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#151 of 178 Old 10-30-2011, 10:01 PM
 
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Salaam dear Mamas,

 

In these most blessed first 10 days of Dhul Hijja I am wanting to renew my connection to God, but I am overwhelmed by my to do list and don't really have the energy for my own life due to recent grief.

 

I just had a miscarriage.

 

I'm feeling so lost and so sad. I went through a very difficult time with my first pregnancy/birth/post partum period. I know that God saw how hard things were for me then and I really thought that this second pregnancy was His gift to me for what I had gone through the first time -- I thought it was going to be the easy, beautiful, perfectly timed pregnancy that would be the antithesis to my first. On the day I planned to take the pregnancy test, I woke up early before everyone was up and went for a walk on a beautiful trail by our home. At the end of the walk, I suddenly found myself surrounded by bright yellow wild flowers. When I saw them, I felt Allah sending a message to me - smiling down and me congratulating me on being pregnant. I went home and took the test - pregnant! The next 7 weeks I had no morning sickness, felt great, and had an immense craving for beauty and balance in my home, personal style, cooking etc. I felt the beauty/balance thing coming from the soul inside me. I was so happy that this one would be different.

 

When I noticed bleeding, which turned into a complete miscarriage, I felt so vulnerable. I don't know how to pray to God about this. I keep wanting to pray "Why did this happen? Just SHOW me the mericful reason so I can understand and not hurt." or "Why couldn't I have just had the baby?" I am not trying to accuse Allah swt, and I am not angry with Allah swt. In fact, my prayers have turned into me just being completely honest with Him about my emotions, just telling Him how devasted and sad I feel, and this is when I feel so close to Him, like He knows and He cares so much. But at the same time, strangely, I feel disconnected from Him because He understands and I don't.

 

I did read one hadith that a miscarried baby will pull his/her mother into Jannah by the umbilical cord. Subhanallah.

 

Please share your advice/experiences and keep me in your dua during these blessed days...


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#152 of 178 Old 10-31-2011, 09:51 AM
 
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Salaam dear Mamas,

 

In these most blessed first 10 days of Dhul Hijja I am wanting to renew my connection to God, but I am overwhelmed by my to do list and don't really have the energy for my own life due to recent grief....I feel disconnected from Him because He understands and I don't....

 

I did read one hadith that a miscarried baby will pull his/her mother into Jannah by the umbilical cord. Subhanallah.

 

Please share your advice/experiences and keep me in your dua during these blessed days...


Oh, my heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your sad news. of course, I will keep you in my dua. I wish I had something helpful to say, but I only can be sure that healing will come from Allah swt when it is time, and patience and strength as well. Though it is impossible to see Allah's purpose right now, may you continue to know that all things are done for His purpose. the hadith you mentioned is powerful. I hope you have someone nearby who can offer you comfort as needed.

 

 

I was checking in here because of feeling grief for a friend: she is making hajj now, and her father (at home) died suddenly from carbon monoxide. she will be returning inshaAllah from this sacred journey, and will not have him at home any longer. Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioon.

 

our time together with our loved ones is so precious. may Allah swt help us to be mindful and thankful of his blessings.

 


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#153 of 178 Old 11-01-2011, 09:40 PM
 
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I'm afraid I don't have any advice that might be helpful to you, but I did want to say I am so sorry for your loss youngspiritmom. 

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#154 of 178 Old 11-02-2011, 04:43 AM
 
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YSM, I have walked that path, and no, there really is nothing that anyone else can say or do that will speed the process of getting through it. You'll have to live every day, and you will, and you will do better in time. I will say that in many ways our loss was harder on dh than it was on me. In my case, I had an ectopic, so my health was at risk, and I was more gripped by physical pain and the feeling of being a mom worried about dying and leaving ds behind, and then weaning him because of the drugs. A very different experience from a "spontaneous" miscarriage. But I wish I could take a little bit of that sadness for you.

 

Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, Ya Allah. hug2.gif Please guard your heart.

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#155 of 178 Old 11-02-2011, 06:15 AM
 
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Assalamu alaikum young spirit mom. I'm very sorry for your loss, but remember surah al-inshirah, and take comfort in the fact that every hardship and difficulty that befalls you is coupled with an ease. Allah knows what is best for you, even though sometimes we can't understand. May your lost baby be your companion in jannah inshallah. Allah only gives us tests that we can bear, and that make us stronger inshallah. 


