~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #13 2009*~ - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 283 Old 01-08-2009, 02:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The new thread for Biblical Marriage with wifely submission.

~THIS IS A SUPPORT THREAD ONLY~

This is for a support thread for Biblically Based Marriage and Wifely submission. For those that are new to the thread, "wifely submission" is not about being a doormat or a slave to our husbands. It is not about men getting to "rule" over us. It is about the Biblical principle of wives submitting, willingly to their husband's lead. It is about us giving up our "right" as "independent women" and deferring to our husband's headship in our marriage.

We understand that a Biblical Marriage is a two way street and the husband has his own set of responsibilities to love us wives as Christ loves the Church, but since we are a group of women, we will be focusing our thread on our part, our responsibilities in our marriages.

Please join us as we talk, as we pray, as we cry on each other's shoulders, as we laugh with each other, and as we live every day struggling to do our best at living a Biblical Marriage.


Previous Threads (and I can't believe we are already on #13!):

~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #12 Sept-Oct-Nov*~
~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #11 July-Aug*~
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #10 May-June
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #9 Dec-Jan
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #8 Oct-Nov
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #7 July-Aug
Biblical marriage with wifely submission #6 Apr-Jun
Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #5 Winter 06
Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission #4 Aug 2006
Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission #3!!!!
#2 Biblical Marriage/Wife Submission Thread
Biblical Marriage with Wife Submission Tribe (#1)



A Christian marriage is more than just the union of two Christians of the opposite sex. A Christian marriage is characterized and governed by Christian principles that are taught in the Bible. Please note that a Christian marriage is not defined by the teachings of a church. A Christian marriage adheres to the standards of marriage revealed in the Holy Bible regardless of a church's teachings and practices.


Genesis 1:27-28
Quote:
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Matthew 19:4-6
Quote:
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
1 Corinthians 7:3-4
Quote:
Let the husband give to the wife proper kindness, and likewise the wife also to the husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. And likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife.
Ephesians 5:22-32
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Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present it to Himself as the glorious church, without spot or wrinkle or any such things, but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord loves the church.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.
"For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh."
This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
But also let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife that she defers to her husband.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
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#2 of 283 Old 01-08-2009, 11:31 AM
 
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subbing

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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You started this much better then I have been. Can all you mamas keep us in your prayers? My youngest DD last week had a really severe seizure and DH and I are having a really hard time relaxing and trusting that she's going to be OK when not under our eyes.
We're both still very scared.

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
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#4 of 283 Old 01-09-2009, 12:06 AM
 
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theretohere, I'm praying!
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#5 of 283 Old 01-09-2009, 12:14 AM
 
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You started this much better then I have been. Can all you mamas keep us in your prayers? My youngest DD last week had a really severe seizure and DH and I are having a really hard time relaxing and trusting that she's going to be OK when not under our eyes.
We're both still very scared.
so sorry mama! my prayers!

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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#6 of 283 Old 01-10-2009, 01:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Your are in my prayers as well. I know what it is like. And it is not fun.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
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#7 of 283 Old 01-10-2009, 01:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I wanted to share something that I just learned when putting this thread together.

We are "submitted" wives because Ephesians 5:22 says we should submit to our husbands.

And verse 23 says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body."

Most, if not all, read "the husband is head of the wife" to mean "the husband is the boss of the wife" or in other words, in control. But you know what? That is not what it really is saying.

I have been doing some word education and going beyond what has always been taught on scripture and checking out what the original words meant.

Did you know "head" does not mean "boss"? It actually does not even imply "in control".


Quote:
κεφαλή
kephalē
kef-al-ay'
Probably from the primary wordκάπτω kaptō (in the sense of seizing); the head (as the part most readily taken hold of), literally or figuratively: - head.
I read this to mean "head" is more of a "point of attack", like when you (if you were not afraid) reach out to grab a snake, you grab it by the head. Or when you attack an enemy, you attack the head. Or when you peek out to see if you were safe, only the head gets exposed.

The husband is the "head" of the wife, the one that stands in front of her to protect her from attack. The one that is to take the brunt of the attack. The one that sticks his neck out to see if it is safe.

The head.

Now, that really made me think about a lot of things when I have reread this passage the last couple of days.

All I can say is WOW!

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#8 of 283 Old 01-10-2009, 02:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty View Post
I wanted to share something that I just learned when putting this thread together.

