Gary Ezzo? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 04:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I noticed somebody had written "boycott Gary Ezzo" as their signature and put a link to his site, so I clicked on it... But the site doesn't seem to have a simple explaination for who Gary Ezzo is and what he stands for.

Could someone explain to me what he is about?

P.S. I hope I don't cause a fight!

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#2 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 05:02 AM
 
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He is the CIO guy...he wrote "Raising Kids God's Way" he has a doctorate in theology and likes to write horrible parenting books to freak out the AAP.

The AAP calls his methods "dangerous" and does not endorse them...he is also pro spanking...

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#3 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 09:47 AM
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Here's a wealth of info about Gary Ezzo

http://www.ezzo.info/

I can't say my peace about Gary Ezzo without using naughty words.

db
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#4 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 09:59 AM
 
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Apparently "The Baby Whisperer" is on the same vein - I have been hearing from Lactation Consultants in the UK about problems similar to those caused by Ezzo's books. Now that book is avaulable in the US. The author supposedly has years of experience as a nanny - I'd be filing charges against any nanny who made my kid CIO!!!
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#5 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 10:11 AM
 
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It wasn't until I got on this site when I learned who the Ezzos are--although I am sad to say I knew who they were, just not by name. They are what Dr. Sears calls "baby trainers," advocates of a parenting style that teaches children...well, its purpose is to emphasize obedience and not messing up parents' already established lifestyle, pretty much. He cites Biblical text to back up his points...But what it actually teaches kids, I wonder.
My sister has 4 kids--back when they had only 2, they took this parenting class and were always raving about it, and about the polite kids of the leader of the class, and about teaching babies to self-soothe...well, next thing, they buy these special spanking tools! Made to sting but cause no damage!
The kids are still young, but I think they are already beginning to reap from this program--corporal punishment seems to be the only thing taken seriously, and so little emphasis seems to be placed on empathy for others as a motivation to be/do good! Their schedule is pretty tight, and kids are just not listened to.
I lent her my old sling for her smallest, and encourage her to bf into oblivion with this child, hoping that the attachment helps her to see better through the eyes of her babies.
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#6 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 11:30 AM
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Good luck, UmmNah,

Please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way....

If your SIL is a Fundie Christian she might not take your concerns seriously because you're Muslim (You could be anything but a Fundie Christian and this would apply) I'd strongly suggest using *Christian* sources of concern (this isn't as difficult as you might imagine because the majority of his known critics are Christian)

I was kicked out of a church because of the Ezzo stuff (not that this stuff was foreign to other bullhockey this old church believed) I know much about this.

Sort of a sad sidenote to this issue, these people "have all the answers" so the followers simply follow instead of praying for direction in their parenting directly from G-d (prayer) Trusting on others' ideas of what's "G-d's Way" invites spiritual abuse and, from what I understand, that's exactly what happens in many Ezzofied churches.

Slings, by the way, are evil devices encouraging "artificial parenting" (GE's words) whilst playpens are g-dly tools for parents to teach babies to sit and focus

Debra Baker
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#7 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 11:41 AM
 
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#8 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 12:22 PM
 
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There's an "I hate Fundie's" website somewhere out there....
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#9 of 25 Old 05-14-2002, 01:23 PM
 
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GypsieLee I will find the exact reference for you later, I just happen to be on right now and ds is sleeping so I can't get the book, but there is an APA commission that was recently appointed to look into the adverse affects of the BabyWise method. Apparently there have been several cases of malnourished babies due to a feeding schedule. I have a friend who advocates the book and gives it to a lot of the mothers in our congregation (although I have to say that our religion advocates more of AP style parenting). Unfortunately both her boys have both sleep and trust issues.

I don't know if this is the type of info you were looking for but I personally did read the book and thought it was interesting that he's not an MD even but is advocating the type of information that should be discussed with a Pediatrician before starting it. In fact the APA in that study made it a goal to inform pediatricians to help them find out if their patients were using the method and to make them aware of the potential dangers.

One other thing, I think it's so interesting that he writes from such a male point of view. On the other hand, I did think some of the ideas were actually good (don't hit me anyone, let me explain). Like trying to keep a newborn awake longer during feedings and being aware of overstimulation being a cause for baby becoming cranky and not able to get to sleep easier. I read sooo many sleep books, references, interviewed people, etc. and I finally came to the conclusion that no one book could possibly say how every child should be treated, every person is so different and their needs are different.

