Pagan mamas: Need help moving past divorce, advice please - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-08-2010, 06:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Earlier this year I finalized the divorce of my 10 year marriage. It was a marriage full of ups and downs, abuse and broken promises, and waiting and hoping for him to change (which he never did). So now that we are apart and he is with someone new, he is now doing all the things that he promised me for years that he would do. And to be honest, it hurts, because I keep wondering "why was I not good enough? We had a family and a home and I loved him more than anything, why was I never enough for him to change? What makes these other women better than me?"

I am now living with my DP, whom I am so amazingly compatable with, and he treats me so well. Despite this, I keep getting dragged down with the old feelings of insecurity and sadness, and bitterness. I don't want to be this person. I want to not exactly be happy for him, but to have a 'who cares' attitude. I don't want him to have the power to hurt me anymore, which he still does, all the time. And he enjoys it.

I am trying to design a ritual to perform before I treasure map this month, because I don't want all those negative feelings interfering with the positive that I am trying to attract into my life. Could some other pagans please PM me with some advice, or perhaps a spell that they have performed if they have gone through something similar? Thanks so much.
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Old 04-09-2010, 12:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MPJJJ View Post
Earlier this year I finalized the divorce of my 10 year marriage. It was a marriage full of ups and downs, abuse and broken promises, and waiting and hoping for him to change (which he never did). So now that we are apart and he is with someone new, he is now doing all the things that he promised me for years that he would do. And to be honest, it hurts, because I keep wondering "why was I not good enough? We had a family and a home and I loved him more than anything, why was I never enough for him to change? What makes these other women better than me?"
I can't help with pagan ritual aspect, but I can say this: you were with him for a reason. I don't mean that in some high spiritual way ... I mean there were things that attracted you, and that it took time for things you couldn't live with to build. Very likely the things that attracted you are things similar to what has attracted his new partner. That he's honeymoon phasing with a new partner doesn't mean that overnight he changed in some profound way. It really has nothing to do with you being "good enough" or not ... in most such cases it just has to do with you having been familiar enough to not really have been putting the best foot forward anymore. She's new. She still gets the best foot.
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Old 04-10-2010, 07:58 PM
 
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first of all, huge huge hugs! second of all, come hang out in the thread! a lot of us have been dragging, and we've been doing some wonderful things on top of the usual suportive wonderfulness of the pagan mommas mdc thread.... third of all, there are some great ideas in the TM thread.... and fourth of all, there are some things in the chakra thread that might help. any thing i would suggest will be in the chakra thread. as for building a ritual, posting in the pagan mommas thread will get some good replies, i'm sure!
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