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#271 of 293 Old 10-25-2011, 11:27 AM
 
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Hi,

 

we use the symptamo thermal method mostly, but currently LAM (not really a candidate for ecological breastfeeding due to work).  I love NFP.  One thing I wish people knew about NFP is how positive an effect it has on life in general.  I feel like when you think of it just as a method of birth control, people miss a lot of the benefit.  Before we got married, we had a plan.  We were going to wait two years to have a baby to let us settle in and for career reasons.  I started charting a few months before we got married so we wouldn't accidentally have a kid because I didn't know what I was doing.  Anyway, one day I was sitting there at work thinking to myself -- Wow!  I'm ovulating now!  I could have a baby!  And immediately thought -- No!  That's not the plan.  The next month the same thing happened and the same the month after.  The fourth month, we were married and I was really excited because I had that same feeling of "Wow!  Right now, if we wanted to, we could have a baby!"  I told my husband that, and we decided that we really did want to be open to having a baby.  We concieved and have been very blessed in our son. 

 

The other side of things is I'm starting to hear a lot of things that worry me about the culture of contraception.  For example, one of my coworkers, a physician in training, got pregnant and told her program director so he could adjust the schedule to accomidate her maternity leave.  He was horrified and asked her "How did this happen!?!"  She was really upset afterwards and asked me what I would have said.  I told her, probably something snarky like "Well, it all started when I had sex with my husband."  What she had done was basically detail how she had forgotten to take her pill because she was working over 100 hours per week.  It was horrible that something that should be happy news was received instead with almost an accusation and, still worse, that she had so internalized it that she felt guilty about it.  Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is the sexual revolution wasn't all it was advertised to be, huh?

 

As far as marital tension around sex, I think that happens in contracepting families, too -- hence the old jokes about faking a headache.

 

Anka


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#272 of 293 Old 10-25-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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Anka,

Very good points!  I am so sick of the contraception culture.  Every time we get pregnant, DH's "Catholic" family ask, "Don't you know what causes that?"  It's ridiculous.


Mom to eight!!  Our twin girls arrived 3-3-2011.

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#273 of 293 Old 10-25-2011, 03:12 PM
 
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I have never posted on this thread because I have not been active in the church since I had dd but I am in need of thoughts, guidance, etc. so I would love to hear your thoughts.

 

My daughter will be entering kindergarten next and I am strongly considering sending her to a Catholic school.  I am a cradle Catholic and went to went to Catholic school k-12 then in college began questioning my faith and shortly before conception of dd entered into a Landings Program geared toward those who had lost there way and were interested in coming back to the faith.  Honestly that program forever changed my life, I opted to have my dd and leave her abusive dad (all with the guidance of my priest) but I still had questions about the Catholic church ---- mostly the sexual teachings, the role of women in the Church and of course the horrible sexual abuse scandals.

 

My daughter (currently 4 years old) has only recently has be introduced to the faith due to a custody battle that prevented it until now.  My daughter not being able to attend Mass, Sunday school, etc. prevented me from going since there is only me to care for her and immediately after the court order granting me full custody I had her baptised but I have not completely felt 100% comfortable diving in to heavily exposing the faith to her because of my lingering questions about the church (mentioned above) then........ I toured a local independent Catholic school.

 

What I love about the local Catholic school is that is offers a solid basis for a values-centered life.  And as a single mom with my daughter's dad completely out of the picture a safe loving community is so critical for both myself and my daughter.  My 1st choice Catholic school is amazing.  Small class of 18 students per with one teacher and an aid in kindergarten, floating aids for other grades, a beautiful library that is open during recess, lunch, and after-school in addition to the library visits the class takes.  Additional classes with specialist teachers including Science, Art, Computers, Music/Drama, Spanish & PE all starting in Kindergarten.  The school has two computer and two science labs fully stocked and iPads in every classroom.  Those are just the bells and whistles though........ what sold me on the school was the prayer from the Headmaster before we even went on the tour.  I love the fact that I would be able to openly call Christmas what is truly is instead of feeling the need to be politically correct.  It was the Catholic aspect that made me love the school.  But it is making me questions so much, for example:

 

Is this God's way to bring me back active in the church?

