Catholic annulment? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 23 Old 04-14-2009, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
Rosehip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Has anyone had their Catholic marriage annulled? I've read about the process on my archdiocese's web site and it frankly sounded daunting. I don't know whether my X would cooperate or not.

I'm wondering if anyone might be willing to share their experience. Do they really call witnesses? Look through your medical records?
Rosehip is offline  
#2 of 23 Old 04-15-2009, 09:17 AM
 
Bluegoat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 2,619
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a friend (my friend's fiance really) who had an annulment. I don't think medical records were an issue, but there sure were witnesses involved. In some places there is also an associated cost.

 I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt.
Bluegoat is offline  
#3 of 23 Old 04-15-2009, 12:56 PM
 
athansor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: learning to prevent geoboobs
Posts: 2,987
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I haven't gone through the full process, but the first time I got married, my then fiance (not Catholic) had been married before and I wished to get married in the Catholic Church. We started the process to get his "first" (turned out he had been married twice before) marriage annuled. There were some costs to get the process started, which we paid, then we filled out a lot of paperwork, conducted a search to find his ex, and he went through some extensive interviews. About halfway through the process, they asked if his ex wife had been Catholic. It turned out she was, so the rules were that since she was Catholic and he wasn't, and thier marriage was not in a Catholic Church, it didn't count as valid. Hence we didn't need to get that marriage annuled and got married in the Catholic Church. I don't know what would have happened next if we needed the annulment as we only got to the first stage. If we had needed the annulment, I think the grounds would have been that he said his ex wasn't able or willing to have kids and he only found that out after they were married. The idea of a medical exam might come in there...if someone can't have children that could be a reason for an annulment, esecially if they weren't up front about it at the time of the wedding.

Sadly, we were divorced a few years later. I have thought about an annulment again, but feel that in some ways (the fact that we didn't need one to get married, the fact that there was a second ex in my ex's life, etc...) that it is a bit of a technicality. I've also changed churches and am in a wonderful marriage with great kids. I think, however, that if my ex ever asked for an annulment I'd be happy to go through the process for him.

Vegan, mom to : Joe and Josh ::
athansor is offline  
#4 of 23 Old 04-15-2009, 02:33 PM
 
spero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: the back of beyond
Posts: 9,917
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
All the details depend on who is preparing the annulment.

Some churches charge a ridiculous amount of $$$ and require extensive interviews and hoop-jumping. Others just charge the minimal paperwork fee, and have you fill out the paperwork - which is daunting enough. Witness statements are required. I recently prepared a witness statement for an annulment. The questions are pretty specific, you just answer what you can per your own observations during the years of the marriage.

If an ex-spouse refuses to cooperate with the annulment process, the person requesting an annulment can (and usually will) be granted one, nonetheless.

After the process is completed at the parish level, an annulment will go to a Diocesan tribunal for consideration. I've never known anyone who had an annulment denied. Basically, it's merely the Church's "official" confirmation that a marriage was, in fact, never Sacramental ... a fact already made pretty obvious by the divorce.

Every baptized Christian is, or should be, someone with an actual (disturbing) experience, ... a close encounter, with God; someone who, as a result, becomes a disturbing presence to others. - Fr. Anthony J. Gittins, A Presence That Disturbs
spero is offline  
#5 of 23 Old 04-15-2009, 02:56 PM
Fay
 
Fay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Venus
Posts: 1,729
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My parents had their marriage annulled. Witnesses are required, but they can send in a letter. My dad re-submitted the paperwork several times before the annulment was granted...he kept changing the reason for annulment until he got the result he wanted (I think "grave error in personal judgment" was the winner)...and he had my mom's full support in the application. Medical records are only necessary if you are claiming mental incapacity for either spouse, I think.

"Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?" - Andy Warhol
Fay is offline  
#6 of 23 Old 04-15-2009, 03:48 PM
 
Hebaume39's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Madison Wisconsin
Posts: 91
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've known a couple who did have their annulment denied. The priest sent them to counseling and while they live seperately at the moment they're still married and still trying to figure it out. Annulment is a big deal because well.. It a big deal. Getting married is a big deal and if not having an easy out makes someone think twice before getting married great. Our marriage counseling consisted of spending a weekend together talking about all the issues that could blow up a marriage... I guess they figured if you could survive that you were fine. Sorry sidetracked. I just hate to see families break apart especially if kids are involved. We come from a traditional parish where the rules of the church apply. The only couple I know who have recieved an annulment the woman was being beaten and actually showed up on the priests door step in the middle of the night asking for protection. She and her daughter were taken into a convent near us and the priest handled the whole situation. He stood as a witness and paid all the fees. She did give her medical records which I think sped the process up. We're really lucky in that our church has always handled tragedy and trouble with grace. sorry sidetrack.

homesteading, homeschooling,homebirthing wife to an amazing Catholic man, and mother to our two little girls :01/09 and 07/11
Hebaume39 is offline  
#7 of 23 Old 04-15-2009, 09:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
Rosehip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you all for your responses. It is clear to me now, and has been for some time, that my ex-husband never had any intention of keeping his vows. This is perhaps the saddest thing to me. They were just words to him, and he began breaking them immediately, and continued to do so throughout the marriage.

I had my reservations during our engagement, but felt I could not break it off for various reasons.

I'll have to speak to one of my parish priests, but I'm very nervous about it. The one I'm most comfortable with married us, baptized one of children, and attempted to help us with counseling.
Rosehip is offline  
#8 of 23 Old 04-16-2009, 07:22 PM
 
DiannaK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 1,850
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ToastyToes View Post
Has anyone had their Catholic marriage annulled? I've read about the process on my archdiocese's web site and it frankly sounded daunting. I don't know whether my X would cooperate or not.

I'm wondering if anyone might be willing to share their experience. Do they really call witnesses? Look through your medical records?
Gone through the entire process ..... and yes, it is an ordeal.

If you have specific questions, I will be glad to answer them, either here, or in a private message. I have no qualms about posting answers here.

Catholic homeschooling mom of 5 - a teenager, a kindergartener, twin boys and a tiny princess. Follow the Adventures! 

DiannaK is offline  
#9 of 23 Old 04-16-2009, 07:28 PM
 
DiannaK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 1,850
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by spero View Post
All the details depend on who is preparing the annulment.

Some churches charge a ridiculous amount of $$$ and require extensive interviews and hoop-jumping. Others just charge the minimal paperwork fee, and have you fill out the paperwork - which is daunting enough. Witness statements are required. I recently prepared a witness statement for an annulment. The questions are pretty specific, you just answer what you can per your own observations during the years of the marriage.

If an ex-spouse refuses to cooperate with the annulment process, the person requesting an annulment can (and usually will) be granted one, nonetheless.

After the process is completed at the parish level, an annulment will go to a Diocesan tribunal for consideration. I've never known anyone who had an annulment denied. Basically, it's merely the Church's "official" confirmation that a marriage was, in fact, never Sacramental ... a fact already made pretty obvious by the divorce.
Annulments are handled by the Diocese, not the individual churches. The money that is charged is used to attempt to pay the Canon lawyers, psychiatrists, etc that review documents. No one will be turned down for an annulment for lack of funding. They will work with you, bending over backwards to let you pay what you can, if anything at all.

A representative from the "Office of Annulments" (not the official name ... it escapes me at the moment) came and spoke at our parish, explaining some of the more commonly asked questions, misconceptions, etc. She told us that hers was the only department in our Archdiocese that consistently LOST money on a yearly basis, yet continued to stay open.

Catholic homeschooling mom of 5 - a teenager, a kindergartener, twin boys and a tiny princess. Follow the Adventures! 

DiannaK is offline  
#10 of 23 Old 04-16-2009, 11:49 PM
 
spero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: the back of beyond
Posts: 9,917
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DiannaK View Post
Annulments are handled by the Diocese, not the individual churches. The money that is charged is used to attempt to pay the Canon lawyers, psychiatrists, etc that review documents. No one will be turned down for an annulment for lack of funding. They will work with you, bending over backwards to let you pay what you can, if anything at all.
Perhaps it varies from Diocese to Diocese, but here most of the legwork regarding annulments is, in fact, handled at the parish level.

