Pagan baby's Christian grandma is asking for baptism - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
BlueLeaf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 61
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm Pagan and my husband is sort of agnostic. His mother is Lutheran. Our LO is 6 months old now, and today my MIL asked, with tears in her eyes, if we'd have the baby baptized. She said she didn't want to go behind our backs (!) and have it done.

I'm torn. On one hand, I don't personally believe in baptism as a sacrament - it's not my belief system. It obviously means a lot to her. But on the other hand, I don't want to "normalize" the idea that my faith is secondary.

Has anyone else dealt with this? What did you do? Any advice is greatly appreciated!
BlueLeaf is offline  
#2 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 07:54 PM
 
Tumble Bumbles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 727
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Edited.


Christ-centered loving wife & mama to 2 miracles! One & one . We live simply and mindfully. Expecting another blessing Feb 2015
Tumble Bumbles is offline  
#3 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 08:00 PM
 
lynsage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,244
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's not your religion, it's hers, she has no right to ask that of you, and in addition, her insinuation that she'd somehow do it behind your back if you didn't consent is creepy.

I would not allow this and I'd be very firm about it. Once people like this get their foot in the door in this area it is VERY hard to get them back out.

Some family members expressed a desire that my partner at the time and I would have this done to our daughter when she was an infant. Our response was that it will be her choice to do it if it fits her beliefs when she gets older, end of discussion.

ETA: I just looked up what happens at a Lutheran baptism and it is nothing a Pagan or agnostic should ever be asked to do, IMO. The parents and godparents are expected to vow before the church to raise the child according to the word of God, etc.

Aslo ETA: AFAIK I was never baptized in my mother's church (Pentecostal), but I was "dedicated to Christ" at a very young age and I'm still pissed about it. Not that I have anything against Jesus, just that I personally would never push my beliefs on my child that way and wish my mother would have let me decide for myself if I wanted to participate in something like that. Just another point to think about before you consent to having this done to your kid- she might not think it was very cool of you later in life.
lynsage is offline  
#4 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 08:03 PM
 
mysticmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Baltimore
Posts: 6,183
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
we baptised our children for MIL.

hh2.gif

mysticmomma is offline  
#5 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 08:04 PM
 
Peppermint Leaf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Nothing to see here -- move along!
Posts: 2,493
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles View Post
Wellll....

I'm a devout Christian, but I don't believe in infant baptism. We believe when a child/adolescent is at an age of reason (which varies wildly lol) they can choose themselves, of their own free will, to accept Christ or not. Infant baptism is simply a preference to show the parents' dedication to raising their child in the Christian church...but has no bearing on salvation. One has to willfully and knowingly accept Christ as a free-will choice to be saved. I hope that doesn't read as proselytizing, I'm just communicating what most protestant Christians believe based on The Bible.

My mom was raised Catholic, and although she is not practicing, she was so adamant (read: crazy dead set) about having our daughter baptized. We had a lot of discussions (read: arguments) about it.

I just simply do NOT at ALL believe God sends unbaptized babies to hell. I did NOT have my daughter baptized.

Personally, this is a situation where I stood my ground. I would tread very lightly and take her feelings and beliefs into consideration but I wouldn't baptize. I would ask MIL to search her heart and her scriptures (infant Baptism appears NOWHERE in The Bible) and tell her you believe that if there is an Almighty, you simply do not believe in a petty or legalistic one who damns innocent babies to hell.

I would have been furious if my mom did it 'behind my back'. Not so much because of the religious side of it, but because of the blatant disrespect of my communicated choice/belief on the matter.
Well put -- couldnt have said it better myself
Peppermint Leaf is offline  
#6 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 08:10 PM
 
la mamita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: the dark side of the moon.
Posts: 2,146
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think you have two options:

one, take a stand, decline, and perhaps do some kind of baby welcoming ceremony that would incorporate your and your husband's beliefs. depending on how religious your MIL is, that might be "enough" or satisfactory, or it might be a good starting point for you to set the tone as far as religious practice in your family.

two, do it without believing in it, just to go along with family. it's pretty easy to explain to a child later 'we did this because it was very important to your grandmother even though i and your father believe differently'. i have a friend who is spiritual and not religious, but has a very Catholic MIL, and ended up getting her son baptized and doing a whole big Peruvian baptism party. it was very very important to her MIL, and my friend didn't believe in it, but was willing to go along for the sake of family. i don't think she felt like she compromised her own beliefs.

