~*Biblical Marriage with Wifely Submission #14 2010*~ - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 139 Old 01-05-2010, 12:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am SO glad the previous thread gained so much support! Let's keep it going in 2010!!!!

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#2 of 139 Old 01-05-2010, 12:33 PM
 
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I'm here!!!! My new year's resolution is to REALLY try my ABSOLUTE HARDEST to submit and be the best helpmeet to hubby as I can. It's really getting easier for me than previously and our family is so much happier for the better. I really enjoy coming here for support, it can be a challange sometimes but it's worth it!

Samantha:: love.gif {Waldorf Doll Maker} broc1.gif{Organic Farmer}knit.gif{crafter} computergeek2.gif {blogger}  and crunchy mama to 4 boys under 5! run.gif

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#3 of 139 Old 01-05-2010, 12:38 PM
 
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I'm here!

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#4 of 139 Old 01-05-2010, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really need motivation to do my half and take care of the house. Toward the end of the year it was such a mess (newly mobile baby will do that to a person)

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#5 of 139 Old 01-05-2010, 04:52 PM
 
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Hi Mamas: Nice to see you all here, and Happy New Year.

As my DH is deployed and I have to act as the head of the family from time to time, we are struggling a bit with boundaries and maintaining appropriate roles in the face of this challenging time. Communication delays make it a bit tougher still. In general, I try to plan ahead so that big decisions do not have to be made until DH and I can talk about them. In the absence of conversation, I often pray to do God's will and be respectful of my DH when acting in his role. So far, we haven't had any disagreements about how I've handled big decisions. However, I could always use advice on how to best handle having to take on DH's role in a Biblical, prayerful manner.

TIA, and God Bless!

Tabitha ~ devoted wife to my best friend Stephen ribbonyellow.gif and gentle Christian mom to six DSs: notes.gif E - 2/09/00REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifA - 3/05/03superhero.gifA- 6/05/06 guitar.gif H- 2/07/08 jog.gif J - 11/14/10 bouncy.gif T - 8/23/12 + stork-suprise.gif due 9/20/14!  brokenheart.gif DD Janae 10/19/09 angel2.gif
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#6 of 139 Old 01-05-2010, 10:35 PM
 
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Soul-O, me and DH have those same issues. He is in the Army and is gone a lot for training and deployments and who knows what else. I try and do the same as you as far as planning ahead to be able to speak with him and praying about it when I can't. We also try and talk about things before he deploys... like, if we think some big purchases might need to be made or some other possible big thing we try and talk about how to handle it.

One of my resolutions for the new year is also to work on being a better helpmeet and less... I dunno, grumpy? I tend to get really pissy with DH when I feel like he isn't living up to what he should be doing if that makes sense. Any thoughts on how to better handle that?

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#7 of 139 Old 01-08-2010, 10:28 PM
 
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I'd like to join your thread.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have three boys, ages 5, 2 1/2 and 1. When we had been married about one year, we went to a marriage retreat at our church where we first heard about Biblical submission. I'm not sure how we avoided that issue in all our marriage counseling when we were engaged, but it was brand new to us when we had been married for a year. Seven years later, we're still trying to live out what it means to be Biblical in our marriage.

Sometimes I do well, sometimes I sin and fail. Our marriage is probably at one of the rougher spots right now. Lots of stress, plus I am dealing with postpartum depression. I'm having a hard time trusting my husband in some areas, although I see him trying and I am trying to remember that God is working on us both.
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#8 of 139 Old 01-08-2010, 10:29 PM
 
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As far as resolutions, the main one is to DATE MY HUSBAND more! We need to figure out regular date times as well as a few times to get away together.
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#9 of 139 Old 01-08-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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As far as resolutions, the main one is to DATE MY HUSBAND more! We need to figure out regular date times as well as a few times to get away together.
I like that one.

Hi ladies: I ducked out of the thread several months ago - well basically because my marriage imploded. BUT, dh and I are trying to work things out - we've been through so much since Sept., but God has been so faithful to us. We're trying to get things back on track, Christ-centered marriage and working on each of us. We're in a home team with two amazing couples who are the marriage mentors of the group and other couples in crisis and this week we just started a series on the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggrerich (sp).