We are "submitted" wives because Ephesians 5:22 says we should submit to our husbands.

And verse 23 says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body."

Most, if not all, read "the husband is head of the wife" to mean "the husband is the boss of the wife" or in other words, in control. But you know what? That is not what it really is saying.

I have been doing some word education and going beyond what has always been taught on scripture and checking out what the original words meant.

Did you know "head" does not mean "boss"? It actually does not even imply "in control".



I read this to mean "head" is more of a "point of attack", like when you (if you were not afraid) reach out to grab a snake, you grab it by the head. Or when you attack an enemy, you attack the head. Or when you peek out to see if you were safe, only the head gets exposed.

The husband is the "head" of the wife, the one that stands in front of her to protect her from attack. The one that is to take the brunt of the attack. The one that sticks his neck out to see if it is safe.

The head.

Now, that really made me think about a lot of things when I have reread this passage the last couple of days.

All I can say is WOW!

I think this is why woman should have such respect for their husbands. My husband isn't just my boss but my protector, and guardian and my friend.

people who misunderstand "submissive wifely hood" often think we "submit" b/c we are afraid of our husbands. or that we fear being our own person... or even worse that we are scared of our husbands and so let him control all things. and its so very sad how far from the truth this is. It should never be that way.

It is so uncommon in our society today to see a properly functioning marriage that often we hear "submissive" and it draws up ugly images of beaten and abused wives too scared to step out on their own. this is NOT what wifely submission is.

submission may take on a slightly different look in each family. but the underlying rule should be respect, admiration, a desire to lift up one another and true love and serve -from both parties. sadly this is hard to emulate when we have SO very few good sources of influence to look to.

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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#9 of 283 Old 01-10-2009, 12:05 PM
 
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I'd like to join. This is something that I have been praying about. I seem to have my old "Feminist" views leaking back into my life and it's really effecting my relationship with DH. It seems like everywhere I turn, even in Christian circles, I'm told that "it's okay to want my own things" and "it's okay to be selfish and do things just for me without talking to DH about it" etc. It's a struggle for me right now, but I do know our house, our relationship, everything seems to be right where it needs to be when we fulfull the roles God has for us.
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#10 of 283 Old 01-10-2009, 12:07 PM
 
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I think this is why woman should have such respect for their husbands. My husband isn't just my boss but my protector, and guardian and my friend.

"my friend". I love this. I was just reading this great book that was saying women should have other women friends, but if your other friendships are taking you away from your friendship with your DH you need to rethink things. It seems like it's so uncool to say that you're friends with your DH. People look at you like you're crazy, but that's my desire. To have my DH be my best friend.
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#11 of 283 Old 01-10-2009, 05:54 PM
 
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subbing..

I look forward to learning from this thread. My pastor doesn't cover this topic enough, so I'm hoping to find support and resources here.

Tabitha ~ devoted wife to my best friend Stephen ribbonyellow.gif and gentle Christian mom to six DSs: notes.gif E - 2/09/00REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifA - 3/05/03superhero.gifA- 6/05/06 guitar.gif H- 2/07/08 jog.gif J - 11/14/10 bouncy.gif T - 8/23/12 + stork-suprise.gif due 9/20/14!  brokenheart.gif DD Janae 10/19/09 angel2.gif
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#12 of 283 Old 01-11-2009, 08:28 PM
 
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to Soul-O and Maxwill129- I hope that this thread helps uplift you!

To my husband I am wife, to my kids I am mother, but for myself I am just me.
we're : with and : and
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#13 of 283 Old 01-12-2009, 04:01 PM
 
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I just found this thread and wanted to pop in.... this is something me and DH are still struggling with. We both feel that he needs to be the head of the household but the responsibility of this still scares him in many ways. I think he is worried most about leading us down the wrong path in some way. I try and help him by following his guidance and taking control of things he has asked me to. He is admittebly horrible with money, so he has asked me to be in control of it. I was a little uncomfortable with it at first, but then he reminded me that as head of our house he is doing what is best for us and that with a degree in accounting I am better set to handle our finances. I don't know if that made any sense, just looking for some support from people who have BTDT maybe and don't think I am just scared of him.

