Traditional Catholic Mamas -Winter 2010 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-02-2010, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Christine, Welcome!

I know you from MK's! Congrats on the pregnancy. Good to see you here.

XM,: mama to ds (5/08), dd (9/10) and ds (6/12) ! whale.gif :C.H.S & M.

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Old 01-03-2010, 12:50 AM
 
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Christine, Welcome!

I know you from MK's! Congrats on the pregnancy. Good to see you here.
Are we going to start a new thread now that Advent/Christmas is over?

Proud Catholic (30) and mama to V (10)
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Old 01-03-2010, 01:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Pshhh! Christmas is not over!

We could - Or I can just change the thread title so we don't lose anyone.. wacha think?

XM,: mama to ds (5/08), dd (9/10) and ds (6/12) ! whale.gif :C.H.S & M.

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Old 01-03-2010, 08:18 AM
 
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thanks for the welcomes :-)

Ofwait - small world, huh? When did you leave? We've been here 6 years so I'm just wondering if I knew you or not. I've never been to Tuluksak, and yeah - too far away especially since you can't drive. Maybe we should take the boat up there this year.

XM... lol, hi! :-)

Mom of 7, ages 13, 12, 9, 7, 5, 4, and 2.5!
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Old 01-03-2010, 08:41 AM
 
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Hi there... I wanted to say hello and then maybe lurk (or post) a little... I'm usually quiet on MDC but decided to join a DDC here for some like-minded pregnancy support and stumbled on this thread.

I think I might "belong" here We are isolated in that we can only attend the 1 catholic church in our town, because there are no others and no roads to get out of our town either. I tend to get a lot of faith support online when I didn't find it at church, though I'm growing more attached to our church (which is a good thing). We have 5 fairly young kids (oldest is 8) and another one on the way at the end of August.

Anyway, I don't want to ramble. Just going to try to do more than lurking on threads.
Hi Christine! It's Julie from MK's! At first I saw Bethel and thought, I have to tell Christine there is another Traditional Catholic in her town, then saw the siggy and it was you! Small world!

Julie ~ homesteading, Traditional Catholic, wife to Chip, mom to Angelbaby(4-06), DS (3-07), and DD (11-09).
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Old 01-03-2010, 08:45 AM
 
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I was popping on here since I've posted randomly about my marriage situation, and wanted to share the good news, we will be having our marriage convalidated before Lent! I can't wait, it has been a LONG road, and wait. Prayers that all goes smoothly until then.

Julie ~ homesteading, Traditional Catholic, wife to Chip, mom to Angelbaby(4-06), DS (3-07), and DD (11-09).
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Old 01-03-2010, 08:58 AM
 
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A note about Popcak, he said in recent years that the Church "indirectly" teaches that we must space our children at least 3 years apart to be "responsible" parents, because apparently it's not possible to attachment parent kids closer in age than that (so I guess twins are screwed)
CheryBomb, would you happen to remember where you saw this? This is fascinating to me and I would love it read it myself.

Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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Old 01-03-2010, 02:44 PM
 
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I was popping on here since I've posted randomly about my marriage situation, and wanted to share the good news, we will be having our marriage convalidated before Lent! I can't wait, it has been a LONG road, and wait. Prayers that all goes smoothly until then.
Wonderful news!

"Hey, I've got nothin' to do today but smile." - S & G
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Old 01-03-2010, 07:50 PM
 
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Happy Feast of the Epiphany everyone.

HappyBlessedMama- I left in 1992, and was back to visit ever year till 1997, but haven't been back since then. I do still have friends out there, not sure how active they might be in the parish anymore though.

Simple Life- Congratulations! That is wonderful.

C wife to J, Mom to B, C and Jjumpers.gif Iblahblah.gif, and Pbabyf.gif

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Old 01-04-2010, 02:28 PM
 
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CheryBomb, would you happen to remember where you saw this? This is fascinating to me and I would love it read it myself.
Oh gosh, I can't remember exactly! It was all over the net a couple years ago.

Congrats, Julie!
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Old 01-04-2010, 02:32 PM
 
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This isn't exactly what i was looking for, but it covers some of the things he said that I have a big problem with- http://www.exceptionalmarriages.com/...l.asp?ID=39011
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Old 01-04-2010, 02:57 PM
 
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Just popping in to say hi! I'm only in month 7 and I have such bad sciatica pain I have to stay in bed today. I HATE just sitting around, but at least I'll have time to do some reading and rosary.

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Old 01-04-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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Hi Catholic Mamas!

I am just popping in to ask for prayers for my family for a special intention, if you have a moment and a spare prayer

God Bless!

--Carmel

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Old 01-05-2010, 05:51 AM
 
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I'm praying for you Carmel! Your son was born on my eldest bday - although 8 years later!