Our pastor (Deacon) is a certified counselor, and can handle that part himself. He also prepares all the documentation and then sends it to the Diocesan tribunal for review. He determines the amount of $ charged (in our parish it's the absolute minimum).

I know I have read posts here by Catholics being charged an insane amount of money for an annulment, and who were not offered assistance with funding.

Every baptized Christian is, or should be, someone with an actual (disturbing) experience, ... a close encounter, with God; someone who, as a result, becomes a disturbing presence to others. - Fr. Anthony J. Gittins, A Presence That Disturbs
spero is offline  
#11 of 23 Old 04-17-2009, 12:10 AM
 
vbactivist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,544
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by spero View Post
All the details depend on who is preparing the annulment.

Some churches charge a ridiculous amount of $$$ and require extensive interviews and hoop-jumping. Others just charge the minimal paperwork fee, and have you fill out the paperwork - which is daunting enough. Witness statements are required. I recently prepared a witness statement for an annulment. The questions are pretty specific, you just answer what you can per your own observations during the years of the marriage.

If an ex-spouse refuses to cooperate with the annulment process, the person requesting an annulment can (and usually will) be granted one, nonetheless.

After the process is completed at the parish level, an annulment will go to a Diocesan tribunal for consideration. I've never known anyone who had an annulment denied. Basically, it's merely the Church's "official" confirmation that a marriage was, in fact, never Sacramental ... a fact already made pretty obvious by the divorce.
I know of one couple whose annulment ws denied. And frankly, I'm glad. After 20 eyars of marriage and 3 kids, I think they should be married (legal divorce or not). also, they both have remarried (outside of the church of course) and I figure if they were devout, they would have more of a probelm with the adultery they are committing...

nak - siorry. I am very frustrated by most annulments...
vbactivist is offline  
#12 of 23 Old 04-18-2009, 08:00 AM
 
Bluegoat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 2,619
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
I know of one couple whose annulment ws denied. And frankly, I'm glad. After 20 eyars of marriage and 3 kids, I think they should be married (legal divorce or not). also, they both have remarried (outside of the church of course) and I figure if they were devout, they would have more of a probelm with the adultery they are committing...

nak - siorry. I am very frustrated by most annulments...
I think this is very common. I know a man who was working toward ordination as a RC priest. After sitting on the Diocesan board that worked on annulments, he was so horrified that he gave up on that and eventually left the Church. I think it was really a terrible experience for him.

 I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt.
Bluegoat is offline  
#13 of 23 Old 04-19-2009, 11:32 AM
 
ians_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the palm of God's hand
Posts: 480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi!
I was just baptized and confirmed this Easter vigil. Before I could receive the sacraments, I needed an annulment.
It wasn't so much daunting as it was long.
There was a packet of paperwork I had to fill out to start the process which included a pretty long "statement". Once that was done, it was a long wait.
They had to contact witnesses, the X and get character statements. The packet had to be reviewed at different levels and the final step was the court of appeals in Atlanta.
All in all, it took 18 months and $450.

I would do it all over again.

I would be happy to talk more specifics with you if you PM me.

Best of luck to you!

Married to my best friend since 08/05
Joyful mother to DS born 11/07 and DD born 04/10 (an unexpected HB)
ians_mommy is offline  
#14 of 23 Old 04-19-2009, 08:37 PM
 
vbactivist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,544
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ians_mommy View Post
Hi!
I was just baptized and confirmed this Easter vigil. Before I could receive the sacraments, I needed an annulment.
It wasn't so much daunting as it was long.
There was a packet of paperwork I had to fill out to start the process which included a pretty long "statement". Once that was done, it was a long wait.
They had to contact witnesses, the X and get character statements. The packet had to be reviewed at different levels and the final step was the court of appeals in Atlanta.
All in all, it took 18 months and $450.

I would do it all over again.

I would be happy to talk more specifics with you if you PM me.

