had to ban wooden toys for a while because DD#2 had a thing for wood. We called her termite for the longest time. We had to get rid of some furniture because she chewed the edges off. It was completely crazy. I had never seen or heard of anything of the sort. She would reject the stuff we gave her to teeth on in favor of anything that was wooden. I don't know how she didn't get splinters.
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#66 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 03:42 PM
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Me! Me! I had all kinds of ideals about how I wanted to parent, and then I had DS and got smacked with reality. Some ideals in question:

- Growing our own food: DH had no time to till up space here and I refuse to head over to his parents' house every day to take care of the family garden. So we are striving for next year.

- Spending lots of time outside with DS and limiting time indoors: Yeah ok. Our lawn is a joke with hardly no grass and our road is too dangerous to take many walks on. So we watch TV. Not a lot, but we do.

- Limiting battery operated toys: Well DS just loves them. He loves to push buttons and make lights and sounds go off. It makes him happy. So I leave the batteries in.

- Limiting certain foods. Yeah ok. I'll eat it but he can't. That worked so well lol.

- I intended to babywear. My parents bought me an awesome sling, and I worked hard at using it properly and often. DS had other plans. He enjoys the Beco now, but would rather be walking or running. He also really likes his stroller.

There's more but I've a tummy bug today and need to scoot. : Glad to see you, and finally find a tribe I fit in!
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#67 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Nice to see newer posters, as well as some old-schoolers. It's shaping up to be a kick-ass tribe!
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#68 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 04:41 PM
 
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Greetings all!

Just realized that I need to wake the first born from his nap or he'll be up 'til 10 tonight, so I'll be back later tonight to participate. I'm so glad to see this thread came back!
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#69 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 04:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Throkmorton View Post
Grrr! I just lost a huge post!

Basically, I have had tons of BF issues. My friend wants me to become a LLL leader because every leader she knows has had it really easy, but I disagree with the "everyone can bf with just a correct latch and happy thoughts! mentality.
Thoughts?
I think you need to look more into the LLL philosophy. One of my local leaders is encouraging me to become one (and if I wasn't so freakin' busy right now....)
I had a crapload of problems and still managed to BF (tongue tie, supply issues, nipple damage, post c-section pain). I did supplement with formula for a few weeks at the beginning, and she said that was ok. I am a WOHM and I had a c-section (many of the moms in my local group had homebirths). I LOVE giving advice to new moms at the LLL meetings. I LOVE talking to other WOHM's who are dealing with pumping issues. I love to be an example that it is possible to WOHM and still do extended breastfeeding (DD will be three in october and is still nursing a few times a day, I am hoping she will be ready to quit soon though).

http://www.llli.org/LAD/TaLLL/TaLLL.html
Take a look at the ten concepts and see what they mean to you.

I think their is a big difference between the organization ideals and what is presented by individual leaders.
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#70 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 05:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Throkmorton View Post
My niece couldn't nurse because of her rough start, so i I understand that side perfectly well. I wasn't judging non-nursing moms as lazy at all. Far from it.

It's some of the LCs I have met and especially the LLL in the town where I used to live. I called the LLL leader in tears one day because DS hadn't had a wet diaper in over 24 hours and she just said "oh, it's just your latch. Everyone can breastfeed, just be the boss and push him on there properly!"

Yeah... no. It's that mentality that would be preventing me from even participating in the organization.
That doesn't sound like a good LC or a good LLL Leader. I wouldn't judge the whole organization based on one individual. Most of the leaders and LC's that I have met are happy to try to work through problems with a mom, either on the phone, or better yet in person. I had a friend who had a child with FTT and she went to LLL meetings because she was having supply issues and was supplementing with formula through an SNS. They practically gave her a standing ovation for trying her hardest to get breastmilk to her son.
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#71 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by turtlewomyn View Post

I think their is a big difference between the organization ideals and what is presented by individual leaders.
That's so true.
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#72 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 06:04 PM
 
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I guess I would fit into this mold as well. But I am so go along w things, I guess I didnt really give it much thought anymore.

Think when you set a goal and the ending point of the goal. What happens in between these two points is Life. Parenting is a real humbling experience as DH likes to say and believe me, we have eaten our share of humble pie!
For me, in my 4 plus years experience w LLL there are good leaders and then there are just leaders. I live in the Chicagoland area where LLLinternational is so we have leaders crawling the area and some are leaders for decades. Add them into a room, you can have some drama sometimes! But all kidding aside several wanted me to train as a leader because of my breastfeeding experience.

