I had my second daughter a month ago in water, at home. Any ways, in the past month I've tried twice to meditate and find my center but every time I put on relaxing music and candles and sit down to do so I have this overwhelming fear that my daughter will pass away of SIDs. I often don't worry (or at least convince myself not to worry) the rest of the time. Could the sudden fear come from relaxing my mind? Perhaps letting down my guard is making me realize I am actually scared? I'm always terrified it's intuition as I often confuse the two, and I can't help but want to stay up tonight and watch her sleep.
Any thoughts are welcome and appreciated.
First off- welcome and congratulations on your baby! The first thing that occurred to me is that your mind/body is just so connected to the baby right now that it's hard to tear your thoughts away from her long enough to let your mind relax and wander elsewhere. Kind of like an instinct to constantly be in tune to baby? Not sure if that makes sense. Maybe trying to do your meditation with her on your lap or close by but sleeping would help? I don't know why, but the fear of sids was really strong with my second baby, who is 13 now. And i remember going away for a much needed break for a few hours, and having what felt like a panic attack and having to get back home to her. Good luck- i hope that feeling ends for you soon!
I don't think this has anything to do with your meditation, per say. Instead, I'd chalk it up to normal postpartum fear. I ran a new mother's support group for many years and I've seen mothers have the craziest and outlandish sorts of fears... that their kid will get kidnapped out the back door if they get the mail from the front door. That terrorists are lurking their neighborhood to steal American babies... really the list goes on and on. Most likely the meditation is the only time for you to really quiet your mind and body, so your thoughts start to race to the wrong directions. Maybe use some guided imagery for now so the scary thoughts can't come in.