Best of luck to you!
why would you need an annulment if you weren't married in a catholic church - if you were just now baptised, where were you married?
vbactivist is offline  
#15 of 23 Old 04-19-2009, 09:12 PM
 
lil_earthmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My experience with annulment:

I got married when I was 19, and the relationship quickly escalated in abuse. I was raised that marriage is a forever thing, so was prepared to try to "fix" things and live with this man (boy) forever. I prayed, worked, cried and became increasingly depressed and spiritually numb. After 3 years he came home from a trip, told me he had fooled around with some girls, and realized that he "missed out on partying, dating, and having fun." Part of me was heartbroken, and a part of me screamed "run!" So I did.

My parents asked me if I would consider getting an annulment. I thought I couldn't possibly put myself through the process and was skeptical about whether my situation was applicable. I consented to talk to the annulment councilor in our diocese. She was the sweetest most beautiful nun I have ever met, and it was actually a wonderful experience. Since I didn't have an agenda, and wasn't looking for an anulment I just told her what life had been like, answered her questions as honestly as possible and tried to paint an accurate depiction of my life. She told me at the end that she rarely gets people in talking about what they did wrong in the marriage, and that a lot of finger pointing and embellishment is common, and that she was very touched by my honesty.

Then I had to give her names and phone numbers of my spouse, 3 witnesses and various family members on both sides.

I then had one more meeting with her, where she talked about her findings, talked to me some more, and then sent everything on (all of the documents and recordings of our sessions) to a tribunal of priests. I didn't really think about it after that, and almost a year later, got a letter saying that based on the evidence provided and prayerful consideration by the tribunal I was being granted an annulment. The reasons were that my (ex)spouse admitted that he never ment to keep his vows, never had any intent of staying in the church or raising our future children in the catholic faith, and our young age. It was determined that Christ was never a part of our marriage, meaning in the eyes of the church we were never married at all.

This experience was actually painful in the end. Reading that a group of strangers have deemed that Christ was never a part of your marriage hurt me. I have now come to realise that Christ was not allowed to be a part of our marriage, in the way that all marriages should be a trinity. Now that I am married to a man with a relationship with Christ, I understand. Both parties have to welcome Christ into their relationship, and I believe that the "head of the house" spiritual headship role that is my dh's responsibility is to keep that trinity healthy and thriving, so in my previous marriage, the actual breakdown was much deeper than I had perceived.

Did that ramble make any sense. That's the first time I've actually talked about my annulment experience.

I am not crunchy enough for this forum. Everyday I get a little crunchier though! :
lil_earthmomma is offline  
#16 of 23 Old 04-19-2009, 11:09 PM
 
ians_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the palm of God's hand
Posts: 480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
why would you need an annulment if you weren't married in a catholic church - if you were just now baptised, where were you married?
Not being married in the Catholic Church does not automatically nullify a marriage unless one or both parties are Catholic- then it is null based on lack of form.

For non-Catholics, the Catholic Church still recognizes their marriages as valid. A non-Catholic union (requesting anullment) must be reviewed to determine if it was a sacramental marriage or not.

My X was protestant and I was...well...nothing (not baptized and not raised in religion). We were married in a court house.

If the Tribunal had deemed my previous marriage was indeed valid, then no anullment would have been granted and I would not have been allowed to be baptized and confirmed.

However, my previous marriage was determined to be invalid, therefor, I could receive the sacraments.

It was a longer process because neither of us were Catholic. An anullment based on "lack of form" is rather speedy (so I understand).

For the record, my DH is not Catholic (yet!) and I came to the Catholic church through prayer (not marriage)...I just wanted to put that out there. :-)

Married to my best friend since 08/05
Joyful mother to DS born 11/07 and DD born 04/10 (an unexpected HB)
ians_mommy is offline  
#17 of 23 Old 04-19-2009, 11:58 PM
 
BugMacGee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My ex MIL actually suggested my ex and I consider an annulment. She's very active in the Church. Her DD, my ex SIL got an annulment from her first husband.
My ex used the teachings of the church and our vows in a way that suited him. He always quoted "for richer or poorer.." to justify his refusal to get a job. But no mention of honoring his marriage anywhere. We made a vow before God so he could do whatever the heck he wanted, I was stuck with him (and he said so)

Anyway, I'm now the practicing Catholic. I will send my DD's to Catholic school. His mother is thrilled. She used to frequently send me St. Jude medals and prayer cards. Patron sain of lost causes. AKA her son.