After nursing my FT child for 30 mos until she upd and weaned on her own, I had to pump and nurse a micropreemie. Our nicu experience and keeping this child alive is enough to sabatage any natural living plans. Because Maggie started labor naturally at 24 weeks but that was it- She had to be delivered by c section or she would not have survived. She had to be vented, surronded by wires etc for weeks or she would have not survived. We could not practice our normal ap standards of co sleeping etc for weeks because she had to be in the hospital.

So if it wasnt for all this un natural intervention, I would not have my cloth diaperd, weaned herself after a year, running like a crazy woman normal tot who loves trouble! :

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#73 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 06:17 PM
 
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I had so many ideals/plans during my pregnancy, I am glad I had to eat some crow and reality bit me in the butt. I am much less judgemental of moms because of it. parenting is a hard gig!

I intended on babywearing, went through 3 different types of slings and even tryed the baby bojrn, no go, I ended up with a kiddo who hated to be held let alone worn and confined in a small space. So we used a bouncy seat, jumperoo, blankie on the floor (but only on his back, he hated being on his tummy) and when we were out, our stroller.

Breastfeeding came to us extremely easy, and I am forever grateful for that blessing, but I paid for the blessing later on. At 2yrs old, ds was FTT (26mths and 19lbs wearing a 6-9mth old sleeper that was sagging on him), my supply was dwindling and ds wasnt eating a single bite of food. So we tryed everything we could until ds finnaly took pediasure, and for the past 9mths ds has been on it, it has been a total blessing for us. Ds is now in the "normal" weight and height range again.

We didnt CLW, I planned to, but once my supply was gone, the comfort nursing at night was really starting to get on my nerves. I was starting to resent ds and wanted to hurt him, so for my own sanity I mlw. Itwasn't hard at all, I wore a bra to bed, told ds num nums were empty, no more left. held him and he fell asleep wth nothing more than a little whine and aww when I told him. I am so grateful to have my body back to myself! and now ds sleeps through the night.

We never planned to co-sleep, ds liked his own space as a newborn, so we had the bassinet next to my side of the bed. when he started teething at 2mths old we started co-sleeping. Ds still liked his own space, so we kicked daddy out of the bed and ds now has that side. Daddy sleeps in the living roomon a twin size bed, and me and dh actually like the arrangement now nearly 3yrs later. Dh is a wiggler in his sleep, a night owl (later than me), he snores, and some days leaves for work early and doesnt have to distrupt us as we sleep. I hope ds will sleep in his toddler bed in our room soon, but I am fine with co-sleeping for now. I would like to get rid of those feet in my back eventually

We tryed cloth with ds, his skin is so sensitive it just didnt work out, as it was, he could only use one type of disposible (huggies supreme) without a reaction and is allergic to diaper creams otherthan vaseline. With age we have managed to use the cheaper huggies version and some pampers without reactions.

I had planned for only organic foods for ds, but reality bites, organics are expensive, and then ds didnt eat! we have got him eating a few dry crunchy foods with work we have done in speech/feeding therapy and he now has a small list of 7 foods which are :
fruity cherrios
strawberry yogurt cherrios
wild animal crunch
lucky charms with no marshmallows
gerber fruit and vegetable puffs - cherry, sweet potato and peach.


we do sort of CL, which pretty much means if its not important, or harming ds or someone else.... we kind of let ds away with it, because I avoid causing meltdowns as much as I can. We also let ds make as many decisions he can, so he will choose his clothes, or the video etc we watch. We decided it wasnt worth the stress to be tv free or limit ds's tv time, it wasnt fair on him to tell him he couldnt have what relaxed him and helped him learn. So he has unlimited tv, but most the time he is playing while it is background noise.
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#74 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 06:22 PM
 
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Hi, i'm so glad this group is here. i had an emergency c section at 35 weeks due to severe PIH and pre-e. my dd spent 16 days in the NICU. ihad severe PPD that required me to be hospitalised for a week.i was told to ween at 5 weeks by my first pyschiatrist. fortunatly i got a second opinion and saved my bfing relationship with my dd, but my supply was severely affected and i had to supplement with formula. we are weaning at 19/20months because i am expecting again. i'm on medication for PPD, and high blood pressure and although i have a midwife for this birth and hope to VBAC i will have to do so in a hospital. a lot of my hopes and plans have had to be re-evaluated because of my experiences. i deal with feelings of failure and have never thought of myself as a perfect mom. i just try my best and take it day by day. i'm so glad there are others out there who can relate.

