Join Date: Oct 2003
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I started out our marriage this way. I was at home (by unemployment; not by choice however dh would have preferred it was permanent). Other than desiring a career, I did consult him on EVERYTHING. If I felt the need to spend $5, I asked permission. We did decide early on that I would do the budget and I did. He would complain about it and I'd turn it over to him. After a few months we'd have significantly less money and he'd get frustrated and he'd hand it back to me.
It sounds to me that in the area of money, there needs to be some common ground found. Does it need to be one person's job or the others? In our home, my DH sets up the budget while asking me how much money I will need for various things (I do the majority of the shopping). Once he sets it up, he brings it to me for me to look over and make sure I'm comfortable with everything. If I have any concerns, I raise them and we discuss them together. In the end, he has a final say, but he definitely uses my input. I think your situation would benefit greatly from finding some common ground here.
I tried to clean up during the day. He preferred to cook and most of the time I let him. I tried hard. He on the other hand did not realize that so much was in the Bible about marriage and I didn't think to point it out to him. I sometimes wonder had we studied these parts of the Bible together, if it would have made a difference.
Is it too late to start now? Maybe bring up to him that you would love to do some couple's Bible study on marriage. I would let him lead the study though. My DH and I really like reading "The Marriage Builder" together.
Things took a turn for the worse when I was WOH.
My biggest fault right now is just not trusting him to make decisions that are good for the family. To me, it seems that he is still not considering us when it comes to making decisions. I know I'm supposed to keep my mouth shut.
There's a difference between submission and keeping your mouth shut. Yes, there are times when it is most beneficial to all involved to keep your mouth shut, but there is nothing wrong with respectfully voicing your concerns.
It's just so hard when I see how his decisions benefit him and hurt other members of the family including the children (nothing physically damaging but yet making it hard for them to trust us). He has been allowing me to guide him on somethings such as organization and being consistant with the children and it's working (ie. they don't listen if you keep making empty promises so he's tryingto follow through more now). He's also spontaneous and while that's great sometimes, it's also an issue of considering others sometimes.
So the major problem is that I don't trust him and I'm bitter. However, I don't want to feel this way. I want to trust him to think about how his actions affect the entire family.
That last sentence really stuck out to me. I mean this in the kindest way possible. It translates (in my mind) to, "I want to trust him to change to how I want him to be." It would appear that your bitterness comes from not accepting him as he his (a fellow sinner saved by grace and in desperate need of forgiveness). That's not to say that he couldn't benefit from some changes, but that could be said about anyone. Just some things to think about.
Elizabeth - Doing life with Scott
SAHM to Evelyn - my crazy little Celiac (4) Annabelle (2) and Abraham (born 6/20)
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I wanted to share something that I just learned when putting this thread together.
We are "submitted" wives because Ephesians 5:22 says we should submit to our husbands.
And verse 23 says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body."
Most, if not all, read "the husband is head of the wife" to mean "the husband is the boss of the wife" or in other words, in control. But you know what? That is not what it really is saying.
I have been doing some word education and going beyond what has always been taught on scripture and checking out what the original words meant.
Did you know "head" does not mean "boss"? It actually does not even imply "in control".
I read this to mean "head" is more of a "point of attack", like when you (if you were not afraid) reach out to grab a snake, you grab it by the head. Or when you attack an enemy, you attack the head. Or when you peek out to see if you were safe, only the head gets exposed.
The husband is the "head" of the wife, the one that stands in front of her to protect her from attack. The one that is to take the brunt of the attack. The one that sticks his neck out to see if it is safe.
Now, that really made me think about a lot of things when I have reread this passage the last couple of days.
All I can say is WOW!