Sorry for the tangent, but this is a topic that may apply to me.
BugMacGee is offline  
#18 of 23 Old 04-20-2009, 12:49 AM
AAK
 
AAK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Eastern Washington
Posts: 3,071
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 15 Post(s)
I was a witness for my sister's annulement. It was a form that I filled out. It took me just a few minutes to fill out but it took the church months before it was granted. Her ex did not do anything that would be considered "cooperation". That is why we needed the annulement (well, part)

Amy

Mom to three very active girls Anna (14), Kayla (11), Maya (8). 
AAK is online now  
#19 of 23 Old 04-20-2009, 04:36 AM
 
DiannaK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 1,850
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma View Post
My experience with annulment:

I got married when I was 19, and the relationship quickly escalated in abuse. I was raised that marriage is a forever thing, so was prepared to try to "fix" things and live with this man (boy) forever. I prayed, worked, cried and became increasingly depressed and spiritually numb. After 3 years he came home from a trip, told me he had fooled around with some girls, and realized that he "missed out on partying, dating, and having fun." Part of me was heartbroken, and a part of me screamed "run!" So I did.

My parents asked me if I would consider getting an annulment. I thought I couldn't possibly put myself through the process and was skeptical about whether my situation was applicable. I consented to talk to the annulment councilor in our diocese. She was the sweetest most beautiful nun I have ever met, and it was actually a wonderful experience. Since I didn't have an agenda, and wasn't looking for an anulment I just told her what life had been like, answered her questions as honestly as possible and tried to paint an accurate depiction of my life. She told me at the end that she rarely gets people in talking about what they did wrong in the marriage, and that a lot of finger pointing and embellishment is common, and that she was very touched by my honesty.

Then I had to give her names and phone numbers of my spouse, 3 witnesses and various family members on both sides.

I then had one more meeting with her, where she talked about her findings, talked to me some more, and then sent everything on (all of the documents and recordings of our sessions) to a tribunal of priests. I didn't really think about it after that, and almost a year later, got a letter saying that based on the evidence provided and prayerful consideration by the tribunal I was being granted an annulment. The reasons were that my (ex)spouse admitted that he never ment to keep his vows, never had any intent of staying in the church or raising our future children in the catholic faith, and our young age. It was determined that Christ was never a part of our marriage, meaning in the eyes of the church we were never married at all.

This experience was actually painful in the end. Reading that a group of strangers have deemed that Christ was never a part of your marriage hurt me. I have now come to realise that Christ was not allowed to be a part of our marriage, in the way that all marriages should be a trinity. Now that I am married to a man with a relationship with Christ, I understand. Both parties have to welcome Christ into their relationship, and I believe that the "head of the house" spiritual headship role that is my dh's responsibility is to keep that trinity healthy and thriving, so in my previous marriage, the actual breakdown was much deeper than I had perceived.

Did that ramble make any sense. That's the first time I've actually talked about my annulment experience.
You worded it beautifully!

It IS a painful process, no doubt, but I think it leaves you with a much better understanding of the Sacrament of marriage, as well as your role. I know it has made me a much better wife this time around.

Thanks for your story.

Catholic homeschooling mom of 5 - a teenager, a kindergartener, twin boys and a tiny princess. Follow the Adventures! 

DiannaK is offline  
#20 of 23 Old 04-20-2009, 11:18 AM
 
spero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: the back of beyond
Posts: 9,917
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma View Post
That's the first time I've actually talked about my annulment experience.