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#156 of 178 Old 11-02-2011, 05:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wa'alaikum Assalam YSM

I've had four miscarriages and four live births. I think the most difficult were the first two...which occured in between DS1 and DS2. I love the hadith about a child who died pulling his parents into Jannah. It does get easier, but it takes time. I remember making up my own little rituals for my lost babies. I also wrote them letters thanking them for the time we had together, however brief. There's something so magical about being pregnant, that I couldn't help but thank them and Allah. Of course, I cried bunches too. Be gentle with yourself.

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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#157 of 178 Old 11-06-2011, 01:03 AM
 
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Salam everyone
Eid Mubarak! Hope everyone's eid is filled with much love, blessings and happiness smile.gif

YSM, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Hope healing process is a bit easier on you.

1jooj, sorry to hear about your struggles in Dubai
and glad that things have started to look bit better. I have a question for you. I'm going to visit Dubai on
a stopover next month. My baby'll be 4 months and I exclusively breastfeed. I'm wondering if I need to feed her in public, let's say in
cabs..restaurent...or even at park/beach etc is that even possible there? Any law on this?

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#158 of 178 Old 11-06-2011, 09:41 PM
 
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Eid Mubarak, ladies! It is raining this morning in Dubai. An Eid miracle! orngtongue.gif

 

noorjahan, public breastfeeding is totally OK here. There are various nursing mothers' areas in malls and such, but most places, it's the most normal thing for mom to just turn away, latch baby on and throw something over to feed baby. Or to have a person (dh or a kid) sort of be the barrier between you and the public (more a token than a real, effective barrier). But breastfeeding is expected here. thumb.gif I have read complaints about cab drivers leering in rearview mirrors, but have never seen it. Most drivers are from Pakistan and I have found most of the drivers I've had to be exceptionally personable. When will you be here? loveeyes.gif

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#159 of 178 Old 11-08-2011, 01:25 PM
 
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thanks 1jooj! That's good to know abt nip. I have been very stressed over it, I pump now when I go out (which I find stressful..don't know why)..so while on a short trip I didn't want to spend time in pumping and pumping.
 
I will be there on Dec 2nd, it's gonna be my sister, myself and baby. We are stoping over on our way to Bangladesh. We'll basically stay full 3 days and leave on the 6th. I really just want to relax (of all time I think this probablly isn't a good time for relaxing with baby!)...not going to do that much touristy stuffs. As you mentioned few times, Dubai is full of malls...planning to visit two malls...which is funny caz really we are not doing any shopping! My sister really wants to explore Dubai and she is a bit dissapointed in my lack of interest to see Dubai (really I am just stressed how the baby will be...she can be very fussy at times and can scream for a while!) as usually I live on planning trips! This time things seem so different. Do you live in city center or further?
 
I am going to Bangladesh for a year! I am feeling bit nervous how baby will react with weather and stuffs. But I am so very happy as I've been under serious stress since giving birth. It's a miracle that I averted PPD. My husband has relocated to Bangladesh due to some perosnal reasons. So, he will be seeing baby soon for the first time, which makes me very excited. I am currently buying stuffs that baby will need for a year..her personal care stuffs...shampoo..lotion,,baby oil etc. On the 28th she will get second dose of vaccine those Dtap and stuffs. She will need another one around 6th month...but I'm thinking of postponding that (I don't want her to get vaccine in Bangladesh if I can avoid it)...and give her the missed dose once we are back..anyone thinks that will be a problem? Or should I give her those vax while I am there? I can't make my mind about it. Any opinion?
 
Also, anyone has any tips on surviving a long trip with an infant? I am praying she behaves and ppl dont feel the need to throw stones or whatever they might have handy at me! greensad.gif
 
And also, anyone has any suggestions on things that I should take for baby? Right now, besides her usual shampoo..and stuffs, I have sunscreen (california baby brand), bug repeller, Amber teething necklace (for when the time comes)...I can't think of anything else. May be I am missing something important?
 

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#160 of 178 Old 11-08-2011, 11:57 PM
 
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Wow, noorjahan, that will be a long trip. My longest trip with babies was 9 hours at a time in planes, and they were a bit bigger. Still, bfing was it. Kept them latched and nursing as much as possible. There's really no getting around some fussing and some stress, but it has to end sometime, right? I am near the ocean, very close to beach. Not a mall person, though there's no escaping them here. I'll PM you my contact info and you can call/text/email when you're around, if you'd like to visit.