not knowing your family dynamics, it seems hard for me to recommend either one of them, so i will just lay out those two options. ultimately it comes down to what your priorities are, what your family dynamics are like, and how you and your husband plan on handling religion/spirituality with your child.

eta: i do agree with pp's that the insinuation that she would do it behind your back is creepy.

raising my two sunshine children.

la mamita is offline  
#7 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 08:20 PM
 
EmmysMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 178
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What I would do depends on the history. Has she ever gone behind your (or someone else's) back and done something she knew wasn't okay? Does she manipulate people? Is it her way or the highway? If so, I'd make my feelings known and then make sure she never has an opportunity to do it herself. If she's normally nice and respectful of your boundaries, and she's just very devout in her religious beliefs, I might give more leeway. In that case, I might arrange a naming ceremony or something (at the solstice, on her first birthday, whenever resonates with you) and possibly invite her pastor/priest/whoever to say a blessing after you/your spiritual advisor is done. I think that would make very apparent that your religion does not take second place, but you're willing to let hers be expressed within certain boundaries.

So I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you have/want to have. In my case, I put my foot down and said no, and my MIL doesn't watch my kids.

Me , DH , Emmy (5/08), and new baby Tilda (1/10)
EmmysMama is offline  
#8 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 10:33 PM
 
hippiemommaof4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: fort benning ga, just left alaska
Posts: 819
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ok wow, first she threatened to do it behind your back and that is NEVER ok and it is controlling,threatening, and manipulating ! I'm a christian and I would never do that to anyone. Second I dont think I would leave my child with someone like that at all because if she'll go as far as disprespecting your religion behind your back (which is a pretty big deal imo) then she'll do it when it comes to other matters. I wouldn't do it and like others have said, stand your ground say no, tell her that her threats are wrong, and then tell her you have a hard time trusting someone with your child who says those things.

 Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!

hippiemommaof4 is offline  
#9 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 10:45 PM
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,704
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm a Christian and I believe in infant baptism, not as an entrance pass for heaven, but as a symbol of the spiritual covenant between that child's CHRISTIAN parents and God. It is a symbolic gesture in which the parents promise to raise their child in the faith, and as a child of believers that child is accepted into the visible congregation. It has zero, zip, nada to do with salvation. It is not required for entrance into heaven nor will it keep you out of the other place. Salvation comes much later, and then only through personal faith.

I know a bit about Lutheran theology and I have this funny feeling your MiL is confused about the matter. The baptism won't mean a thing unless that child is raised in a Christian home. I wonder if her pastor would even knowingly baptize an infant in such an underhanded manner, going behind the parents backs.

If you are Pagan and your husband agnostic, the ritual means nothing to you and can have no benefit for you. If your MiL is threatening to do this behind your back then I think it is even MORE important to draw a very clear line. This is YOUR child, and you should be able to raise him/her in the faith/belief system that YOU choose.

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#10 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 11:19 PM
 
dakotablue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 985
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ok so, I'm a christian. We don't believe in infant baptism. But I get that some people do.

I would ask MIL why its so important to her. If in her heart she believes that having the baby baptized protects it in some way then she is doing it out of love for you child. (the asking not the back thing)

If you don't believe in God and see no harm in having some water put on your baby's head then let her. If it makes her feel better. I just am trying to think about her perspective and if it would plague her. I'm much more forgiving of wierdness that is does out of love than selfishness.

Then again, you have to look into what kind of relationship you have with her. Would this set the precedent of her wanting you to bend to her every whim? or Do you have a healthy relationship? and this is just important to her.

I guess for me, if it was important to a family member to walk around the baby three times and quack like a duck I wouldn't see the harm. But I don't know how you truly view this 'rite.' (not my perspective but how I know some non christian friends view religious rituals)

I don't think it would make your religion secondary, because its not an if this happens this can't kinda thing (like having a circumcision in the hospital verses a bris)

biggrinbounce.gifDS 10/09  sleepytime.gifDS 2/17/11 stork-suprise.gif Blessing #3 sometime 2/13

 

dakotablue is offline  
#11 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 11:20 PM
 
Virginia884's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,056
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles View Post
Wellll....

