Dear Mr. Resident, Your Honor, Sir
I just received my child tax credit check, and I wanted to take the time to thank you personally for all the wonderful things you’ve done in the name of freedom and democracy.
The check came at a particularly good time, because I was just informed that my property taxes will be doubling in the next year, my health insurance premiums will be going up 18%, and that the company I currently work for is planning on downsizing in order to cut costs. (My termination date will be Oct. 1, 2003.) Also, my 401k plan is less than 1/10 the size it was just 3 years ago, (which I am sure was Bill Clinton’s doing when he sabotaged the stock market in the last days of his administration) so this $400 check could not have been delivered in a more timely manner.
I have heard a lot of talk in recent days by unpatriotic Democrats who say that you are “nothing but a low-life, spoon-fed coke-snortin’ draft- dodging idiot warmonger”, but I am hear to tell you that I think that is just not true. What you did for Iraq in the cause of world peace is truly astounding, and you should be proud of your accomplishments. Starting a war in the name of peace is a truly innovative approach to diplomacy.
Sure, it has put our country deep in debt, and very possibly has bankrupted the Social Security Trust Fund forever, but freedom has a price as you well know. Besides, those sick, elderly people who are whining should have just planned ahead, and they wouldn’t be in the mess they’re in.
Also, I wanted to thank you for all your attention to environmental causes. The “Healthy Forest Initiative” sure does sound neato!! I am very much in favor of a healthy forest!! I like trees, and I’m sure that their shade will come in handy at a time when global warming is on the rise like never before.
I am so proud to be part of a country that values personal freedom enough to pass such things as “The Patriot Act.” Wow, just the name evokes visions of people like Paul Revere, Thomas Payne, Thomas Jefferson and Betsy Ross. It’s so good to know that you’ve “got our backs” when it comes to civil liberties.
And your efforts to reduce government size and waste are remarkable, especially when you think about how efficiently the Department Of Homeland Security operates, on the shoe-string budget they are working with.
Anyway, I just want to thank you again for all of your hard work. (Even though I’m sure you won’t get this letter for at least a month because I’m told you are vacationing on your ranch in Texas.)
Good luck in 2004!