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#14 of 283 Old 01-12-2009, 05:48 PM
 
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I just found this thread and wanted to pop in.... this is something me and DH are still struggling with. We both feel that he needs to be the head of the household but the responsibility of this still scares him in many ways. I think he is worried most about leading us down the wrong path in some way. I try and help him by following his guidance and taking control of things he has asked me to. He is admittebly horrible with money, so he has asked me to be in control of it. I was a little uncomfortable with it at first, but then he reminded me that as head of our house he is doing what is best for us and that with a degree in accounting I am better set to handle our finances. I don't know if that made any sense, just looking for some support from people who have BTDT maybe and don't think I am just scared of him.
If the head of the household asks you to take care of the money (for a time even) then you should take care of it if you can. that would still fall under wifely submission. frankly, husbands - though leaders- are not perfect! they struggle and have weaknesses and parts of life they haven't mastered yet ykwim? If money management truly is something he struggles with and you're good at it... and he's okay with your doing it, I would go for it. and if you feel in your heart it should be his job, then pray about it, and pray that God would provide him learning opportunities for money management.

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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#15 of 283 Old 01-12-2009, 05:57 PM
 
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If the head of the household asks you to take care of the money (for a time even) then you should take care of it if you can. that would still fall under wifely submission. frankly, husbands - though leaders- are not perfect! they struggle and have weaknesses and parts of life they haven't mastered yet ykwim? If money management truly is something he struggles with and you're good at it... and he's okay with your doing it, I would go for it. and if you feel in your heart it should be his job, then pray about it, and pray that God would provide him learning opportunities for money management.
Thank you so much for this! We have both prayed about this and feel that me being in charge of finances is best, he especially feels that this is right and so I do it. I do always consult him before making any purchases that are out of the norm or if anything changes, ykwim? I think the hardest thing for me is reminding myself to always be supportive and that if he asks me to do something (ie finances) then to do it with a willing heart.

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#16 of 283 Old 01-12-2009, 07:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, if your husband needs you to do something like the finances, then it is absolutely right for you to do it, as long as you CAN do it.

Remember the Proverbs 31 woman. She was not a "slave". She was not a "doormat". She did do finances. She did use her mind. She did make decisions. She just did it under his covering and brought honor to him with her dealings.

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#17 of 283 Old 01-12-2009, 08:09 PM
 
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Subbing and Joining.

My DH and I keep our marriage like this. As PPs have said, it's hard to explain to society how it works. He's the spiritual head of the household. He takes my opinion into consideration, but whenever a big decision is to be made (concerning anything) he has the final say. It's made our marriage work SO WELL! I couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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Yes, if your husband needs you to do something like the finances, then it is absolutely right for you to do it, as long as you CAN do it.

Remember the Proverbs 31 woman. She was not a "slave". She was not a "doormat". She did do finances. She did use her mind. She did make decisions. She just did it under his covering and brought honor to him with her dealings.
Thank you again I do fully realize that I am capable of managing our finances and with him being military and getting deployed every other year it is probably best for many reasons, I should be thankful that I have a husband who recognizes areas in which I am better suited to do things and that he is able to lead our family in the right direction!! Now that I think about it more I have many friends whose husbands are not good with money but insist that they do it and have control over "the money they make" so they are constantly struggling... I am so blessed that my DH is not like this!!

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#19 of 283 Old 01-12-2009, 08:33 PM
 
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I think proverbs 31:16 (and beyond) is a good reference, as it specifically references a good wife who takes much initiative in the wellbeing of her household (including making financial decisions).
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#20 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 03:31 PM
 
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Hi AFWife!

I usually pay the bills, sometimes double checking with him to make sure that it's ok (in case the account might be a bit low and we shouldn't pay one early, etc). He is busy with work, so I see it as doing what I can, as a helpmeet, to free up his evenings so he can play with the baby and read a book for fun instead. Our pastor told us before we got married that his wife balanced the checkbook because she was skilled in that area and he delegated that to her. Knowing that made us more comfortable with it, I think.

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#22 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 05:33 PM
 
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Hi AFWife!

I usually pay the bills, sometimes double checking with him to make sure that it's ok (in case the account might be a bit low and we shouldn't pay one early, etc). He is busy with work, so I see it as doing what I can, as a helpmeet, to free up his evenings so he can play with the baby and read a book for fun instead. Our pastor told us before we got married that his wife balanced the checkbook because she was skilled in that area and he delegated that to her. Knowing that made us more comfortable with it, I think.
It is very good to hear that other couples do this as well!!!! We have an allotment (he is military) that goes to a separate account that is solely for bills so that is easy.. then I keep track of what we spend and I am in charge of making sure we stick to the budget we made. I agree that it does help free his evenings so he can spend time with our son!!!! I would much rather him be spending time with our children then balancing the check book.