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#161 of 178 Old 11-10-2011, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My one piece of advice is to nurse taking off and landng....so hold off if its near a feeding time until then. I'd bring some nice diaper covers and wipes as well. I'd also have disposables (with wipes) for traelling. If you have any favorite homeopathic teething remedies, I'd bring those... as well as at least one bottle of dye-free nfant ibuprofin/acetimonphin. When we were in Egypt, we could get liquid...but not as concentrated as the infants kind...so they need more. Oh.. a few board books might be nice as well.

Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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#162 of 178 Old 11-13-2011, 04:58 PM
 
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I would probably definitely make sure I had or would be able to get the following: The teething necklace, and a nose suction thingy(like nosefrida). And bug spray. Lots of bug spray. The stuff over there reeks of chemicals and scares me, lol. We don't use sun screen since neither I nor DH burn (and DS doesn't either). Get a few things of tylenol and teething medications, and maybe diaper cream. Lanisoh lanolin and a natural moisturizer (like unpetroleum jelly, waxelene, etc). Even if you're not using it for nursing, the lanolin can come in handy for other things(like diaper rash, dry skin, protecting cuts, etc.) Also, a manufactured baby carrier or sling, like a mei tai(my fave, lol). It would be easy to get a length of fabric there for something like a rebozo or ring sling, but maybe not so easy to find and sew a mei tai(especially if you don't sew, or would prefer something like an ergo). I lived on an exercise ball almost exclusively for a few months, bouncing DS to sleep in the mei tai on my back, so if it were me with a young baby, I would probably make sure I could get an exercise ball too.  

 

I'd get some natural toys (wood blocks or puzzles if you have room for them, and maybe a wooden teether), safe crayons(whatever that may mean to you), and board books(when we were in pakistan they had a handful of tiny board books, but not a great selection.)

 

Since it's warmer there, if you cloth diaper, and you want a waterproof diaper cover, bring wool covers. Most people who do diaper in paki though either use disposables(way too warm when summer hits) or just tie a folded cloth on that can absorb 1 pee or hold in poop. 

 

We don't vaccinate, so I don't know what to suggest to you regarding catching up/delaying vacinations, but I also probably wouldn't trust vaccines over seas in poorer countries with what happened in Nigeria with polio vaccine. Actually, polio was the one vaccine that my husband was a little bit intent on getting for DS. I thought about getting him the oral one in paki, but then decided against it partially for the above mentioned reason.

 

If you use johnson and johnson's shampoo or baby oil or baby lotion, they have a ton of that in pakistan, and probably bangladesh too. 

 

If you're going to have a car there, I'd bring a car seat too. A friend of mine in Islamabad was able to find higher cost things like car seats and baby gates, but I believe she said they were difficult to find. 

 

And just for fun, I'll add in a diva cup(or similar, since I really would have hated dealing with pads in that heat)

 

I would try to make sure I had access to these things if I were going for a year, and I'd live if I didn't have them I guess, lol. I would make sure sure that I could get the things I wanted if I thought I might need them later but didn't want to bring them with me(like leaving them in a box with a friend or relative and asking that person to ship the box if you decided you wanted the things later).

 

As for the plane ride, try to get a bulkhead seat and request a bassinet, especially if you don't have a car seat and seat for your baby, you'll probably get tired holding baby the whole ride. When I went to pakistan with DS, I got lucky and we had 3 seats to ourselves the whole way and we could both lay down and nap and nurse laying down even. I actually reserved an aisle and window seat for us, and got lucky that nobody wanted the middle seat(if someone had bought the middle seat I'm sure they wouldn't have minded trading it for one of the outside seats ;) 

 

I second the nursing on take off and landing. And wearing comfortable clothes that are easy to nurse in. And bringing a change of clothes for yourself, and 2 changes of clothes for the baby(including a blanket or warm clothes). And carry a couple days worth of diapers for the plane ride. And bring a bunch of plastic grocery bags for putting garbage in(and for dirty diapers). And disposable wipes for wiping every conceivable mess(because it will happen!). And a really large water bottle so you can drink as much water as you need on the plane, especially since you're nursing, without having to call the flight attendant over ever 5 min. Ask the flight attendant to fill up the water bottle when s/he comes around with drinks. You'll probably want to have some snacks for yourself too. Make sure to walk through the cabin a few times for exercise, And bring something to occupy yourself when you're not sleeping, because dang that flight is long! You're going to be by yourself, right? In that case, make sure your carry on bags especially are easy to carry on your own with the baby. 

 

And have a good trip inshallah! 


