Any Christians married to non-Christians? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 12 Old 03-24-2009, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Gosh,

how do I start?

I was raised in a very religious household, by wonderful, loving parents.

At some point I left for university and married a loving, wonderful non-Christian man.

The real problem has been lately when talking about the children. I take them to church, and I would like them to go to a Christian school. Christian school is a huge sticking point, and makes me sad and nervous about our relationship.

I didn't realize how big of a deal this was to me when I first met/married DH.

In retrospect, I think I was pretty arrogant to think that I could handle this all on my own.

Are there any other ppl out there struggling with these sorts of issues? how do YOU make it work?

thank you.
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#2 of 12 Old 03-24-2009, 12:43 PM
 
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Im kinda there with you. However I didn't come to faith until AFTER our marriage. You can say I was a "Paul" I ridiculed and persecuted christians in my heart until GOD knocked me over the head.
Anyway, its been a lot of compromise, I don't like Halloween and what it stands for, but its my DH favorite, so....the kids go out, but not as anything evil, dead, gross, blood/guts that kind of thing. (just an example)
I can only say you need to find a middle ground with your husband.
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#3 of 12 Old 03-24-2009, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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*bump*
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#4 of 12 Old 03-25-2009, 08:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geo_girl View Post
Gosh,

how do I start?

I was raised in a very religious household, by wonderful, loving parents.

At some point I left for university and married a loving, wonderful non-Christian man.

The real problem has been lately when talking about the children. I take them to church, and I would like them to go to a Christian school. Christian school is a huge sticking point, and makes me sad and nervous about our relationship.

I didn't realize how big of a deal this was to me when I first met/married DH.

In retrospect, I think I was pretty arrogant to think that I could handle this all on my own.

Are there any other ppl out there struggling with these sorts of issues? how do YOU make it work?

thank you.
What is it about the Christian school that your husband doesn't like?

 I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt.
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#5 of 12 Old 03-25-2009, 11:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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the Christianity part.
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#6 of 12 Old 03-26-2009, 08:46 AM
 
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I had wondered if there was a particular aspect of that he objected to - maybe how they present their science curriculum, for example. In which case he might have been ok with a different Christian school. Does he worry that they will be indoctrinated or not allowed to develop their own views. That can be a valid worry, depending on the school. Why does he not mind them going to church but minds the school?

I think that it is possible for kids to go to public school and still get a good religious education at home and church.

A husband with a different belief can be very challenging. In a way it would almost be easier if he were religious but a different religion. I think it is important to be a very good model of what a Christian can be; to pray for him; but also respect his viewpoint and his conclusions. We are given the freedom to make our own choices about religion by God, so we aren't in a position to deny that to anyone.

 I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt.
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#7 of 12 Old 03-27-2009, 12:04 PM
 
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I am just recently rediscovering my faith as well. Dh was raised in an agnostic family. I am considering going to church on Sunday for the first time since I was a kid. Dh is not happy about it and he doesn't understand where I'm coming from but I don't expect him to. when he married me he knew I believed in God and I guess he was relieved when we came to the same understanding about religion/God and now that I'm turning back he is a bit bewildered. He is afraid that I am going to be bullying him into religion. The fact that that was done to me so much I can understand where he is coming from.

Our deal is that we respect each others views and the children will decide for themselves. I don't expect that it will be easy but I have told him that my wanting to go to church is solely for me and improvement to myself and that it has nothing to do with him. I am worried what the church is going to say about my family not being with me though.

I think it is important to calmly talk about these issues with your partner and keep in mind that each person has the right to their own beliefs.
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#8 of 12 Old 03-27-2009, 12:34 PM
 
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Just as an aside for the OP. I was raised in a vary Christian household, fairly conservative, etc. I went to public school, different private christian schools, and homeschooled. I can tell you from experience that the Christian schools were awful. I am not saying all are, but I would caution you to be open to the possibility of their being a great school for them out there that isn't necessarily a christian school.

BTW, my parents even were pretty horrified by the xian schools we went to. After trying a couple different ones and just having more and more bad experiences we gave it up.

Hugs to you. I was pretty conservative xian way back when, and my 1st husband was so not, and it was a struggle. (There were tons of other things wrong with our relationship, btw, not saying your marriage is doomed bc of this, I actually think a lot of multi faith marriages can be beautiful, enriching experiences)

Shelley, mom to dd 5/19/01, ds 9/06/02, and ds 4/01/07.  Lost babe 4/09

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#9 of 12 Old 03-28-2009, 11:00 AM
 
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I am converting to Catholicism, my husband is a content agnostic. We've come to a point in which he agrees that religious exposure can be very positive for young children and that the basic values that Christianity promotes like charity, kindness, forgiveness, are all integral to leading a good life. He seems to support the children being involved as long as it doesn't directly involve him. He will be respectful of prayers before meals or at bedtime and will attend important church events (like the Easter Vigil that is coming up in a few weeks) but other than that is hands off.

We have discussed Catholic school for the children. We are a modified Waldorf family and are still considering putting the children in Waldorf school as well, so education choices are something we are working on at this time.

"Hey, I've got nothin' to do today but smile." - S & G
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#10 of 12 Old 03-28-2009, 12:26 PM
 
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I would be happy that he has no problem with you taking them to church and would not push the school thing. It sounds as if you want your way, all the way and are not willing to let him have his way on some things. If you want your views to be respected, you have to respect his as well. He could be pitching a fit about you taking them to church but it sounds like he respects your wishes on this issue. Why can't you respect his on the school thing?

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#11 of 12 Old 03-28-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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I want to gently agree with Slabobbin. I think for you two to raise your children with different belief systems you need to be willing to give and take.

Shelley, mom to dd 5/19/01, ds 9/06/02, and ds 4/01/07.  Lost babe 4/09

belly.gifDue 12/18/12!

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#12 of 12 Old 03-28-2009, 02:22 PM
 
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I also want to add that, although it may feel to you that they are, your beliefs are absolutely no more "valid" nor more "right" than his...they are just different. If you come at it from that perspective, it may help. If you come at it from the perspective that your beliefs are more valid than his or that your beliefs are right and his are wrong...then you have already started things out on a disrespectful and uneven level.

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