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#23 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For many years I did the checkbook, and I am excellent at it. My DH is good at it too. But I decided one day to "quit".

For us, it was not so much me "helping" him, as it was him not stepping up into the headship role of our house. So now, he is the head and he does the finances. (Oh, I forgot to mention, that he is in banking! So it is not like he does not know what he is doing, and because of his profession, he always double checked everything I did anyways.)

I am actually very glad I no longer have to deal with the finances.

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#24 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 07:44 PM
 
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I have a question for you ladies... me and DH go back and forth on the issue of BC. For the most part we are both totally comfortable and ready to just put it all in God's hands, but sometimes he has doubts. I feel that as he is the leader of the household I need to take his lead on what we will do, it would only be us using NFP or pull out as neither of us is comfortable with anything else... what is your take on this? I don't really have an RL friends to discuss this with...

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#25 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 08:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First, I would suggest sitting down and really coming to a decision and making a commitment. I know this is easier said than done; but, if you can do this, then it will be easier to stick to it.

You should find the will of God for your lives and then make a mutual decision to stick with it, even when doubts arrise.

If you, or you DH are really unsure about this, it is Biblical to back off for a season to pray about it. That is what I consider NFP.

And NFP is the only type of BC that I would ever use either.

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#26 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 08:17 PM
 
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First, I would suggest sitting down and really coming to a decision and making a commitment. I know this is easier said than done; but, if you can do this, then it will be easier to stick to it.

You should find the will of God for your lives and then make a mutual decision to stick with it, even when doubts arrise.

If you, or you DH are really unsure about this, it is Biblical to back off for a season to pray about it. That is what I consider NFP.

And NFP is the only type of BC that I would ever use either.
This is basically what we are doing... right now it is a non-issue as I am pregnant which he is thrilled about but he is more worried about once my fertility returns. We are both praying a lot about it, but we obviously need to be on the same page before we make such a huge commitment!! I know that for now I need to simply pray and talk with DH and use NFP as long as it takes us to come to a decision. It is just so hard...

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#27 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 08:18 PM
 
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I have a question for you ladies... me and DH go back and forth on the issue of BC. For the most part we are both totally comfortable and ready to just put it all in God's hands, but sometimes he has doubts. I feel that as he is the leader of the household I need to take his lead on what we will do, it would only be us using NFP or pull out as neither of us is comfortable with anything else... what is your take on this? I don't really have an RL friends to discuss this with...
DH and I used the POM for the majority of our marriage. (I tried the Depo shot but it made me sick) About a year ago we decided that not pulling out felt more natural and we put it in God's hands. Basically, we flat stated, "If something happens it happens. We aren't TRYING but we aren't PREVENTING." We trusted that God would put a child in our lives when HE saw fit...and He did.

It wasn't something we just decided one day. We talked about it beforehand and it just felt like the right thing to do.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#28 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 08:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH "If something happens it happens. We aren't TRYING but we aren't PREVENTING." We trusted that God would put a child in our lives when HE saw fit...and He did.
That's us. It really is freeing!

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#29 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 08:45 PM
 
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That's us. It really is freeing!
I hope we can get to this point soon!!!! DH is about to go through some more schools (hopefully) to become a warrant officer so I think that will help him a lot, I know money is a big worry for him. He wanted another baby as SOON as our son was born though so I have a feeling part of the current issue might be the "oh goodness, we are going from 1 to 2!!!" thing! I know with prayer it will all work out though and that there is a plan to all this.

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#30 of 283 Old 01-14-2009, 08:56 PM
 
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I just gave up the finances at my house and, contrary to what I thought, things didn't fall apart. I was shocked. He can handle this just as well as I did. And my mind is much more at ease. He lets me know what I can do with the money (ie Go ahead and pay the light bill and go grocery shopping and keep X for spending money but I'll take care of the cell phone bill myself.) and it's so much easier on me this way, rather than staring at the bank site and trying to do everything myself. I don't know or care when he plans to pay the cell phone bill or how he plans to pay it or where the money came from for the light bill. He said he'd handle it and I trust him to do it so it gets done.

I was a little disappointed before with submission because he didn't lead "to my liking." I'd submit for a little while and then fall back but I've let him lead for three months now (my longest stretch!) and things are ten times better in our marriage. Life is easier now.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
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