At the end of July, I lost my job and can not for the life of me find another job - not even a part-time one. I can't tell you how many resumes and applications I have put in and have only gotten called for two interviews this entire time. It's frustrating - but I'm trusting that God will lead me to the right position that will truly make me happy - since I haven't worked a job that I've loved ever in my life. Well in college I worked at an NHRA drag strip and I did love that.

One of the issues that we're facing as we're trying to rebuild our marriage, is my mil. She's always been a huge problem. We lived next door to her for the first 1 1/2 years of marriage and it was awful. When dh and I met she literally talked to him like she was 3. In the first years of our marriage we fought about her alot. There's history there, hurt feelings from the past which I have moved on from (I hope). To her, nothing dh has done is good enough (I've literally heard her tell people that he uses her for her $ and she's convinced them that he leaves her destitute!!). She's critical of every decision we've made as a married couple (we got married too young (22 & 24), purchased our house too young, etc.). Also she's very manipulative and must be the center of attention. Luckily, we now live about 20 miles away from her and she won't drive the freeways and doesn't like driving at night so there's a cushion because the only time we see her is when we choose to.

When we were in crisis in late 2009, and the D word was on the horizon alot (dh's favorite word for a few months), I decided to make peace w/ mil, took her out to lunch and we spent an afternoon talking our stuff out. I mentioned that we hadn't been going to church as much as we should, and I thought that had contributed to our marriage issues. She replied that I had to understand that dh hadn't gone to church as a child at all and church was just a social club anyway. She has lots of anger for organized religion, particularly the Catholic church who she feels abandoned her and her 6 siblings and mom after her father filed for divorce and walked out . . . . I guess the story is that he convinced some high up church official that he wanted to join the ministry and the day the church annulled (?) her parents marriage, her dad married wife #2. Idk how accurate that is, but that's the history as I understand it.

Anyway, all of a sudden mil has decided that to get close to us again, she looooves our little bible thumping church and now expects us to come and get her every weekend to take her to church. Normally we feed her too. I feel bad, but having to figure out how to get the gas $ to drive 80 miles every weekend to go pick her up, feed her, and take her home again irks me. I know it's selfish, and I know that I should do this with a glad heart. Dh doesn't like being her taxi on a limited income either, but says well what are we going to do? And maybe this is a way for my mother to get right with God in her old age. Plus we're trying to jumpstart a Total Money Makeover ala Dave Ramsey in 2010 on just dh's salary and my unemployment. He's going to have to work OT to accomplish this especially until I can find a job. While I see the ministry aspect of picking mil up, I'm bogged down by implications on our very tight budget. I'm praying that I will find the way to do this with a sincere and not grumpy heart. In the mean time, does anyone have any words of wisdom or suggestions on how to fake it?

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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#10 of 139 Old 01-09-2010, 01:19 AM
 
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Seems like a lot of people have had a rough go of it during the later part of 2009. I know we did, maybe still are. When DH was deployed last I got used to making a lot of decisions on my own, just out of neccesity. He wasn't here and communication was limited, I never made any BIG decisions without him but day to day stuff or medium level things I kinda had to figure out on my own. So now he is home and it is hard for us to readjust. I feel like when I really NEED him to have an opinion or make a decision he just tells me to do whatever I want, which kind of destroys my faith in his leadership which leads to me just making a decision which then leads to him not wanting to lead because I just do it. GAH! That probably made no sense.. I guess I am just looking for advice? Any books or bible studies out there that could help?

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#11 of 139 Old 01-09-2010, 02:46 AM
 
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Seems like a lot of people have had a rough go of it during the later part of 2009. I know we did, maybe still are. When DH was deployed last I got used to making a lot of decisions on my own, just out of neccesity. He wasn't here and communication was limited, I never made any BIG decisions without him but day to day stuff or medium level things I kinda had to figure out on my own. So now he is home and it is hard for us to readjust. I feel like when I really NEED him to have an opinion or make a decision he just tells me to do whatever I want, which kind of destroys my faith in his leadership which leads to me just making a decision which then leads to him not wanting to lead because I just do it. GAH! That probably made no sense.. I guess I am just looking for advice? Any books or bible studies out there that could help?