Is teaching my daughter the Catholic faith meaning I am also teaching her to not accept others?  (i.e. those of other faiths will burn in hell)

What about the concerns that I have had that seem to still plague the Church?  Am I a hypocrite to love aspect of the Catholic faith and potentially raised my daughter Catholic but still questions other aspects of the church?

Why do I have this strong intuition that that school is the right one for my family? 

 

 

Just wondering if anyone else ---- like me or not ---- is considering sending their children to Catholic school and how it's going.  I know my daughter will thrive there I am just nervous at the same time though.  Has anyone felt conflicted like this?

 


"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#274 of 293 Old 10-25-2011, 03:44 PM
 
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Welcome, LoveOhm!

 

What I have to say is very counter-cultural, and may not be what you are ready to hear. ;)  Several years ago, I became very disillusioned with the evangelical brand of faith I had grown up with.  There were a selection of teachings which ran counter to my understanding of Scripture and it brought me to a realization that if I believed in God, He was bigger than me.  How am I, as a human, to decide that I have full understanding of what is true and right and Biblical, all on my own?  I found that the Proverbs themselves warn us against "leaning on our own understanding."  And I knew that God must have left us a way to really know what is truth, since He is Truth.  The short version, is that I came to the conclusion that Christ established a Church, and that Church is still in existence in the Catholic Church.  There were many things I didn't understand and that were very different from the faith I was brought up in.  I approached each item with the attitude that God had preserved truth in the Church, and that I could learn to understand these hard teachings.  I know that the teachings of the Church have been debated, examined and analyzed in the minutest detail by brains far more capable than mine.  When I examined them from that point of view, leaving behind my preconceptions, I found wisdom and logic.  Your journey is not the same as mine, but I hope that you will give the Church a second chance and really examine the teachings you are struggling with.  You might find there is more to them than face value.  

 

 


Mom to eight!!  Our twin girls arrived 3-3-2011.

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#275 of 293 Old 10-25-2011, 04:51 PM
 
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Hi LoveOhm,

 

It sounds like God is doing wonderful things in your life!  I'll keep you in my prayers as you discern, with the help of the Holy Spirit who is Wisdom for us all, the best place for your daughter.   I was away from the Church for a long time, and as I came back, kind of like you, I went through a really difficult period where I was struggling with some of what the Church teaches, especially with regard to abortion, contraception, women's roles, and homosexuals.  The best advice I can give is to give yourself time and space to pray and study on these issues, while at the same time not letting any of the "hot topic issues" cloud your relationship with Jesus and the Church.  Faith is something we grow into, something we understand into, something we pray into.  For most of us it isn't something that comes all at once.  Going to mass, confession, adoration are all gifts that God gives us to help us while we're in that space before certaintly.

 

Best,

Anka


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#276 of 293 Old 10-26-2011, 05:17 PM
 
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Hi,

 

Our parish has started educating us about the new changes to the Mass.  I was wondering what everyone here thinks about it?  I'm having a really hard time with the changes.  I'm trying to enter into the new translation with an open heart and mind, but change is difficult for me.  I know they're trying to be more faithful to the Latin, but it just seems like bad English. 

 

Please pray for me.

 

Anka


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#277 of 293 Old 10-27-2011, 09:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnkaJones View Post

Hi,

 

Our parish has started educating us about the new changes to the Mass.  I was wondering what everyone here thinks about it?  I'm having a really hard time with the changes.  I'm trying to enter into the new translation with an open heart and mind, but change is difficult for me.  I know they're trying to be more faithful to the Latin, but it just seems like bad English. 

 

Please pray for me.

 

Anka


We can't debate this here, so I will point you to a good discussion in RS: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1314629/textual-changes-to-the-roman-missal-coming-first-sunday-of-advent
 

 


I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. 

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#278 of 293 Old 10-27-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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Thanks Trigger.  Sorry to everyone else for posting an inappropriate topic.  I'm new, but a little baffled as to why we can't discuss this here?  It looks like the other thread was a discussion among more progressive voices (which I also think are important)... I was just wondering what the more traditional Catholic ladies think.  I'm having a hard time with this in part because it seems to be causing a lot of arguement within the heirarchy itself, almost bishop against bishop, and I can't honestly read it and say "Oh, but it's beautiful!".  KWIM?  I'm trying to come to peace with it.

 

Anyway, again, sorry for posting something that this thread isn't for.

