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#1 of 60 Old 11-22-2011, 08:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought we really needed a new thread.

 

 

New season, new thread!!

 

Traditional Catholic moms thread is for all Catholic moms who strive to live according to the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church.  We may or may not attend TLM, but we are all doing our best to be faithful to the Magisterium.


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#2 of 60 Old 11-22-2011, 11:24 AM
 
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Thanks for the new thread.

 

I'm getting pretty excited about Advent this year. DD is 5 and DS is nearly 2.5. I think it will be a bit clearer to them what's going on. I also got a book of activities and crafts and hope to do more of that with them, too. Of course DD is still thinking about gifts, but hopefully we can balance it with other considerations.I'm also totally jazzed for the new translation, but then again, I'm a nerd that way.

 

I would appreciate some advice on letting go of some anger towards one of my priests. I can't even remember if I've mentioned this before, so forgive me if I have.

 

He used the occasion of a homily a while back to chide parents to take their kids out of Mass when they were being disruptive or crying because, among other things, we need to teach kids that Mass is a special time/place, and because it's distracting to him as a priest. I completely understand that some parents need to be reminded of both these points, but the tone was so off-putting. My old pastor would often remind parents of this in a loving way, but that was a huge parish with large families the norm. This is the campus center, and to me, it came off as almost accusing families of being a distraction. I had DD with me and after Mass she mentioned that SHE didn't cry at Mass, but I am loathe to try bringing DS for fear that this priest will be presiding. In fact, I brought him one time, got into Church a few minutes before Mass began, when he began to exclaim loudly, "Jesus! There's Jesus!" I couldn't calm him, so took him to the foyer, where I saw Fr. getting ready to enter. I actually grabbed DS, and said very loudly, "I'm not going to get yelled at because you are being so loud!"

 

Total mothering fail, I know.

 

Ever since then, I live in fear of this priest, and of bringing DS to Mass, which of course makes it worse because he doesn't understand what he's supposed to do. DH has said he would come once in a while, but I'm afraid I'm not setting a very good example for anyone with this outrage. I really feel like I'm not welcome, and that only families with quiet children, or families with 2 parents so one can be out with the chatterers, are welcome.

 

I'm even considering making an appointment to talk with him about it, but I don't trust myself not to get angry and defensive.

 

 


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#3 of 60 Old 11-22-2011, 12:35 PM
 
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Are you sure you aren't taking it a bit harsher than he intended?  Our parish priest can sometimes sound far harsher than he actually is- based on just the way he talks, even in ordinary life.  I got grumpy with him until we had him over for dinner, and I realized that was just his every day tone.


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#4 of 60 Old 11-22-2011, 12:35 PM
 
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So excited for the new translation!!!


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#5 of 60 Old 11-22-2011, 02:03 PM
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Mum4boys, thanks for starting the new thread.

 

Sarahsmiles, sorry to hear that you're feeling that way at Mass.  Maybe it's just my perspective as a parent, but I'd rather have my squirmy kid at Mass so that s/he can learn how to behave.  Maybe it would help if you went to him asking for advice on how he thinks you should handle two kids at Mass by yourself because you want your kids to grow up in the faith, and you want to do it in a way that is the least disruptive.  Then, perhaps he'll have some good ideas for you or realize that it's not so easy, and if you come to a conclusion together, you'll have the peace of knowing that he's not judging you for doing the best you can.

 

I'm also excited for Advent and the new translation.  We'll be out of town for the first Sunday of Advent, though, and it's always more difficult getting into it late.  I already set out candles for our advent wreath, and I'll pull out the prayers before we go tomorrow.  Do any of you other mamas struggle with getting into Advent late due to being out of town for Thanksgiving?  I have to admit that as excited as I am about the new translation, I'm a little bit nervous about following along while overseeing my squirmy toddler.  I've studied the changes pretty well, but I haven't memorized the new gloria (though I guess that won't be an issue for a few more weeks) and creed and variations on the penetential rite, and I'm worried about being able to pay enough attention while monitoring my toddler.  I guess it will happen over time even if it doesn't all happen in the first week or 2.

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I'm excited about Advent, but I really need to get to Confession so I can feel like I'm going into the whole thing in the proper spirit.

I have been working a lot of Saturday nights and Sunday nights, and I think the last time we've been to Mass was Palm Sunday. I feel pretty disconnected and I want to take this season as an opportunity to reconnect. The problem is that I have to keep working these hours until I have the baby. Then even if we get into a routine while I'm on maternity leave it will most likely be back to the same schedule when I return.

Anyone here have a similar work schedule where the Sunday Obligation is pretty impossible to make? Suggestions?

I've put off Confession b/c I can't think of a way to make it work and I don't want to Confess all of it without a plan on how to fix it.