I'm a devout Christian, but I don't believe in infant baptism. We believe when a child/adolescent is at an age of reason (which varies wildly lol) they can choose themselves, of their own free will, to accept Christ or not. Infant baptism is simply a preference to show the parents' dedication to raising their child in the Christian church...but has no bearing on salvation. One has to willfully and knowingly accept Christ as a free-will choice to be saved. I hope that doesn't read as proselytizing, I'm just communicating what most protestant Christians believe based on The Bible.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
I'm a Christian and I believe in infant baptism, not as an entrance pass for heaven, but as a symbol of the spiritual covenant between that child's CHRISTIAN parents and God. It is a symbolic gesture in which the parents promise to raise their child in the faith, and as a child of believers that child is accepted into the visible congregation. It has zero, zip, nada to do with salvation. It is not required for entrance into heaven nor will it keep you out of the other place. Salvation comes much later, and then only through personal faith.

I know a bit about Lutheran theology and I have this funny feeling your MiL is confused about the matter. The baptism won't mean a thing unless that child is raised in a Christian home. I wonder if her pastor would even knowingly baptize an infant in such an underhanded manner, going behind the parents backs.
Just wanted to say, that as a Lutheran, neither of these is in line with my (specific type of Lutheran) beliefs. If you are strongly considering this, I would talk to your MIL about what she believes baptism is. If you know what type of Lutheran she is and I happen to be the same and you'd like more info, let me know.

I hope you are able to come to the best decision for your family and everyone can respect that.

ETA: No offense to the above posters, just offering my knowledge on the topic!

Adrienne belly.gif - Loving my DHguitar.gif, our daughter Harper Emaline ROTFLMAO.gif (3/2011), and maybe a baby?? jaw2.gif (5/2013)

Virginia884 is offline  
#12 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 11:25 PM
 
Fyrestorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 4,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Have a wiccaning of whatever sort works for your style of paganism. Invite MIL. This should cover the baby welcoming and protection part as well as asserting that your religion is what is practiced by your family.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
Fyrestorm is offline  
#13 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 11:30 PM
 
broodymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Watching the rain
Posts: 7,366
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Pagan mama with an agnostic DH here too. My extended family is very staunch Southern Baptist, but under no circumstances would I have any of our children baptized to appease them.

Chaotic uc.jpg homeschool.gif mama to 5 plus a bonus one on the way.  stork-suprise.gif

chicken3.gif

broodymama is offline  
#14 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 11:39 PM
 
Wolfcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 1,112
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
I baptized DS for my mom. Like you said, it meant so much to her. As for my religion, DS lives in my house and celebrates with me. My religion is not secondary.

BTW, she has never said a word about baptizing DD.

Check out my business, Pangaia Metaphysical Store, and radio blog, Pagan Musings.
I'm a witchy mama to DS ('06) and DD ('10) with DH, Stormie, a heathen homemaker daddy.

Wolfcat is offline  
#15 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 11:39 PM
 
New_Natural_Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,261
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am lax Taoist & grew up in a non religious household. DH grew up Lutheran & his family is very involved in the church. Before we ever got married I told him I don't believe in christianity or baptism & would never allow it. He agreed and no one has ever brought it up to me. I would not allow it & have a serious talk with her about boundaries.

goorganic.jpgwife to footinmouth.gif, currently WOH and geek.gif on my doctorate. (I'm dissertating!) We: novaxnocirc.giftoddler.gifgd.giffamilybed1.gif  with DS (4/09)!
New_Natural_Mom is offline  
#16 of 48 Old 10-30-2010, 11:39 PM
 
nerdymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: too far away from the mountains, VA
Posts: 2,704
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Virginia884 View Post
Just wanted to say, that as a Lutheran, neither of these is in line with my (specific type of Lutheran) beliefs. If you are strongly considering this, I would talk to your MIL about what she believes baptism is. If you know what type of Lutheran she is and I happen to be the same and you'd like more info, let me know.

I hope you are able to come to the best decision for your family and everyone can respect that.

ETA: No offense to the above posters, just offering my knowledge on the topic!
By "bit", I meant a little bit! No offense taken, I know not all Lutherans are in agreement. But Lutheranism and Presbyterianism (what I am) have a certain common history, of which I am aware. And I have Lutheran friends who debate back and forth the minutia of theological differences between reformed Presbyterians and conservative Lutherans. I sort of zone out but pick up pieces via fb, lol!

Talking to the MiL about what baptism means to her is a really good point, and might help both parties better articulate their feelings on the subject.