Anyway, cute baby btw, I popped onto your website.

PS I'm not really sure how this kind of a method could possibly be advocated by Heavenly Father. I believe he's a kind, sensitive, caring/loving Father and is our model for how He wants us to help raise his children.
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#10 of 25 Old 05-15-2002, 06:00 PM
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I believe that something really bad happened to him when he was little.(why else would he have such bitterness and and resentment, imo, towards BABIES).

Then he tried to cover it up and deny it.

Then he spiritualized his denial.

Then he got on his hobby horse, and rode.

Then alot of other people followed.

Either that or he's just a jerk.

DeAnna
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#11 of 25 Old 05-16-2002, 08:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone, I think I now have the jist of what this guy is about... how frightening

P.S. I like the post above this one about him getting on his hobby horse and riding!
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#12 of 25 Old 05-28-2002, 05:24 PM
 
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He is just a jerk I think. He is pwer hungry and a control freak.

Some inportant points:

When he does use scripture he takes it out of context and twists it. My favorite "What if God had answered jesus when he called out on the cross" First of all jesus wasn't calling out for rescue. He felt abandoned for the first time iin his life. He was an adult and if he wanted off the cross he could have called out to god to rescue him and he would have. Jesus made it to 30 something before he felt abandoned by his dad. Ezzo recomends less than three days to start the millitant training and hardening of children.

I think his theological degree is "honorary" meaning he didn't actually go to school opr earn his degree. It was literally given to him.

Every important Christian and pediatric group has issued a statement against him including the Church he started at.

There is a site called Gurilla Grrrls (or something like that) that a great list of quotes from Dr. and Christians alike.

His parenting books are just the tip of the iceburge. They are so mild compared to his teachings on teens, spanking and sex education. Yammer had a link a long time ago which discussed it in depth and there was some wicked evil stuff there that would easily lead to abuse. (for ex. Children should obey thier parents with a smile, never questioning them, children are to know nothing of sex, not even on thier wedding nights, we never talk about the things that happen in our house, they are private and satan may twist what they mean in the heads of ungodly people - ungodly translate to those who don't do it the ezzo way)

It is a cult. They encourage secrecy and seperation. Even if it means starting your own church and school and leaving your family and friends.

The good news, is if Pride comes before a fall then he is about to fall a long way. his empire is starting to crumble. Multnomah who published his book has refused to continue (at a great cost to them no doubt) publishing and the more people learn the more likely they are to say no to him and his rulels.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#13 of 25 Old 06-19-2002, 07:59 PM
 
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Oh, gosh, this Ezzo person sounds just horrible!! I went to www.ezzo.info, and it was really interesting. I remember reading an article (maybe in Mothering?) several years ago about all this "BabyWise" business -- what an ironic name!

I am always suspicious of anyone who says not to listen to your own heart. There's a lady on these boards who has this signature -- "every mother -- a midwife!" I just love that! It's so true.

Additionally, one of my strongest spiritual beliefs is that we chose this life so that we could know ourselves, remember our Oneness. And the best way to do that is through our relationships with other people. So, I think that isolation stuff is for the birds.

Jean

Jean, happy HS mom to Peter (5), Daniel (9) and Lucie (2) and also someone new... baby.gif
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#14 of 25 Old 06-20-2002, 08:18 AM
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Jean,

That isolation stuff is really absurd.

When parents take the time and effort to respond to a baby's needs the baby (and later child) learns to rely upon his parents for comfort and guidance.

How in the hell is a teenager going to approach the parents with a serious problem when that teen has spent his entire lifetime being isolated by the parents (heck, and made to derive comfort from objects instead of people)

And we wonder why we can't relate to one another???

We'e the richest people on earth but are, in many ways, impoverished.

So sad.

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#15 of 25 Old 06-25-2002, 03:47 AM
 
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Ok now this isn't something all fundamental christians believe in.

And as for the seperation thing goes most fundamentals are Biblical Seperatists meaning they don't worship with people who have different beliefs.

I am Assembly of God for instance...a baptists wouldn't really be comfortable at a service at my families church cause they speak in tongues and that really makes baptist's hair curl.