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#7 of 60 Old 11-22-2011, 03:30 PM
 
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Hi ladies, I haven't been around, but I wanted to pop in and say "hi."  Things are going pretty well for us, my "baby" is 13 months old, and we just moved in to a new house (soooo much more room, oh my gosh, it's so nice not to be cramped!!)

 

Lavatea, I'd go to Confession asap, even if you don't have your own plan to fix the Mass issue.  Talk to Fr. about it and I'm sure he'll be be able to help you out.  Have you checked all the parishes nearby for their Mass times?  We tend to "parish hop" for regular Mass because dh has an odd schedule.  This means we usually drive 45 minutes away to get to Mass (since there are Mass times in city from 8am to 7pm on Sundays).  Even if you absolutely can't make any Saturday or Sunday Mass, can you get to a Mass or two during the week?  Yeah, it doesn't fulfill your Sunday obligation, but it's better than nothing, imo.

 

sarahsmiles, I have a hard time letting go of anger in general (it's probably my most frequent confession!)  I had issues with the priest at our previous parish, but I was always too much of a wimp to bring it up!  Part of it for me is that I'm a convert and I'm just not used to talking to/being around priests (we grew up very loosely non-denom prot, and definitely never talked personally to pastors or anything).

 

I'm super excited for the "new" (ie correct lol.gif) translation and Advent in general.  We go to TLM regularly so I'm so happy to see the English translation matching up so much better with the Latin.

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#8 of 60 Old 11-22-2011, 03:30 PM
 
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Geesh I haven't been on in so long all the ages in my sig are wrong, ha.

 

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#9 of 60 Old 11-22-2011, 03:31 PM
 
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Thanks for the new thread.

 

I think I am excited for the new translation but don't like change. My dh on the other hand is not taking it well. My dh is really really struggling with his faith (which is interesting since he is a cradle catholic and converted me) and is attending mass with us but really really struggling. Please pray for us in this regard.

 

We have started a family home evening on mondays and I am loving the special time we spend together. Last week we just talked about the importance of spending time together as a family and being there for one another and made home made ice cream sandwiches with oatmeal cookies that we whipped up. It was fun.

Last night we introduced the new translation these nifty little books. I had planned to make the finger rosaries but ran out of time, we will do them later this week over the thanksgiving break.

 

my baby is 5 weeks and we haven't scheduled her baptism yet. The deacon that has done the other kids (and emeric's burial) is retired and no longer available for baptisms which makes me very sad. I have to figure out who to use. I really need to get it done.

 

Please share any great advent activities. I am very interested!
Hope everyone is doing well.


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#10 of 60 Old 11-23-2011, 05:00 PM
 
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Hi Lavatea, 

 

I had that same problem for almost a year a couple of years back and it was really hard.  Remember if you truely can't fulfil the obligation, it's waived -- I'm sure you aren't doing this for any frivolous reason (if you were, you probably wouldn't care!).  Definately go to confession as soon as possible (even if that means scheduling outside of normal confessiont time.)  Discuss your situation and see what Father thinks.  Any time you feel like you "shouldn't" go to confession, realize it's probably the Great Liar whispering in your ear... an even better reason to go!

 

Even if the priest says it's licit, though, it's very hard to go through without the grace of the Blessed Sacrament on a regular basis.  On a completely different level, it's hard to feel so out of touch with the community.  Is there a Perpetual Adoration chapel you can go to at off times?  Daily mass even if you can't make weekly mass? 

 

In other news, DS is going to be baptised (well... not really but more on that later) the second Sunday in December -- I would appreciate your prayers for him.  The "not really" is because when he was 3 days old he turned blue and I thought he was dying, so I baptized him.  According to our priest, it was a valid baptism, so he's going to do all the other parts of the ritual, but not the actual baptism. 

 

Best,

Anka


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#11 of 60 Old 11-24-2011, 07:02 PM
 
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Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

 

We went to mass this morning (it was the first time we have done the thanksgiving mass) I really enjoyed it. Ds1 was serving and did a great job (he is kind of being watched right now as he has had a few issues: dripping wax on the anvil while trying to read what the deacon was reading, forgetting to go to the bathroom before hand and then wriggling through the entire mass, carrying more than one bowl at a time to speed up the process, etc. He has greatly improved and I am so grateful that he is doing this as it is helping him so much on his spiritual journey).

My kids did wellish in mass. dd1 usually goes to the nursery but they didn't offer it today. I brought an awesome activity bag with quiet religous activites that worked great until ds3 decided he wanted them and then she yanked them back and flung herself off of the pew. Oh well, we will keep going they know what our expectations are:). Ds3 did awesome last sun so I guess he needed a break. I am glad we went but it is really hard work. We go every sunday and you just wouldn't know it by my kids behavior (not bad but they don't just sit quiet like a lot of kids I see). God has blessed me with very very active kiddos and all of the blessings that come with that.