 

Best,

Anka


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#279 of 293 Old 10-27-2011, 01:36 PM
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The spirituality forum is specifically for support only while the religious studies forum is the place for respectful debate.  Sometimes, the line gets kinda blurry since it's OK to struggle some with beliefs here to some extent, but this thread is not designed to be a place to criticize Church authority.  A lot of times, it's a matter of how controversial a topic is.  If it's really controversial, it probably belongs in the RS forum, though to some extent, it's OK to ask controversial questions here to make sure that the answers that you get aren't going to stray too far from being in line with Catholic teaching.

 

I'm not sure you crossed a line, though do check out that thread that Trigger mentions.  It has a lot of perspectives from a diverse crowd along with debate of specific changes.  For me, it's an exercise in obedience.  I like trying to make what we say in English be more in line with the Latin and what everyone else is saying in their own languages to help connect us more to the universal Church.  Yes, that means some awkward wording at times, and some vocabulary expansion may be needed, but some things were lost in the translation we are currently using.  My own parish hasn't been using any of the new translation yet, but I have traveled a lot recently and seen parts being implemented in parishes that I have visited.  My feelings are that while I really like the idea, change is still hard.  Stumbling over saying the wrong thing is uncomfortable.  I see it as really an exercise in the virtue of obedience.  I'm not sure that this new translation is perfect yet, but it's an act of obedience to continue to use the current translation for the next month, and it's an act of obedience to use the new translation in a month.  Change is hard, but if it is what those with God-given authority over us are asking of us, then it is a virtue to obey.

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#280 of 293 Old 10-27-2011, 09:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JMJ View Post
 I like trying to make what we say in English be more in line with the Latin and what everyone else is saying in their own languages to help connect us more to the universal Church.  Yes, that means some awkward wording at times, and some vocabulary expansion may be needed, but some things were lost in the translation we are currently using. 

I think that sums it up perfectly. You are struggling, not really because of the new translation, but due to the errors in the old one. Not your fault at all, that the decisions made years ago we not good ones... Yet, I do think that it should be a joyful occasion to finally have it right, at least to some extent. Meanwhile, yes, change can be hard.


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
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#281 of 293 Old 10-28-2011, 08:31 AM
 
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That's a good way to think of it.  I kind of lost focus with the pamphlet handed out at my parish last weekend.  It was really poorly put together, and kept characterizing people who were uncomfortable with the new translation were ignorant Americans who were "suspicious of people who know Latin."  I wish the Mass was in Latin!   Anyway, thanks for your help and prayers to get back on track.  I'm going to confession and to spend some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament today, which I think will help.  There is a beautiful Franciscan parish downtown with some wonderful confessors, and they have Adoration all day.

 

JMJ, I like your point about obedience.  I had a confessor when I lived on the other side of the country who used to remind me that God rewards obedience (in everything but sin), and it is one of the most beneficial forms of ascetisism. 

 

The other thing I'm thinking about doing is... there is a Latin Novo Ordo mass said once a month here.  I think I might go, because that way when I go and hear the new English, I'll have the Latin in the back of my mind.  It should also help me process what you have all said -- that this is really a translation and the new translation strengthens the connection with the single Mass said in the vernacular of many nations.  I guess with mass in the vernacular, it's easy to lose sight of the connection to a single "Mass".

 

Thanks for your help and prayers!

 

Anka


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#282 of 293 Old 10-29-2011, 08:03 PM
 
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I don't really see it as an opening for debate... personally I like all of the new changes, as we used to attend a Latin Mass (extraordinary form) and I find the changes to be much closer to what was said there, and I like that.

 

However, my feelings are irrelevant... lol... I'm sorry you're having trouble with the changes. It seems like a lot of responses (mine included) are on autopilot at times and it's hard to change familiar things!


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#283 of 293 Old 11-06-2011, 01:07 PM
 
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Hello ladies,

 

I'm new here, too. I found this thread in an amazing way and am hoping that I don't lose my place. I think that I can bookmark this and still keep track of it. Maybe the daily digest will help me here.

