I've been feeling like crap lately. I have a new job that on most days I like,but on bad days I just can't do it and have had to cancel shifts. Today I left mid shift even though I did everything I could to make myself stay or to leave early with out getting another attendance infraction.
Some of my "excuses" have been that I felt stressed and felt a panic attack coming on,but the truth is,is that I'm having some thoughts about suicide. None that I want to act on,but the thoughts are there. I mostly feel like crying and I start to choke on my words. I take small bathroom breaks and try and calm myself before I go back to my desk. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
HR knows that I was at the mental hospital a few days ago after leaving work. I went to their ER and talked to a doc who wrote me a note to excuse me from work that day so I wouldn't be in trouble for missing work. He didn't put a reason,but the name of well know hospital is on the paper.
I see a doctor about this (finally) on October 27th and hopefully can try and find something that will help. I've been asking for help for this issue for months now.
What should I tell my work? I don't want to tell them the whole truth b/c it may scare them and embarrass me or they could tell me if I'm not well that I shouldn't be working at all. I need to work,not just for the money,but b/c it gets me out of the house and makes me feel "normal".
I just need them to be more lenient about these darn absence infractions. If I get to many then I'll be fired.