Rachel,

I know my dh doesn't want to be bothered w/ the day to day operations around the house. He doesn't care what kind of decor etc., I buy. Idk what kind of decisions you're asking him to make, but perhaps it's just taking him time to adjust back to home life after being deployed. I'm sure the other ladies will reccomend a host of awesome books. A book that really helped me while my dh and I were seperated in Sept. was Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas. At the time what he said in the book just kept punching me between the eyes, but I found it extremely helpful in first validating me as a daughter of God and secondly helping me to understand the way my husband (or any man for that matter) thinks.

Also I mentioned previously that we just started a bible study based on the Love and Respect book. The basis for that ministry is Ephesians 5:33, which calls men to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. If your faith in his leadership is destroyed - how are you manifesting that? Possibly by showing him disrespect in ways you probably don't even know you're doing it. Before Sept, I didn't realize how much I was emasculating and undermining my dh. Like I said, it hurt to read Sacred Influence, but I'm so thankful that I did and I'm really looking forward to learning more from this new bible study.

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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#12 of 139 Old 01-09-2010, 11:39 AM
 
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I will definitely look for that book... I bet I can find it on Amazon? I don't really ask him much about the stuff around the house, I know he doesn't really care what I make for dinner unless he asks for something specific. He doesn't really care how I dress the kids as long as they are clothed, that sort of thing. I also manage our finances because with him being gone so much in the field or deployed he can't really do it, plus he self admittedly awful at it. But we do sit down and make our budget together, so all I really have to do is pay bills and keep track of how much money we have.

But like, last night... the wife of a guy he works with is going back to work and they asked my husband if I might babysit for them. I am currently watching a 3 month old 2 or 3 days a week, but this would be 4 or 5 days a week and probably 2-3 times as much money... so I asked DH what he would like me to do. I can't watch both babies and all he would say is do whatever you want. Which is SO not helpful, which annoys me, which in turn makes me say snippy things and then we both get pissy. I just hate that when I really need his input he just tells me to do whatever I want.

Also, I think I do demean and emasculate him without meaning too... or without realizing I'm doing it at any rate. I ordered that book just now, thank you for the link that simplified it!! Any other books would be great... or tips on how I can fix this since I know one of us needs to take that first step and that needs to be me.

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#13 of 139 Old 01-10-2010, 06:10 PM
 
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subbing

Momma to DS1 4/5/06 nursed with IGT to self-weaning at 27 months, DS2 1/20/09 still nursing, DS3 due late November - planning to tandem with IGT and SNS
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#14 of 139 Old 01-11-2010, 01:19 AM
 
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Rachel, I'm anticipating similar problems when dh gets home. I've taken on a lot that isn't normally my sphere of responsibility, since he went to Ethiopia. I think it's going to be hard for him to accept that my decisions while he was away weren't necessarily *wrong* if he woudln't have made the same ones, and it's going to be hard for me to put it all back in his hands.

We had an argument over the phone just today. A few short minutes each week, and it stinks that it ended on a bad note. He wants his car to be off our insurance since it isn't driveable. But we have no where to park it other than street-side, and if I took it off insurance I'd have to turn in the liscense plates and then we'd have to go through the process of getting another plate in just a few months. I'm doing my best to do what I think he'd want, but I'm not him and we have two completely different ways of thinking about it.

I know he will want to pick through every detail on our 09 tax returns when he gets home, and I'm dreading that. I know I'm going to get "Why didn't you include that? Are you sure that's all the expense reciepts?..." Between household and business stuff, taxes are getting to be a pain in the tush, and he's not here to do it *perfectly*, just the way he wants it.
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#15 of 139 Old 01-11-2010, 07:34 AM
 
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Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#16 of 139 Old 01-11-2010, 11:16 AM
 
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Hi everyone- I'd like to join this thread. I work on letting my husband lead, but i didn't always. I used to be that nagging, nasty wife. Now i hear his mom talking to my fil that way and i cringe. That used to be me! Everything goes so much more smoothly when i allow him to "be the man." Right now i am reading "love and respect." It hasn't delved too much into submission but does talk a lot about a guy's need to feel respected, and a woman's to be loved.