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
nerdymom is offline  
#17 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 12:51 AM
 
sarlusan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 116
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not Lutheran, but in our church, when you present your baby for baptism, you as a parent have to make a public declaration of faith in Jesus. So if you do decide to get the baby baptized for the mil, you should find out what you are agreeing to in the specific church before you do it!
sarlusan is offline  
#18 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 12:57 AM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Ugh, no. Heck no and no way!
philomom is offline  
#19 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 01:04 AM
 
Lauren82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: TN
Posts: 1,452
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Pagan mama with agnostic DH here too. MIL threw a fit that we didn't get DD baptized in the Catholic church. She got over it.

heartbeat.gif Mama to 5 busy bees (12, 9, 6, 3, 2) & 3 angel1.gif
Lauren82 is offline  
#20 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 01:13 AM
 
The Harpy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 414
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What we did was attend the Universal Unitarian and have a baby dedication... totally different.
The Harpy is offline  
#21 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 01:18 AM
 
kcstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: nowhere near Kansas
Posts: 756
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Pagan mama here. I asked my mother for the family baptismal gown, and he wore it for our Unitarian Universalist baby dedication.

My mother-in-law is very liberal, and in fact my husband was dedicated in the United Church of Christ as an infant, then baptized UCC at about 7.

I think if I'd lived nearby, my mom might have made more fuss about needing to baptize DS. But I had severely limited the relationship, so I'm not sure what she knew and we never talked about it.

Unitarian Universalist Pagan
kcstar is offline  
#22 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 01:26 AM
 
Artichokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In every single infant baptism I've witnessed in several different Christian denominations, the parents are expected to promise to bring up the child in the Christian faith. I would not personally make a false promise just to appease my MIL.

Mama to E (12/07) and M (01/11). homebirth.jpg
Artichokie is offline  
#23 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 02:25 AM
 
mamaMAMAma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: home, where my heart is
Posts: 1,382
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Can your MIL baptise your child without you or your husband there? I was raised catholic, agnostic for a long time and leaning towards pagan now. Personally, I would never baptise my child for anyone else. I dont' think it's going to "harm" your child, but I worry that you would be expected to give into her wishes down the line with parenting your child. Good luck!
mamaMAMAma is offline  
#24 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 02:50 AM
 
katelove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,831
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 17 Post(s)
I am a Christian and my husband is an atheist. The church I belong to does perform infant baptism.

We are not having our 5m.o. baptised because it would require DH to either a) make promises which he had no intention of keeping or b) be excluded from the ceremony. I am not happy about either of those things (I chose not to have her baptised, if it had been important to me then DH would have been ok with us doing it) (a) makes a mockery of the ceremony and (b) is just not right, he is her father.

Not having her baptised will not prevent me from taking her to church, teaching her about christianity and rasing her according to my beliefs. When she is old enough to decide for herself then we can arrange a baptism if that's what she would like.

I would be inclined to tell MIL no because you would be lying when you promised to raise her according to the faith and really, how does that benefit anyone If I thought there was any chance of a "secret baptism" then MIL would not be alone with my baby.

Mother of two spectacular girls, born mid-2010 and late 2012  mdcblog5.gif

katelove is online now  
#25 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 03:00 AM
 
Cutie Patootie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Pittsburgh Area
Posts: 4,935
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lynsage View Post
It's not your religion, it's hers, she has no right to ask that of you, and in addition, her insinuation that she'd somehow do it behind your back if you didn't consent is creepy.

I would not allow this and I'd be very firm about it. Once people like this get their foot in the door in this area it is VERY hard to get them back out.

I'm kind of that she basically said she would do it behind your back if you didn't. Dearie me!

...and I don't believe in infant baptism, but dedicating an infant is a common practice. Maybe you could do that for her but within your own beliefs?

Tina ~ SAHcarrot.gif- head Mama to - 

  DS blowkiss.gif(07/'03), DD energy.gif(05'05), DS, unplanned UC sleepytime.gif(01/'09), DD joy.gif(06/'11) ...

SURPRISE!  dizzy.gifNew little one, due Sept. 2013

Cutie Patootie is offline  
#26 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 03:56 AM
 
Smokering's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 8,610
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
...Why would you? If you believed her take on it was right, you'd be Lutheran, not pagan. So I'm assuming you believe it's wrong, to some extent at least. So I don't get why you'd want to do it. You're going to have plenty of people during your DD's lifetime who wished you'd bring her up according to their religion - but just because they'd prefer it doesn't mean you ought to do it.

(Christian credobaptist here, FTR.)