I'm humming along here but still trying to convince hubby that another baby wouldn't be so bad. I'm so torn because I LOVE our life right now but I just feel so called to share our lives with one more little one. sigh. I keep hoping that we will accidentally get pregnant 'cause we haven't been super careful. I think I just have to get used to the idea that 3 might be it.

we had a great, but busy christmas. I'm not taking down my decorations until christmas is really over although almost everyone I know already has. Best of all, I'm so enjoying my made-over family room. It looks so great and makes my house feel so cozy and homey! It was worth all the hard work and I wish I had taken pictures of the process. But now it's done and my family and I are loving it!!

hope everyone has a good week!

Peace and health, Jenny - Mama to my love 12/01, my lovely 7/04, and my beloved 10/06, and one angel. ****5****10****15***20****25****30****35***bellycast.gif40**
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Old 01-05-2010, 07:00 PM
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Merry 12th day of Christmas, Catholic Mammas!

I haven't had much time on this forum recently between travel and DD getting teeth and going through developmental milestones and wanting 100% of my attention all the time, but I'm finally caught up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PatienceAndLove View Post

Discipline That Lasts a Lifetime: The Best Gift You Can Give Your Kids


"Dr. Ray Guarendi offers parents fresh and practical advice about disciplining children. Topics include: how discipline is love in action; psychological correctness and other disciplinary worries; discipline and the nature of kids; misbehavior in word and deed; disciplining against the flow; and so much more! Read and learn as Dr. Ray lays out the basics in a concise, sensible, and easy to read format. 296 pgs."

Parenting With Grace: Catholic Parent's Guide to Raising Almost Perfect Kids

"This book's "uniquely Catholic" approach to parenting combines vigorous relational advice with careful theology and plenty of good humor. (The chapter on family planning is entitled "Is Eight Enough?"). The Popcaks guide parents through each stage of child development from infancy to adolescence, offering age-specific advice on "parenting with grace." They call upon natural law theology to encourage attachment parenting, co-sleeping and extended nursing through infancy, and urge parents of older children to consider home-schooling so that children always understand "that family is the primary relationship." Later chapters address a few Catholic-specific issues, such as stimulating children to pursue Church vocations."
I'm not a big fan of Dr. Ray when it comes to advice about kids. Maybe it's just my parenting style. His techniques are a lot of what I call "reactive parenting" while I think that "proactive parenting" is far more important. I mean, sure, you have to have a way to respond when your child does something objectively immoral, but I think that most of our time parenting should be spent figuring out how to help our children make good decisions, not reacting to their bad ones.

Moreover, I think that parents should take a good look at the things that their children are doing and decide is the child doing something objectively morally wrong or physically unsafe, or is it a matter of the child wanting one thing and the parent wanting another? I believe that parents should discipline in order to protect their children from serious physical or moral danger, but acknowledging the full humanity of their children, a parent's will is not more important than a child's will, and issues of Dr. Ray's views on potty training scare me.

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This isn't exactly what i was looking for, but it covers some of the things he said that I have a big problem with- http://www.exceptionalmarriages.com/...l.asp?ID=39011
That's interesting. You're right. He does seem to imply that a parent would not be able to bond with 2 children at once and that the bonding time would end at some point in time to have another child, but I think that the heart of what he's saying is true, that NFP can and should be used to space children if you feel that your older child(ren) need more of you at this point in time than you could give while going through pregnancy, birth, and the newborn phase.

I think that for a lot of people, this mainly comes into play as far as breastfeeding is concerned. My DD is 9 months old, and while I told myself a year ago that 9 months was the earliest I would try to get pregnant again, assuming that I might lose my milk in the second trimester, and I didn't want to have to supplement with formula. Now, DD is still only eating a few bites a day, and I would have serious concerns about her nutrition if I were to get pregnant right now. I would be thrilled but concerned.

That's why I'm a big fan of ecological breastfeeding for those who can do it. In many cases, ecological breastfeeding will delay the return of fertility until the mother's body has had a chance to recover, and her baby does not require almost exclusive breastfeeding for nutrition. In my own case, my fertility has not yet returned. Some people cannot ecologically breast feed, and some who do still experience an early return of fertility, and I fully support parents who feel that they need to use NFP to postpone another pregnancy for the good of their current children.
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Old 01-06-2010, 09:24 AM
 
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I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings here... I found Popcak's writing very true.

However... I come to this from a strange place: We have been suffering from secondary infertility since having had our only dc, while belonging to a parish that has been influenced by a group that does not "believe" in nfp. I see a lot of very bad parenting around us. It is indeed impossible to AP if you have a child every single year, for, let's say 8 years in a row. I see kids whose diapers are not changed after they go #2, infants who are left home with a sitter for the weekends while the parents go on a retreat ONCE A MONTH, toddlers being left to sit in strollers for 30 mins or more, alone, in hot winter clothes, while parents socialize after mass in another room.