Sahm mom to three lovely girls, and happily married to a great, sweet guy
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#17 of 139 Old 01-11-2010, 11:19 AM
 
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Rachel, I'm anticipating similar problems when dh gets home. I've taken on a lot that isn't normally my sphere of responsibility, since he went to Ethiopia. I think it's going to be hard for him to accept that my decisions while he was away weren't necessarily *wrong* if he woudln't have made the same ones, and it's going to be hard for me to put it all back in his hands.

We had an argument over the phone just today. A few short minutes each week, and it stinks that it ended on a bad note. He wants his car to be off our insurance since it isn't driveable. But we have no where to park it other than street-side, and if I took it off insurance I'd have to turn in the liscense plates and then we'd have to go through the process of getting another plate in just a few months. I'm doing my best to do what I think he'd want, but I'm not him and we have two completely different ways of thinking about it.

I know he will want to pick through every detail on our 09 tax returns when he gets home, and I'm dreading that. I know I'm going to get "Why didn't you include that? Are you sure that's all the expense reciepts?..." Between household and business stuff, taxes are getting to be a pain in the tush, and he's not here to do it *perfectly*, just the way he wants it.
We have issues like this EVERY time he gets back from a deployment... but it is far worse now that we have kids, probably because the decisions that need to be made are bigger? Not really sure...

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#18 of 139 Old 04-17-2010, 03:28 AM
 
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Well Hello Ladies!!

I hope this is the most current thread and we all maybe just got busy? I know hard to believe. Well lots to catch up on, I'm sure. But just wanted to pop in and say Hi and see how everyone else is doing.

Since I last posted dh had to have knee surgery and has been on short term disability since February. He's returning to work on 4/25. It's been a crazy 10 weeks or so getting him to dr.'s and rehab appt.'s. But such a blessing to have him home. He was able to attend the entire 15 week series that our hometeam was doing on the Love and Respect book by Emerson Eggerich. We have decided that we're going to get baptized together during our church's next baptism weekened on Saturday, May 1st (he works that Sunday). We're going through alot right now, but through it all, God has been so faithful to us. Which brings me to today.

Dr. Eggerich says in his book that 2 of the many things driving men are the desire to protect and the willingness to die for those they love. Today dh and I took a road trip to a restaurant that is a bit of a drive from us (approx 50 miles). It's a really neat place, grows alot of their own food organically, local markets, etc. Since we were kind of in the neighborhood of his new station - and I hadn't seen it yet (he's only been there for 1 year ), I asked him to drive me by. While on the way there, we were driving along the 202 here in AZ somewhere around the Gilbert/Chandler border and all of a sudden we heard this loud pop from the truck in the lane to the left of us. I thought the guy was just shredding a tire (happens alot out here). He started to pull off to the left and then suddenly lost control. Next thing I saw was this big white pickup careening toward us on the left hand side - dh had to swerve (think HARD right) through the adjoining right lane to avoid getting hit by the truck. Thankfully no one was in the next lane and we were also by an exit so we had some extra road to take the careening trucks. We ended up sliding sideways and facing oncoming traffic. While we were doing that, the other truck somehow ended up circling around is in front (or behind?), missing us as we were sliding and landed behind us about 20 feet. Also thankfully all three lanes of traffic behind us were at a crawl to avoid the accident. When we first stopped I thought that the car we were now facing was going to hit us, but realized that he was just inching forward. We were able to turn around and just sit on the shoulder for a few minutes. Turns out that the truck had broken its axel. We weren't hit, or knicked and weren't involved in the wreck and several cars had stopped. I guess the kid was out walking around by the time we left.

I have never been more thankful to God for dh's knack for thinking quickly on his feet and his many years of defensive driving training (kind of a necessity for a paramedic) in all my life. And the Love and Respect principles never made more sense than they do today. Dh said that if we'd hit the gravel while we were sliding sideways (and just a few inches from where we were btw) that our truck would have rolled. I never in all my life thought I'd be the one who had a story like this - but it certainly puts things into perspective. Thank God for my hubby - he's so amazing.