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#163 of 178 Old 11-15-2011, 06:13 AM
 
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assalamu alaykum,

i'm thinking of enrolling my 8yo for sunday school. however, she would be far behind the others her age in reading Quran.(she reads no arabic, and i can recognize the fatiha when i see it.) does anyone have a suggestion for book/video that could get us going?

 

also looking for suggestions for a children's book in English with stories from the life of the Prophet Muhammad saws. she is an advanced reader for her age.

 

thanks. I wish each of you a beautiful day inshaAllah.


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#164 of 178 Old 11-15-2011, 09:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wa'alaikum Assalam Kanga:

 

I don't think she'd be that far behind, honestly.  DS1 (8) attended weekend school last year, and he just learned how to read last year.  I don't think everybody in his class can read either.  My guess is that somebody at the school could help get your daughter up to speed, if she was behind.  We paid a tutor $5/lesson/kid to help our kids and it made a big difference.  :)

 

We love this youtube video.  It's teaching the letter sounds with the different vowel markings... all of my kids love singing it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joaa_H3ejoM&feature=related

 

 

This guy is really good too.  I have his Bayyinah learn to read Arabic DVDs but they'r emore for adults.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72rHwvMjNCA


Mom to DS(8), DS(6), DD(4), and DS(1).  "Kids do as well as they can."

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#165 of 178 Old 11-22-2011, 06:30 PM
 
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thanks for the feedback, umsami. it's helpful & reassuring.

 

I hope everyone is doing well, inshaAllah.


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#166 of 178 Old 11-24-2011, 05:15 PM
 
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Salaam everyone

 

Thanks 1jooj, umsami and Amatulla for your suggestions. I've read your replies on my ph, but was unable to reply soon. I've pretty much got what you recommended Amatullah. Things are getting so crazy here. I got few California Baby bug spray. I don't use J&J products, but got others for baby. Got the teething necklace as well. Seems like we're good to go. I am currently cloth diapering like 50-50, but plan on doing it 100% of the time. Got CD friendly detergent too! So many things to take..!

 

 

1jooj, if you don't mind giving me your contact info via pm that would be great. I've sort of planned our 3 days stay like this- day 1 saturday dec 3-brunch (apparently Dubai tradition?) at JBH and visit Souk Madinat (I know fake!)....Dec 4- Spice/Gold souk and dubai Museum and at night Dubail mall for fountain show....Monday Dec5- nothing planned till 4.30 p.m., we've a reservation for Burj Khalifa obs deck....I hope all go smooth considering a baby and jet lag!

 

 


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#167 of 178 Old 11-25-2011, 06:41 PM
 
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Just an FYI, the Dubai brunch tradition is more an...ahem...drunken expat thing than anything else. We were invited to join at Ibn Battuta and we went and it was fine, but expect large crowds of (mostly British) people drinking rounds and rounds of champagne, eventually staggering around, getting very loud, etc. FTR, the food was incredible, luxurious, outrageous. And we never would have gone had we had to pay for it. Extremely expensive, of course to offset the all-you-can-drink aspect. That said, you might request a quiet table. shy.gif

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#168 of 178 Old 11-26-2011, 08:38 AM
 
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Just wanted to drop by and thank you all for your compassion and helpful messages regarding miscarriage. I'm more removed from the immediate grief at this point, and sometimes I feel like I am "over it", but other times out of nowhere I find myself really feeling that baby and mourning the lost pregnancy. Your messages really mean so much to me. Miscarriage is a strange thing because it happens often but no one speaks about it....I didn't really tell anyone except my husband, my mom, and my doctors. It's such a strange, silent type of grief. I guess I am thankful for mdc because it allowed me to make it "public" somehow and get some (online) support.

 

Thanks, and making dua for you all.

 


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Just an FYI, the Dubai brunch tradition is more an...ahem...drunken expat thing than anything else. We were invited to join at Ibn Battuta and we went and it was fine, but expect large crowds of (mostly British) people drinking rounds and rounds of champagne, eventually staggering around, getting very loud, etc. FTR, the food was incredible, luxurious, outrageous. And we never would have gone had we had to pay for it. Extremely expensive, of course to offset the all-you-can-drink aspect. That said, you might request a quiet table. shy.gif


 Interesting. On tripadvisor ppl talk about this brunch thing (specially Friday) as if it's an Emirati cultural thing. Oh well...this is the only splurge for me! I really wanted to do this at JBH only caz I can eat all I want sitting on a beachside looking at Burj Al Arab...hahahahaha....and I like South East Asian food. This one has SEA buffet. All I'm hoping baby stays good. I sent you a PM. Hope we can meet up.
 

