Hi Good people. I really wanted to read every line of this thread but I am exhausted after a full day of single-parenting my 14 month old!
These jumped out at me:
"Absolutely I must say that two parent families are the ideal"
-um, this is kind of like saying that blondes are all dumb or that Nigerians are all smarter.. just any statement that makes an absolute like this is hard to identify as correct.
"Especially if we want to parent ap."
Ok - I have a blatant objection to this statement. In my new mommies class I took when DD was born, I heard no end to the complaining from moms that they had to hide while breastfeeding because their husbands didn't like it, and that they were heartbroken they couldn't co-sleep because the husband forbade it. AP is a choice that many men (and yes some women) refuse. I had the feeling these men were jealous of the attention the child was getting to be honest with you - and they put up a barrier between babe and mother.
"Mothers were never meant to do it all-- the chilrearing, cooking, cleaning, teaching, finances, etc. Something has to give and it usually the children."
To this I agree about the first part. We are not meant to do it all and doing it all saps me to the point I am about to break. But the children are always the victims? I can't really abide with another blanket statement like this. If me and DD's dad were together her life and mine would be a living hell. I would be way more broken and brittle from dealing with him than I am doing this on my own, and she would be scarred for life from the emotional trauma it would cause her.
While I have run across a very few people in my life who seemed to have two mutually healthy and caring parents and a father who didn't put upon the mother or take his kids for granted, the vast majority of people I have run across have highly dysfunctional and sad stories to tell about their childhoods because of the struggles between the two parents. (note I say the 2 parents - not just a "bad man")
My ideal wish would be to have a wonderful loving and devoted father who treated women with respect - for DD to enjoy and rest on for support. Until that man exists in my reality, which may be never, she will have a peaceful and loving home with me without the pain and anguish of two fighting or resentful parents. I can't tell you how many of my married acquaintances talk of having to take care of their men even more than they have to take care of their children.
Yes marriage and partnered parenthood are wonderful. Yes it is rare that the two come hand in hand in a healthy way for the children. Until then it's wrong o demonize single parenting the way it is even in our day and age. Doing that definitely hurts the children. They are excluded as their mothers are excluded, and tht hurts them. Sorry but it's the truth.
My 2 pence. Thanks.