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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#19 of 139 Old 04-17-2010, 09:09 AM
 
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That's quite a story! Wow!
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#20 of 139 Old 04-19-2010, 09:33 AM
 
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Wow, that's amazing Tiara!

AFM, still struggling and failing with regards to submission. I really think dh and I need to go to Retrouvaille So much anger and resentment built up over years, and "just letting go" isn't working.
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#21 of 139 Old 04-19-2010, 11:04 AM
 
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Wow, that's amazing Tiara!

AFM, still struggling and failing with regards to submission. I really think dh and I need to go to Retrouvaille So much anger and resentment built up over years, and "just letting go" isn't working.
I am so with you on this right now... I am finding it SO hard to let him lead, I feel like I can't let go of the bad decisions he has made in the past.

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#22 of 139 Old 04-20-2010, 02:34 AM
 
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CherryBomb and Chely:

I'm with you on the horrible decisions in the past doesn't really net trust let alone submission or respect connection. I know that I've talked about Love and Respectalot lately (ok maybe it just feels like it). It has helped me ALOT in dealing w/ this. If you check out the site visit the Media Center - you can see some movies about what Dr. Eggerichs has to say. There are a few on respecting a man who doesn't deserve respect. And if you look at the clips from the conference - they are the conference that my hometeam has been watching for the last 15 weeks. I can say from my experience w/ our hometeam - it has so positively impacted the couples in our group. Lives have been changed for the better as the couples start to understand how to communicate with each other and what makes the other one tick - and that leads to trusting your partner (and building them up so that they feel you are behind them - and calling them out respectfully when they aren't leading) enough to submit. We even have one couple who are renewing their vows in Nov.

He also talks about mutual submission. Tinker around on the site when you have time. I know the book was on sale for 50% off at the Family Christian Stores a few weeks ago - if you have one close - check it out. hth.

(Also do want to say that he doesn't make the distinction in at least one of the movies I see about respecting/submitting to a physically abusive man and have seen him vehemently say that you should never submit to an abusive man - and he's right. So that makes all advice for transforming a marriage null and void - wanted to make that clarification)

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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#23 of 139 Old 04-21-2010, 01:43 AM
 
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Subbing

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#24 of 139 Old 04-26-2010, 03:56 PM
 
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Hello Ladies!!

How is everyone doing this fine Monday?

I'm listening to my class recording and since I'm a multi-tasker, it's just toooo boring to stare at the powerpoint presentation for 2 hours - hence I'm on mdc. Not much new to report from my end. Dh started back to work yesterday. He got a raise (), and they changed everything while he was out. So, he's adjusting back into the flow. His next shift is Friday. We're getting baptized together on Saturday night and we have a week chock full of dr's and physical therapy appts. We're also starting a new series w/ our home team Wednesday night. Now that I write it down, it sounds like a lot, and I thought this week was going to be boring.

What's everyone else up to?

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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#25 of 139 Old 04-26-2010, 05:08 PM
 
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Alot has been going on with us.

I'm 36 1/2 weeks pregnant with our 5th. It seems like she'll be coming soon. TMI-was 2 cm and 40% effaced last Monday, then lost alot of my mucous plug (golf ball size) last Wednesday and now lots of prodromal labor.

We lose our medical insurance on Friday because technically my hubby has been fired at work, but because of FMLA (he had to stay home to take care of me for kidney stone issues, hospital visits and threatened preterm labor at 27 weeks) and being in a union he may get his job back. His boss has it in for him and is trying some things that go against the union contract between the company and the employees. We are waiting to hear back from the union rep to see if they hire him back without him losing his benefit and seniority or if they go into arbitration and he gets hired back. But its been 3 weeks tomorrow since they decided to fire him and no word yet. So our insurance runs out. It's just all a mess with no pay been coming in.

Drs appt today and Thursday for the kids.

Going up to my mom's on Wednesday to work on our garden and to see my broody chickens and turkeys-they might be hatching this week.

My son's birthday is Saturday and we are having his birthday party on Sunday.

So it will be busy for this week too. And all depending on when baby's born.