 

I've been reading through this thread and being new here don't know what AP means. We used what we understood of ecological breastfeeding, homeopathy, homebirth for most of ours, and even homeschool. I'm a bit past nursing now, though, since "baby" is 7 and I am 51, but I really wanted to second mylilmonkeys' encouragement with some advice that my own mother gave me early in my marriage:

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mylilmonkeys View Post

JennP - hug2.gifI think having three was probably the most stressful for me.  If your kids are closely spaced (mine are about every 2 years, more or less), then you are still doing so much for each of your children and they can't do much for themselves.  But, it won't be long before that oldest child will be big enough to start taking on little tasks on a regular basis.  I really encourage you to train your children to do household chores up to their capability.  


Having 3 and 4 was the most stressful for me, too, especially since #3 didn't walk or talk basically till #4 did. Mom had said that "the marginal increase in work quits after the fourth child" - AND she had had 5 under 5! She wound up with 8 under 11. We had 8 under 15. She was so right! As a matter of fact raising all eight (the oldest is 22) has been much easier than when we only had 2 (for about 8 years).

 

Do take advantage of encouraging the children's natural desire to help as much as you can. I can really identify with my Mom's words on so many days, "Oh! I could do this myself so much faster..." But not really when you realize how much help those older children are over time, we should always keep the future in mind. I was the oldest in my family, so I can say from my brothers and sisters' experience and the experience of my own children that the younger ones actually wind up learning to do more at a younger age than the older children, but frequently it's the older children who helped the younger children. I can remember thinking of my younger brother when I was in college, "Hey, I couldn't do that at his age!"

 

Our younger children are playing more music and creating more crafts than my older children had at their ages, so I really think that things even out over time. If I'd only had the two children we might never have done as much as we have together as a family, especially music since I did not learn to read music. We'd have been way likely to be out following other pursuits not home and cozy with them and the new arrivals. We all treasure these last 20 years and marvel that it really does not seem "hard" like some would think. Now we have one playing oboe in a Orchestra and another playing flute with several concerts. They and several others have learned to play many instruments: piano, penny whistle, recorder, violin....

 

We were astonished to be married over 8 years, traditional Catholic and only 2 children! I can really identify with several scenarios, including the moment when our first boy showed up as #3 and people said, "Finally got your boy, eh?" and with the moment when we had our fifth child and no longer looked so mainstream.

 

We had thought about the NFP bit before we got married, and had taken the course and learned the charting. The main thing I benefited from was the due date surety; but I am so glad that we did not pursue NFP. We never had any really grave situations. Yes, we had a major job loss, but we were already expecting #4... There's a great freedom in depending on God's providence.

 

God's been good to us since we are a very happy family, and I know that it's because we're faithful to going to Mass and saying our daily Rosary. 

 

Another piece of encouraging news my mother shared was that after each child, she and Dad were always in a better position money wise, whether it was money or a better job, etc. We live that same life and hope that this news is an encouragement to you, too.

 

I'm glad I found this thread, but "gotta go" now. We have a flute choir tonight.

 

:-)

 

Mary

 

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#284 of 293 Old 11-06-2011, 01:24 PM
 
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I'm glad you chimed in, Mary!  


Mom to eight!!  Our twin girls arrived 3-3-2011.

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#285 of 293 Old 11-07-2011, 08:17 AM
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Yes, thank you for sharing your experience, Mary.  It is really helpful for those of us just starting to build our (potentially large) families to hear from those who are further along.  AP is an abbreviation for attachment parenthood.  It encompasses things such as breastfeeding, cosleeping, baby wearing, gentle discipline, etc.

 

I have another kids in Mass question.  My 2.5 year old has been making amazing strides in being able to pay attention and participate in Mass.  We are now asking her to use the same posture as the adults (or she can sit on a lap or be carried), and she is getting most of the responses really well.  I do think she developed these skills at an extraordinarily early age, but she needs to channel her energy somewhere, and she has done quite well cooperating with us directing it toward participation in Mass.  However, she is very easily distracted, and most people at my parish don't realize that she can participate, but not if they're making faces at her and playing games with her when they sit behind her.  When they do, I have a harder time being strict with her about facing forward, and it's almost impossible for me to get her to participate in the responses that I know she knows.  I kinda feel like it's not really her fault that some adult is purposely leading her astray, and she's 2 and doesn't have the self-control to resist the temptation.  Yesterday, I had somebody sitting behind me making faces, playing peek-a-boo, etc, throughout the whole homily, and I wasn't able to get her to regain her own self-control for the rest of Mass.  (The time change putting Mass closer to nap time didn't help either, so it wasn't just that.)  How do you other mamas deal with adults setting a poor example for your children in Mass?