Every baptized Christian is, or should be, someone with an actual (disturbing) experience, ... a close encounter, with God; someone who, as a result, becomes a disturbing presence to others. - Fr. Anthony J. Gittins, A Presence That Disturbs
spero is offline  
#21 of 23 Old 04-20-2009, 12:04 PM
 
ians_mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the palm of God's hand
Posts: 480
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hebaume39 View Post
I've known a couple who did have their annulment denied. The priest sent them to counseling and while they live seperately at the moment they're still married and still trying to figure it out. Annulment is a big deal because well.. It a big deal. Getting married is a big deal and if not having an easy out makes someone think twice before getting married great. Our marriage counseling consisted of spending a weekend together talking about all the issues that could blow up a marriage... I guess they figured if you could survive that you were fine. Sorry sidetracked. I just hate to see families break apart especially if kids are involved. We come from a traditional parish where the rules of the church apply. The only couple I know who have recieved an annulment the woman was being beaten and actually showed up on the priests door step in the middle of the night asking for protection. She and her daughter were taken into a convent near us and the priest handled the whole situation. He stood as a witness and paid all the fees. She did give her medical records which I think sped the process up. We're really lucky in that our church has always handled tragedy and trouble with grace. sorry sidetrack.
I just revisted this thread to read through...you are blessed with a wonderful priest

Married to my best friend since 08/05
Joyful mother to DS born 11/07 and DD born 04/10 (an unexpected HB)
ians_mommy is offline  
#22 of 23 Old 04-20-2009, 11:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
Rosehip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lil_earthmomma View Post
My experience with annulment:

I got married when I was 19, and the relationship quickly escalated in abuse. I was raised that marriage is a forever thing, so was prepared to try to "fix" things and live with this man (boy) forever. I prayed, worked, cried and became increasingly depressed and spiritually numb. After 3 years he came home from a trip, told me he had fooled around with some girls, and realized that he "missed out on partying, dating, and having fun." Part of me was heartbroken, and a part of me screamed "run!" So I did.

My parents asked me if I would consider getting an annulment. I thought I couldn't possibly put myself through the process and was skeptical about whether my situation was applicable. I consented to talk to the annulment councilor in our diocese. She was the sweetest most beautiful nun I have ever met, and it was actually a wonderful experience. Since I didn't have an agenda, and wasn't looking for an anulment I just told her what life had been like, answered her questions as honestly as possible and tried to paint an accurate depiction of my life. She told me at the end that she rarely gets people in talking about what they did wrong in the marriage, and that a lot of finger pointing and embellishment is common, and that she was very touched by my honesty.

Then I had to give her names and phone numbers of my spouse, 3 witnesses and various family members on both sides.

I then had one more meeting with her, where she talked about her findings, talked to me some more, and then sent everything on (all of the documents and recordings of our sessions) to a tribunal of priests. I didn't really think about it after that, and almost a year later, got a letter saying that based on the evidence provided and prayerful consideration by the tribunal I was being granted an annulment. The reasons were that my (ex)spouse admitted that he never ment to keep his vows, never had any intent of staying in the church or raising our future children in the catholic faith, and our young age. It was determined that Christ was never a part of our marriage, meaning in the eyes of the church we were never married at all.

This experience was actually painful in the end. Reading that a group of strangers have deemed that Christ was never a part of your marriage hurt me. I have now come to realise that Christ was not allowed to be a part of our marriage, in the way that all marriages should be a trinity. Now that I am married to a man with a relationship with Christ, I understand. Both parties have to welcome Christ into their relationship, and I believe that the "head of the house" spiritual headship role that is my dh's responsibility is to keep that trinity healthy and thriving, so in my previous marriage, the actual breakdown was much deeper than I had perceived.

Did that ramble make any sense. That's the first time I've actually talked about my annulment experience.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm trying to work up the courage to talk to my priest (or whomever I should speak to) about the process. Reflecting on what my marriage wasn't has been very sad, but a good learning experience.
Rosehip is offline  
#23 of 23 Old 04-20-2009, 11:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
Rosehip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AAK View Post
I was a witness for my sister's annulement. It was a form that I filled out. It took me just a few minutes to fill out but it took the church months before it was granted. Her ex did not do anything that would be considered "cooperation". That is why we needed the annulement (well, part)

Amy
Thank you Amy. So you never had to appear in person? Were the questions generic, or specific to your sister's marriage?
Rosehip is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off