Wife to DH(10/02) Mom to DD1('03), angel1.gif('04), DS1('05), DD2('07), DS2('08), DD3('10) angel1.gif(08/11), angel1.gif (09/11). We follow Jesus, praying.gif, quiverful, homeschool.gif,cd.gif ,winner.jpg,familybed1.gif,femalesling.GIF, and we are a food allergic family.

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#26 of 139 Old 04-26-2010, 06:07 PM
 
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jewellz: holy geez!! Things are nuts for you too. I know my mom was walking around like 8cm dilated w/ my little brother the week before he was born - (her 5th also). Her doctor told her to carry a basket around w/ her because he was afraid she'd drop him on his head. Instead they picked the day to induce if he didn't come on his own before then. He didn't.

I also feel you on the FMLA/leave stuff. Dh's job kept changing his leave/return dates and we were really certain that he'd be out of a job too. Luckily his boss (who also didn't like him) got transfered while he was out. We will keep your family in our prayers. It is NOT fun dealing w/ these people when they are being jerks about medical leaves. How are they justifying firing him while he was on FMLA?

Happy Birthday to your son.

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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#27 of 139 Old 04-27-2010, 05:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fierrbugg View Post
jewellz: holy geez!! Things are nuts for you too. I know my mom was walking around like 8cm dilated w/ my little brother the week before he was born - (her 5th also). Her doctor told her to carry a basket around w/ her because he was afraid she'd drop him on his head. Instead they picked the day to induce if he didn't come on his own before then. He didn't.
I don't think I've ever gotten past 3m before going to hospital in active labor. My last labor was only 4.5 hrs long from 1st contraction to birth-born on his due date. With him I was 1cm at 35w and 2cm at 38w and 2 days. This one I was 2cm at 35 weeks. My next appt is on Thursday (36w, 5d) so we will see what I'm at but I'm thinking that I'm already 3m because I already lost my mucous plug. I'm having lots of prodromal labor and symptoms that I'll soon be birthing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fierrbugg View Post
I also feel you on the FMLA/leave stuff. Dh's job kept changing his leave/return dates and we were really certain that he'd be out of a job too. Luckily his boss (who also didn't like him) got transfered while he was out. We will keep your family in our prayers. It is NOT fun dealing w/ these people when they are being jerks about medical leaves. How are they justifying firing him while he was on FMLA?
Ugh!! Seems to be happening to a few people I know. Not fun. Here's a link to my post explaining it a little bit http://www.mothering.com/discussions...&postcount=117
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Originally Posted by fierrbugg View Post
Happy Birthday to your son.
Thank you. He's getting excited that he's turning 5 (and all the presents and money from grandparents. UGH!!! that's another post for another time.)

Wife to DH(10/02) Mom to DD1('03), angel1.gif('04), DS1('05), DD2('07), DS2('08), DD3('10) angel1.gif(08/11), angel1.gif (09/11). We follow Jesus, praying.gif, quiverful, homeschool.gif,cd.gif ,winner.jpg,familybed1.gif,femalesling.GIF, and we are a food allergic family.

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#28 of 139 Old 04-27-2010, 10:41 PM
 
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Hi! I don't think I have ever been on this thread in the past, but glad to meet you.
Glad you and your family are ok fierrbugg! Praise the Lord!

Something that has helped me is to realize that I am learning to submit and practicing to submit. My heart is to submit. My prayer is to submit, but of course, I fail a lot. Confession and asking the Lord for forgiveness every time is a practice. It needs to become like a habit to confess all.the.time.

Also, realizing that really I am submitting to the Lord. The Lord is the one who arranged my marriage. The Lord is the one who arranges many people that we have to submit to, for example, teachers, bosses, police, the president, and our husbands. Really we have to submit to a lot of people and laws. So, I find that realizing that the Lord is the source of all of those persons in authority and my dh helps me to see that I am really submitting to the Lord's arrangement.

Someone in a pp said it is hard not to get grumpy when her dh doesn't live up to all that she thinks he should do. I have this same problem. It seems like the Lord made us females so capable, yet put the males in the lead. Funny, huh? I think He did this to make us turn to Him day by day. We need His mercy and grace day by day.