So... This is a really difficult topic to me... I want to go shake these parents (and especially the priests who guide them)... and found myself not able to say or do anything.

I am never going to understand not taking care of the kids God has given you.

Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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Old 01-07-2010, 12:12 AM
 
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Subbing...so happy to have found this group!

Happily married to my hero and SAHMama to 4 precious gifts from God
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:05 AM
 
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@anumaria, how absolutely sad. I would think that reflects more upon the parenting skill of the people involved than whether they use NFP or not. You might guess that we do not. I have never had a problem doing what is best for our babies or attending their, and our other children's, needs immediately. I've never had anything even CLOSE to a 3 year space between kids, either.

@Jen - you never know what'll happen... our #6 came along quite unexpectedly.

Mom of 7, ages 13, 12, 9, 7, 5, 4, and 2.5!
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Old 01-07-2010, 06:00 AM
 
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@anumaria, how absolutely sad. I would think that reflects more upon the parenting skill of the people involved than whether they use NFP or not.
In this case, I do think that the parenting style has come from not using NFP. BUT, maybe it could be better explained as not living according to God's plan by breastfeeding. I know that even women who do ecological breastfeeding can sometimes get pregnant very soon after the previous birth. Not every single time, though, normally. However, these ladies are bottlefeeders (how else would you leave an infant for a whole weekend, etc.) and, partly due to that, get pregnant right away. This, in the end, causes them to, apparently and IMO, be totally outnumbered by their kids. It is just not natural to keep having a child each year, give or take, for years and years.

So totally different than breastfeeding ecologically and letting things happen. Seeing them is diffucult for me, as they are seen here as basically the only ones living the Church's teaching faithfully. I just think they have been mislead.

Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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Old 01-07-2010, 06:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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In this case, I do think that the parenting style has come from not using NFP. BUT, maybe it could be better explained as not living according to God's plan by breastfeeding. I know that even women who do ecological breastfeeding can sometimes get pregnant very soon after the previous birth. Not every single time, though, normally. However, these ladies are bottlefeeders (how else would you leave an infant for a whole weekend, etc.) and, partly due to that, get pregnant right away. This, in the end, causes them to, apparently and IMO, be totally outnumbered by their kids. It is just not natural to keep having a child each year, give or take, for years and years.
I know you're speaking from what you think is your personal experience. Given the history of this thread, I think we should all try to go easy on each other when things still fall within good Catholic morality. We're all on MDC for a reason. We all believe in the value of AP, and practice it to whatever level we can.

There is nothing sinful about bottle feeding. Most importantly, there is nothing sinful about having 8 kids in 8 years. When you trust in God's Providence and accept the children He sends you with love, you give all those souls a chance at salvation they otherwise would not have had. I imagine it is extremely hard work.

Please EVERYONE, keep in mind we're in a SUPPORT ONLY thread and cannot debate this. We need to show charity all around. If this is a topic anyone wants to really get into, it can always be moved to RS.

XM,: mama to ds (5/08), dd (9/10) and ds (6/12) ! whale.gif :C.H.S & M.

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Old 01-07-2010, 10:41 AM
 
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Please EVERYONE, keep in mind we're in a SUPPORT ONLY thread and cannot debate this. We need to show charity all around. If this is a topic anyone wants to really get into, it can always be moved to RS.
Thanks for the reminder I'm happy to expound more on my issues with Popcak in another thread, if anyone is interested.
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Old 01-08-2010, 10:23 PM
 
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I was never interested in debating, I'm sorry if my post 'broke a rule'. I don't know the history in this thread. I was only commenting on the asserted link between child spacing, preferred age gaps and AP.

Mom of 7, ages 13, 12, 9, 7, 5, 4, and 2.5!
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Old 01-09-2010, 04:06 AM
 
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There is nothing sinful about, lets say 10 kids in 10 years. Neglecting them, however, is another matter, and that is where I was coming from. Some parents can handle just about anything, some next to nothing.

Thanks for the reminder. TBH, I guess I really don't know what these threads are and are not for.

Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:58 AM
 
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Hello, just popping in at 3 a.m. to say I can't sleep!! I'm seven months pregnant and seem to be getting this here and there. Such a bummer!

Catherinepraying.gif traditional Catholic mama to bikenew.gifjammin.gifdiaper.gif wife to an amazing man.selectivevax.gifnocirc.giffamilybed1.gif

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Old 01-09-2010, 10:48 AM
 
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Hey moonshoes!
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Old 01-10-2010, 12:10 AM
 
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subbing. Sorry I have not been on MDC for a while. My DH has been off since the 23rd of Dec, so we did lots of family stuff and fun Advent/Christmas activities. He goes back to work Monday and I will definitely miss him.