Mummy to dd (Jan 13, '07) born by emergency c-section at 35 weeks due to severe pre-e  :ribboncesarean.gif and ds (Jan 30 '09) :hbac.gif and stork-suprise.gif    (06/11)
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#75 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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Hey, I'm glad this thread is back. I was going to say, there's a difference between the crunchy stuff I'm just not into (like, I really don't care about eating organic) and the stuff I AM into, but couldn't achieve (I really did care about having a natural - or at least vaginal! - birth).

When I was pregnant with Corbin, I really deluded myself into thinking labor wouldn't hurt if I wasn't afraid and had the right attitude. HA. Back labor changed everything - I got the epidural and the cascade of interventions that ended up in a difficult c-section and a long recovery. Flat nipples led to undiagnosed bad latch and weight loss and formula supplementation. My doctor wasn't helpful at all; she pushed formula at every opportunity. I was badly depressed and I honestly started thinking that "AP stuff" was a lot of bunk, because none of it seemed to work in my life the way it did in the books. I couldn't get the sling to work and he was too wiggly to cosleep (and a terrible sleeper no matter what we did). I did cloth diaper part-time, but it kept seeming like too much work. Since we weren't into most of the other natural living stuff (like organics), I really didn't fit into communities like this one.

And yet, when Corbin was a toddler, I started hanging out at MDC, and I still felt like I should fit in. Even though I'd failed at most of the AP/NFL things I'd tried. And then I had Simon, and somehow, I got breastfeeding to work this time. He liked the sling. He liked to cosleep. Cloth diapers fit him right and I didn't mind the laundry. Other than the initial breastfeeding problems, it was all so easy and natural, and suddenly I understood how people could say that this style of parenting was easier than "mainstream" parenting. If Simon had been my first baby, maybe it would have been that easy for me, too.

But, in a way, I'm glad that I learned humility from having Corbin. I learned not to judge other parents for not fitting into my ideals of parenting, because I couldn't reach those ideals either.
Pookel, what a story. I especially like what you said about humility. Isn't it amazing that a such tiny people can teach us grownups so much about humility and pride and how to treat others?
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#76 of 213 Old 08-21-2008, 06:53 PM
 
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i really learned a lot about humility when dd was born. dealing with severe PPD shattered any illusions i had about being the perfect mom and taught me how to rely on others. i've learned there is no shame in asking for help, and i can't do it all myself. i think i have gained a lot of empathy for other mothers and their struggles because of it.

Mummy to dd (Jan 13, '07) born by emergency c-section at 35 weeks due to severe pre-e  :ribboncesarean.gif and ds (Jan 30 '09) :hbac.gif and stork-suprise.gif    (06/11)
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#77 of 213 Old 08-22-2008, 12:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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BUMP! I know there are lots of us out there.
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#78 of 213 Old 08-22-2008, 02:22 PM
 
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Thank you for starting this!! After a couple weeks of lurking, this is what convinced me to come out of the shadows!!!

Often when I am reading the forums, I feel I am not crunchy enough - but everywhere else I am way too crunchy! Most of my friends do not have kids, and after I had my ds 6 months ago I started to make a lot of changes in my life. I was a fly by night, wild, party girl, globe trotter - now I am a SAHM who makes her own cleaning supplies, doesn't eat out, and buys local.

I use disposable diapers because my s/o, darling though he is, refuses to change cloth ones. My son sleeps in a cradle beside us because he wakes up with rolly polly mom and dad - he has been sttn since he was 2 1/2 months and I don't want to mess with a good thing. He now naps in a crib and we are planning on transitioning him to his own room so he doesn't wake up when we go to bed/wake up.

I am just a newbie to this lifestyle, and living in a high rise apartment building doesn't make it easy. I have tried to find community plots so we can grow our own food, but I am convinced they don't exist. We are a one car family, and s/o car pools to work.

We are making changes for the better every day, and hope to continue down this lovely garden trail.

Thanks for having us, even though we are crunchy light!

