Want to be a practicing Catholic again, but spouse is not Catholic - Mothering Forums
Spirituality > Want to be a practicing Catholic again, but spouse is not Catholic
kathteach's Avatar kathteach 07:03 PM 08-19-2010
Hi. I am married and a mom to a 4 and 2 year old. I have not been a practicing Catholic since high school really, but want to join a church now. Will I be able to receive communion? Can my sons be baptized? Or am I considered unmarried since I did not marry in the church?

Trigger's Avatar Trigger 07:18 PM 08-19-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathteach View Post
Hi. I am married and a mom to a 4 and 2 year old. I have not been a practicing Catholic since high school really, but want to join a church now. Will I be able to receive communion? Can my sons be baptized? Or am I considered unmarried since I did not marry in the church?
Are you confirmed? If so, then the short answer is yes; however, depending on the pastor details may vary. If your husband is not in disagreement, you should be able to have your sons baptized immediately; and if he's willing you can probably have your marriage convalidated/blessed in the Church without too much trouble. You are not likely considered "unmarried", especially since you have children.

If you have not been confirmed, you will need some kind of RCIA preparation.

Your best bet is to find a church where you feel spiritually fed, and speak to the pastor. Hopefully you live in an area where you have some options for Catholic worship.

Good luck, best wishes, and welcome home.
VillageMom6's Avatar VillageMom6 07:55 PM 08-19-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathteach View Post
I have not been a practicing Catholic since high school really, but want to join a church now.
Welcome home!

Quote:
Will I be able to receive communion?
After you make a general confession to a priest, yes! Since confessions after being away for years can take a bit more time than an every month confession, I would call a church office and schedule a time that works for both you and the priest.

Do not be nervous! He will be thrilled to help bring you back.... and he's likely to have good counsel for you.

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Can my sons be baptized?
Yes... what does your husband think? If he does not object then it will be no problem. To be honest, I'm not sure what happens if one spouse does object. A priest can answer that for you.

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Or am I considered unmarried since I did not marry in the church?
That's not easily answered without knowing more details. Had your husband ever been baptized? Had he ever been married previously? Again, a priest will be able to help you both resolve any concerns.

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Your best bet is to find a church where you feel spiritually fed...
The good news is that you are spiritually fed at every Catholic church... with the Holy Eucharist!
shelbean91's Avatar shelbean91 03:55 AM 08-20-2010
I was not practicing for many years. I've sort of ebbed and flowed in my 'attendance' over the years. The only difference is I was married in the church. It was my sticking point. DH is not religious, not baptized, never attends with me, probably never will. I have 3 kids - I will rotate which I take with me because I simply can't handle all 3 by myself. Both boys have autism (well, ds2 will likely be dx'd in the next few months) and I jsut can't do it alone.

All of my kids are baptized and attend religious education and are on the way to getting all of their sacrements.

As far as you being 'unmarried' there are lots of variables to that one. You'll have to talk to the priest.
Bluegoat's Avatar Bluegoat 09:50 AM 08-20-2010
Because you were brought up Catholic, but married outside of the CC, you would be considered unmarried. If your husband agrees, and there are no prior marriages, you could probably have the marriage convalidated, which is a nice way of saying they will marry you "for real". If your husband is not baptized, it will be a natural rather than a sacramental marriage.

If your husband doesn't agree, it is possible, I think, to apply for something called "radical sanation" which would allow you to return to a normative place in the Church while remaining married to him.
kathteach's Avatar kathteach 10:41 PM 08-20-2010
Oh thank you ALL so much for all of your very informative replies....I was nervous to post. To read "welcome home" made me really, really happy. Thank you VillageMom6 and Trigger!

Shelbean91, my 4 year old has ASD and his younger brother has some sensory issues.

My next step is to contact a local priest. This is a big step I am also nervous about. There are about three churches within a five mile radius here--I was under the impression that you must attend your parish church based on zipcode, but based on what I am reading from you ladies can I actually pick the church?

Thank you again...
VillageMom6's Avatar VillageMom6 11:05 PM 08-20-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathteach View Post
I was under the impression that you must attend your parish church based on zipcode, but based on what I am reading from you ladies can I actually pick the church?
It used to be that geographical borders indicated your parish but you are welcome to register at any parish you prefer.

We are more comfortable with a traditional approach to worship and were put off by a great many liturgical abuses that (sadly) went on at churches that were close to us, so we drove to church on the other side of town.

A few years ago we moved to a small town and our fantastic parish is directly across the street from our house.

I know it's easy for me to say, but please do not be nervous about contacting a priest. His entire calling in life... his very vocation... is to bring souls to Christ via His church. You are an answer to his daily prayers.
Trigger's Avatar Trigger 10:17 AM 08-21-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathteach View Post
There are about three churches within a five mile radius here--I was under the impression that you must attend your parish church based on zipcode, but based on what I am reading from you ladies can I actually pick the church?
Yes, you have many choices! So take your time, and find the one that "fits" you. As a PP noted, you will always be fed by Eucharist at ANY Catholic church; but the shepherds all differ in their approach, which affects the overall spiritual nourishment for each individual. Personally, I need a good homilist, great music, and a feeling of community to optimally enhance the liturgy. At present, I'm actively involved with two different parishes.

Keep us updated on your journey!
Maiasaura's Avatar Maiasaura 11:21 AM 08-21-2010
You know-- I cannot answer the questions you put in your post, but I am replying to your topic title.

I am not Catholic, nor even Christian, but my sweet love is Catholic, and I in no way would stand in the way of his religion. We totally respect one another.

We intend to be legally married one day, and maybe even () he can/will legally adopt my ds, if my ds is also willing. I would not object if my ds decided to be interested in Catholicism and wanted to attend the church with my DH.
As long as nobody tries to convert me, without my permission

HTH?
mum4boys's Avatar mum4boys 07:09 PM 08-21-2010
I am glad you got your questions answered. Maybe you could post in the catholic thread and someone might have some personal experience with the parishes you have to choose from.
chfriend's Avatar chfriend 10:10 AM 08-23-2010
Hi,

Needing to have your marriage convalidated (if you do) is not the same as the church considering you unmarried.

Many parishes have programs set up for returning Catholics. If you google "returning Catholic" you can get some ideas about what that means.

If you call your local parish offices, you can start the conversation by saying, "Hello, I'm interested in finding out about returning Catholic programs you might have."

It's a conversation starter without having to feel like you need to tell your whole life story right then.

My advice: Start going to Mass. Start easy if you want to: the Saturday vigil mass, the Sunday night mass at the student center, a daily mass.

Just start snagging Mass when you can.

Pick up a rosary. Put in your pocket. Say a decade when you're waiting for the bus or at the doctor's office.

Put it in God's hands and take the first step on the journey. Listen for the Spirit and let the Church nourish you.

Welcome.
Trigger's Avatar Trigger 01:25 PM 08-23-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
Needing to have your marriage convalidated (if you do) is not the same as the church considering you unmarried.
"Not married in a Catholic Church ceremony" is not necessarily "unmarried" even in the eyes of the Catholic Church. It depends on the circumstances.
Smithie's Avatar Smithie 05:50 PM 11-20-2010

Have you read my cousin's blog? You should read my cousin's blog: http://www.katewicker.com/

 

I think she may be our nation's leading expert on being a devout Catholics married to a non-Catholic. Ask her anything. 


Sol_y_Paz's Avatar Sol_y_Paz 10:08 PM 12-14-2010

You can have communion. Your son can be baptized.  Most likely your marriage is valid, I think it depends on what your husband believes, but am not for sure. 

 


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