I saw 1 woman covered at mass today!!!! It was the first time I have seen anyone in my parish besides me cover. She was probably in her 90's but it still felt good not to be the only one. She was wearing a traditional mantilla like the triangular one in this link. I wear one of these head bands and it works for me as I am typically the only one and don't feel it draws attention to me. After mass we stopped by the cemetary and saw my babies. the grave is all decorated for fall/thanksgiving, we will probably put the little tree up sometime next week. going there brings me a lot of peace. Thanksgiving was hard as I was miscarrying last thanksgiving and it brought a lot of that up but also made me very grateful for all of my children (not just the ones here on earth with me).


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#12 of 60 Old 11-25-2011, 01:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow since I started this thread 3 days ago our lives has been turned upside down. My niece who lives in my brother's house (he lives on the East coast) moved in with us with her 2 children ages 3 and 2. The house flooded and there was extensive damage done and it will take 3-4 weeks to repair. She is a very very young mom (she is young but young as in maturity). She has been engaged multiple times this past year to multiple men. One was a Chaplain in the Army. The problem that arose there was his wife became a little peeved when she found out he had a girlfriend and so did his adult children who were older then my niece. So the kids are just wild as can be. There is no structure no naps, no bed time. The two year old could make a sailor blush with his mouth. I get up at 2:30 am to go to work. At midnight, I was getting the youngest off the top of the piano, his mom no where to be found. She has told me she wants to change her partying ways. She started going to a Mormon church but she stopped because she broke the 10 commandment of drinking alcohol (um okay). So I feel the next 3 weeks are a perfect opportunity to help her, take her in the kids to Mass with us, set good examples disciplining the children etc. The problem is I am exhausted and do not feel like I have it in me. I just spent the last 3 months very very sick. I have psoriatic arthritis and psoriasis and just went through a major major flare that I am still not fully recovered from. I have just gone back to work and only part time. I am switching biologic drugs and I always get sick when I get the first new dose. I have to get a full nights rest and I literally have to lay down a couple times a day. Right now my husband took the kids to the park so I could have a break and rest. I keep on thinking what is wrong with this picture, why am I needing a break when they are not even my kids. So please pray for me and that I do the right thing. If that is not enough....my cousin (who spent much of his childhood with my family after his father died) had a massive heart attack and stroke. He is only 47. Then they found he has advanced stage lung cancer (he does not smoke). He is brain dead. His wife took him off of life support two days ago and he is breathing on his own. My heart is just being torn apart.


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#13 of 60 Old 11-25-2011, 02:05 PM
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sending some prayers your way, mum4boys!

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#14 of 60 Old 11-26-2011, 05:34 AM
 
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That's a lot to deal with Heidi, prayers for you <3

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#15 of 60 Old 11-26-2011, 11:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My cousin passed away last night. He was only 47 but he was the exact same age as his father who died of the exact same thing. :(


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#16 of 60 Old 11-26-2011, 12:30 PM
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Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis.

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#17 of 60 Old 11-27-2011, 08:22 AM
 
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I'm so sorry, Heidi.  Prayers for his soul and your family.

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#18 of 60 Old 11-27-2011, 01:31 PM
 
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oh heidi, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. My dh has PA as well and it is so painful and overwhelming sometimes. Have you tried remicaid? It is working for him fairly well (th eonly thing that has worked). His insurance covers it or else we couldn't do it at $6,000 a month.

I think the best you can do with your niece is be a good example but I also think that you are not there to provide free child care for her. You can't show her a good example if she isn't around. Hang in there.


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#19 of 60 Old 11-28-2011, 10:48 AM
 
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Heidi, Adding my prayers for your cousin's soul, for you, and your entire family.


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#20 of 60 Old 11-29-2011, 12:32 PM
 
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So I just got a call from the church and they have taken my son off of the alter server schedule. I am so frustrated. I really wish that he didn't have to be perfect to be able to serve. All kids are different. The woman that got saddled with the call was wonderful but I am just so frustrated. ds1 questions his faith as it is and i am really hoping he doesn't take this as a personal attack. I am sad for him.


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#21 of 60 Old 11-29-2011, 02:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theboysmama View Post

So I just got a call from the church and they have taken my son off of the alter server schedule. I am so frustrated. I really wish that he didn't have to be perfect to be able to serve. All kids are different. The woman that got saddled with the call was wonderful but I am just so frustrated. ds1 questions his faith as it is and i am really hoping he doesn't take this as a personal attack. I am sad for him.

This makes me so sad/upset for you and your son. How will he learn if they take away this privilege?

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#22 of 60 Old 11-29-2011, 06:07 PM
 
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Perhaps you could offer some alternatives to completely taking him out of the rotation.  Even if he isn't ready for prime time, perhaps there's a way he could remediate to learn how to do it the way they want it done?  Or an opportunity to serve at a lower profile Mass until he's more proficient?

