DH and I don't see eye to eye on spirituality, anyone else? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 09-21-2012, 10:27 AM - Thread Starter
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Here is a little background on me. My father was raised in a somewhat abusive Catholic home, my mother a Lutheran home. I was raised with nothing. Neither of my parents brought religion or spirituality of any kind into our home. I have never really believed in God. I've always felt sort of lost and didn't know what to feel so i just didn't consider myself anything. I never pondered philosophy or gave it a second thought really. My husband was raised in a Greek Orthodox church. He had always expressed the desire to get out kids and family involved in a church. I agreed and figured knowing more about Christianity would be an enlightening experience for me. The first time i even went to church was with my DH. We found a great church (nazarene) that we regularly attended and my kids went to their preschool for a few years. After all of this time, it never felt genuine to me. I read the Bible and no matter how many times i thumbed through it, it just wasn't "right" for me. A few months ago DH started working Sundays and i just didn't feel like going through the motions alone, so i stopped bringing the kids. Recently I have been reading and studying Taoism and for the first time in my life i feel like something makes sense to me! I have read many people who follow Tao saying that they have always been this was, then stumbled upon the "definition" and realize that's what they've been all along. I really feel as if discovering this in me has changed my thinking and my life. Every day i wake up and look forward to reading the Tao Te Ching, meditating and enjoying life with my family.

My DH sees positive changes in me but really chalks it up to crazy foreign philosophy. He keeps talking about getting us into church again, but i really have no desire. I just really don't believe the way he does and i feel like I'm faking it so people won't think I'm an awful atheist or something. I don't know how to approach this situation. Our marriage never took a spiritual turn until 2 years in. We were married on the beach in a non-religious ceremony, so it's not like I've suddenly become someone he didn't marry.

And how do kids and their beliefs factor in? My oldest always wants to discuss God with me and I'm confused on how to approach this. Anyone else agree to disagree??

Jesse, mama to my three wonderful boys, our newest born at home late Jan 2012 luxlove.gif





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#2 of 4 Old 09-21-2012, 07:54 PM
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My husband is Catholic and I'm a pagan.  We attend mass every Sunday at a very conservative parish and fulfill all our obligations as a Catholic family.  We also celebrate the quarters and cross quarters.  I practice my faith with my family which is a joy.  My husband supports and "attends" my rituals and I do the same.  It isn't about our beliefs being different, its about our family and our love.  That said there are alot of similarities in our faiths and ideas.  We focus on what is similar.  That might be harder with Taoism and Orthodox but it doesn't have to be.  Don't think of church as something you do for other people, go to be with your family, to love your husband and maybe if your lucky to sneak in some mediation time.  I feel the the beautiful ritual services of older churches are well suited to personal meditation and contemplation.  Having a different faith from your husband can be a wonderful thing.  Our children are young so they aren't asking really complicated questions about God yet but maybe that would be another good reason to go the church with them.  They can see a living faith surrounding God and ask questions of other people (including your husband) and you can be there to clairify or guide conversations.  My only other advice is to be patient and forgiving with your husband.  Men hate change worse than cats hate water, even when its good. 

homesteading, homeschooling,homebirthing wife to an amazing Catholic man, and mother to our two little girls :01/09 and 07/11
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#3 of 4 Old 09-21-2012, 08:28 PM
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I was raised Byzantine (Greek) Catholic. My husband was raised Lutheran. It seemed pretty similar, but there are deep beliefs that were always points of contention. We never could agree on a church to attend.

Catholic beliefs tend to run deep, unless the Catholic has left the Church for his/her own reasons. I don't have any advice. Maybe a dual religion upbringing would work. I'm not sure.
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#4 of 4 Old 09-27-2012, 11:41 AM
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I am a Christian and my husband is an athiest.  I basically handle all the religious/spiritual stuff in our family.  If one of the boys asks dh about God, he'll answer to the best of his ability (he went to church growing up, so he knows the basics) or send them to me.  One of my big regrets is that we don't go to church regularly, even just me and the boys.  I need to work on that.


Mostly, we just agree to disagree.  We make sure that neither of us are bashing the other side (ie-I don't go around saying athiests are going to hell and dh doesn't go around talking about how it is stupid to believe in God, etc).  The funny thing is that I am super socially liberal and dh tends to be really socially conservative, politics-wise.  It makes me laugh, a bit.

Wife to an amazing man love.gif, mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) hbac.gif, and ds3 (9/26/10) hbac.gif. Part time librarianread.gif, full time mommysupermod.gif, occasional chef and maid.

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