The Lord is full of forbearance, and He lives in us. I ask the Lord to be my forbearance because I don't have any! It is like there are two people in this body. The Lord who is full of mercy, grace and forbearance and long suffering...and then there is me with very little of those virtues.
When our little virtue runs out, then He can be our source for whatever we need just by turning our heart to the Lord.

And speaking of turning my heart to the Lord... I feel like I am always looking at my dh and expecting something from him. All of my expectations lead to disappointment. When I turn to the Lord and stop looking at my dh with all of his flaws, my heart gets softened and my criticizing heart gets filled with the Spirit.

I think the key is to turn to the Lord in the middle of the situation. Or when I am thinking critical thoughts, I have to learn to reject those thoughts immediately. If I let critical thoughts of dh make a nest in my mind, it seems to grow and become this huge thing in my mind. Eventually, I blow up on him and he had no clue that there was a problem.

I am practicing to submit to the day's events as well. When my day is going badly, the kid is sick, I have a headache, dh didn't do something he said he would do.... I stop and say, thank You, Lord for this day. You have arranged all things for me to turn to You. I want to find You, Lord Jesus, in this situation. I can gain Christ in any situation! I need You Lord Jesus! Amen! ....well, I don't always do that, but I am practicing and learning to submit to all things great and small.

DH, and Me plus baby girl (10/07)
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#29 of 139 Old 04-28-2010, 06:07 PM
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i decided to remove my post becaus this thread has more people looking at it then participating....

it was a majr vent, so rather than just edit it, i thought it would be easier to removed it entirely



thanks shami for your great response. i do have 3 people in my life that I cant count on to pray for me when I need it.
and, I really should pray with my husband more. I can hear the humility in his voice in prayer, he doesn't bother to bring trivial things before theLord almighty...
it really peels away the surface stuff even if only for a few inutes, hour, day, whatever. the more time spend in the Lord's presence the better
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#30 of 139 Old 04-29-2010, 12:44 AM
 
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Hi Bluebirdiemama, thank you for opening up your situation with us. I noticed you are a fairly new believer. Do you have a prayer partner or spiritual parents that can pray with you? Anyone IRL that you can open up to and pray with?

I know that in our marriage life, we want to try and do things and fix things, but really it's the prayer that will eventually move the Lord's hand in your situation. I have heard that prayer is like laying the tracks before the train can move.

The kind of prayer I am speaking of is prayer with thanksgiving. I think it is Philippians...let me find it...yes it's Phil 4:6,7.

I have found that when I am really distraught over my situation and feel quite helpless to do anything about it, praising and thanking the Lord while making my requests known to Him is taking a heavy weight off of me.

You may already know this, but I'll just put it out there. When Paul wrote Phil. it was when he was in prison. Prison back then was a dungeon. It was nothing like today, yet Paul was full of joy and thanksgiving. Paul really learned the secret of how to gain Christ in, through and by his suffering. To really gain Christ, there is a breaking down or a stripping of our outer man so that the inner man can be released. There is a book by Watchman Nee called the Breaking of the Outer Man for the Release of the Spirit. This is an excellent book that showed me why we suffer and what is the purpose of all of the suffering in our human life.

Philippians 4:12

12 I know also how to be abased, and I know how to abound; in everything and in all things I have learned the secret both to be filled and to hunger, both to abound and to lack.

Maybe others will have some practical help for you. You probably realize you can't change him or take away his addiction. It was very good for you to encourage him to pray about it because it is really the Lord who will heal him. Can the two of you pray together?

The thing about mj use is that if a person is serious about quitting, one has to completely get out of that scene, which means dropping friendships and an entire lifestyle. I was a heavy user for about four years. I ended up moving and leaving the whole bar scene, along with ditching the few friends that I had. Not pleasant, but so worth it in the end. Your right about problems disappearing when your high, which is why I used so heavily for so long. The physical addiction wasn't the hard part. The emotions that surfaced while sobering up was the hard part. So sorry your going through this and my prayers and thoughts are with you. Feel free to pm me if you want.

DH, and Me plus baby girl (10/07)
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