 

Anka


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#23 of 60 Old 11-29-2011, 07:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theboysmama View Post

So I just got a call from the church and they have taken my son off of the alter server schedule. I am so frustrated. I really wish that he didn't have to be perfect to be able to serve. All kids are different. The woman that got saddled with the call was wonderful but I am just so frustrated. ds1 questions his faith as it is and i am really hoping he doesn't take this as a personal attack. I am sad for him.


What is the reason for taking him off?  I don't understand why a kid would just arbitrarily be removed from the altar server ministry?
 

 


I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. 

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#24 of 60 Old 11-30-2011, 12:33 PM
 
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I thought I shared earlier but might not have. Ds1 is a very active kid. Prob ADHD but dont know for sure, he also I sensory issues, takes things very literal etc.
A few weeks ago we got the first call and they gave him a list of things that needed improvement. It was very detailed. He reviewed everything nag was "much improved" the next time he served, then he served on thanksgiving and they had a whole new list of problems. They decided he just isn't ready and are going to re-train him in June.
A few of the issues he had: wiggling in the pew, leaning over to see the readings and dripping wax on the anvil, carrying more than 1bowl at a time, etc. Once he fixed the above then he had a new list. I just don't want him to feel rejected by is faith and I want him to be able to do it properly.

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#25 of 60 Old 11-30-2011, 05:33 PM
 
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So this is just a temporary issue?  That's good.  So long as you present it that way, and that he is going to train again, it sounds like things should be ok.

I am guessing that keeping everything positive will help him not take it as a personal attack?  I will keep you, and him, in my prayers as you figure this all out.


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#26 of 60 Old 12-03-2011, 09:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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boysmama that is a lot for one small boy. I hope he can see it in a positive light and not see it as a fault with himself.

 

Well things got worst with my niece and then her and her kids got sick. There are 3 of us in our family on remicade and we just cannot be around sick people. My 12 year old it is really dangerous for. So I ended up taking her back to her house before it was finished. I have been dealing with putting my house back together. It was destroyed. The list of things her children broke are a mile long. I asked her not to let them eat or drink outside the kitchen. We do not either. I have found tippy cups everwhere. Spills are numerous. I have found dirty dipaers hidden behind things. It is just horrible the wake of the destruction.


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#27 of 60 Old 12-04-2011, 12:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by theboysmama View Post

I thought I shared earlier but might not have. Ds1 is a very active kid. Prob ADHD but dont know for sure, he also I sensory issues, takes things very literal etc.
A few weeks ago we got the first call and they gave him a list of things that needed improvement. It was very detailed. He reviewed everything nag was "much improved" the next time he served, then he served on thanksgiving and they had a whole new list of problems. They decided he just isn't ready and are going to re-train him in June.
A few of the issues he had: wiggling in the pew, leaning over to see the readings and dripping wax on the anvil, carrying more than 1bowl at a time, etc. Once he fixed the above then he had a new list. I just don't want him to feel rejected by is faith and I want him to be able to do it properly.



We have several kids who are like that who serve the altar.  We generally try to have three kids on the altar at each Mass; but there are always at least two, with a "senior" server scheduled to watch the newbies/less focused servers and to help keep them on point.  Some are really fidgety during Mass (and they sit on the altar), but nobody really minds as long as they serve their ministry and aren't problematic to the point of distraction from the liturgy.

 

I'm really sorry, for you and your son, that the parish leadership isn't more willing to make this work for everyone.  These are the kinds of stories I hear from people who leave the church as young adults - they feel that they weren't appreciated by/needed by/valuable to the parish because of some issue or other that nobody wanted to deal with.  It's sad.

 


I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. 

 Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi 

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#28 of 60 Old 12-05-2011, 12:32 PM
 
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Trigger, that is what I am worried about. I hope this doesn't make him hate the church. I approached it very well I think and he is ok taking the break and is going to be a greeter in the mean time. He will also be singing in the children's choir on Xmas eve.
We are also considering swiching parishes but haven't made the leap to start looking (not just bcs of this issue but many other things).
they do have a lead server and 2 candle bearers at all times. It is a large parish, they want things to be perfect and well that just isn't really the point.
Heidi- I hope u got your house back in order and that no one ot sick. I will be praying for your niece and her kids.

nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#29 of 60 Old 12-05-2011, 05:53 PM
 
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The baby will be arriving in the next few weeks.

The father and I have reached an agreement. Prayers that all goes well.


Proud Catholic transtichel.gif(28) and mama to Vdust.gif (7)

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#30 of 60 Old 12-05-2011, 07:42 PM
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Prayers, P&L, that this decision will bless you all.

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