Our youngest is now 4 months old and we are enjoying his babyhood.
Tomorrow we have Mass at 10am and then the Rosary later in the day.

Take care all!!

Jen

Jen, mama to  (M-13, N- 10, C- 8 rainbow1284.gif J- 3.5, and rainbow1284.gifJ -2, angel3.gifA (10/4/07) and 3 early losses)
We are expecting baby #7 in November 2013

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Old 01-12-2010, 12:07 PM
 
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Hello! It's been awhile since i have been on. Our Christmas was nice, although we have resolved that next year we will not be doing the whole present-thing. MAYBE one small gift for the kids, but that's all. I'm sick of the materialism that has taken over the celebration of Christ's birth, and I would be a hypocrit to say that and still partcipate in it.

moonshoes: s I have rough pregnancies too. I try to offer them up for prayer intentions but, man, does it get hard!

I came across the transcript of a sermon given by St. Leonard of Port Maurice, and I thought I would share and see if anyone had any thoughts on what he says. It's kind of long, but I found it to be a great read. It's definitley got me thinking about my life and my priorities. Here is the link: http://www.olrl.org/snt_docs/fewness.shtml

DS is crying so I gotta run. Poor guy isn't feeling well, I don't think. So much sickness going around these days... it's kind of strange.

God Bless!

Corrie, "trad" Catholic, wife to DH and Mom to DD (4/07), DS (2/09), DD (2/11), DD (4/13), two angel babies. 
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Old 01-12-2010, 01:49 PM
 
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Morning everyone!

I just wanted to tell everyone that DD and I are doing well.
I am struggling with internal things, but some things seem to be getting better. I am working on carving out quiet time with God. I picked up a copy of Magnificat and am enjoying my time in prayer.

I hope everyone is doing well, and I keep you all in my prayers.

Proud Catholic (30) and mama to V (10)
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Old 01-13-2010, 04:11 AM
 
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Corrie - we give our children each 3 gifts since Jesus received 3 gifts. We started this tradition when they were small and it is nice. I also did a lot of Advent teaching with them this year. We did Jesse tree ornaments and did some of the activities on the Holy Heroes site. It was a lot of fun for everyone.

For next year I am thinking of getting a set of the three gifts Jesus received for our nativity set.

Jen

Jen, mama to  (M-13, N- 10, C- 8 rainbow1284.gif J- 3.5, and rainbow1284.gifJ -2, angel3.gifA (10/4/07) and 3 early losses)
We are expecting baby #7 in November 2013

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Old 01-16-2010, 02:34 AM
 
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A note about Popcak,

Well that's interesting! I've have heard this 3yr space mentioned a lot in my psychology circles. I have a psychology friend right now who is doing the 'non congratulations' to my pregnancy by ignoring it. She's really big on the 3yr space. I wonder if there's some new research or trend driving this idea? I mean, the reasons make sense, nothing wrong with it perse. It's just the implication that takes a wrong turn...the idea that less than 3yrs automatically means the parents can't attach to their child.

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I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings here... I found Popcak's writing very true.

However... I come to this from a strange place: We have been suffering from secondary infertility since having had our only dc, while belonging to a parish that has been influenced by a group that does not "believe" in nfp. I see a lot of very bad parenting around us. It is indeed impossible to AP if you have a child every single year, for, let's say 8 years in a row. I see kids whose diapers are not changed after they go #2, infants who are left home with a sitter for the weekends while the parents go on a retreat ONCE A MONTH, toddlers being left to sit in strollers for 30 mins or more, alone, in hot winter clothes, while parents socialize after mass in another room.

So... This is a really difficult topic to me... I want to go shake these parents (and especially the priests who guide them)... and found myself not able to say or do anything.

I am never going to understand not taking care of the kids God has given you.
Hi there, no hurt feelings at all but I think you should keep in mind that parenting is an individually-based behavior, regardless of the person's circumstances. You seem to think that b/c they practice NFP, they therefore are stuck with kids closer together? That is another assumption to work through.

I come from a family of 12 kids, one in heaven. You might be interested to know that my mom has done 8 unassisted births, delayed cord clamping, delayed solids, child led weaning, EC, cloth diapering, baby wearing, whole foods/vegan diets, homeschooling etc.

Disposables were for long car trips and strollers were for trips to the mall. Otherwise my mom was and is the most AP mama I know IRL. She has 2 sets of kids 1yr apart, one set of kids 3yrs apart and the rest are 2ish apart. Spacing can impact resources and energy, but it doesn't automatically force parents to sacrifice a relationship with their children.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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