I don't like going to Baptists services cause they seem really uptight and complain about AOGs speaking in tongues..heh heh

Now they Ezzos are plain crazy and if I met them I would show them how to really use that stick thing.

But I didn't want anyone to think this is a universal fundamental thing. There are no verses in the Bible that support cooperal punishment or CIO or anything else they preach.

and fundamentalism implies that you take the Bible literally..if you make up a bunch of crap about it that is not Fundamentalism. The Ezzos are freaky insane CULTISTS and not really Fundamentalists but fanatics which the Bible does not encourage.

I am not the only Fundamentalists on this board and I just wanted to clear that up.

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#16 of 25 Old 06-30-2002, 06:24 PM
 
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my words exactly!!!!! (my husband is a pastor, and while i am a christian, i sure as heck don't fit the stereotype.....i do believe the old and new testament - don't add to it, don't take anything away.) ...the ezzo discussion is a good one, and i too want to reiterate the fact that he is a whacko!! when i became pregnant w/our first baby, i was given a lot of books! his was the first book i read, and man oh man if i didn't already have morning sickness........ he is considered so off base that his own church that he was affiliated with has distanced themselves from him. well known christian authors such as sears and dobson do NOT endorse him !! there was a well written article featured in christianity today in the month of aug.2001 (could be a month off...sorry) explaining what all the fuss is about. i for one don't like the fact that he claims to be a representative of christian parenting.. BLAH ! YUK ! POOEY !


Mahlah's ma,

karen
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#17 of 25 Old 07-02-2002, 01:26 AM
 
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>>"Now they Ezzos are plain crazy and if I met them I would show them how to really use that stick thing. "<<


Oh now there is an image tht will help me sleep well tonight.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#18 of 25 Old 07-07-2002, 02:34 AM
 
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gauge14iv - read that Baby Whisperer. Also read BabyWise. Baby Whisperer is nowhere near as harsh as BabyWise - I think Whisperer is more "conventional" if you can think commercial parenting magazine lines etc. It does have a "schedule," but not like BabyWise. It is WAY more flexible. Still, I'm an advocate of neither, although in the early desperate weeks I tried both. And neither "worked." I finally woke up one day and realized when my daughter was crying I needed to turn to her instead of some stupid book!! Supposedly her idea is to anticipate and understand your baby's cries, which I totally agree with; however, she is quite anti-carrying, sling, etc. and also a very strong advocate of the baby's "independence," which is hogwash. A silly book, IMHO, but not DANGEROUS like BabyWise.

I agree with the mamas that that is a cult or at least cult-like. The people I know who have used that are very secretive about their methods, they are divisive in churches, and I am scared for these children. One told me her 18 mos. old was crying b/c he'd been in the car too long and so she reached back and was patting his face to comfort him. Well, he wouldn't stop crying, so she flicked him. Ack!! I just about fainted when she told me that. Comforting her baby and then punishing him b/c he was justifiably upset.

Anyway, this was a very hot topic at our church a few years back (before I was there) and the ezzo people still come to board meetings asking to teach it at church (just last month, even!). Thank God (literally!) that my church will not allow it.

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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#19 of 25 Old 07-07-2002, 05:26 PM
 
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I hope I don't post something that someone alraedy said, but here is what I've learned reading his stuff -

He's a sick, sick man. He thinks babies are manipulative sinners.

He recommends babies spend a lot of time alone.

Also that they only get fed every 3-4 hours during the day and NOTHING at night. (The AAP says this is dangerous and can even cause death.) Ezzo also says that if a baby is sleeping at his "feeding time" to just let him sleep and not feed him again until the next scheduled feeding time because "he's got to learn the consequences of his actions!" as if the baby went to sleep on purpose just to annoy the parents.

He also says that 6-mo-old babies should be slapped for not sitting up straight in their high chair with their hands folded in their laps, or for playing with their food.

Also that when a baby "rebels" against the parents, it should be forced to spend time alone, and that one sign of "rebelling" is when the baby arches its back when put in a high chair.