 

YSP, It's great that somehow you found a bit support even though it's on the net. ! Hope you're doing well!

 


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#170 of 178 Old 01-24-2012, 06:09 PM
 
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Assalamu alaykum ladies. I hope you all are doing well. I have a few quick questions, all related to my wish for a study group. (The masjid near me is 40+ minutes, and it seems the dars for sisters is only in Urdu.)

(1) do you know of websites with study groups/discussions where you have had positive experiences? A while ago I took a Seekers Guidance course, but that is not a suitable option right now. I have found some audio, but I'd really like sisters' feedback.

 

(2) if you would recommend one favorite book by Imam Al Ghazzali (or another favorite scholar of your choice) it would be __________________

 

(3) if you would recommend one favorite book about Shia piety/practices/history it would be _____________

 

JAK


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#171 of 178 Old 01-24-2012, 06:12 PM
 
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salaam again—

also wanted to recommend a fun book: Love in a Headscarf by Shelina Zahra Janmohamed

 

http://lighttoreadby.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/love-in-a-headscarf/


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#172 of 178 Old 01-26-2012, 07:45 PM
 
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Hi everyone,

 

Salam Aleikum!  It am a little late to this thread since it is now 2012, but I dont think it is ever too late to post about aspirations on the path. 

 

So many wonderful messages posted here, I need to take my time to read them more carefully. I have a crying baby in my arms now so I am going to have to make this quick for now.

 

My wish is to be able to do salat more regularly since right now I barely even do it once or twice a day.  How about you all?  Perhaps somebody has already broached this subject previously.

 

I saw some people had asked about sufi orders etc.  I came to the first very slowly, first just by reading Rumi's poetry, and then by incorporating Bawa Muhaiyadeen's teachings.  Bawa was a  .  sufi teacher from Sri Lanka who came to the United States and brought people to God through very peace-loving and universal teachings (www.bmf.org). The mazaar where he is buried was the first to be built in the united states and serves as a place of pilgrimage for seekers.  The sufi path has allowed me to approach Islam gently in a non-threatening way, and has allowed me over time to come to undertand the original sources of Islam - Quran and Hadith.

 

What has been a challenge for me as modern western woman has been to overcome some of my over-rational and cynical inclinations in order to let the Light of the teachings in.  

But it is getting better with time.

 

Blessings to you all.

 

V

 

PS: I wish these posting were not public.

 

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#173 of 178 Old 01-27-2012, 07:52 AM
 
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Salaam kangamitroo,

 

Registration is closed on Seekers Guidance but I did get an e-mail from them a while back announcing that they have now made all their classes available for free (or maybe pay what you can), so that might be something nice to keep in mind for the future.

 

:)

 


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#174 of 178 Old 05-20-2012, 10:04 AM
 
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there is an event in NJ next month, Shaykha Fest, & i thought some of you might be interested:

http://www.alrawiya.org/shaykhafest/2012speakers.html

 

if you plan to go, and have any interest in saying salaam in person, perhaps you could send me a PM.
 


mama to one amazing daughter born 1/2004
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#175 of 178 Old 05-21-2012, 09:30 AM
 
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Thanks for letting us know kangamitroo! This thread has been dead for a while....how is everyone?? Ramadan is coming up fast. I'm due with my second during Ramadan, so I've been focusing more on that than planning for Ramadan. I probably won't cook much, and I'm not planning on fasting, although I know a woman who did fast during her third trimester.


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#176 of 178 Old 05-24-2012, 01:51 AM
 
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as salaamu alaikum sisters

 

I'm joining in from the UK.

 

YSM, I'm 27 weeks pregnant atm, so insha'allah we will be welcoming our little ones around the same time insha'Allah love.gif
 


joy.gifspread a lot of love joy.gif

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#177 of 178 Old 07-12-2012, 05:47 AM
 
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YSM, WHAT?!!! Alf mabrook! Totally slipped past me. Alhamdulillah, mama!

 

bookcase, hug.gif Salamu Alaykum to you, and equally Alf Mabrook!

 

I just planted a thread for Ramadan here. I miss the chat of all the Muslim mamas and would love to see your faces there.

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#178 of 178 Old 08-02-2012, 10:19 AM
 
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Salaam 1jooj, miss you! Welcome bookcase....any news for us?? :)  Our little guy arrived last week Alhamdulillah -- it was an easy birth and I really felt the generosity of Allah through out the whole process. Alhamdulillah for the blessings in Ramadan!


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