Amanda + Steven SAHM to James (Feb 19, 2008) and Alexander (Jan 7, 2011). Lost little ones always in my heart (07/11/2009) (04/2010)
 
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#79 of 213 Old 08-22-2008, 04:28 PM
 
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I think we'll all appreciate this :
http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/3712

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#80 of 213 Old 08-22-2008, 07:56 PM
 
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So we have 40acres that we had big dreams of turning into a self sustainable farm/community type thing. #1 problem, the land was super cheep (that part was good,) but cheep because human beeings have never settled there... and for good reason! Crappy soil, no H20, very harsh climate & short grow season (8,ooo' 40 below winters, 100 degree summers, high winds year round) (lots of sage brush though!) #2 problem, absolutly no work near by (I'm talking a 3hr commute,) unless you want to buck bales of hay in exchange for hay, which feeds the goats but not us! So we camped out for 3yrs & hauled our water for a pathetic herb garden & our little goat herd. We starded building our house out of dry stone (think old Scottish castles,) wich by the way is lots of really hard work. We were going to wait to conceve untill the house was finished... then we decided we wanted kids before we were 50! After conception we moved 70mi. north to where the MW lives, we took a caretaking job at the community garden, brought our 2 fav milkers with us & moved into the little 1 room strawbail w/ a dirt floor, cold running H2O, & a solar set up that kindof worked some of the time... hey, it was a big step up for us! DD was going to be born there, but after a 3day labor, the MW tok us to the hospital for a c/s (thank you western medicine! [I never thought I would ever say that.] glad to be alive!) So after DD's birth, I freak out about dirt floors & the amount of dust in DD's little lungs, & not willing to move back to the homestead yet (roof & water are good,)... so now we are in town (town of 100 or less, but still town.) and on the grid, paying rent plugged in, on line, washing machine & all washing machine! We still get to eat pretty darn local, I BF & EC w/ cloth diaper backup. But yeah, our crunchy got crunched!

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#81 of 213 Old 08-22-2008, 11:31 PM
 
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Tuerqesa, are you from Montana? Where? (me too) I love your siggy.

I have been away from MDC for a few months because so many things didn't go the way I'd hoped and I just don't feel like I belong here, until someone directed me to this thread! Thank you!

My home waterbirth last November ended in a C-section because the little guy turned breech during labor. I had not written a birth plan "just in case" like my Bradley teacher suggested, because I really didn't think it would happen. (Also I'm a major procrastinator with homework assignments.) While there, he developed jaundice and had the bili light, formula supplementation, etc. but I fought to get him to accept the breast again. This baby ate so much that within a week of going back to work I had to supplement with formula. I can't tell you what a failure I felt like. I cried bitter tears day after day, and DH just didn't understand. I still nursed and pumped as much as possible until 7 months, and comfort nursed until recently when it was clear there just wasn't anything left.

We use some cloth but many disposables, and have many mainstream type toys (alll of which were given to me).

I babywore as long as my back could stand it but I now have to get trigger point injections because just carrying DS around the house is so painful. Did I mention he's almost 30 pounds already, at 9 months old?

So things haven't gone as planned but I'm happy to find this thread because I'm still crunchy compared to everyone else I know, who couldn't believe I was still breastfeeding at 5 MONTHS! GASP!

Nice to meet y'all.
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#82 of 213 Old 08-23-2008, 12:06 AM
 
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Helena originally. What about you?

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#83 of 213 Old 08-23-2008, 01:03 AM
 
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I don't have time to catch up just now, but hi... I totally belong here!

Thanks for starting this, FancyD!

My short intro is that I intended to be semi-crunchy and AP, to whatever extent worked for us. I was SURE I wanted a natural birth. Instead, I had PROM at 35 weeks, pitocin, abx, an epidural, and a baby who went to the NICU for her first night and spent 4 days in the hospital total. Not as bad as some mommas, I know, but definitely not what I planned. MAJOR bfing issues, which somehow (thanks to this forum and finally finding a great LC) we got through. I work full-time. DD had GERD and I did an ED for many months, but can now eat moderate amounts of what I did before. She was medicated for a while.

We are doing the best we can every day.

DD is the absolute light of my life and the best thing that ever happened to me. I am amazed by her every day and feel ultimately blessed to have her.

But being a momma isn't exactly easy or what I was expecting!
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#84 of 213 Old 08-23-2008, 01:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome, ladies! So glad we feel like we have a home here at MDC. There are great supports/ideas here, but not all of them are feasible for some of us.
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#85 of 213 Old 08-23-2008, 03:47 AM
 
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Tuerqesa, are you from Montana? Where? (me too) I love your siggy.

