Originally Posted by mammal_mama
What has your experience been with this? As I understand it from The Celestine Vision, it would mean saying something like --
"You seem to think I should feel guilty about something." (to a poor me)
"You seem to be looking for ways to find fault with me." (to an interrogator)
"You seem to be telling me just enough to get me to keep asking you more questions." (to an aloof)
"You seem to think I should feel scared or insecure." (to an intimidator)
I honestly haven't tried calling anyone else out on his or her control dramas yet; I'm still sort of processing all the information and trying to figure out my own control dramas. But it seems like statements such as the ones above would be pretty likely to succeed in interrupting a lot of control dramas.
Whether they're actually likely to work, though, is a whole different matter. I guess it depends on what we mean by work -- does "working" mean for the people to start seeing that they're really just acting out some old script that they've got playing in their heads? Or does it just mean that we're able to call things what they are and quit getting sucked into the drama?
Actually, using "I" statements is better.
My mother is a Poor Me with an Interrogator secondary/mask (she's a poor me at the core, but she uses Interrogator as a more "acceptable" behavior - this is a concept that I have developed with my discussion groups over the years). I have told my mother: "I feel attacked when you talk about me in that way." She immediately switches to her Poor Me and accuses me of attacking her by saying that I feel attacked. I tell her that I am simply trying to express my feelings and that I didn't intend to make her feel attacked, but I wasn't going to feel guilty for not feeling and behaving the way she wants me to. (She is driven by her need to avoid the judgment of random observers.) It promptly spirals down into a combined judgment of my behavior and a massive guilt trip for doing this to my downtrodden mother.
I've attempted this several times. Most of the time I have remained calm and focus for the conversation.
I have several friends who are Intimigators (Intimidators with an Interrogator secondary/mask), and when they get into their aggressive arguing (the non-physical version of the Intimidator - in-your-face arguing), calling them out as being afraid or judgmental only adds fuel to the fire. One actually told me that I was a fraud for believing in the dramas and insights but not being able to live them perfectly.
I personally have come to the conclusion that awareness of one's own drama at any level is actually LESS possible when they are in the midst of their drama. This is because, in a situation where there is some sort of drama going on, there is a sensation of conflict. During conflict, particularly during a control-drama, people don't usually listen to what others are saying, except so far as to continue the conflict (i.e., "I want you to take out the trash." "About the trash, why is this house a mess?").
Control dramas are an a-ha moment that is more likely to be fueled by an elevated energy. The best way to get someone on their control dramas is to set up an energy conversation (when they sat in a circle and held a conversation led by the movement of energy) and bring up control dramas through that.
Conversational left turn, with a blinker - Speaking of energy conversations, OMG, I miss doing that!