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#286 of 293 Old 11-07-2011, 08:58 AM
 
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Ironically, JMJ, I was just getting on here to despair of my 21mo DD ever sitting nicely and participating in the Mass, so I'm afraid I will be absolutely no help.  Between DD and 2mo DS, I don't get much out of Mass right now, and I'm so worried about how my kids are disrupting everyone else's experience.  I'm tempted to regress to sitting in the last pew in hopes that we would at least be less disruptive.  :(  Further, I think people tend to disapprove when I nurse during the service.  I'm really having to force myself to attend Mass right now.  :(

 

The other thing I wanted to get some input on is family planning.  I have always wanted a large family (8 would be my ideal).  DH said he would also love to have a lot of kids--IF we were financially stable.  The thing is, we will never be financially stable unless I become a career mom.  DH is an immigrant with a set of skills that limits his employment options to agricultural work (although he has a Bachelor's in accounting from Mexico, that degree is totally unapplicable here).  If I am going to stay home and care for my own children, we will always be very low income.  If I have all the children I want, I will have to put them in daycare for up to 9+ hours a day, which, IMHO, kind of negates the reason for having a large family.  So what to do?  Care for my own children and spend the rest of my life avoiding pregnancy like the plague and always yearning for more, or have more children but work so much that I miss out on them (and they miss their mother's care)?  I'm a teacher, and I know from my subbing experience that I will not be able to continue breastfeeding or even pumping (you just don't get an opportunity with a teacher's schedule to pump).  Do I really want to have more children just to have them formula-fed and raised in daycare?  Do I really want to avoid my husband's embrace for fear of another child that we cannot afford for the next 20 years?  I'm so conflicted!


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#287 of 293 Old 11-07-2011, 12:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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gooseberry-

 

Is it possible for your DH to go to a US school and earn his US accounting degree?  He may be able to CLEP (http://clep.collegeboard.org/) many of the classes, and if the college is willing- take exams to test out of actual classes.  This would allow him to earn the US degree cheaper and easier.

 

 


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#288 of 293 Old 11-07-2011, 12:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JMJ View Post

Yes, thank you for sharing your experience, Mary.  It is really helpful for those of us just starting to build our (potentially large) families to hear from those who are further along.  AP is an abbreviation for attachment parenthood.  It encompasses things such as breastfeeding, cosleeping, baby wearing, gentle discipline, etc.

 

I have another kids in Mass question.  My 2.5 year old has been making amazing strides in being able to pay attention and participate in Mass.  We are now asking her to use the same posture as the adults (or she can sit on a lap or be carried), and she is getting most of the responses really well.  I do think she developed these skills at an extraordinarily early age, but she needs to channel her energy somewhere, and she has done quite well cooperating with us directing it toward participation in Mass.  However, she is very easily distracted, and most people at my parish don't realize that she can participate, but not if they're making faces at her and playing games with her when they sit behind her.  When they do, I have a harder time being strict with her about facing forward, and it's almost impossible for me to get her to participate in the responses that I know she knows.  I kinda feel like it's not really her fault that some adult is purposely leading her astray, and she's 2 and doesn't have the self-control to resist the temptation.  Yesterday, I had somebody sitting behind me making faces, playing peek-a-boo, etc, throughout the whole homily, and I wasn't able to get her to regain her own self-control for the rest of Mass.  (The time change putting Mass closer to nap time didn't help either, so it wasn't just that.)  How do you other mamas deal with adults setting a poor example for your children in Mass?


I STILL have this problem with the people behind me and DD- and she's 7!!

If I am not all over making sure she is facing forward, I have people completely undermining me.  *sigh* it is very frustrating!

 

When DD was smaller, I had her sit in my lap, that way I knew she wasn't looking behind at the people behind us.  If she insisted on sitting on the pew, I put my arm around her and used that to keep her facing forward.

Several times, though, I have had to turn around and ask people to cease their activites, as they are distracting my child- and themselves- from the Holy Sacrifice.
 

