support thread for mamas with toxic and/or estranged parents - Page 14 - Mothering Forums

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#391 of 402 Old 02-14-2013, 06:17 PM
 
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I read about asking family for help. I have 5 siblings, and until both my parents were alive. Yet, despite their existence, I might as well be an orphan with no siblings. I gave to them and their children -- my time, my love, my money, my effort -- and they do not give anything to either me or my son. Never have. I can't figure out *why*! Don't they realize I would give to them again, when I'm able, if they give to me in my time of need?!? Even from the selfish perspective, they should give. I don't get it. But I've given up worrying about it. They are illogical. And I can't change them.

Still, others don't understand, no matter how I try to explain.
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#392 of 402 Old 02-27-2013, 09:03 PM
 
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I read about asking family for help. I have 5 siblings, and until both my parents were alive. Yet, despite their existence, I might as well be an orphan with no siblings. I gave to them and their children -- my time, my love, my money, my effort -- and they do not give anything to either me or my son. Never have. I can't figure out *why*! Don't they realize I would give to them again, when I'm able, if they give to me in my time of need?!? Even from the selfish perspective, they should give. I don't get it. But I've given up worrying about it. They are illogical. And I can't change them.

Still, others don't understand, no matter how I try to explain.

 

I understand. hug2.gif

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#393 of 402 Old 02-28-2013, 11:25 AM
 
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I understand. hug2.gif

Thanks!!
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#394 of 402 Old 04-03-2013, 07:52 AM
 
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Jumping in here, too. I am completely new to mothering.com and these forums, but I also have a toxic mother. It has caused a whole host of issues that I am working to overcome. I need some support, and a friend recommended this forum to me. So, hi. smile.gif

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#395 of 402 Old 04-05-2013, 06:14 AM
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Just want to say that it makes me feel normal to read this thread.

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Trying to do the right thing with three kids and a hubby. 
ds20, dd18, ds16

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#396 of 402 Old 04-14-2013, 09:25 AM
 
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Hi.

Sorry to only be lurking.

I am SO sorry for those of you who are here, and those of you who had been sexually and physically abused.

We have an estrangement and deep problems... but I am thankful I escaped that kind of evil that some of you endured.

Be well.

Trin.

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#397 of 402 Old 05-05-2013, 12:56 PM
 
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I'm here too. Haven't spoken with my mother at all in 8 years, have been mostly estranged from her for 14 years. My partner and I are expecting a baby at the beginning of July, so I've been wondering off and on whether I should get in touch with my mom and let her know about her first grandchild. Not sure if it's a bad idea or not...

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#398 of 402 Old 05-08-2013, 09:07 AM
 
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So....

Is this time of year, Mother's Day, difficult for most of the other ladies on here?

It's just awful.

Trying to enjoy it with my own family while constantly hearing the sentimental ads on tv and radio, in shops, etc.

Do people really have these kinds of open honest and healthy connections?

Amazing.

Trin

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#399 of 402 Old 05-08-2013, 11:18 AM
 
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I hate Mother's Day.
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#400 of 402 Old 05-10-2013, 04:24 AM
 
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What to do?

My new landord has decided to convert the building to condos, so I have to move this summer. My mother, who I have barely had contact with in the past 14 years also has to move. She has been renting a condo and the owner has decided to sell. She won't buy the condo, but is going to move. The problem is she can't afford any place that she likes. I am also having trouble finding something I can afford. Financially, it makes sense for us to share a place. Emotionally and phsically, I see that as nothing but trouble!! She refuses to acknowledge my food allergies, and has deliberately slipped foods I react to into other food, just to prove to me that it's "all in my mind". Then, when I'm vomiting, she tells me I must have a flu virus, or something else, because there's *no way* I could be making myself vomit, because I couldn't have known she slipped the food in there!

Yeah. I need to leave well enough alone. Now, how to stop feelings guilty or crazy for not going with the obvious solution to our financial problems?
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#401 of 402 Old 05-10-2013, 06:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by pek64 View Post

What to do?

My new landord has decided to convert the building to condos, so I have to move this summer. My mother, who I have barely had contact with in the past 14 years also has to move. She has been renting a condo and the owner has decided to sell. She won't buy the condo, but is going to move. The problem is she can't afford any place that she likes. I am also having trouble finding something I can afford. Financially, it makes sense for us to share a place. Emotionally and phsically, I see that as nothing but trouble!! She refuses to acknowledge my food allergies, and has deliberately slipped foods I react to into other food, just to prove to me that it's "all in my mind". Then, when I'm vomiting, she tells me I must have a flu virus, or something else, because there's *no way* I could be making myself vomit, because I couldn't have known she slipped the food in there!

Yeah. I need to leave well enough alone. Now, how to stop feelings guilty or crazy for not going with the obvious solution to our financial problems?

Yeah, NO. I would move in to the tiniest studio apartment and eat ramen noodles every day before I would ever live with my mother. It just would not be worth the psychological toll, and would undo years and years of therapy work. NO.


Jfly-by-nursing1.gif, partner-in-crime to Dfamilybed2.gif, mama to run.gif4, including our brand new rainbow1284.gifbaby.gifmissing my 7-wk-er

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#402 of 402 Old 11-23-2013, 09:07 PM
 
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