My home waterbirth last November ended in a C-section because the little guy turned breech during labor. I had not written a birth plan "just in case" like my Bradley teacher suggested, because I really didn't think it would happen.
I was born in the Bitteroot Valley

I know that story... It never once occured to me that I might "need" to go to the hospital!

Elisha; happy, working, mountain/river/music, single mamma to Charlotte hearts.gif 03/16/08.      http://rivermamma.blogspot.com/

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#86 of 213 Old 08-23-2008, 04:06 AM
 
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Does anyone here have a DH who doesn't like "real" food?: I mean, he'll eat it if I cook chicken & rice, but he'll complain about it not being red meat & potatoes. Top ramen is his ultimate comfort food, and Kraft mac & cheese is a staple (I had never even eaten either of these things untill I met him!) And it has to be Kraft, Annies is "not orange enough & tastes too real." So how do you feed a man raised on wonderbread that you want to live a long life? (can't complain when the red meat is fresh elk & the tatties from the garden, but this is not usually the case.)

Elisha; happy, working, mountain/river/music, single mamma to Charlotte hearts.gif 03/16/08.      http://rivermamma.blogspot.com/

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#87 of 213 Old 08-23-2008, 04:24 AM
 
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I'm at the point of my life where I respect their wants and needs. Its their body not mine, i can eat how i want, and they can do so as well. Raising an autistic child has taught me alot about just being thankful that they eat sometimes, and its not my place to control every morsel my adult partner takes in.
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#88 of 213 Old 08-23-2008, 08:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RiverMamma View Post
Does anyone here have a DH who doesn't like "real" food?: I mean, he'll eat it if I cook chicken & rice, but he'll complain about it not being red meat & potatoes. Top ramen is his ultimate comfort food, and Kraft mac & cheese is a staple (I had never even eaten either of these things untill I met him!) And it has to be Kraft, Annies is "not orange enough & tastes too real." So how do you feed a man raised on wonderbread that you want to live a long life? (can't complain when the red meat is fresh elk & the tatties from the garden, but this is not usually the case.)
I have a husband who jokes that our daughter's first solid food should be a french fry and that he's going to puree a quarter pounder for her. (No, he wouldn't do these things, but he likes to tease.)

We compromise on food. We plan menus together, I try and incorporate meat-free, husband friendly meals into our menu, and make sure that there are a plethora of easy, healthy foods around. I'll cook and portion out good lunches that we can freeze, so all he has to do is grab a container from the fridge or freezer, I'll mix spinach into the cheese when I make lasagna, I keep fruit I know he eats in the house, even when it isn't the right season for it (he's a big fan of apples, so I keep them around) and when we first lived together, I packed his lunch so I knew what was in it and I could keep healthier stuff in it. The semi-healthy lunch became a habit, and now he'll pack an apple and a yogurt and his main dish. When we go out, I try and make sure that we share a salad as part of our meal, and I try and serve salad with dinner most nights.

In his case, a lot of the time, it's a question of access...the more access he has to healthy food/the less access he has to less healthy choices, the more likely he is to eat it.
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#89 of 213 Old 08-24-2008, 12:12 AM
 
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How do you guys stay patient with your kids? I am at my wit's end here and I hate feeling this way, but I am so frustrated. Toby is driving me CRAZY. All the screaming and constant .. SCREAMING is getting to me. I know he is teething and I am trying to keep us both calm and happy, but lately I just snap so much easier. I try to take him out during the day and get him some stimulation because a lot of times he is bored around our apartment, but lately nothing has helped. What do I do to be a nice mom? I feel like a monster, I really do

Kris - married to Nate since 12/06, mom to Toby since 1/08. Also servant to two felines. Done having babies for medical reasons.

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#90 of 213 Old 08-24-2008, 01:23 AM
 
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Kris I have a hard time with the screaming. I'm so lucky my little guy doesn't cry or fuss much unless something's really wrong, but if something sets him off and he's tired, I feel like something gets set off in me. Then I get cranky which makes DH cranky and it's a mess. But I've had to learn to breathe through the crying. When Oliver was a newborn he screamed for hours at a time and I had to wear him in the sling during it, it was how he put himself to sleep actually, so I built up a tolerance to it. Then he stopped and my tolerance went away. The crying def. jangles my nerves, but that's the only advice I have. Try to breathe. Do you get breaks, time to yourself away from baby?

T, I grew up in Billings. Went to Helena on tour with my high school orchestra though
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