It should be illegal to publish books like that, but I guess it isn't.:
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#20 of 25 Old 07-14-2002, 06:01 PM
 
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I wish I had known about AP when my first DS was born, but unfortunately a former pastor sent as a baby gift Ezzo's BABYWISE book. I was desparate for advice. We lived in a small town and I'm not very outgoing. His style seemed "convient" as far as working your child into your lives. Looking back I think his horrible breastfeeding advice coontributed to my son and I never getting the hand of it(not to mention that he had been in NICU for a week...so we had already been set up for failure b/4 even leaving the hospital!)

When my second son was born 14 months later, we had moved and I had lots of friends and family around me. One friend let me borrow a bunch of Dr. Sears books and a MOthering book. Of course I was very skeptical...[ezzo really dogs the AP style in his books.] But when the baby had colic and would cry for 3 hours strat my heart was pained. I am so thankful that I gradually learned to trust me self. DS is 13 mo and we are still breastfeeding.

The results of Ezzo's horrid advice has left me feeling like I wasted what could have been a wonderful year with my first son, but I wasted it all. Today I find myself being harsh with my toddler, he is VERY ACTIVE and I'm still getting used to how active boys are. But I feel that I don't have the bond that I have with DS#2. We are really searching to find our place with discipline that works...other than just spanking or timeouts.

I also think Ezzo contributed to my terrible PPD, along with a terrible birthing experience(my DS#1 heart had stopped beating so when he was delivered w/ forceps the doctor placed a blue limp body on me while he cut the cord and gave him to the specialist to begin CPR. So as you guess I was definitely a good canidate for PPD. But then throw in a parenting style that advocates reamaining separate from your child and we were on a collision course for trouble.

Sorry to ramble on like this. But as one can guess I still have a lot of guilt and regrets for many poor chooses. I am disgusted by what I have discovered about Ezzo and his organization at the ezzo.info site. In fact I am debating sending a letter to the friends that gave me the first book and at least let them find out more info about Ezzo.
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#21 of 25 Old 07-14-2002, 07:19 PM
 
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I'm sorry for your experience with Ezzo - I have been there to some degree with my oldest two kids as well (Now 19 and 18) This is what I have learned...


Guilt does not help, in fact it will interfere with the relationship and connection you now want with your oldest son. You cannot feel guilty for what you were unaware of!! Guilt will have you resond to him and discipline him out of fear. As parents, we do the best we KNOW how! What we did not know, we could not have done!

When dealing with your son, deal with the little human inside him - hold him a lot, snuggle him and speak gently to him. Ask yourself when you respond to him if you are responding from love or from fear - and then respond the way that would have you responding from love. Make that choice a concious one. If he is not so big that you or DH cannot carry him in a sling, then do this. Over time he will become more secure and less difficult to deal with.

At least he is still young - I had my turn around when my oldest was about 14 and I allowed guilt to rule my decisions about how to respond to them - as a result, they ran WILD!!!!

You are an awesome parent with an open mind and how cool that you have a new outlook! Use it to your sons advantage!
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#22 of 25 Old 07-15-2002, 01:25 AM
 
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Great advice gauge14iv

queen620, remember that fear is not of the Lord. Respond in love and lavish your little ones with love. Set clear but reasonable boundries and you will find less and less times that they will test those boundries. Oh, and give them plenty of oppertunity to run off that energy

In life, we can't go back but we can make a difference in the future!
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#23 of 25 Old 07-15-2002, 02:18 PM
 
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I just wanted to add:

I did Ezzo with my first as well. I didn't know any better. But I didn't experience any major affects of doing it. My 2yo is a normal 2 yo boy. I often think that people need to use there commen sense with any book that they read...ap or not. I haven't read Sears yet but want to. That also said..I do not use Ezzo with dd (#2) now. I have a great bond with both my kids. It will be interesting as they grow to see the difference between the two..I can't tell what they are...the fact that #1 is a boy and #2 is a girl...that in itself as well as the "birth order" will also take some close looking.

Ps. I always want to say that I am not in any way condoning Ezzo...the guy is wierd.
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#24 of 25 Old 07-20-2002, 05:08 PM
 
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I'm sure that your mothering has helped to make up for the early cio methods. Love covers a mulitude of sins. It really does!!!!
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#25 of 25 Old 07-21-2002, 09:44 AM
 
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And children are endless pools of forgiveness

(not that I would know... )
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