Any Jesus followers that believe in equally shared parenting? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 07-18-2010, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dh and I are serious Jesus followers but fairly socially liberal, especially when it comes to men and women's roles. We often don't find those in our faith community (on the whole) who have these same values. Any others out there?
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#2 of 11 Old 07-18-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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I'm not exactly sure what you're asking. But I'll answer anyway. Dh and I are Christians and we very much share every role in our house. There is nothing either one of us would refuse to do because it was not our "gender" role. We try to raise our kids gender neutral too. I get tired of hearing other people ascribe gender roles to our children or even to dh and I, but I hear it just as much inside the church as I do outside.
I think gender roles mentioned in the Bible are cultural standards, not so much God ordained standards.
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#3 of 11 Old 07-18-2010, 05:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yep, that's pretty much exactly what I was asking. The "equally shared parenting" was in reference to this. I usually feel like people (particularly those in the church) are trying to shuffle us into traditional gender roles. Just yesterday another mom was giving me advice (?) about why it is important for her (but really me) to stay at home with her daughter full time and how her main duty is to care for her daughter and her husband. When other women start in on this with me I usually just nod and smile. I never know how to respond without offending.
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#4 of 11 Old 07-18-2010, 06:20 PM
 
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wow! I love that site! I'm very interested in seeing how ESP can work in my house.

~ Kim

mama to E (01-2007) and wife to C

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#5 of 11 Old 07-19-2010, 04:57 AM
 
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Is a Jesus Follower somehow different from Christian?

If not, then you can count me in this group. We're liberal Christian and share the parenting. Dh works at home, and I work out of the home.

Lynnteapot2.GIF, academicreading.gif,geek.gif wife, WOHM  to T jog.gif(4/01) and M whistling.gif (5/04)
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#6 of 11 Old 07-19-2010, 11:24 AM
 
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Quote:
Just yesterday another mom was giving me advice (?) about why it is important for her (but really me) to stay at home with her daughter full time and how her main duty is to care for her daughter and her husband. When other women start in on this with me I usually just nod and smile. I never know how to respond without offending.
It doesn't bother me if other women feel like this is their duty. But I would get annoyed if other people started telling me what my duty is. I would probably respond with something like, That's great for you and your family but I believe that God has called me to [your job] and it works for our family to share responsibilities with childcare, cleaning, etc. If God redirects our path into something different we are always willing to listen.

I am a sahm but not because I believe it is my duty as a woman. Honestly, taking care of children has pretty much been the only thing I've wanted to do since I was about 7. But, I would also take a pt or even ft job if I felt it was the right thing to do. Often when I tell women I am a sahm they talk about how great it is that I am. I just smile at them but I do wonder how they could make such a huge generalization like that. And I wonder what they really think of working moms.
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#7 of 11 Old 07-19-2010, 04:29 PM
 
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I'm a Christian who beleives in equality between the sexes on all levels. In the home, in the workplace and in the church. I also beleive that mutual submission is very important (although I will admit I'm not great at it.) We try to raise our girls equally. DH was a only child with minimal exposure to children before we had our own so esp at first I just knew more than he did but he has learned and is very involved. In fact with our home schooling he does all the reading work with our eldest.

I am a SAHM and I do think that it is ideal for mom to be home until the children wean but beyond that age I don't think it matters that much and depends on the family.

Patty wife to Jason Mama to Wisteria (6) and Junia (2)
our family is <>< and :
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#8 of 11 Old 07-20-2010, 04:39 PM
 
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I don't understand why the emphasis is on 'equal'.

Making things equal, to me anyway, implies that someone is keeping score. We don't do that.

When we had DD we made one of us staying home with her our number one priority. If we were going to focus on breadwinning equally would we then have to each get part-time jobs, even if it paid less than one person working full time? Just so it is equal?

I currently SAH and run a home daycare, and DH has a home office but works for an outside employer. He is basically holed up in the basement and all childcare between 7am and 5pm falls to me. But it just makes sense that way. At a time we played with the idea of me going back to WAH and he running the daycare but after just an hour of him hanging out with the kids on his day off and he couldn't take it. Not everyone can deal with a mob of crazy toddlers.

But we are both equally responsible for raising our daughter and running our home. We both do whatever needs to be done. But I don't have any desire to make sure things are 'equal' according to each of the categories listed on that site.

Wife to DH (06/10) and Mummy to DD (07/08).

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#9 of 11 Old 07-21-2010, 02:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Glad to know there are other fams out there like ours! It's encouraging. It's also refreshing to hear from SAHM who don't necessarily think all moms should be SAHMs.

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Is a Jesus Follower somehow different from Christian
Basically no difference. I'm just not a big fan of the baggage that usually comes along with the word (especially in my part of the world).

Quote:
I don't understand why the emphasis is on 'equal'.
Actually I've heard the couple who started esp talk about this before and for them, it's not about keeping score, it has more to do with making sure that everyones needs in the household are met. It's about making sure that the kids get to hang with dad just as much as they do with mom. It's about making sure that both mom and dad can pursue dreams they might have outside the home (not that everyone necessarily does). The "keeping score" mentality is missing the point. Also, I do think it would be ideal if both parents were able to work part time. Unfortunately our society isn't set up this way yet. In order to get decent pay, benefits, vacation time, etc, you must have a full time job. This is one of the things those involved with esp are working toward--making it possible for esp to work in any household.
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#10 of 11 Old 07-24-2010, 08:10 AM
 
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I think we fit into this "category". Everything is very equal. We both stay at home all day, we both bring in money, we both do chores, everything with the kids.. I would have him nursing if he was able.. lol.

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Originally Posted by Pattyla View Post
I'm a Christian who beleives in equality between the sexes on all levels. In the home, in the workplace and in the church.
I definitely agree.

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Originally Posted by Morri View Post
I am a sahm but not because I believe it is my duty as a woman.
I agree that God calls both men and women to do so many different things.. and it just should never be generalized.
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#11 of 11 Old 07-25-2010, 06:06 AM
 
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I believe in everyone using their gifts and doing what they do best; I certainly don't believe in a sexual division of labor.

Sometimes each person doing what he or she does best may look like a traditional family; other times it won't.

My experience in churches has been kind of weird. On the one hand, women are generally the ones handling the children's ministries and especially the nursery. On the other hand, I feel like there's often a big push to get mothers to hand over their babies to others so that they (the mothers) can be "spiritually fed."

I think a lot of churches unintentionally create an environment that pushes mothers to give up breastfeeding and switch to bottle feeding, which I guess can be touted as "egalitarian," as in, "It's good for your baby to know that she can trust other people to feed her besides you"...

And also as in, "It's good for you to be freed from the constant care of your baby, so that you can 'serve God' in church ministry."

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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