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

Smokering is offline  
#27 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 04:52 AM
 
urchin_grey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Bowling Green, KY
Posts: 1,194
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Heck no. DP's step-mom goes to a Presbyterian church and she didn't mention anything about having DS baptized, but she actually thought that we were going to start going to a Presbyterian church here simply because we had a child. She even called around and found one near us. We see DP's parents one single day out of every year or two so you could say I don't know them very well. So I don't know what in the world she was thinking assuming I wanted to be Presbyterian all of the sudden and that we planned to raise DS Presbyterian because she is. FWIW, I'm Pagan and DP is Agnostic. I've told his parents that a few times but I don't think they pay attention or get it. They still ask us what DS got for Christmas.

So yeah, all that to say... Some people have a lot of nerve! As nuts as my mom is sometimes, she at least knows her boundaries. She doesn't even give DS candy without asking first and he's 5 now. SMIL, on the other hand, gave DS ice cream when he was 3mo and transported him in a vehicle with no carseat when he was 4mo. (Now you see why we see them so infrequently. LOL)

Carly [29] + DH [27] + DS [9]

TTC my second and his first!

urchin_grey is offline  
#28 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 03:14 PM
 
TiredX2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: it appears to be a handbasket
Posts: 20,475
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It sounds like you have a religion, so if I were you I wouldn't even consider baptizing my child in a religion outside of my own. (If you were agnostic, I could see the arguement being made, at least, that you didn't *know* how you wanted to raise your child spiritually).

Quote:
Originally Posted by lynsage View Post
ETA: I just looked up what happens at a Lutheran baptism and it is nothing a Pagan or agnostic should ever be asked to do, IMO. The parents and godparents are expected to vow before the church to raise the child according to the word of God, etc.
If you were willing to raise the child in the church, or have the child go with MIL to church (so she could be the "sponsoring" adult) that would be one thing. To just be baptized doesn't reallly make sense. ELCA Lutheran baptisms are *very* similar to Catholic baptisms i n that it is really the parent saying they are committed to raising the child in the faith. Then, at communion the child makes the first step to becomming a full member of the church in their own right and in confirmation they make the final step of saying they accept the religion as their own as an adult in the church (not a legal adult).

 

 

TiredX2 is offline  
#29 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 03:32 PM
 
Llyra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: right here
Posts: 9,450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm Unitarian-Universalist. I wouldn't do it. I would be very gentle and respectful to MIL but I would still refuse. I've been fighting this with my own mother, since DD1 was born more than six years ago. My mom is Roman Catholic, and truly believes that my children are destined for eternal damnation because they haven't been baptized. She believes it with her whole heart, and is genuinely torn to pieces about it- her motivation is entirely out love for my kids. But I still had to refuse. To allow them to be baptized, I would have had to stand in front of a Catholic priest and promise to raise them Catholic, and profess beliefs I don't hold, and I can't do that. Not even to help my poor mom sleep better at night, I can't. I don't believe in a God that damns innocent children because they haven't been through a ceremony with some water, and I won't say that I do.

It's been very hard. Mine were dedicated in the UU church, and she came, and was extremely polite to everybody and behaved beautifully, and then went outside and sat in her car and cried. It's been one of the hardest things I've done-- to have to refuse her this. But I have to, because I can't make promises I don't intend to keep. Finally, a few months ago, I had it out with her, and got her to realize that we can't keep dragging this up all the time-- told her she had to stop asking, or we were going to wind up avoiding her and none of us want that.

I would say you have to think about your own personal boundaries. You have to think about how sincere your objections are, and just what exactly you'd be pledging, and talk to MIL about her reasons for wanting this so much.

As far as the behind the back thing- I think your MIL would find it's not easy to find a priest or minister who will baptize a young child without the parent's permission. I found out a Catholic priest won't do it. My mom went and found out that "in an emergency," anyone can perform a Catholic baptism. I told her if she wanted to baptize them herself, I was fine with that if it helped her feel better. I just won't stand up and make promises I can't keep.

me knit.gif, he bikenew.gif, my three reading.gif, sleepytime.gif, and fairy.gif-- and the one we lost angel2.gif
Llyra is offline  
#30 of 48 Old 10-31-2010, 04:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
BlueLeaf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 61
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks to everyone for your thoughts. My husband and I are still discussing it, but I don't think we're going to have her baptised. And I'm going to tell MIL that going behind my back is a betrayal that would make us reevaluate our relationship with her. I may even call her church and talk to her pastor about this.

I do like the idea of having a welcoming ceremony, and of course inviting the in laws.

Thanks for all the advice!
BlueLeaf is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off