I always have on some level. I'm not super religious but do attend church and am a very spiritual person. I tend to keep my faith to myself and use it for my own healing, comforting purposes. Anyway...I've been married for 7 years. It hasn't been easy. I love my husband, no doubt about that. However, I've been rather frustrated and have thought a few times over the last few months that I would like to talk to him about taking a break while we work on ourselves. We have been together since I was 19 & and he was 21 (10 1;2 years). We have become very different people and we easily frustrate each other at times. We don't fight alot, no dangerous situations, no cheating, etc etc. Just that growing up and having trouble finding our relationship amongst 3 children, illness, school, numerous jobs, bills, debt. Bleh. Anyway...I digress...
A few months ago, two days after I started coming up with a plan to talk to dh about some time away, his dad very unexpectedly passed. The guilt I instantly felt was awful. I do love dh, I do want to be with him. There was no doubt, I mean I may not want to be with his crap everyday but I want to spend my life with him. Death gives you a real quick wake up call about what's important.
Fast forward to today. We have had a rough go the last few weeks. DH's grief is now turning to anger. Nothing in life is good enough. Last week I was "unsupportive". Today I don't cook the way he likes, don't have food ready when he gets home...yada, yada. Ugh. I know this is out of anger on life, has nothing ot do with me. However, it's frustrating to always be there for him and it never be good enough. Anyway, I decided that we definitely need to talk, I mean, maybe he needs some temporary space to deal, too. Well, he comes home from work (11pm, he works in a restaurant). His chest pain he's had for a few weeks is out of control and he's super anxious. Off to the er he goes.
I feel that God is really telling me to slow down and stop trying to find a way out but find a different way to deal. I don't know...
I believe god is willing to provide signs. I don't think your father-in-law's death or your husband's chest pains are signs from god telling you to stay in an unhappy situation, though.
I hope you figure out what you need.
Yeah, I don't think they are signs to stay in an unhappy situation either. I just believe that they are signs reminding me how much I do love him and to try something else to make it better. We are going to be apart a bit for separate vacations and then I am going to start working very part-time, so hopefully some shifts around here can change direction.
MY best friend is impulsively leaving her husband of 13 yrs. I am so happy to see someone who is willing to work on it!! I think you guys will be fine and if you feel God has a hand in this- use that to fuel your resolve to make things better.
I totally believe God gives us signs, and allows for certain things to happen as a 'wake up' call..
creative crunchy christian wife to J , Mama to three boys and one baby on the way! doula in training
I agree with you here. I also agree with pp who said God does allow circimstances to cause a shift in our perspective. Ive had this happen so many times. Do you think it could be possible that God is even using the circumstances in your marriage as a thing that is meant to shift your focus onto Him? To call you in a way that causes you to grow more reliant on Him? This is what I believe He does. He also cares about your dh who seems to be having a rough time at the moment. When times get tough, two are better than one. When one is weak the other is stronger and together, in the end they become stronger. I can see this happening in my own relationship with my dh.
hugs to you.
I absolutely do believe in signs. I think the trick is to A. be open to seeing and understanding them and B. not reading only what we WANT to see in them.
Embrace the learning that is happening within the things that are actually happening!