 


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#289 of 293 Old 11-07-2011, 01:16 PM
 
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mt_gooseberry- my kids are more like yours in mass. I struggle so hard with them. The older 2 are finally doing really really well. Ds1 is 9 1/2 and he has been serving regularly and this has helped him a lot. Ds2 is 7 1/2 and is trying really hard (but has sensory issues, adhd, and a few other issues that make it challenging), ds3 is almost 5 and some days are good and some are awful. Dd1 stays in the nursery for the most part if it is available as she is very very active.

We sit in the front row (usually bcs we get there just as mass is starting and it is available) and find that this really helps my kids to focus better bcs they can see what is going on. I usually just ask adults that are distracting them to please not and it works.

 

dh and I are not "financially stable" and have had 5 kiddos. We struggle with having more because of this issue. What I have learned is that if we follow the will of God he will provide for us. We have had to change how we view money, wants vs needs, etc. Also, I have come to appreciate the time that both dh and I spend with the kids and am grateful for that. We have also gone through periods of juggling schedules so that at least 1 parent is home with the kids (eliminating the need for day care).

 

Mary- Welcome!!! We just had our 5th and the transition has been amazingly easy!!! The easiest yet by far. People are amazed that I just had a baby bcs I look so rested, etc. Dh has got it down now and is extremely helpful and my older 2 will get up w/ the younger ones on the weekend (we don't even ask) and I am getting caught up on my sleep. I can imagine that adding anymore kids at this point wouldn't be as exhuasting as the first 3.

 

I have a question about baptism. I converted to catholocism about 9 yrs ago and find that although I know and understand a lot of things when someone asks me to explain I fall short. My best friend is Mormon and she had a friend whose friends infant died (the family was catholic) before she was baptised. She said the family was upset because there baby wouldn't be going to heaven... I told her that wasn't the case but was having difficulty explaining it. Can some of you ladies help me out?

 


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#290 of 293 Old 11-07-2011, 03:13 PM
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mt_gooseberry, my DD is 31 months, and it's amazing what a difference those past 10 months have made.  At 21 months, I couldn't have dreamed that DD would be handling things so well.  I'm sure that we'll go through some more ups and downs.  We do have good days and bad days, but it's neat to see DD starting to join in a lot of the time.  I'm really amazed that it's happening already, but DD really is an amazing kid.  I think it's really helped that she goes to Mass on Sundays and sometimes to daily Mass, Adoration almost every week, etc.  She knows that there's a time to run and play and a time to sit quietly, and her self-control to be able to do it is increasing.  I think we go in waves.  Things have gotten really difficult with her at Mass, and it seems like the times just after things get really bad (It was just about a month ago that she was spitting on the people in front of us every chance she got, and between DH and me, we spent almost the whole Mass outside the Sanctuary.), then she makes amazing strides toward her ability to pay attention and participate.  I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult right now, though.

 

P&L, it's good to know that I have many more years of this to prepare for.

 

Theboysmama, we believe that the Sacrament of Baptism IS necessary for salvation, but there are two things to consider when a child dies before Baptism.  First, the Church acknowledges a "Baptism of Desire," that if it a person intends to be baptized (for example going through RCIA) or if a child's parents intend to have them baptized, then God acknowledges this, though this is not an excuse to delay baptism.  Second, we do not know the depth of God's mercy, and we would never judge that a person is not going to be in heaven.  We always entrust them to God's mercy.

 

 

Actually, in that vein, I would love to hear some thoughts and get some prayers for something that I am struggling with a lot in this month of prayers for the dead.  DH and I track NFP very carefully.  We conceived our daughter and this baby that I am currently carrying, both on our first try to get pregnant.  There was only one other time that we TTCed.  Because of ecological breastfeeding, last December was my first ovulation since having DD.  The signs that I was fertile were all there, and we were charting carefully, though we weren't sure I would actually ovulate since I still hadn't had a PPAF yet.  We tried for that baby whole-heartedly, hoping that God would bless us with a child as soon as He was ready.  We got all the right days to catch that ovulation.  My luteal phase was 8 days, not long enough to sustain a pregnancy.  I took a pregnancy test on the day I started to bleed, the second day of Christmas, and I could see the line where a line was supposed to be, but not really any color.  3 days later, we just really wanted to know, and we got a blood HCG test, and the level was 2, at the high end of the range for someone who is not pregnant, but definitely too low for somebody to be pregnant.  It was exactly in the range where I would guess my HCG would be for an 8 day old baby who was miscarried 3 days before.

