"we miss(ed) you at church" - what's your opinion on this? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 38 Old 02-23-2010, 10:52 AM
 
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I actually stopped attending a church this past summer, around the same time my husband went away. I know the priest had intended to stop by after he left, seing as I was left alone and pregnant and so on, but in the end never did.

I had mixed feelings - relief I didn't have to explain that I had defected to another church (which was a bit cowardly) and feeling a bit put out. Though I know that the priest is really overworked.

OTOH, the Sunday school director popped by a few times and was very kind and had my oldest dd come to play with her grand-daughter. Which made me feel a bit guilty for leaving.

 I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt.
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#32 of 38 Old 03-11-2010, 09:57 PM
 
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It REALLY REALLY depends on the church, the situation, and who contacted you. In some larger churches it really is a numbers game (its sad, but true) and they automatically send out cards after a certain time just to make sure their numbers don't drop. At other churches this is a really personal thing, and the cards are sent by someone who honestly cares about you. I used to send out the cards/make phone calls for the kids in our church. I always made the cards personal, and didn't use pre-printed ones, and those seemed way too impersonal.

So, I'd have to agree with everyone that says it can go either way. I always liked to make personal phone calls to families who didn't show up. And I always called families in bad situations, to make sure things were ok, and they had the basics they needed (some kids in our church were too poor to eat dinner every night).

- Mom to Baby Mark (9/18/10) and 4 wonderful dogs!
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#33 of 38 Old 03-11-2010, 10:36 PM
 
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My former church would send a computer generated postcard after you missed 3 times in a row. The church administration asks everyone in the congregation fill out a "friendship care" and give it to an usher at a designated time at the end of the service. In reality, you could be in attendance but not fill out a card and still receive a "we missed you" postcard, reminding you to fill out your card if you are still attending. If you missed more than 2 months you got a form letter, asking your intentions. Eventually your name would be removed from the rolls.

I didn't really feel missed. The computer noticed we weren't there so I guess the computer missed me. If people noticed we weren't there, then a handwritten note or a phone call asking if everything was okay would have been a nice gesture.

I consider the computer generated notes a business move to generate goodwill with the clientele.
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#34 of 38 Old 03-11-2010, 11:05 PM
 
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i went to a church for a few years. was even on the congregational council for 2 years. in the choir too. the congregation claimed to have a desire to grow, let alone keep its members. yet when i stopped going, it was over 6 months before anyone contacted me, and then it was the pastor who left a brief voice mail. no email inquiries, no other phone calls. i might have gone back if someone had noticed sooner... but at this point (it's now been over 4 years since i stopped going), i'd just be annoyed.

ETA: should add that new people who indicate such a desire actually get a visit from a member, with a fresh small loaf of bread. even before they're members. so for there to not be contact after even 2-3 months of absence... i was somewhat dismayed. curious that even though we live in a smallish town, i rarely run into anyone from the congregation.

Jennifer, Naturopath and mom

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#35 of 38 Old 03-12-2010, 04:09 PM
 
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I wish I got a card or an email. Instead when I do show up I get the girls in the young women's group (I'm the second counselor) coming up and saying "Where were you? Ignoring your responsibilities, hmmmmm?" Yes because after getting 2 hours of sleep due to my baby screaming all night from his acid reflux, I'm totally going to get up at 7.30 on Sunday morning to go to YW. Then if I say something like "Well we had a rough night" they say "Man, I wish I had a baby to use as an excuse for everything." (I think, "Shut up, you're 12 and 14, you don't know jack") Like that's going to make me want to go to church?!?!

Formerly known as "JessicaRenee".  hang.gif  Single mama to Jude (Sept '09)!  biggrinbounce.gif

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#36 of 38 Old 03-12-2010, 04:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JessicaRenee View Post
I get the girls in the young women's group (I'm the second counselor) coming up and saying "Where were you? Ignoring your responsibilities, hmmmmm?"
it sounds like your next yw class should be about respecting their elders! hello, your child is one of your responsibilities, no?
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#37 of 38 Old 03-12-2010, 04:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by doubledutch View Post
it sounds like your next yw class should be about respecting their elders! hello, your child is one of your responsibilities, no?
Bwahahaha!!!

Formerly known as "JessicaRenee".  hang.gif  Single mama to Jude (Sept '09)!  biggrinbounce.gif

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#38 of 38 Old 03-13-2010, 02:30 AM
 
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Usually i run into someone form church at the grocery (if not several someones), or my kids Sunday School teacher has been known to mail them small notecards when we've had extended absesence (usually due to illness, cause as soon as 1 has it - it makes it way through all 5 of us over a few weeks). Usually it take it as a reminder to let her know that yes, we're alive and well, and we've been sick/busy with family stuff (as when my sil was getting ready to leave for aghanastain), etc.

It's nice to see that we're missed, and I don't find it to be in a rude manner for us.

~Kris mama to Alexis (15), Elizabeth (10), Andrew (7), and 1 angel
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