 

In my heart, I believe that I lost a child then.  DH is more practical and doesn't want to jump to conclusions, though he knows it's a possibility.  I'm just really struggling with how to mourn, how to pray.  My church has had Masses before for couples who have miscarried, but I don't know if I'm included.  We added the names of other family members who have died in the past year to our Church's book of remembrance, and I wish I could add our (possibly?) child, but I wouldn't know what to put for the entry.  If I had a miscarriage that I knew about, we would ask for the support of our clergy.  We would have Masses said for the child, we would probably name the child, and we would know how to pray.  It's just so much more difficult for me to not know.  It seems rediculous to pray for/to someone who may not even exist and terrible to ignore someone who might be there with such a close connection to me.  I go back and forth between thinking I'm crazy for even being concerned about it because there are so many children who die without anybody ever knowing they were there, and we did nothing wrong by seeking to get pregnant when we did, and then I mourn for all the children who never had anyone to love them and pray for them to get into heaven.  And yes, theboysmama, one of the things that hurts the most is that we never got a chance to baptize that little one, though it is a great comfort to us that we stayed up late the night before I started bleeding, having a discussion about Baptism.

 

I guess I'd just like to hear anyone who wants to share their thoughts on this and invite any and all of you to pray for (possibly?) my baby and all the other children who we can't know that they are there until we get to heaven, in this month of November.

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#291 of 293 Old 11-08-2011, 09:46 AM
 
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JMJ- thank you! That is how I understand baptism as well but just wasn't able to explain it. This is perfect. Short and to the point. Thank you.

 

As far as morning/honoring the possiblity of a lost child, if you feel like you could have been pg then it is more than ok to do. A child is a child from the moment of conception not from the time you get a bfp.

Most likely this was a "chemical pregnancy" (although I hate the term) but since you don't know for sure maybe you could light a candle for all babies that died in utero before it was to early for their mamas to know. Have a mass said in this regard as well. This way you will not only be covering your possible lost child but many others as well.

 


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#292 of 293 Old 11-08-2011, 02:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theboysmama View Post

 

As far as morning/honoring the possiblity of a lost child, if you feel like you could have been pg then it is more than ok to do. A child is a child from the moment of conception not from the time you get a bfp.

Most likely this was a "chemical pregnancy" (although I hate the term) but since you don't know for sure maybe you could light a candle for all babies that died in utero before it was to early for their mamas to know. Have a mass said in this regard as well. This way you will not only be covering your possible lost child but many others as well.

 


I like the idea of saying an encompassing prayer like this!  I have had two similar experiences.  With my third pregnancy, I had many dreams that we were pregnant with twins.  I measured large and I bled every 4 weeks until I was 4 months along.  While we had a healthy term pregnancy, I believe that I may have lost a twin.  Indeed, when we did conceive twins, that pregnancy most reminded me of my third pregnancy.  Also, my third child is a lefty and was very large at term  (10 lb 14 oz, 23 in), which could be related to an extra large placenta originally supporting twins.  Sadly, I never got an US, and my home birth ended a transport and I never got to see the placenta or whether it might have shown indications of a lost twin.  This pregnancy was before my Catholic conversion.

 

More recently, a few months back I had intense symptoms of early pregnancy.  I have not had a pp period and had only dry days so I waited for a couple of weeks of symptoms and then tested. I got a very light positive, definitely not an evap line.  About 10 days later symptoms disappeared.  When I retested, it was negative.  I waited to miscarry and nothing...  A week or so later, I was having a spastic pain in my lower back on one side.  Nervous about a possible ectopic, I went to be examined and no one could find any signs of a conception anywhere.  Still have no idea what all that was about and I have still had no signs of fertility or period.  I think perhaps a bad test, but what of the symptoms?  So strange.  And it is very disconcerting when you don't know if you should mourn.  Even though the timing was very inconvenient, I had accepted that we would have a child a year after our twins and was happy and eager for his/her arrival into our family.  I did have to mourn the idea of him/her!

 


Mom to eight!!  Our twin girls arrived 3-3-2011.

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#293 of 293 Old 11-22-2011, 08:25 AM
 
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